DWTS10 Week 9 – The Cheesecake Awards!

So apparently Heidi & I were on this freaky wavelength this week where we both agreed on everything…literally, we thought of almost the exact same things for this weeks awards.  Add to that the fact that this week was just a pretty damn good week, both performance-wise and results show-wise, so this week’s awards are a little less snarktastic (sorry kids…we just were feeling the semifinal love this week :-D) and a little more just odd observations…but interesting ones nonetheless! Now…let’s take it cheesey, shall wee? ;-)

The “3rd Time’s a Charm!” Award – Cheryl & Chad , for their 3rd week in a row wearing see-through ballroom outfits
Courtney: I think wardrobe was cutting corners and just made 3 identical dresses for Cheryl, and then dyed them whatever color felt right for the week, hehe.  But this time they actually got it right: I loved that flesh tone on her, and it went perfectly with her 40′s-esque, softly curled hair.  A definite improvement from the white christening gown two weeks ago, and the black negligee (complete with thong-like lower back thingie!) from last week.  Chad dittoed his Viennese waltz silky pajamas again…gotta say, that’s the most interesting interpretation of a ballroom suit I’ve seen in awhile.  To me it says “Heck yah I’m gonna do the waltz, and then afterward, I’m gonna go have drinks with Hef – without changing clothes!”

Heidi: Hee – we are sharing a brain today – I was having deja vu with my “another day, another see thru skirt. But you’re right, this one was very pretty.

Biggest Waste of Season-Long Buildup Award – The Design-a-Dance
Courtney: Why oh why did they think having two former celebs doing a dance together would be a good idea??! This was a disaster, IMO.  Sloppy choreography that neither of them seemed to really know well, a crappy tango song, and Joey Fatone in KISS makeup.  Bleeeccchhh.  Even the guy that designed the costumes seemed to be unhappy to be there witnessing it! The Design-a-Dance has really been going downhill since the first one where Julianne & Derek did the jive to “Great Balls of Fire” in season 7 – now that was worth the season-long buildup.  Then there was the 4-person quickstep with Derek, Mark, Julianne, & Lacey, which was still pretty cute; and then the pro-am paso with Mark & Sabrina, which was just kinda ok…and then this.  Oy.  Hopefully next season they’ll revert back to the 2-pro format…because this was a big letdown. :-(

Heidi: Again, sharing a brain. WTF?  Like we don’t have enough amateurs dancing on this show they have to make DaD amateur as well? I must say, though, that the designer will probably be a huge success because he has “bored bitchface” down to a science!! And really, that’s all it takes to be a designer, right?

The Carrie Ann Inaba Weird Analogy of the Week – Describing Nicole’s ability to learn new dances as “Pooping out cells”
Courtney: It’s moments like these that make me wonder if Carrie Ann knocked back a few drinks before hitting the judging table.  I mean, I understood what she meant; it was just really…awkward.  I think I liked the Charlie Brown teacher analogy better.

Heidi: As soon as I heard the word “Poop” I was gone. I mean really, I prefer Bruno’s f-bombs. :-)

The Peculiar Body Language Award: Nicole & Derek, for their repeated neck-touching
Courtney: Now Heidi may have been tipped off by their armpit sniffing and gum spitting last week, but the way they kept touching each others’ necks this week made me wonder if there was something more than just platonic friendship going on between these two.  The neck is a vulnerable, erogenous zone – you don’t just go around caressing someone else’s unless you’re romantic with them. Yes, I am aware that Derek injured his neck – but why did Nicole feel the need to keep touching it? And why was he touching hers? Hmmmm….

Heidi: Honey, he wasn’t just touching, he was stroking – very strange, particularly since he’s not giving off the vibes he did with Joanna (aka the “yer sooooo pretty and hot” vibes :-) ). I had several WTF moments with Nicole and Derek this past week – like, if she had taken any longer with the family after the AT (including bf) he would have picked her up and caveman carried her to the celebraquarium.

Unofficial Sponsor of the Semifinal Performance Show: Prince
Courtney: The Purple Man…the Artist Formerly Known as Prince…whatever you call him, he’s AWESOME.  Two Prince songs in one night, and a Purple Rain-inspired costume? LOVES IT. The only thing better would be him sitting in the front row, glasses on, hair all pompadour-y…glorious.

Heidi: Derek says in his blog that the song they danced to was specifically ONLY allowed for Nicole. I believe his words were “Nicole and Nicole ONLY” was allowed to dance to it. Pretty cool. Love the Purple One. 

The Whoopsy-Daisy Award: Bruno and his various faux pas this week
Courtney: First there was the “9!” while holding up the 10 paddle; then the naughty word slip that those skillful censors managed to catch in the nick of time.  I wanna say there was more stuff he fouled up a bit, but I just couldn’t keep track of them, haha.  The man was in rare form this week…didn’t think it was possible for him to be any more flamboyant than he already is! LOL.

Heidi: I love the little dude. You want me to post the video of him and Billy Bush in speedos? Seriously – I have that and haven’t had time. It’s a little on the scary side. :-) They cook in their speedos too.

Tom Bergeron Line O’ the Night: “Bruno had premature paddling” (check the actual phrasing) tied with “I’m gonna go get me one of those Derek Hough Injuries”
Heidi: You know, the very best thing about Tom and what makes him so lovable is that he clearly loves this show and everyone involved in it. That makes him genuinely hilarious in a sweet way.

Courtney: He’s like the Papa Bear of DWTS, looking out for all his baby pro-ducklings and star-ducklings :-D He reminds me of Cat Deeley on SYTYCD – she always seems to look out for the contestants and seems to develop an attachment to them each season.  Seacrest, on the other hand - he almost seems like he intentionally puts the Idol kids in the hot seat for ratings.  Whole lotta good that’s doing, buddy.

The Cheese Match Made in Heaven Award:  Corky Ballas sitting almost next to Donny Osmond
Heidi: Lord have mercy, that’s way too much cheese for me. Good thing there was one dude sitting between them or we might be drowning in cheddar sauce.

Courtney: Oh good GAWD – I do remember seeing them sitting in pretty close proximity, a few rows behind Rick Fox & Kareem Abdul Jabbar (glad those two Lakers were there to run interference and cancel out some of the Corky-Donny energy…the building could have imploded from too much cheese!).  The clash of the attention fiends! Here’s my weird Carrie Ann analogy for them: have any of you ever watched MadTV and seen the sketches with Stuart, the little boy Michael McDonald played that was always saying “Look at what I can do! Look at what I can do!”? Well, put Corky & Donny in front of a camera and you’ve got yourself a regular old Stu-off…each one trying to outdo the other, saying “Look at what I can do! Look at what I can do!” Hilarity.

Most Stark Transition to Adulthood since Britney Spears: Miley Cyrus
Heidi: What the hell? How old is this little chickadee?? Or do I not want to know? So, like when you reach (Hollywood’s version of) adulthood you grow feathers and live in cages, or is that only for lip-syncing pop tarts anxious to shed the Hannah Montana label?

Courtney: This was like the second coming of the “Dirrrty”-era Christina Aguilera – totally contrived and just plain weird.  And yes, Heidi, when you reach adulthood you do grow feathers and live in cages, and fake smooch on your female backup dancers and grind with gay choreographers (*cough*Adam Shankman*cough*)…apparently you and I just missed the memo ;-)

Ahhhh…this week’s awards seemed to go down like a nice brie cheese – smooth and not at all sharp.  Apologies for those of you wanting something a bit bitier ;-) Maybe the chips on our shoulders will return next week for one last hurrah before a 4-month hiatus…fingers crossed! :-D