DWTS Season 10, Week 7 – The Cheesecake Awards!
I’m feeling quite snarky this week. Courtney’s in a bad mood – you’ve been warned. 
Most Bizarre Costuming – Cheryl & Chad’s see-through ensemble
Heidi: So, this was like 1820’s porn or something? She’s wearing the hoop but not the actual dress over the top?
Courtney: I think I was more perturbed by Chad’s matching see-through sport jacket with no shirt underneath. I think there was a method to their madness – Chad is admittedly better at the Latin dances, so they figured if they made their costumes feel more like Latin costumes than ballroom ones, they might fare better…hehe. Well, something must’ve worked, because they got undeservedly high scores…AGAIN.
Heidi: Don’t worry, the judges will make up for it next week when they have their “off the meds” week.
Most Improved Tweeter – Evan Lysacek
Heidi: Hey!!! Evan stopped spamming me about voting for him. He’s like down to two tweets on show day!! Now, if he would stop talking about his freakin’ private jets…it just occurred to me that he probably gets paid for those tweet.
Courtney: I’ll have to take your word for it – I stopped following Evan after tweet number 1,475,236 asking me to vote for him. Thankfully, Anna has left the begging to Evan, and has only tweeted a few times asking for votes. Good girl
Biggest “Get Out of Jail Free” Card – Maksim Chmerkovskiy
Heidi: So, he removes clothing (gimmick) and breaks hold in a quickstep, his partner is off time (and correct in calling him a five year old) and he still gets a 9 from Len?? Gee, Derek and Nicole broke hold, had gimmicks did a BETTER DANCE and got a 7 from Len. And people wonder why I throw my Blackberry at the TV. Edited: Okay, so maybe “free pass” was a poor choice of words…perhaps the bottom two was payback?
Courtney: Week 2 of Maks the Petulant Asshole. Last week he threw a tantrum while getting his scores – then proceeded to bitch and moan about it all week in the media. Erin practically BEGS him to not take his clothes off this week, he drops 4+ F-bombs in a matter of seconds, and storms out – and STILL insists on removing his clothing during their quickstep, which I still think is what threw Erin off at the beginning. And then, karma strikes – they end up in the bottom 2. But of course, they get a stay of execution and we lose Pam instead. All I have to say is that Maks had better be really, really, REALLY thankful that he’s around next week, after the crap he’s been pulling. NOT COOL.
The Cheesiest “I told you so” Moment: Tom B calls Evan the “comeback kid”.
Heidi: Not Tom’s fault – producers/script writers, you are SO fucking predictable!!!
Courtney: Oh, but it has such a nice ring to it 
Kidding! Just another glaring example of storyboarding – right down to what the hosts are saying…which is why Brooke still sounds stilted and awkward. She’s trying to rememember the wording they told her to use to explain Evan’s rise back to the top! Thankfully, we have Tom to also throw in perfect little gems off the top of his head…
Funniest Side Note: Tom B – “Cause that’s how we roll” in reaction to audience boos.
Heidi: LOL – I love the man’s ad libs – I can’t help it!!
Courtney: In that moment, I think Tom & Chad became homeboys.
Best Celeb “Shell Removal” – Evan Lysacek
Heidi: dude is coming out of his shell in a big way. Omega Sheep?? Dude, she’s RUSSIAN!! Don’t be talking like that to her, she could remove your balls with a fingernail. Hilarious.
Courtney: Tread carefully, my friend – not only is she Russian, she’s a redhead. A REDHEAD. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Pro Least Ready to be Back on the Dance Floor – Mark Ballas
Heidi: Dude, big slip like you had in that pro dance after a knee injury – not good. Surely you could have sat out another week or two for your own good? And so Derek could take your place in the dance? Just a little selfish, I’m being.
Courtney: Ugh. The spaz came back. And the fact that they had him paired with Chelsie? Oy. But that’s not the only thing wrong with that dance…
Song that Should NEVER Be Heard on DWTS Again: “Hey Soul Sister” by Train
Courtney: First, they laid ruin to it vocally when they had Peter Brady sing it (rather, warble it) for Aiden & Edyta’s quickstep. Then, they had a random assortment of pros dancing a positively bizarre mashup to it – did they let Mark choreograph that monstrosity while he was still coming off the anesthesia? It started off with Mark & Chelsie doing something kinda slow & lyrical, then all of a sudden, Dmitry & Lacey are doing a frantic jive. Tony & Cheryl show up at some point and do something sort of samba-y, and then they’re all doing this cheesy, weird, jazzy/show choir/seizure choreography. I literally said “WTF is this crap?!” out loud.
