DWTS13, Week 7 – The Cheesecake Awards!

Heidi: This was like giving birth. Or what I would imagine giving birth was like if I had any children.

Award for the Celeb that Seems to Get Cooler & Cooler Despite His Initial Douchiness: Rob Kardashian

Courtney: Rob’s definitely come a long way since his initial assholiness during the first week – we’re getting all sorts of zingers out him these days! On relating to the The Addams Family: “Yeah, my family’s kinda kooky.” On showing off his “guns” in paso rehearsal: “I don’t carry weapons.” On the tutelage he received from Derek & Maks in said rehearsals: “Derek & Maks increased my sexual confidence!” Plus, he’s got a bum and he’s ok with it! I’m seriously starting to dig Rob – would be interesting to see what he pulls out of his hat for a freestyle, should he make the finale.

Heidi: He was a cornucopia of hilarious this past week – speaking of his bum, the entire segment about his bum from Bruno critiquing to Bruno telling Cheryl “It’s huge!!”, to them running up the stairs to David yelling “that’s a violation you were talking to Bruno!!” to the faux weepy confessional all about him bum?? F@#king hilarious!! OMG, didn’t even catch it all until I watched it again. :-)

Award for the Celeb Who We Wish Was Still Around Because He Was Becoming a Comic Genius: David Arquette

Courtney: “Dancing with the skeleton” FTW! Especially since he even cracked Brooke up to the point where she was even more flustered than usual :-P And then he (deliberately, I assume) got all wacky with his deck of cards during Monday night’s intros, just for shits & giggles. *sigh* I’m seriously gonna miss David!

Heidi: See above about the yelling about a violation. :-) But the dancing with the skeleton was the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long damn time.

Award for Cleverest Production Bit of the Week: “DEAD….from Hollywood!!”

Heidi: Maybe I’m easy. But I thought it was funny. :-)

Courtney: Laaaaame. Just like “I’m Tom Boo-geron!” and “Our musical director, Scare-ald Wheeler!” I bet you chortled merrily at those, too, Heidi ;-) Am I right?

Heidi:  Nah, I didn’t laugh at those.  Just the dead thing.  Maybe it’s death…

Person Most Likely to Overestimate His Own Coolness Factor: Justin Beiber

Heidi: Seriously?? Who does this kid think he is? MJ?? Cuz really he’s a child in serious need of an auto tune. Talk about over rated.

Courtney: To quote my mother, “Thugs don’t wear glittery purple jackets w/matching shoes, Biebs.” This kid clearly thought he was the greatest thing since sliced bread in that getup – even though I though his singing quite frankly SUCKED. Maybe he’s finally going through puberty. He sounded vaguely Peter Brady-ish. Thank god he had Boys II Men to up his street cred for the 2nd song. Boys II Men are the effin’ balls. :-D

Heidi: What is the favorite color of pre-teen girls? PURPLE. Little manipulator. :-)

Most Mysterious Production Trick: The pixelation of Karina’s body during the results show playback of their dance

Heidi: WTF was that about?? I though she was wearing a nude body stocking. She was, right? LOL!! This is a real blink and you miss it thing and I actually went back and watched the dance again to see if I could figure out why they felt the need to do it. Maybe they were being funny??

Courtney: It was indeed bizarre. Sometimes I think the FCC requires pixelation of things that even could potentially be misconstrued as indecent – like “Well that’s ambiguous…it could be a boob, it might not be. Better pixelate it to be safe!” Buncha prudes. Personally, I think the show could benefit from a nip slip or mysterious bulge every now & then…but that’s just me ;-)

Heidi: I vote for bulges. Lots and lots of indecent bulges.

Worst Instance of Coitus Interuptus in the History of DWTS: The major camera screw up during Derek and Allison’s pro dance on the results show (East Coast Only)

Heidi: I think I actually screamed. The lousy camera director harshed my buzz, big time. :-) People!! He was half naked. Do you KNOW how rare that is?? ;-)

Courtney: Muppet alert! Pretty sure I saw a furry pink head scuttling along the floor, obscuring my view of one of the greatest results show dances EVER. Dammit, Animal – just go practice your drums for awhile. We’ll summon you when we need you to play “Manamana”.

Least Shocking Instance of Memory Loss: Carson Kressley, who momentary forgot the name of the person who hosts the show that isn’t named Tom Bergeron

Heidi: Hee. We should all be so lucky. What was her name again? Oh, right. Brooke. Hehehe.

Courtney: Personally, I think Carson is totally on-board with this whole grassroots “Replace Brooke with Carson!” campaign we’ve started…and now he’s dropping subtle hits that he’s ready to take the position. ;-) Or he’s just as unimpressed with her as many of us are…and consequently can’t be bothered to remember her name. :-P

The “Blink And You Missed It” Award for Best Prop Incident of This Season Thus Far: Derek Tossing his cape during the encore of Team Paso’s Dance…and it lands perfectly and completely covering a guy in the audience

Heidi: Seriously, it was like Derek pronounced him dead….or thought he should go as a ghost for Halloween. It was hilarious and I didn’t see it until the third time through. It makes me want to go back to the performance show and see if it happened then too. :-) Dude was surprised to say the least….he scrabbled at his face like a Mark Ballas with a face full of Mail Order Bride hair.

Courtney: Ok, I was part of the “blinked & missed it” crowd – but it sounds hilarious. Like something out of CSI: DWTS. All Derek needs to do now is say something cheesy as he tosses his cape over the cadaveric audience member & then put on some wayfarers to the strains of a Who song. ;-)

Celeb Line O’the Night, Results Show: David Arquette for “I can’t be leaving!! This is MY show!!”

Heidi: This of course resulted in a studio wide guffaw at Maks’ expense…and I can always get behind that. :-)

Courtney: As can I! I think even Maks had to chuckle at that one…hard to get angry at the lovable class clown, even when he’s pointing out how big of a boob you are. :-P

Tommy B. Line O’the Night, Results Show: “We’ve Got Horses, We’ve Got Mules, welcome to Dancing with the Livestock!!”

Heidi: This of course followed a discussion about Rob and if he is or isn’t the “dark horse” – he proceeded to flummox Brooke by declaring that since he was human he doesn’t feel like he’s a dark horse. This gets an A+ of course. :-) Where does the mule come in?? Well, apparently Tristan works Nancy like one, which was, frankly, a visual I didn’t need. Maybe Tristan and Kym…

Courtney: Wanky!!! Lol…I don’t think Kym & Tristan shag like mules…I bet they do it like dolphins or something. Really & truly, I have no idea how dolphins land the deal, but I imagine it being quite graceful & stuff. Anywho! Rob’s actually the mule here – and an intelligent one at that, since he gave such a literal smartass response to yet another one of Brooke’s dumb questions. I think I really start to like a celeb once they figure out how to torment Brooke ;-)