DWTS 11, Week 3 – Cheesecake Awards!!
Let them eat CAKE!! Hope you all enjoy. Personally, I feel like I didn’t drink enough booze before writing my parts. 🙂
Most Disappointing Chickening Out – Derek Hough, for wussing on the “wild” hair.
Heidi: I was so looking forward to a Billy Idol look because of all the pre-show speculation and Derek’s comment. Then he had to go and make it all ‘normal schoolboy’ looking.
Courtney: Maybe schoolboy hair is wacky to him, hehe. He’s already done the greaser hair that Tom likened to a bird sanctuary, and the faux-hawk…at this point, normal hair almost seems wackier on him. 😛
Biggest Cheesy Sap Award -Princess Heidi
Heidi: WHAT?? Edelweiss makes me misty EVERY time!! What of it??
Courtney: Dude, that song puts me to sleep. And the actual flower edelweiss makes me sneeze like the dickens. Just take a Midol or something 😉
Heidi: Wine. I need wine. Wait…that was the problem on Monday. 🙂
Cheesiest Choreographic Move of the Night – Anna Trebunskaya, for making Kurt Warner skip; (dis)honorable mention for Lacey’s bizarre windmill movement during her & Kyle’s waltz
Heidi: OMG – how much did I love Kurt in a tiara with his little girls. But Anna, big men don’t (or shouldn’t) skip. I know what you were going for, but he didn’t pull it off. I still love him though.
Courtney: I actually really liked the skipping 😛 Kurt’s just a big teddy bear to me! But that windmill step that went on FOREVER in Kyle & Lacey’s waltz? UGH. One was plenty – Lacey did at least a bajillion.
Heidi: I forgot about that bizarre move. It might have been cooler if they had pulled it off.
Award for Choreography Creating the Highest Degree of Cognitive Dissonance – Louis Van Amstel
Heidi: All that talk pre-show about how emotional your story was, how good it made you feel, how it was about a girl who was overweight in high school but then became a successful showgirl – what the hell happened?? NONE of that came through in the actual dance. I kept waiting for some message. But the only thing was a big smile and rainbow fringe – which really only says I happily support gay people. That is fantastic – but it’s not what you said the dance was going to be about, and it’s not really a “story”. Color me confused – in every color of the rainbow.
Courtney: Sorry, but I could get barely get past the costumes – just gadawful. She looked like giant parrot, and Louis brought to mind Rainbow Brite – if Rainbow Brite was a petite gay man who could dance his ass off. Any smidgen of a story that there could have been was overshadowed by the blinding rainbow of pride we were visually assaulted with – and while I’m totally cool with them showing off their pride, I was kinda hoping they’d at least TRY to convey a story at the same time…which they didn’t. Although I’m a bit unsure of just HOW they’d convey the story they were planning to…maybe have some kids off to the side heckling Margaret at the beginning of the dance, and then Margaret doffs her plain-looking attire to reveal her fabulous showgirl attire and begins a show-stopping rendition of “Copacabana” while those same hecklers look on in awe? And somehow Louis fits into the picture? I know, I know…I’m reaching. The conclusion – while the message they were trying to convey was admirable, they probably should’ve gone with something that was easier to show.
Tom Bergeron Line ‘O Performance Night: – Mentioning “Stockholm Syndrome” in regard to Maks and Brandy; Honorable Mention for – “Audrina, Tony and the smoke monster from Lost”; “Len ‘Spanky’ Goodman”; and “It’s like high noon with spandex!”
Heidi: Bwahaha – he drops in these little, hysterical asides that often make me wonder how many people catch them. And if they catch them, do they get them?? I love me some smart Bergeron. Seriously – that Stockholm Syndrome line was pure fucking genius.
Courtney: Tom was full of cerebral one-liners this week – and more often than not, I’m pretty sure they just come off the top of his head, which is even more impressive. Less Brooke – more Tom 😉
Award for Couple Most Hosed by Producers – The Situation and Karina
Heidi: Black Eyed Peas for a FOXTROT??? Are you kidding me? I’m speechless. Karina looked amazing, and considering the music The Sitch didn’t do too bad – I was entertained. But I sure don’t blame him for not getting it.