Heidi: It was just very, very strange. I don’t know what to say, really. And I like Train, usually. I will say, in all seriousness, if Mark is trying to get out of DWTS, there are less painful ways than dancing way too soon on a knee injury that was described so seriously a few weeks ago. Of course, this show isn’t prone to DRAMA or anything…
The “So Perky, it’s a Whole New Level of Cheese” Award: Melissa Rycroft
Heidi: Help me, sugar shock, throat is closing up…I’d tell her “don’t quit your day job” if I thought she had a day job. Seriously, Melissa is okay, she’s just too cheerleader for me sometimes. Like today.
Courtney: Hang in there, Heidi – I know it’s hard to be cheerful right now! She may be irritatingly peppy, but at least she can form insightful thoughts on the fly – unlike some hosts I know.
Most Impressive Demonstration of Flexibility – Louis’ full split, honorable mention for Anna’s split lift with Evan
Heidi: Dear lord, Louis, I don’t have “family jewels” but I twinged in sympathy anyway.
Courtney: Back in the day, when Louis was still competing as a pro, he was known for his flexibilty – no other male pro out there could stretch as far as that little Dutch rubber band. I got a little nostalgic last night when I could see him going for it And while women are built to be more flexible, I have to give Anna props for the split lift she did with Evan – she kept those legs straight & spread and didn’t falter for a second.
Most Welcome Return to the Ballroom: Karina Smirnoff
Heidi: That was an excellent pro dance. Oh Karina, how I’ve missed thee.
Courtney: I feel like we don’t have enough female pros on the show anymore that are true TECHNICIANS – Karina’s feet, legs, torso, arms, and head are always in perfect position for every dance she’s doing. She’s so damn precise, and she wrings every last bit of energy out of every move she makes. Electrifying. They’d be foolish not to bring her back next season!
Most Shudder Inducing Commercial: The Bachelorette
Heidi: Oh ick. Court, yell at me when you realize I’m watching that trash.
Courtney: Not a problem, dearie – if I recall, I think I scolded you for watching Jake when he was still on The Bachelor, hehe. Is it just me, or does Allie look like she’s 12 years old? I won’t go any further…I know John has a thing for blondes, so he prolly thinks she’s cute as a button
Heidi: sigh…yes, you yelled at me. But I have this thing for trainwrecks and lack of fun shit to do on Monday nights.
The Ryan Seacrest Cheeseball Award: The DWTS script writers for the blatant rip off of Ryan’s pre-commercial tease “…when we come back.”
Heidi: Geez, people, don’t imitate the crap show with the falling ratings, ‘k??
Courtney: And actually, Seacrest has been catching some flack this season too – his standoffs with Simon, off-color comments, and generally drunk behavior has been raising eyebrows for weeks now. Guess he picked up the cray-cray right where Paula left off, eh?
Heidi: Did you see the results show tonight (yes, I had to see Gaga and Harry)?? Did you HEAR what Ryan said to Harry? I don’t think I can actually repeat it in polite company. Well, yeah, okay, I can. Harry is joking with Ellen about a play rivaly and Harry says, to Ellen: “Eyes away from me” and Ryan pops in with “Eyes away from his organ” – Yo, Harry wasn’t playing an organ, and there was no other way to take that comment in that context. Dude is on some crack or he’s got one job too many. Or he has a huge crush on Harry and that was what ya call a Freudian Slip. Take your pick.
Well, that’s all for this week folks. Tune in next week for more snark, the occassional swoon, and just plain bitching. It’s what we do.
COULDN’t RESIST coming to see you all gloat, but I’m truly taken aback at your off-the-wall hate talk about Maksim C. and Erin. Are Derek and Nicole that threatened?
This site is the nastiest DWTS site there is, and it speaks volumes about Derek that the style of his supporters is so tacky and tasteless.
