Welcome to the warped & ridiculous brainchild of Courtney & Heidi We’ve decided to give silly awards for each week’s show – some are funny, some are shameful, some are just downright ridiculous. But it’s all in the name of a good laugh and hopefully some great discussion! As for the name – we decided to call them the “cheesecake” awards due to Brooke’s awkward comment about cheesecake to Evan & Anna during week 2, and also because cheesecake can refer to anything that’s cheesy, tacky, or just funny. We plan to give the awards on Wednesdays, but this week just had too many events that begged for an award that we just had to do one for week 3. So without further ado, we’d like to bestow the first round of cheesecakes to the lucky (or unlucky!) winners…
Best use of white pants by a pro: Derek Hough
Heidi: Thank you, Baby Jesus. Um, hello there, little Derek.
Courtney: Didn’t anyone tell Derek that you aren’t supposed to wear white pants between Labor Day & Memorial Day??? Oh well, I enjoyed the view nonetheless (after Heidi brought it to my attention, of course ). The people demand more white pants!
Best use of another pro as a prop: Jonathan Roberts & Tony Dovolani as 2 of the “Three Amigos” during Chad & Cheryl’s paso doble
Courtney: Best prop of the week, if you ask me! Any excuse to have Jonathan Roberts on camera is fine by me Too bad he & Tony were the most memorable part of this routine for me…note to all the couples: if you’re going to use a prop, make sure you don’t let it (or him) upstage you! LOL
Heidi: OMG – rolling on the freaking floor at Jon and Tony’s cheesy grins in the celebriquarium. Genius. I love the implied goofiness that dictated the use of them in another pro’s dance. I’m assuming that was Cheryl’s brilliant move. Brava! Unfortunately, Courtney’s right – those two are all I can remember from that dance.
Most indulgent song choice: “Paparazzi” for Kate Gosselin’s paso doble
Courtney: C’mon now…seriously? You’re always getting followed by the paparazzi? One, you are at best a D-list celeb; two, the last I checked, you were the one seeking the spotlight – not the other way around. Not that the song did you any favors anyway…
Heidi: Even better was Jake’s sage nodding in the background during her interview in the celebriquarium – hilarious. Seriously, Jake? REALLY? Dude, you go to every paparazzi hang out in Hollywood and then mack on your fiancé for the cameras. The Ivy? Spare me your tears, little man. You love it.
Best costume that looked better the 2nd time around: Chelsie’s acoustic paso dress
Heidi: So, the acoustic Paso dress was originally worn by Cheryl in her paso with….Gilles, correct?? That dress was so hideous that it made me forget how hot Gilles was!! I couldn’t look at the beauty of Gilles because my eyeballs had been burned by the horror of that dress. Okay…hyperbole. And I think Cheryl has a great body!! Just not the body for that particular dress.
Courtney: Yep, it was her paso with Gilles – he looked fantastic (shirtless!) and I feel like that just made it look that much worse on her – I thought it made her look like the Michelin Man. But on Chelsie – stun-ning. I’m sure John would agree
Most shameless vote mongering: Evan Lysacek
Heidi: Evan, for the love of all that is holy…chill the f*&k out. Picture me sitting in my overstuffed chair holding my blackberry and screaming as I received yet another plea to “vote for meeeeeeee, pleeeeeeessseee”. Dude, you tweeted every 10 minutes *during the show* in week 2 begging people to vote for you. It gave me an idea for a new show!! Spamalot, staring Evan Lysacek as Sir Evan…oh, wait. Eric Idle would likely sue. You do look good in tights, though, I’m sure.
Courtney: I haven’t seen so much spam since my Aunt Nadine’s 4th of July picnic. For SHAME, Evan!
Biggest cranky-pants of the week: Len Goodman, with a (dis)honorable mention for Jake Pavelka
Courtney: My goodness, he was even more crotchety than usual this week…don’t know how that is even possible! Didn’t think he was so crabby as to bash a couple’s routine the day AFTER the fact…maybe he just needs a nap or something. And Jake…we all know how I feel about Jake. Would you like some cheese with that whine, my friend?
Heidi: Len is Len, but he did go too far with the Erin/Maks critique on the day after the performance show. That is beyond his pattern of always being nasty to the dancers with experience (it does make me wonder if she’s not getting enough votes, though). But Jake takes the cake – what, you thought that everyone wanted your rose? Um, ick, the visuals…I just made myself nauseous.
Hairdo we never want to see again: Chelsie’s black Egyptian wig
Courtney: Some people are meant to have dark hair, others are not. We like you blonde, Chelsie! And John, well…he LOVES you blonde. Don’t go changin’ on us ever again! You looked like a Cher impersonator.
Heidi: Was it the wig or the bad makeup? Or the horrifying combination? I don’t know. And did they forget pieces of it were still there for her accoustic paso?? It looked small furry animals were hiding in her actual hair. Or were you trying to distinguish yourself from Jake’s fiancé Vienna?
Best Tom Joke of the Week: “And next week’s show will be on Pay-per-view” followed by “wonder who will have to clean that up?”
Heidi: I am madly in crush with Tom Bergeron – he makes me LOL nearly every show. Brilliant and wicked all at the same time.
Courtney: I feel your pain, Tom – I don’t want to even entertain the visual of Chad & Cheryl “making love on the dance floor”. ICK! Still crushin’ on Tom here too…seriously, who would pay $10k to have Snooki at their event if they could book Tom Bergeron instead? Only one major caveat – his very presence just makes Brooke look even more inept. Speaking of which…
And finally, the CheeseKake Award within the Cheesecake Awards: Brooke’s “We wanna dance like that!!” remark in the red room after the acoustic paso. GONG!!
Heidi: Oh, Brooke, that comment fell flatter than a male pro’s washboard abs. That was just painful. I can barely bring myself to watch it over and over again. Tell me, was it suppose to instill camaraderie with the other dancers? Be funny? What?
Courtney: I almost feel like we should be holding onto moldy fruit & veggies to be chucking at the screen every time she talks – some of her commentary is almost painful. Maybe not as painful as the cheesecake comment, but still – made me cringe. Definitely not a natural improviser like Tom is. But then again, nobody can compare to the glory of Tom Bergeron *dreamy sigh*
Let’s have a big round of applause (or jeers, whichever suits you better!) for our first round of Cheesecake recipients! For those of you who are upset you didn’t get one this week, there is hope: you will no doubt do something stupid/funny/ridiculous/awkward enough in the coming weeks to get one. Ooh, we can hardly wait! Tune in Wednesday when we give our next round of Cheesecakes for the outrageous antics that are bound to arise from the tango & rumba! Scandalous