Courtney: I gotta give these two MAJOR props this week – easily the worst song choice of the week, yet they somehow made it work and actually gave a performance that was oddly entertaining and memorable. Add to that the fact that The Situation is still pretty hopeless – the fact that they got a halfway decent score (let alone the encore for the week!) is miraculous. I almost wonder if the powers that be were sitting around thinking about who they wanted for the encore this week and said “Well the obvious choice would be Tony & Audrina, but since the results show is jam-packed with filler tonight, we may not have time to clear the smoke monster out before the next act. Awww hell, we kinda screwed Sitch & Karina, and their set is easier to tear down…let’s go with them!”
Award for Most Shameful Cluelessness – Lacey Schwimmer, for not knowing the Eagles
Heidi: Who are the Eagles??? The EAGLES??? Lacey, you have NO fucking business “recording” a song. And your age is no excuse. If you are recording music, one would think you are passionate about music. If one were truly passionate about music, they would not be clueless on The Eagles!!
Courtney: I literally slapped my forehead and winced when those words passed her lips. And Lacey isn’t really recording music…she’s just singing along karaoke style, and then they’re auto-tuning the hell out of it in post-production 😉 I’m sorry, but “Red Cup” is just AWFUL.
Heidi: :::snerk::: I originally had a crack in there about auto tune but then I took it out. I called you my equally evil twin last week. It seems I was correct. 🙂
Courtney: Indeed, m’dear! Muahahahaha 😉
The Cheesily Cute Couple of the Week Award – Rick Fox and Cheryl Burk for their package and mistakenly thinking they were safe when they weren’t.
Heidi: The two them were just totally cute when Cheryl responded to Rick with… “No, just trust” – I totally had a Yoda moment! “Trust me you must, young Jedi.” And then when the two of them realized they weren’t safe last night their response was just adorable. “Uhhh, shucks. Oops.” Hilarious.
Courtney: I’m beginning to think that Rick is not only the “pretty” guy in this competition…but also a bit vacant. I think when he’s at a loss for words, he just flashes those pearly whites and all is right in the world. I am ok with this 😉
Heidi: Yeah, I really don’t see a problem with that at all. It’s better than Maks’ way of handling it which is getting a shovel and digging a big fucking hole (stay tuned for video of Maks saying shit that pisses me OFF – if Vogue doesn’t post it, I will. I advised her to do it because she would be NICER about it than I will be. 🙂 )
Award for Most Passionate Pro (aka The Most “Wooden” Pro Award) – Derek Hough, for being entirely too involved in, and enjoying, his childhood fantasy of the hot teacher. (See above-do I need to draw you a map?)
Heidi: Humina, Humina…that’s all I got. Cigarette?
Courtney: I don’t know what you’re looking at, m’dear, but I must say I’m impressed with how HARD the choreography in that samba was. He’s clearly a FIRM believer in challenging his partner. And props to Jennifer for maintaining the perfect dance frame, not too STIFF, but also not all limp & flaccid. No one likes a flaccid frame 😉 And the stamina of these two! They kept it up through quite a LONG routine…ok, should I stop now? 😉
Heidi: You said flaccid. That, m’dear, is a four-letter word, in this house. 😉
Brooke Burke Flub O’ the Week: Telling Kurt & Anna they had the highest score so far…when they actually got a point less than Jennifer & Derek
Courtney: Not sure if the lines she was being fed from the control booth got garbled, or her math was just off, but yah, Brooke…23 is less than 24. The best part is not actually Brooke, Kurt, or Anna’s reaction…if you watch Maks in the background, he gets a funny look on his face like “Wait a minute…that’s not right…” that is just priceless.
Heidi: Oh, now I’m going to have to watch it again cause I missed Maks’ reaction. Great. Garbled isn’t contagious through the TV is it??
Most Bizarre Prop: The picture of Tony in the Marine uniform
Courtney: I’m probably going to get hosed for this, but at first blush, I could have sworn I was looking at a picture of Hans Landa from Inglourious Basterds. It was just a rather bizarre picture, and the “this picture was just taken backstage 10 minutes ago!” quality of it just made me chuckle.
Heidi: Courtney, you were supposed to be tearing up at the thought of this poor ceiling eyes…I mean, girl losing her husband and not being able to dance with him anymore. You mean to tell me that the smoke monster didn’t inspire sobs and hand wringing?? Heh. Me either.
Cheesiest Line O’ the Week: Mark Ballas & Val Chmerkovskiy’s exchange of “String it!” and “It’s already been strung!”
Courtney: Ugh…I’m not sure whether to blame the producers for that eyeroll-worthy exchange, or whether they came up with it themselves…but the subtle homage to Bring it On just made me cringe. Just get on with it, already!
