PureDWTS Season 23, Week 2 – Power Rankings

I really do have kind of a love-hate relationship with TV weeks – and really, theme weeks in general.  They’ve brought us some really good dances, and they’ve brought us some pretty craptastic dances.  And a whole lotta awkward sh*t in between – this is what happens, kids, when you try to force a certain song to fit a certain dance, or try to force certain costuming to fit a certain dance, or a certain dance to fit a certain theme, etc. There was definitely some awkwardness last night that I would blame primarily on this week’s theme – I feel like Amber & Maks, Jake & Jenna, and Rob/Vanilla & Witney kinda got played by their assigned themes, while I commend Calvin & Lindsay and Babyface and Allison for making their theme work for them…particularly the latter, which I’ll get into more later. Also a lot of time wasting at the beginning of several of the dances, which seemed to be a pretty across-the-board thing, so I guess I can’t complain too much – although I will say some pros utilized the time wasting more than others.

And while I think the distraction of the protesters last week may have somewhat blurred any potential agenda by the judges, I felt like we really saw that agenda take shape awfully clearly this week: Laurie is the chosen one, and anyone that poses a threat to Laurie needs to be nitpicked, criticized, and underscored to protect her.  I think the only other celeb that escaped the judges unscathed besides Laurie was Terra, which is also somewhat problematic, which I will get into later; but why give a dance straight 8’s and then don’t explain ways in which it can be improved upon? If it’s truly perfect and you aren’t going to give any negative feedback, give it 10’s.  If you’re not giving it 10’s and you’re not offering up suggestions for improvement…something’s rotten in the state of Denmark.

Not sure if I’ll do another round of power rankings later tonight/early tomorrow or not (for next Monday’s elimination), as I’ve got some other things going on that are going to make the next 24 hours very, very busy for me, but for now…I guess take these as my predictions for who is going home tomorrow night, and I might just do an update tomorrow evening after we boot the first celeb.

1.) Laurie & Val – Anyone else notice that Laurie barely talks on camera? It’s either Val hogging the mic, or the judges gushing about how great she is, or Tom…being Tom, but really, I don’t think we heard more than maybe 15 words out of Laurie’s mouth last night – she mainly just stood there smiling, which I blame more on everyone around her than Laurie herself.  But anyway – this was a good jive, but not a GREAT jive.  First gripe: choreo.  A lot of the usual Val time-wasting and heavy reliance on props, and not as much jive content as I think we need to see that someone is good at jive.  The first time I watched, I wasn’t sure if it was those feathery shoe clips or what, but something seriously weird was going on with her feet – and I was not the only one that noticed, judging from my Twitter feed. Upon second viewing, I see exactly what the problem is: she was not pointing her feet, and they were just kinda flopping around on the flicks and kicks.  I don’t think I need to tell you guys what would happen if another celeb tried to get away with the same thing – but notice how the judges conveniently missed it.  Or just chose not to acknowledge it, whatever. But there was certainly room for improvement in that jive, and the judges gave her no direction.  Draw your own conclusions, but I’m pretty sure we got a clear glimpse of the narrative this season last night: the MBT is Val’s – er, I mean Laurie’s. Problem is, Laurie’s got Hinch, Calvin, Marilu, Babyface, and possibly Rob/Vanilla nipping at her heels performance-wise, and I’m not so sure the trophy is gonna just fall into her hands without some serious manipulation from the judges/production…which means it could be a very long season for moi…

2.) Hinch & Sharna – You guys know these two are my favorites, so know that this comes from a place of love: I absolutely HATED their costumes tonight.  Least favorite, by far – why, you ask? Because they couldn’t seem to decide whether they were gonna go full-on zombie apocalypse or full-on glam – and ended up with some awkward in-between that just looked like a regular ballroom costume that had been dragged behind a moving vehicle for a couple miles.  As I said on Twitter – either go 100% glam or 100% (Rick) Grimes…the in-between is just kinda cheesy. And FFS, get James some pants with some shape! Ok, end of rant.  All that being said, this was actually a pretty badass dance, and not just for being a dance they only rehearsed for 2 days.  James is good, guys – some of the shaping he was doing was just gorgeous, and he really sold the dance.  I will say that he seemed a little stiff from time to time, and that weird little backwards kick Sharna had him doing was kinda odd and off-balanced…but both are things that are easily fixable with time and focus.  Which is why I found myself rolling my eyes when the judges decided to launch into a nitpick-fest about…gah, I can’t even remember.  Something trivial, as if to justify giving him a full 3 points less than Laurie, who had foot issues that conveniently went unnoticed.  If that right there doesn’t tell you what’s up, let me spell it out for you: James probably poses the most legitimate threat to Laurie walking off with the MBT this season, which means they’ve gotta stop him somehow…and the best way to do it right now is lowballing his scores and nitpicking his dances.  I’m not sure they’d dare to give him the bad edit treatment…yet…

