DWTS 11, Week 5 – Power Rankings

Hello, everyone. Your regularly scheduled Power Ranker – Miss Courtney, as they say in the south – is unavailable this week so I am filling in for her. And, word to the wise, I am PISSED off. Totally and completely. Allow me to rant for a moment. First, the Tennessee Titans are on Monday night football, so I have to watch an internet feed to see the show. Second, Len is on F@#king crack almost the entire night. And when you analyze his crack moments, there is only one conclusion you can really come to and that is that Brandy ain’t getting the votes and Kyle is getting too many votes. Period. THEN, the producers don’t show us any actual dancing until more than half an hour AFTER the show has started. Boy oh boy – I’m trying not too rant to much here because I have to save something for the Cheesecake Awards. But it’s a struggle we will deal with throughout this post. I mean, gorillas? Seriously?? How am I supposed to hold that in until Thursday?? Yes, it is Thursday this week because Court and I are having real life issues. :-) We have JOBS that pay. :-) At least the Titans are winning going into half time. It’s the least they could do. Seriously. If they don’t win this game I may write letters.

OOookaaay. Here we go. I place little stock in the judges scores tonight frankly. Yeah, they matter, but I sensed some manipulation that bugs. I also suffer from the inability to rewind and watch again because of watching a live feed. So bear with me.

1.) Jennifer and Derek – Len is utterly full of crap. This may not be up to Jennifer’s usual standard, but it was a lovely dance with no mistakes and plenty of content. The very fact that Len loves Brandy and Bristol makes his comments on this dance highly suspect. You hear Tom Bergeron – he “loved” Bristol’s monkey suit. Then complaining about too much feather duster from Jennifer at the beginning of her dance? This after the time wasting at the beginning and end of Brandy’s dance? Seriously people – count how long it took for Brandy too cross the floor at the end of her dance. At the beginning of the dance, count how long she sat there with Maks. When Len docks Jennifer for a less egregious time wasting move after watching Brandy AND Bristol?? I call bulls#@t.

2.) Kurt and Anna – Yep, you read it here first. I think Kurt danced better than Brandy. He had one awkward move in an otherwise beautiful dance. But this isn’t just about who’s dancing best, it’s about who is pleasing the audience and, in polling my female relatives, Kurt is the real deal. Not to mention he danced a fine dance except for that one move. I just enjoy him and Anna all the way around. Plus, his score of 24 puts him in third place with the judges. But I would bet he ranks higher with the viewers. For that reason he takes second place.

3.) Brandy and Maks – For all my complaining about Brandy and Maks’ judges comments, I will say that they may have made strides today in the power rankings. I found their package to be totally endearing – they were very cute together. I thought their dance had too much non-dancing stuff at BOTH the beginning and at the end – really, that run across the entire length of the floor was not helpful. If they had done either the beginning OR the ending that way, instead of both, I wouldn’t think it was so bad. I also thought that the dance was not very musical – it seemed like a lot of the steps didn’t really go with the music. It seemed…disjointed. I don’t know what the judges were looking at, actually. By itself it was a fine dance, but after Len calls out Derek and Jennifer for time wasting stuff? Len need medication because Brandy’s dance was much more egregious in the time wasting department.

4.) Rick and Cheryl – I was actually tempted to put Rick and Cheryl ahead of Brandy and Maks. Power rankings aren’t just about scores and dance ability, but about who is popular with the voting public. You know what? Rick was popular with me. But I think the rumba couples might be at a slight disadvantage this week. That said, that dance was very good, smooth, with plenty of movement. Lots of musicality – and that is a big deal to me. I really enjoyed it.

5.) Audrina and Tony – Normally I am a big Audrina fan. But tonight just wasn’t her night and I can’t figure out why. Well, I think she was too stiff and lacked hip movement in her rumba, but I can’t figure out why that was an issue. All of her moves seemed abbreviated or truncated – unfinished. It seemed like she stopped short nearly every time. I think Audrina has the potential to make the final, but I can’t figure what is holding her back. Tonight wasn’t her night. If she was Jennifer Grey I would say that it didn’t matter. But she is Audrina Patridge and not a household name to this audience. She’s not to the point yet where she can afford a lackluster dance. She needs to get it together.

6.) Kyle and Lacey – Wow, that dance seemed pretty darn good to me. I was entertained. It was musical. This is another example of Len on crack – you can’t complain about Disco fever when you give them the Charlies Angels theme song. Crazy. I think Kyle is probably likeable enough that he’ll stick around, tonight at least. While I’ve had trouble with Kyle’s technique, I saw an improvement tonight and he’s certainly entertaining. Lacey laughing at their scores could be a problem, however. Some could take that the wrong way.

7.) Florence and Corky – Well, a tango to the Brady Bunch – pretty amazing that it worked, but it had that drum beat. But the disconnect is pretty huge with that song and what that dance is supposed to be. It was just too big of a disconnect and I just don’t know that if they can overcome that. Her steps are good, but it was a bit too weird. Corky can’t forgo the wacky -just dance it straight, dude.

8.) Bristol and Mark – What. The. F*@k. I mean really. What is Mark thinking? Bristol missed a bunch of steps at the beginning – and she didn’t get called on it. WTF? She didn’t move her feet much during most of the dance. She was off time most of the time. Mark did tone down the spastic, but Bristol just isn’t sharp enough for that dance. Len – still on crack – likes it? What the hell is going on with him tonight? Credibility? Lost. Bristol gets major points for unvarnished honesty – but it could cause the same problem it caused her mom.

Hope Courtney is back next week. I can assure you I have not done the math yet for tonight, so it will be interesting to see what the math gives me tomorrow.