Heidi: The melodrama over all was just making me cackle unattractively. I really, really hope that was all tongue in cheek cheesy but a part of me (yes a very evil part) fears that that was Mark’s “I’m acting dramatic” face.
Kiss of Death Award: The uncomfortably long kiss at the end of Flo & Corky’s waltz; (dis)honorable mention for the replay of Donny & Bruno’s kiss during Donny’s street bit
Courtney: I was reduced to an uncomfortable 12-year-old watching a movie with a love scene when I had to witness that smooch – I literally averted my eyes and went “GROSS!!!” No likey…no likey one bit! And then they just HAD to go and replay the video of Donny dipping Bruno over the judges table and laying one on him. Good grief, a year later that gag is still haunting me!
Heidi: For some reason, I had far less problem with the Donny-Bruno kiss than I did with Florky’s. Ick pooh. I believe my exact words were “GACK GACK!!” Which, you might realize, aren’t actual words but inarticulate noises.
Innuendo of the Week: Rick Fox referring to a wardrobe malfunction “at home” 😉
Courtney: I think this may have gone over Brooke’s head, because she just kinda chuckled, but good ol’ Tom definitely raised an eyebrow and got a mischievous look in his eye. Looks like Cheryl’s little impromptu clothing removal on Rick may have gotten him some action later that evening 😉 MEOW!
Heidi: At least he waited till he got home. I’m lookin’ at you, Derek Hough. (pssst…feel free to GET UP to that sort of mischief every week, would ya? 😉 )
Courtney: Damn…nothing like a premature wardrobe malfunction to ruin one’s evening 😉
how about the most bizarre mix dance+music? a foxtrot to Boom boom pow! ridiculous! shame, shame, shame!
OMG ROTFL *dies* on the Rainbow bright stuff and about spit out my supper from then forward!!!!!!!!!!
YOU GUYS!!!
I couldn’t agree more with you about that yellow head dress and Lacy not knowing The Eagles!
Heidi: “(stay tuned for video of Maks saying shit that pisses me OFF – if Vogue doesn’t post it, I will. I advised her to do it because she would be NICER about it than I will be. )”
ROTFLL! You do it. I don’t wanna!!! *cries* (LOL)xx
You guys make me laugh so hard. Thanks again for another A+++ edition. You guys serve the best cheesecake in the world. 🙂 PRICELESS AGAIN! You guys should be on David Letterman!
:::sings:::Vogue is a chicken, Vogue is a chicken….
Read a bit closer, Carlos – that’s in there, complete with faux outrage. 😉
HEIDI ROTFLLLLL *runssss*
Heidi: Who *isn’t* a chicken? I wouldn’t do it either…. ;D
I died laughing about the Rick Fox bit… ;D
What??? And how about the twist in the order they called the couples to tell them their fate? Tom and Brooke called Audrina, Kyle and Kurt, and then showed the video of Jennifer, Brandy and Rick! Then when they showed the first couples video, there was no “Tom’s narrative talking” about the performances.. weird, I must say.
But wow, I was waiting for this week’s cheesecake awards so much, haha
Sorry Lucas – if we put EVERYTHING In that was a screw up or a bit of weirdness, it would take 3 days to read it. 🙂
LMAO! You guys were hilarious as usual! I cracked up over the Margaret and Louis bit! Tom’s one-liners are always freaking BRILLIANT! That man is my favorite host, can’t be beat 😀 The Rick Fox “wardroble malfunction” bit at the end made me a bit disturbed but I still oddly found it funny haha, excellent job guys, always look forward to the Cheesecake Awards!
*gasp* Heidi just insulted me. 😉 Not all twelve year-olds are immature or grossed out by kissing. -.- RUDE. (although I’m turning thirteen this Friday… Hey, I’m STILL twelve!)
AAANNNDDDD… I had to smile at the Derek part, where you guys were being completely perverted. Although… I actually understood, which isn’t supposed to happen. o_O My friend is rubbing off on me.
Anyways, I loved the Cheesecake Awards (I like cheesecake 🙂 ) and I can’t wait until the next one. But Heidi, be sensitive and watch your mouth, woman. 😀 I am sad now that you said that, since I’ve had a bad day so far and this made it better. THANK YOU!!!