3.) Marilu & Derek – Glad to see Marilu shaking off her nerves from last week, and nailing every step in her routine without going off-time.  She seems to have hit a nice stride with Derek, where they’re very locked-in with each other’s energy, and it’s starting to pay off.  Lovely foxtrot, although in the grand scheme of last night, I’m not sure it was super-memorable – plus I don’t remember Taxi as much as, say, The Brady Bunch, but I’m also still kinda young for the main viewing demo of DWTS.  Now that she’s shaken off her nerves and general starstruck-ness at being on her favorite show, I’m hoping Derek starts to pull out some flashier choreography that is gonna allow her to really solidify herself as a contender this season – the more celebs that are giving Laurie a run for her money, the harder it’s gonna be for TPTB to engineer a win for her.

4.) Calvin & Lindsay – I thought Calvin was good last week, but he didn’t really stick out in my mind as a contender yet.  That changed last night – not only did we get to see Calvin actually dance really, really well, but we got to see Calvin the performer really emerge – and my god, this guy has the best smile ever.  I just found myself saying “My god, he’s adorable – and he’s having so much fun!” Also loved Lindsay’s choreography, which continues to improve season to season. I wasn’t convinced after last week, but this week, I think Calvin solidified himself as a contender – like Hinch & Rob/Vanilla, he’s really embracing the experience and seems eager to learn, plus he’s just LIKEABLE.  My only caution for him would be to watch that frame in-hold – he & Lindsay have a pretty significant height difference, and while it looked pretty good last night, I did see a few instances where I was like “D’oh! Don’t drop the frame, Megatron, DON’T DROP THE FRAME!” But overall, very pleased with how he’s doing, and eager to see more.

5.) Babyface & Allison – Oddly enough, I think this dance may have slightly overtaken Hinch & Sharna’s as my favorite of the night, just by virtue of the staging – really appreciated how they were able to work in The X-Files theme without the dance being completely overtaken by it, or reaching the point of it either being cheesy (kinda like Hinch & Sharna) or just kinda unclear as to what the theme was supposed to be (like Jana & Gleb). They paid homage to the theme, but the dance still held up well as a legit Argentine tango – in that respect, it reminded me a lot of Shawn & Derek’s Knightrider bhangra.  A nice balance. As for the actual dancing – it was actually pretty nice, but I will say that I still find Babyface to be moving a tad small.  Would love to see him get a jive or quickstep, where he can really be energetic and let loose. He clearly has musicality and a good grasp of rhythm – now I want to see him be a bit more of a showman.

6.) Rob/Vanilla & Witney – Still struggling with whether to call him Rob or Vanilla, so until something feels right – I’m going with both 😛 I just love how relentlessly POSITIVE he is – he’s happy to be there, he’s grateful for the experience, and he’s supportive of his castmates.  That, by itself, can go pretty far – and on top of that, he definitely has some showmanship and dance skill.  This foxtrot wasn’t quite as engaging as his cha-cha last week (which I expected it wouldn’t be), but all in all, I actually think it was still halfway decent – a couple thrown-away arms and some weird steps (which I think could be more Witney’s fault than Rob’s), and not sure why Carrie Ann got her panties in a bunch about the lip syncing…I kinda go the impression Witney maybe told him to do it, and it kinda fit the song, in my opinion.  But overall, I still enjoyed it – he’s fun to watch, and he seems like he’s having a great time.  Can’t fault him for any of that.

