Week 8 – It’s easy, it’s cheesy!! And, actually, quite funny and not so much annoying.

The Déjà vu Award: Cheryl’s see through skirt.
Heidi: Another week, another see thru skirt on Cheryl – only, like, the photo negative version. Is this like a new favorite thing with her? Don’t get me wrong – I didn’t hate it, I just find it…weird.
Courtney: Cheryl loves her some tulle, that’s for sure. I maintain my theory: he stinks at the ballroom dances, so they’re trying to trick him into thinking they’re Latin (by wearing costumes that feel more Latin) so he does better. Power of positive thinking, I guess! What caught my eye more was that the top of the dress didn’t do much to flatter Cheryl’s funbags – it kinda smushed them down and it looked uncomfortable.
Heidi: Funbags. Heh heh heh.

The Cheesiest Production Addition: The Titles and Credits of the judges shown on screen when they first critique.
Heidi: Heh, credits below judges names. Think they’re getting a lot of shit for being on CRACK half the time?? LOL
Courtney: Well I guess if your claim to fame in the dance business includes gyrating on a pole, topless & bald for Madonna and having a brief engagement to a ballroom dancer (ahem, Carrie Ann), people might need to be reminded that you are qualified to be nitpicky when you’re bitching about lifts and technique. Oh, yah – and she was Fook Mi in the 3rd Austin Powers movie. Shouldn’t overlook that qualification! If it’s not already obvious – I’m not a Carrie Ann fan. As for Len – maybe all this yo-yo scoring has people wondering if he’s got dementia, so we have to be reminded that he’s a world-class expert. Bruno – they should just change his description to “Flamboyant Italian who Loves Metaphors”.

Cheesiest Producer Tactic of the Night: The Packages
Heidi: Jesus. Where do I start? Chad being BIZARRE, both he and Cheryl being low talkers. Niecy – let’s pimp how hard she works, like she didn’t KNOW she would have to work hard when she joined up. Erin – how cute, she’s afraid to jump. Evan, let’s pimp his skating with another cute package. Nicole, yeah, she’s doing too well so we’ll show her crying again – even though there is plenty of footage of non-crying moments – the evidence is out there. I know each of these couples actually practiced DANCING in a normal way at some point in the week. Producers, you suck. Edit: Okay, you’re forgiven (for now)….
Courtney: I’m kinda over the packages – seems like the same song and dance (no pun intended) each week with every couple. Niecy will yuk it up and crack jokes about food, Chad & Cheryl will have a verbal altercation in hushed tones, Nicole will put a ridiculous amount of pressure on herself, Evan will be busy traveling, and Erin & Maks will continue their lovers quarreling. Can’t we see more of them just having fun?
Heidi: Gee, what a novel idea. They’ve shown they have the footage…

Most Hilarious Sports Center Bit: Derek and Nicole…and Derek and Mark
Heidi: Bwahahaha….Derek dances with the most beautiful girls. Shannon…Brooke….Joanna….MARK. Hilarious. Then they FINALLY show some of the bizarre stuff Derek and Nicole get up to – smelling armpits?? Spitting gum into each other’s mouth?? I see the fun stuff all the time on the entertainment shows, bout time DWTS showed it too.
Courtney: I didn’t really need the slo-mo repeat of those two thrusting next to each other during their “Move” performance last year. Kenny Mayne wishes he could quit Mark. Please, no more Brokeback DWTS. I don’t know what to say about Derek & Nicole…sharing gum and sniffing armpits? Those two must REEEEAAALLLY feel comfortable with each other.
Heidi: Yeah, between Erin and Maks’ cold rumba, and Derek and Nicole sharing gum I was starting to wonder if there was a whole lot of SEX going on on DWTS this season.