Hilarious! So true about Margaret and Louis. He tweets for days this big build up then its like whaaat?
ewwww on Florky kiss or not, just ewwwww
Pretty sure Derek won’t ever wear khaki again – his erection is all over the internet 🙂
LOL!!!!!!
oh…and chickening out on the hair – I don’t think it was going to be Billy Idol wild. With that outfit, probably parted down the middle. I was so happy for the change – I had a bad image goin on and instead I was pleasantly surprised with the whole package 🙂
Heh…meesh said “package”. 😛
My dear Lola, what ARE you talking about? 🙂 I’m trying to figure out where I insulted 12 yr olds in the Cheesecake awards…I did imply that only 12 year olds see a lack of LOVE as being HATE on another post. If you are indeed 12, I stand corrected and amend my comment to SOME 12 year olds, not those who are unbelievable mature. 😉
If you aren’t a musician, and you are indeed pre-teen, then you’re allowed to not know the Eagles. Especially since you like “Ain’t No Sunshine” as that is a kickASS song. Was Bill Withers’ version the one in Notting Hill?? I think it was Notting Hill….
“I think when he’s at a loss for words, he just flashes those pearly whites and all is right in the world. I am ok with this” He’s pretty tame in his senior days. Rick Fox was an NBA free spirit before the NBA had free spirits. Ahead of his time as a “cool dude,” although definitely not Dennis Rodman or Birdman territory. Could be wrong, but I expect at least some of Tom and the Judge’s one-liners are pre-prepared. They have a walk-through and a dress rehearsal, if I understand correctly. They all know what’s coming up. All four can start to think about what they will say at certain times??? It sure seems like it???
True about Tom, Bruce, but I’ve always read that the judges don’t sit through any of the rehearsals – I mean their job isn’t that hard, right? 🙂
Thank you for this post. Perhaps it should have been titled, “Things we watched so you don’t have to.” I realized reading this just how many times I looked away from the tv – just too cringe-y for me. You are all so brave. Anyway, I think if Margaret’s headpiece matched the blue she would have looked much better (for someone wearing a huge feathered headpiece). And Brooke – are you telling me that they cannot secure another babe that can be witty and quick? I can just see all the smart and funny actresses watching the show knowing they could bring more to the table…
Brooke is getting really annoying cause she always has blunders. The most interesting thing she says every week is “Thanks Tom”.
@Lucas – No worries, I noticed that little production flub too 😉 But as Heidi mentioned, if we mentioned every little thing that was slightly odd, funny, or wrong each week – the Cheesecake Awards wouldn’t get finished until Sunday or Monday of the following week! I literally had an entire page of notes from both nights’ shows of stuff that was fodder for the awards…and we probably only used a third of it. We try to stick with stuff that we can get funny with 😛
And Heidi, you’re right about the judges not sitting through rehearsals…according to the bf, when he was on-set for a rehearsal, they actually had stand-ins for the judges. Idol does the same thing – 3 fake judges that sit at the desk just for camera blocking and lighting purposes. Kinda funny, actually 😛
And where in the hell is this scandalous Maks video I’m hearing so much about? 😀
To call the Maks video scandalous is over stating it a bit. 🙂 It’s just Maks’ doing his level best to make me very annoyed with him. I can’t seem to get through a whole season without that happening. Basically, he throws all the other contestants under the “we get along better than most other couples” bus. I mean, how the hell would he know? And if he spends enough time around them to get a true feel for their relationships, perhaps that’s why Brandy has struggled on the first two dances.
About the only part of Margaret’s costume and dance that reminded me of the song they had, was “yellow feathers in the hair,” and that was SO over the top, like the rest, that she didn’t even have them on very long!
IMO, this is how Margaret and Louis should have performed their storyline (though not as risque) and this song would have been perfect too. They would have been taken seriously and the message would have sunk deep;
Madonna: singing “Why’s It So Hard” during her Girlie Show Tour; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3PYfHL5dkI
The thing with Lacey not even knowing who The Eagles are still irks me. I’m no huge Eagles fan by any means but how can you be (at least) in your mid-to-late 20s and not have at least heard of them? I found the whole throwing-the-CD-around-the-room-like-a-frisbee thing to be extremely childish. Fitting, I suppose.
If this doesn’t make Courtney crush on the Situation any harder then I don’t know what will. 🙂
http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20432091,00.html
“”The Situation” made a new friend during a commercial break. Heidi, an adorable 5-year-old girl from Anchorage, Alaska, who was selected out of the crowd to step onto the ballroom and accept a free T-shirt, won over The Jersey Shore star, who ran out onto the stage unexpectedly and placed one of his black leather bracelets with metal stars on the young girl. Later, the two took pictures together backstage.”
