DWTS13 Week 4 Power Rankings

To begin, I’d like to thank the judges for screwing themselves, the couples, and us for starting the evening off being far too kind with their scores for Chynna – and thus throwing a wrench into tonight’s scoring, which was downright wacky. Seriously – on a night that had the potential to be reeeally good, the judges managed to turn everything into an absolute joke with some of their feedback. Thanks, stooges.

Aside from that nonsense, I actually thought everyone (with the exception of maybe Chynna) did pretty damn well.  Was it cheesy? Of course.  But that was half the fun of it ;-) As for my rankings, though – aside from my top 3, I have absolutely no effin’ clue who will go home.  Literally, I’ve been staring at the scores and my notes for 15 minutes and I’ve changed my mind about 15 times.  Thus I’d like to claim a rather large margin of error :-P

1.) Ricki & Derek – Ok, I will admit – I don’t think this tango was 10-worthy.  9-worthy? Definitely.  But I guess on a night like tonight, with the bar set so low by Chynna and the judges clearly adjusting their scoring to compensate – I can SORT OF understand how they ended up with a 29.  Doesn’t mean I think it’s right :-) Technique-wise, I do think this was the performance of the night – this was so damn CLEAN.  Performance-wise…I don’t think it was Ricki or Derek’s best dance, but I do kind of appreciate that they didn’t go the over-the-top, full-on cray-cray route in trying to embody the theme of Psycho.  The silhouette part at the beginning & end was a subtle, visually-striking homage to the movie.  With the points spread being so vast, and with the judges making it quite clear who their favorite is…I think I’ve got a better chance of firing a pistol into the night sky in fury and somehow hitting Carrie Ann in LA than these two do of going home.

2.) JR & Karina – I give up.  What is the judges’ problem with JR??? Seriously – the dude is probably the most likeable guy in the universe.  I’m talking basket-full-of-puppies likeable. Aaaaad…*drumroll please*…the dude can actually dance, too.  And look like he’s having a good time doing it! I’m baffled as to why it pains them so much to praise him, let alone score him properly.  I’m getting this bad feeling that if the judges don’t shape up, JR could be Ralph all over again.  Let’s hope I’m just being paranoid 8O I actually thought this dance was strong in technique, entertainment, and theme – it stayed true to the theme without being over-the-top, much like Ricki & Derek’s tango.  Not sure what Carrie Ann was smoking when she said it “didn’t need to be funny” – clearly that bimbo hasn’t seen The Pink Panther.  What, was she expecting a repeat of his heart-wrenching rumba last week? SMH.  AAAANYWHOOOO…they got the pimp spot and the 2nd highest score of the night, and I can’t imagine there aren’t some fans that are as angry as I am who are voting their fingers off right now in protest.  I look forward to these two making CAI eat her words next week…and I hope she chokes on them.

3.) Hope & Maks – Phew.  Hope finally hit a groove this week, so now I don’t have to completely write her off as a bad dancer :-) This foxtrot was so freakin’ adorable…and Hope actually seemed to move well in it: cleanly, comfortably, and fluidly.  I think I might have actually muttered “Where was this Hope the past 3 weeks???” to myself while watching this dance.  It was definitely her best dance yet – now let’s hope she can maintain that momentum through next week :-) But I have to ask…did anyone else find Len’s rant about how much time she had spent (or not spent) practicing to be rather…I don’t know, odd? Over-the-top? It just seemed like a lot of misdirected aggression, even if Hope hasn’t been spending as much time rehearsing as some of the other celebs.  That man needs a cotton candy enema. :-) But alas, I do think these two had a breakthrough week, and a good score, so they oughta stick around to next week.

4.) Carson & Anna – Another guy that has become the judges’ whipping boy this week, and I have no explanation why other than the fact that he may just be getting a sh*t-ton of votes…more than they think he deserves.  Granted, this dance was pure kitsch and definitely over-the-top, but for someone with a personality like Carson’s…over-the-top works.  Quite well.  But it just boggles my mind that, in a week where being over-the-top is actually encouraged a bit, the judges choose NOW to suddenly come down hard on our resident shoe addict/Mick Jagger impersonator/fabulously gay pirate.  It’s like they’ve all of a sudden come to the realization “Crap! We’ve been scoring him on entertainment factor alone this whole time, and now he’s getting wayyyyy too many votes…we’ve gotta do something, pronto!” And this, ladies & gentlemen, is why I get so SICK of these judges: inconsistency, and their tendency to appear like they’re scoring with an agenda in mind.  But if some of the incredulousness I witnessed on Twitter was any indicator – I’m not the only one left slack-jawed with the massive shaft (no pun intended) Carson got from the judges tonight.  And if Carson was getting a ton of votes before, he’s probably getting even more now…indignation tends to fuel those marathon internet voting sessions. ;-)