Loved Maks and Erin’s quickstep — AND DEREK: They actually did all the proper steps. You oughta watch it.
Mark HAD to have choreographed that piece of crap. The only part I liked about it was Chelsie (maybe I’m biased because of my crush on her, but can you blame me? tee hee). Oh, wait… another part I liked about it: The end.
And where did Mark slip? I didn’t see it.
Oh, and post script: Courtney sweetie, Erin & Maks rehearsal package was a total put on, a joke! . . . probably over your head.
If Derek had done the same, you’d be ROLFLYAO — such is the way with those lacking in discernment and judgment.
Sigh, me thinks you may be on to something Joanie. I am not one to dislike much of anything but i can’t believe some of the things i just read. Its just opinion, i get it but why is it that Erin and Maks constantly get picked on while Derek and Nicole are never mentioned except to exhault? I like alot of the couples/pros but that was a pile of sh*t that was completely one sided. How bout Nicoles blatant use of the sympathy card with her family last night? How bout they write a letter to the audience for votes? Nicoles “the light of my life comment”…you could easily spin stuff up about that. I guess it would be nice to be a little less hateful sometimes, or atleast a little less consistantly uber biased. Nicole was not perfect last night either, talk about not connecting emotions. When Nicole and Derek broke every rule in the book during the quickstep, i think they still got one of the highest scores of the night….Len was the only one that penalized them in scores. I agree with one thing, Chad is getting high scores for watching Cheryl work it hard! Don’t get me started on Karina…hopefully that was really tactful sarcasm….ugh.
Oh, nevermind, I saw it after a second take… Wow… he nearly took her out.
In Re: Seacrest’s “organ” comment — he was riffing off something Ellen had herself said earlier.
So far as DWTS goes, I’m actually with y’all n the whole storyboarding thing. It feels very contrived and several of the less-good dancers are being way overscored in order to keep it going and it’s simply blatant. But I still enjoy the dancing, so I keep watching. . . .
Jason – Mark slipped in one of the side, long shots – he almost went all the way down. It had to have hurt. I watched carefully after that to see if he limped at all, but he’s pretty good at hiding that stuff. Didn’t care for the choreo, but he is a pro.
Hee – Joanie’s back. I knew it would only be a matter of time. And Cassie – you worship the water Maks thinks he walks on so you would be more than a bit of a hypocrite.
You both should try getting a senses of humor, *sweetie*.
Yeah, Magson, you don’t see me going anywhere. Especially when we get some of the pro dances – Karina just blows me away.
CassieLynn, I don’t joke about my love for Karina – and while you may rag on us for our dislike of Maks, I find it funny that you are equally as put off by Karina and find no fault with it. So no, not an ounce of sarcasm there – I WAS GLAD SHE WAS BACK. As for Nicole not being perfect – go back and read my power rankings again. I actually acknowledged that Nicole was a little off her game.
Joanie! Hello! Thought you said you were never coming back. Guess you just couldn’t resist popping in and defending Maks’ honor once more – but you really didn’t even do that. You just made blanket conclusions about Derek & Nicole’s fans, and we actually didn’t mention them anywhere in this week’s awards. And I’m afraid that Erin & Maks’ package went over YOUR head, sweetie – that sure as hell didn’t look playful and joking like I’m sure you like to think it was – and it’s the same song & dance week after week with those two. Don’t tell me that you HONESTLY think that they’re just joking week after week when they’re bickering. And if you find us so nasty – don’t read what we have to say. Really…go preach the gospel of Maks in better company..like one of his fan sites.
Courtney, it’s like I said in one post a week or so ago – Maks is the most “misunderstood” or “taken out of context” person I’ve ever seen. He says that nearly once a week. Now, if you are misunderstood THAT OFTEN, maybe you’re doing something wrong? Just sayin’. How is it that most of the time all the other pros don’t get misunderstood or taken out of context??
And the going back and saying “I was just joking” – well, fine, but if you have to do it every week, either stop complaining or change how you react to things. Geez, I really liked Maks before this season – how the tide has turned.