The WTF were the judges smoking Award: Chad’s Jive
Heidi: Are you kidding me? Is it because his kids were in the audience?? Or were you just that anxious that Niecy go home and, like, NOW?
Courtney: Even his kids looked a little bored with it. I’m starting to wonder if it’s not so much that they’re trying to praise Chad – it’s that they’re trying to appease Cheryl. She’s one of the longest-tenured pros on the show (next to Edyta), she’s got two trophies under her belt, and even when her celeb doesn’t win, she still seems to avoid being the first sent home and ends up placing fairly well. She’s a definite asset to the show – and she’s scary when she’s angry

Tom B’s Line O’ the Week: “There’s no whipping in ballroom.” Honorable Mention: “Next season, they’re gonna have Derek do a quickstep from the Renaissance!”
Heidi: The question, Tom, is WHY?? I think a little whipping makes everything more interesting.
Courtney: It’s little quips like these that makes Tom infinitely better than Seacrest, and Howie Mandell, and that guy that hosts Survivor – somebody please tell me why this man hasn’t yet won the Emmy for Best Reality TV Host??! I got a pretty hearty laugh about the Renaissance comment. Somehow, I think Derek could pull that off too…or a samba from the stone age, a foxtrot from Medieval times, a jive from the American Revolution…I could go on and on…
Heidi: The boy does well with a challenge. Did you hear Brooke’s response to that line? “He could pull that off.” And how about him working the school supporters in the background?

Most Shocking Dance of the Week: Erin’s Rumba; Honorable Mentions: Erin’s AT and the 50’s Paso Doble
Heidi: Both of Erin’s dances shocked me, for different reasons. A fantastic AT followed by a not good, but not horrible Rumba. If there was any dance I expected those two to seriously pull off, in a hot and sexy way, it was the Rumba. Maybe they ARE sleeping together?  Because that was too cool (as in temperature) to be a rumba. As for Derek’s 50’s Paso? Dear lord, that’s two years in a row that he pulls off something that seems impossible. Fantastic. When Television without Pity calls you a genius, you know you’re good.
Courtney: Was definitely surprised at the lack of chemistry in the rumba (their rumba was, quite possibly, the most anticipated dance of the season), especially after such a sexually-charged Argentine tango. I’m gonna chalk it up to Erin’s nervousness about her long limbs. But I actually liked the rumba – even if it was really only because I <3 the 80′s and that John Waite song And what can I say about the 50′s paso that hasn’t already been said? It was brilliant – I think any other choreographer would have been hard-pressed to come up with a paso from that era. And what I especially appreciated was that they managed to strike a balance in the composition of the dance – not just a bunch of textbook paso (a la Niecy & Louis) and not too much fluffy, era-appropriate choreo (like Chad & Cheryl).
Heidi: I wonder if Maks and Erin burnt out all their sexual energy in the first dance? Seems like it would be hard to do two dances like that in the same night. Or two dances in a week was too much for her at this point.

The “Don’t Faint, I Agree with Len” Award: Evan’s Cha Cha
Heidi: I was confused too. I just wasn’t sure if I liked it or not. I mean, I liked it – but was it a cha cha?? I don’t know if I liked it as a cha cha. Confused. I have decided that I could so kiss Evan’s face off, though.
Courtney: It was the electrical-tape inspired facial hair that did it for you, didn’t it? This dance left me puzzled as well – I didn’t hate it per se, but I certainly don’t think it was Evan’s (or Anna’s) best dance. Again, I think whoever drew “futuristic” as their era was at a disadvantage to begin with, due to the success of Derek’s paso last season. Kind of a hard act to follow, but Anna made a valiant effort…loved the little drop they did towards the end.

The Coolest Eyelashes Award: Anna Trebunskaya’s futuristic lashes
Heidi: I was hypnotized. They had little tiny white beads or something on the end.
Courtney: I actually think I’ve seen these lashes before – Makeup For Ever, if my memory serves. You can get ‘em at Sephora. Go get ‘em and save ‘em for Halloween! We’ll figure out what you’re gonna be lata
Heidi: With those eyelashes aren’t your options kinda limited to Futuristic robot or some sort of Bug??