5.) David & Kym – Like Hope, David was another celeb this week that made me pinch myself – this paso was actually really good, and a far cry from some of the train wrecks we’ve seen him pull in the past few weeks.  He was unusually focused & calm…kinda nice to see from someone that Kym seems to peel off the walls each week.  It seemed like an awful lot of arm work, with Kym back-leading…but all-in-all, it was actually kinda fun to watch.  What’s NOT so fun to watch? The near-constant panning to Coco & Courteney in the audience.  Jeez-ass…could they be any more obvious that they’re reeeeallly happy to have those two in the audience? Guess that shows us why David tends to get a bit of a helping hand from the higher-ups…those two faces in the audience (along with Cher & Billy) make for such pretty candid shots :-) *barf* I think these two will probably be ok, just based on scores and David being a bit more palatable these days.

6.) Rob & Cheryl – Overscored. No way that a ho-hum dance where Cheryl danced around a stationary Rob more often than not gets a higher score than Carson’s glittery gay rendition of The Pirates of Penzance. Rob kinda reverted back to his timid, uncomfortable self a bit this week, and I didn’t see the same sparkle I saw in him last week.  The little moving he did do seemed ridiculously elementary, and I’m a little disappointed that Cheryl didn’t throw more at him – I think he could handle it.  And the whole Superman theme? Meh…if I was tuning in mid-dance and wasn’t familiar with the Superman music, I would have had no idea what the hell they were trying to convey.  An all-around “meh” dance, but I guess those Kardashians also make quite the pretty candid shot in the audience, hence the need to keep Rob around.  But his days are numbered – there’s only so much a halfway-decent score & a flimsy fanbase can do for you when you’re up against juggernauts like Carson, JR, Hope, & Ricki.

7.) Chaz & Lacey – While it may not have been the most technically strong or entertaining routine of the night, I daresay there was a certain charm in watching Chaz really cut loose and dance with some heart. :-) Definitely his best so far – he started off a lot stronger than I imagined he would. Chaz even seemed a bit manic and “David-ish” in the first 20 seconds – but after that, he seemed to lose a bit of steam and hence, some of his impact.  But he still got a 21, and dear ol’ mum in the audience…which was also kinda cool to see.  Now I’ve toyed with any one of my bottom 3 going home, but I think Chaz may just have one more week left in him, since he, like Hope, had a bit of a breakthrough week.  But come next week, I think he’s probably a goner…he’s just not improving fast enough to keep up with the other couples.

8.) Chynna & Tony – Oooh wee, talk about crashing & burning! Poor Chynna really just absolutely lost it out there – like, Brooke Burke jive-league lost it. :-P And I do feel the need to point out that Tony seemed to choreograph a regular tango that looked more like a strange hybrid of paso doble & Argentine tango.  It was…odd.  On top of that, I think they were a bit torn between stayin true to the theme and doing a proper tango – it was like they darted around between “Oh yeah, we’re spies, look at us do spy stuff like descend from the ceiling & wear gun holsters!” and “Now pay attention, we’re doing a SERIOUS TANGO now.” The overall result was just lost and confused.  Now I do think these two are in legit danger of getting sent home – Chynna does seem to be suffering from the same “fade into the woodwork” syndrome that plagued Kristin.  However…I do think that Chynna may have a TEENSY-WEENSY edge due simply to her crashing & burning so badly vs. just being boring.  “Boring” does not get people voting, but “failing downright miserably” sure seems to :-P But I would not be at all surprised to see these 2 in jeopardy tomorrow night….gotta scare them into greatness somehow, since Billy’s face in the audience makes TPTB happy ;-)

9.) Nancy & Tristan – Admittedly, I missed a good chunk of this performance due to my mother’s obsessive need to record Real Housewives of Beverly Hills & La-la’s Full Court Life in HD – it took a moment or two to rearrange my DVR queue to solve the problem.  But the portion I did see was a non-event, I’m afraid – and I think it’s safe to say Nancy & Tristan are pretty firmly mired in the snooze zone of choreography.  It’s a tough call this week, with the scores being so funky, but I’m gonna say that these two could be leaving us this week just due to lack of excitement.  Honestly – they’re slowly becoming the couple I forget now, when listing all the couples off.  I really do like Tristan, and I’m happy about how Nancy has come across in a softer light than most people are used to seeing her this season, but proper and non-risky will only get you so far.

So who do you guys think is going home on this strange night of scoring? And who do you think the judges will pick for the encore? I’m getting a gut feeling it’s David…