7.) Terra & Sasha – *sigh* I’m really having a hard time with this one, because I’m trying to bear in mind that Terra’s got a unique set of circumstances, while still remembering that this is a dance show, and you do actually have certain dance rules you have to follow in order to perform a competent dance, and you do have to have a set of standards in place to compare everyone to.  Yes, this turned out better than I imagined it would have – Terra kept up, and it didn’t look completely awkward having Sasha drop his frame down so far.  I will giver her major props for performing the same steps that anyone else would have in a quickstep (albeit a bit smaller), and doing them well.  But I’m having a really hard time justifying the score – on paper, I would say those same steps performed with the same level of proficiency by a person of regular stature were only marginally better than what Maureen danced, yet Terra scored 5 points better than Maureen did.  Not sure if this was a “we have to build in a handicap because Terra is a little person” score, or “crap, Terra is coming in without a huge fanbase, and we don’t want her getting voted off too early!” score, but I thought 31 was a tad excessive…I probably would have gone with 27, maybe 28.  Will be interesting to see if the judges continue to coddle her, or do drop the hammer in a few weeks once cannon fodder like Jake, Rick, & Ryan are gone…

8.) Jana & Gleb – Gleb, honey, you’ve got me a tad worried – because so far, you’ve given me basically the same dance 2 weeks in a row, and I fear that you and Jana are coming across a bit one-note.  Too much of the “Look how sexy we are! Watch us do tricks to show off how limber we are!” two weeks in a row, and I don’t know that either dance was really a quality dance – this week in particular, that tango felt very trick-laden and busy.  And part of me wonders if they scaled back on all the tricks, if that would lessen the chance of Jana getting hurt – just a thought. As for the theme – yeah, “I Don’t Wanna Be” wasn’t ideal for a tango, but I felt like they went completely opposite of the One Tree Hill theme – was not loving those space-age looking tango costumes, and they were probably my second-least-favorite costumes of the night after James & Sharna’s. And the fact that these two danced 2nd – what I would call the “Running Order Position of Doom”, makes me wonder if Jana is not getting as many votes as we thought she might…plus 29 was a pretty kind score for a tango as mediocre as this one.  Unless she & Gleb make some big moves in the coming weeks, I think they could be in some trouble.

9.) Maureen & Artem – Definite improvement over last week for Mo – she came across a lot more confident this time around, and actually seemed to be enjoying herself. And last night was the first time that I kinda thought to myself “Huh…that was actually pretty good choreography from Artem.” Not sure if it’s been lackluster partnerships or what, but up until last night, I could take or leave his choreography – but I felt like he really did serve Mo well.  She still seemed to have a few wobbly frame issues, especially moving backwards, but she managed to stay on-time this week and really “locked in” with Artem when they were in hold. I definitely preferred this quickstep to The Brady Bunch theme to the awkward tango we saw from Flo Henderson back in season 11, and maybe it’s just me (since everyone else seems to just love her), but can I please have less Flo on my TV moving forward? When she cropped up at the beginning of Mo’s dance, I just found myself rolling my eyes and saying “Christ, not Flo again!” We were mercifully spared her flat rendition of “God Bless America” at the Indy 500 this year, but I haven’t been able to shake her since…

10.) Ryan & Cheryl – Anyone else get the impression last night that the judges were trying to mitigate any sympathy votes he may have gotten last week? Yes, this wasn’t the best quickstep we’ve ever seen (and it doesn’t even come close to Aaron & Karina’s Muppet quickstep back in season 9), but the fact that Julianne seemed to launch a bit too quickly & eagerly into critiquing it (like, before the audience had even finished applauding) just felt…weird. As if someone in the control room was whispering in her earpiece “Ok, he got wayyyy too many votes last week after the protester incident – we need to level the playing field a bit.  Attack, Julianne, ATTACK!!!” And then the rest of the judges just followed suit.  I’m starting to get the impression that Julianne is trying to be the next Len, but that’s neither here nor there. Yeah, there were a few framing issues, and this dance seemed unusually short, but like Vanilla’s dance, I enjoyed it nonetheless – there’s something to be said for someone that actually looks like they’re having fun out there, even if they’re really struggling with the dance itself. But I have to wonder if the show has decided that Ryan is a bit of a toxic asset, and needs to get unloaded sooner rather than later…