The “Say WHAT??” Award: a structural engineer on the UC San Diego Dance Team
Heidi: I work with Engineers. They don’t dance. They can barely walk and talk at the same time.
Courtney: You’d be surprised – when I was on the Purdue team oh-so-many years ago, it was predominantly industrial engineering and chemistry majors, and I was one of the latter. Scientists are hardcore, man – they don’t stop until they GET it. It was actually the liberal arts and education majors that seemed to struggle.
Heidi: I am a scientist – a geologist, to be specific. We kick ASS, for sure. But engineers? All of that persuasion that I know are rather…stiff. And not in a good way.

The “I’m So Sorry I laughed my Ass Off” Award: Sports Center on Evan – snoring guys; Honorable Mention to the Erin/Maks Rant segment.
Heidi: I really did feel bad for laughing so hard at the Sports Center guys. They were wonderful tonight though – I mean, the snoring. LOL. Poor Evan. And of course they had to pick up on Maks’ temper tantrum. Makes it worth it.
Courtney: I think you and I would get along great with those guys, Heidi – they seemed to be saying last night stuff that you and I have been saying all season: Evan is bland, Maks is an ornery toddler, etc. etc. I had to smile at the repeat of Maks’ tantrum – too funny for words, especially when you’re looping it!

The Cheap Costume Award: Chad’s 60′s pimp suit
Courtney: Seriously? This is the best that wardrobe could come up with? I could walk into any costume store around Halloween and find a dirt cheap copy of this, with a bonus pimp hat. Shoddy craftsmanship, I say! And since when are the 60s the era of big pimpin’? I thought that was more of a 70′s thing.
Heidi: I think it was a 70′s thing, for sure. Wasn’t 60′s peace, love and understanding and all that?? I dare say this isn’t the first time Cheryl’s gone that route. Why wardrobe enables that, I have no idea.

The Unintentional Back-Handed Compliment Award: Tom to Cheryl – “What are you doing after 10? You’ll be busy, dressed like that!”
Courtney: Congrats, Tom – in trying to convey to Cheryl that she looked hot, you more or less told her (on live television) that she looked like a ho and would likely be getting busy later in the evening because of it. I love you. Marry me.
Heidi: Get in line, sweetie. I am older than you, I get first pick. I pick Tom and Derek. Aaanyway, Cheryl certainly picked up on it. I don’t remember what show I saw (because I was tired from meeting the mayor and “mingling” at a “function”) but she definitely picked up on it.

The Most Pointless Prop Since the Heart Pillows: The TV screens in the background for Niecy’s paso
Courtney: I bet half of you didn’t even notice them – they were that useless in conveying that it was a 90′s paso. I know what they were going for – the quintessential 90′s music video/club cliche of the wall of TV’s all showing the same thing – but it really looked like they just went dumpster diving in Compton and precariously stacked the obsolete tv’s they found at the front of the stage. Cue the white noise.
Heidi: I noticed them, but failed to grasp the point. And I’ve always been one for clubbing, so I guess my brain shuts off on performance night.

Most Ironic Comment of the Season Thus Far: Anna to Evan “You can come across kind of…cold.”
Courtney: I’m gonna sum this one up with Heidi & I’s favorite phrase: “Pot, meet kettle.”
Heidi: HA!!! I was thinking, “You’re just NOW telling him this? Seriously?” Dude, it’s week 8. While I’m still mostly convinced that Evan is going to win this thing, last night I started thinking that perhaps Erin and Nicole could take the top two spots, leaving Evan at third. Not that they’ve made huge strides past him, but because he’s fading into obscurity a bit. He REALLY needs to do something spectacular next week.

Okay, folks – that’s it for this week. I started out this week thinking there wasn’t that much funny, but in retrospect it was a pretty darn good week!!