@ ck410 – The Situation is also getting involved in Kurt Warner’s charities along with other charity drives. I’m starting to really like this guy.
OMG ROTFL!!!!!!! WOW ummmm yeah i have no comment right now but umm haveto say i missed the part with derek(and i wasn’t looking for it either) but good stuff.
I have to say that I’m really warming up to The Situation, and I even threw him a few votes this week. He is not the most talented dancer, but all of his performances have been entertaining. I think he has a great attitude and very pleasant personality. I couldn’t be more surprised!
@ck410 – AWWWWW! So sweet! Thanks for that link…just when I thought I couldn’t crush any harder on him, I did 😉 He’s definitely my favorite this season…and to think I thought I was gonna hate the guy! I also read on he & Lacey’s twitter that he gave her a rosary necklace from his new jewelry line, which she adores. He may be giving away all sorts of jewelry to promote his company, but I still think it’s sweet nonetheless 😀 Can’t wait for his AT next week…I think it could really be a breakthrough for him. After all, he’s really good at bending his knees, hehe 😉
@Carlie – Really??? Wow, this guy is turning out to have a heart of gold! I almost don’t want him to go back to Jersey Shore…the asshole he pretends to be on there seems so far from the real Sitch that we’re seeing on DWTS. Love Kurt, too…it’d be great to see them working together 🙂
@Jilly – Ditto…he’s been the biggest pleasant surprise for me this season 🙂 If he continues to improve, and continues being such a sweetheart…I could actually see him breaking into the top 5. People seem to REALLY be warming up to him…I don’t see him going home before Bristol or Flo, and depending on whether or not Kyle continues to improve and bolster his fanbase, I could see him surpassing Kyle as well. Very excited to see how it all pans out 😉
Wow, that clip from the Girlie Show Tour was interesting Vogue, I don’t think the song Why it’s So Hard would be a Samba, but the chick feeling up Madonna is Carrie Ann Inaba, so score one for bi-sexual judging. 🙂
LOL Andie, I had forgotten how Carrie Ann was in that video. Yep, that’s HER!! She gets very racy in The Girle Show.
As the comments on The Sitch, he’s got my attention too. I like him more than I thought I would when I first heard he was going to be on the show. I love how he talks from the side of his mouth. lol
Wow! I am speechless right now and can’t think of anything to say except you guys are hilarious and cracked me up. Loved the rainbow brite part.
As usual, the best cheesecake around 😉 What I found even stranger than Lacey nor Kyle knowing who the Eagles are, is that they were able to get another song. Why didn’t Karina do that, I’m now wondering, because ya’ll are right – they got hosed. Foxtrot to Boom Boom Pow?? Who makes these decisions? Kudos to them both for pulling it off. As I’ve said before, the Sitch is my revelation of the season – did not think I would like anything about him, but am rooting for him every week. I’m with you, Courtney – he should leave the Jersey Shore behind. I’m wondering if that’s been in the back of his mind all along with DWTS – maybe not in such a straight line (do DWTS = quit JS), but in a broadening his horizons, long view kind of way?
You may be right about Sitch, Linde…
“NotHappy theWay thingsWere portrayed,people that know me,know where my heart n intentionsR.Im upsetNcontemplating retirement from RealityJS4”
http://twitter.com/ItsTheSituation
LOL #mmc 🙂 Can’t believe I had the right instinct on that, way down here in the SE, so far from NJ or CA 😉 I’ve never even seen an episode of JS, but from what I’ve heard he just seems too nice to fit in. He fits from the outside, but not from the inside (in my uninformed opionion). Very interesting … Thanks for sharing. I do think he’ll be on longer than Florence or Bristol – although I’m also rooting for Bristol (I just can’t help myself 🙂 ) I fear, though, that the Rumba might do her in. Florence has the same dance, so I think either Florky or Ballin’ will be leaving us next week. I have high hopes for The Stich’s Argenting Tango 🙂
AHHHH, so I was super excited(wowwww, I’m gonna’ sound like a pervert!!) that I wasn’t the only one to notice the other “situation” on this night…the one in Derek’s pants…rofl. I happened to be watching with my mom……awkwaaaard.Khakis?….REALLY?