11.) Rick & Emma – Once again, I reiterate: you can absolute SUCK at a certain dance, but if you’re doing it with a smile on your face and seem to be having fun, it can redeem the whole performance.  And really, Rick didn’t suck – sure, this may have been the most slow-moving, cautious quickstep we’ve seen since Wendy Williams in season 12, but he managed to stick with it and not go off-time (that I saw), and I thought he & Emma looked adorable as Oliver & Lisa (especially loved Emma’s frilly robe-inspired dress & updo).  I feel like we saw the return of season 17 Emma last night – the one that recognizes “Hey, my partner may not be the most skilled one here – but I’m gonna adjust my choreography accordingly, and do my damndest to make sure he shines!” Starting to get really good Bill Engvall-esque vibes from Rick 🙂 He seems to be having a ball, and once again, even if you hate this guy’s politics – he’s coming across as a pretty affable, likeable guy on DWTS. Not too sure how long he’s realistically going to last, but I’m gonna enjoy him while he’s here!

12.) Amber & Maks – It legitimately disappoints me to put these two this low, because I really do like Amber and had high hopes for her this season, but the judges (or TPTB, depending on who you think is pulling the puppet strings on any given day) are playing a dangerous game by scoring her as low as they have been.  I think Amber was one of the couples that was most grossly underscored last night – she managed to stay on-time and connect with her partner, and still ended up getting the same score as a guy who couldn’t even manage to stay on-time in his dance (and sorry, Jenna-apologist-on-Twitter-looking-to-start-an-argument, but “clunky steps” and going off-time are not equally-punishable offenses in my book – the former is more of a technique gripe, while the latter is a fundamental dance sin…who the hell cares what your steps look like if you can’t even stick to the basic rhythm of the dance???).  And as for said “clunky steps” – I don’t have any solid intel, but part of me thinks that wearing those boots may not have been Amber’s call, and she was as equally frustrated with them as the judges were.  Also not thrilled with Maks’ choreography, which just seemed a bit bland and repetitive tonight (as opposed to the usual time-wasting) and didn’t really utilize the stage – but again, I have to wonder if they were forced into a certain type of staging/costuming, which limited their control of the dance. To what end? I’m not sure, but it just kinda further plunges them into an already-precarious situation with votes, in my opinion – Maks is already having to split votes with Baby Bro (and possibly Jenna the cat, and maybe even Fam acolyte Sharna), and Amber really doesn’t fit in with the “conservative middle-aged housewife” demo.  I don’t think they’re headed home tonight, but I would not be surprised to see them in the bottom two…just too much funny business going on for me not to worry…

13.) Jake & Jenna – These two really needed to knock this cha-cha outta the park in order to have a hope and a prayer of surviving tonight’s elimination –  and unfortunately, I think they only did marginally better than last week, and the dance still kinda fell apart on multiple fronts. Yes, the song wasn’t ideal – probably the most obscure/niche-y of the ones used last night, but it did seem fun and upbeat.  If only Jake could have stayed on-time – he went off-time more than once (and on kinda simple steps, if I’m being honest) and there were also a few missed hand passes that were pretty glaringly obvious.  Also found the costuming to be pretty distracting – particularly Jenna’s, which had some comically placed beads that seemed to hearken back to Lacey’s infamous “crotch doily” dress from season 11. Then again, I also found Jenna in general to be pretty distracting in the dance, as she was once again outdancing her partner and shifting focus. Which brings me to the biggest problem I have with these two: they just seem to have their signals completely crossed.  Jake seems uninterested and detached (even his “I was upset about last week’s scores!” face looked about the same as I would imagine his “Hmmm, I’m kinda hungry” face looks), while Jenna seems intent on hogging the limelight…which really makes me skeptical if she was really & truly ready for a spot as a pro this season.  Regardless, I would be very, very shocked if they somehow managed to avoid elimination tonight – I just don’t think they have the scores or the fanbase on their side.

So what did you guys think of last night? Who do you think is headed home tonight? For those who follow me on Twitter, I may be a tad late to the party tonight – but I will be there eventually 😉