I agree with the pro dance to Train. It could have been a cool idea to have different couples coming on doing different styles, but it was just a mess. And then they started doing what you described as “show choir” choreography. It totally was! And it was weird. I hate to say it because I think the pros are amazing, but that was just a weird mess. However, Karina and Louis were absolutely breathtaking. Karina moves so fast, but so precise. I am sad she’s not on this season, but I think I prefer her dancing with the other pros anyway.
Tee hee hee.. Courtney and Heidi, you guys are a riot.
I could never hit the level of snarkiness that you guys hit… **bows down in reverence** 
Not to be a contrarian, ’cause I actually really like this blog, but Erin and Maks didn’t break hold in the rule-breaking sense. The rule for the quickstep is about breaking hold and regaining it. The first I heard about it was Shawn Johnson’s quickstep seasons ago, where they broke and regained hold, and Len said “in the quickstep you can do a little bit on your own in the beginning and in the end, the rest of the dance, you must remain in hold.” So Erin and Maks started in a closed position, but it was broken before the music actually started, and their open work was all within the parameters of the rules. They probably just began in closed to hide the lining of his jacket and her skirt which would have been more visible if they were moving.
Well, I don’t actually mind a contrarian if they have something relevant and interesting to say.
Which you do. I’m not sure I agree, because Erin and Maks started the dance in hold and then broke hold several bars in to mess around with the clothing change. It’s not technically at the “beginning” any more. Even worse, that clothing change had no *point* – I didn’t get it. While I also hated Louis’ rose and cookie eating gimmicks, I at least understood what he was trying to do within the context of his dance.
I don’t actually care if someone breaks a hold in the Quickstep. What I hate – leaving the hold break or not break out of it – is that Maks gets away with gimmicks and Erin gets away with very bad timing and footwork and they get a 9 from Len, while Nicole did a much better dance (albeit with Derek breaking the rules as we called him for at the time) and only got a 7. If Len was being an actual good judge he would have docked Derek/Nicole only 1 or 2 points instead of three. He was, simply, storyboarding – trying to be overly harsh to make it a race. He (and the others too) are so unbelievably uneven in how they apply their “rules” or “commandments” it borders on ridiculous.
Hell, I’ll go even farther – I don’t care if they break the rules. Break all the rules you want!! Just man up and admit you broke them and that you took a risk, that you knew Len would be mad, but you didn’t care because you were going for entertainment value. And Len – apply the rules all of the time or none of the time. Not just when it suits your fancy.
Although i finally stopped lurking this site not long ago, Princess you should know by now that I have disliked Maks since the very beginning and the only reason i just hoped on the Erin/Maks train is because i like Erin and i like what she’s done to him. He is only likeable to me when he’s around Erin. I am far from a Maks only fan….this is not you and Derek i can assure you. Infact with the possible exception of Chelsie and Cheryl, i don’t “love” any of the pros. Contrary to what many a female thinks about Maks, i don’t find him all that good looking either. JMO
I love that people come to this site and say they’ve stopped lurking or stopped reading because we were mean to poor Erin or poor Maks – do they not get that by coming here and responding, they are in fact reading the site? LOL.
Two things:
1) You make a mistake, Cassie, in thinking that I care so much about what others say, that I would remember that you supposedly said you don’t like Maks.
2) It doesn’t matter if it’s Erin, not Maks, that you like because the same principle holds – YOU are biased in someone’s favor every bit as much as everyone else is. If you weren’t, you wouldn’t be here objecting so strongly.
Wow, responding to an inaccurate post is objecting strongly? I am not the moderator or whatever you call youself. I didn’t start posting because i was against you, i posted because i started really getting into the show! I was merely stating that i’ve looked at this site before but never participated…is that so difficult to understand? You like be “snarky” hiding behind your computer because it feels safe and you know you can get away with it. In real life your nothing like the persona you’ve created here…anyone can be a witch online. Congratulations to you Princess, you win the cheesecake awards hands down!
Actually, Cassie, I’m a snarky Bitch in real life too – and I get away with it every day. I notice that you don’t address point number 2 – that you’re doing the same thing you accuse me of doing: being biased for Erin.
If ANYTHING you claim is true, you might want to assess your posting style, because you’re becoming more “mis-understood” than Maks. LOL. Glad you’re obsessed with the site, though – we like the hits.