PureDWTS Power Rankings – The Dirty Dancing Edition!
You guys asked, and I delivered – you better like it, though, cause I set aside my usual Wednesday night viewing of The Handmaid’s Tale and Fargo to watch this turd, and it’s three hours of my life that I won’t get back. I knew up front it likely wouldn’t be that great (and definitely wouldn’t touch the original), but man – I would even go so far as to call this one a FESTERING turd, it was so bad. If you haven’t yet watched it, here’s my recommendation: don’t. Do not pass go, do not collect $200, delete it from your DVR and forget it ever existed. Trust me when I say that there’s next to nothing redeeming about it (except for a few musical performances, which you can listen to on Spotify or iTunes – I’ve also reviewed the soundtrack below), and if you’re a fan of the original (or, y’know, just a fan of logic/cohesive plotlines/decent storytelling), it will likely just piss you off. You’ve been warned. Also, there are spoilers ahead – although if you heed my advice about this movie being likely to just piss you off, anyway, you may be thankful for said spoilers. Proceed if you want.
UPDATE: I posted these on Twitter, but for those not on Twitter, I had to share – some of the tweets in response to the movie are HILARIOUS 😛 Both People and Buzzfeed compiled lists of their favorites. My personal favorite? “@ABC You could have remade Gone with the Wind with the cast of The Big Bang Theory and it would have been better than #DirtyDancing!” #dead
So…I’ve got a lot to say about this one, and I’m afraid it’s primarily not very positive – so I guess I will start with the (few) positives: there were some surprisingly impressive vocal performances from some of the cast members (Debra Messing, Bruce Greenwood, & Sarah Hyland all surprised me with how great they sounded; I knew Katey Sagal was good to begin with, and she sounded great here), and I did appreciate how they seemed to reconstruct some of the sets from the original in painstaking detail – the ballroom and boat house sets in particular were impressively accurate.
Now for the negatives – bear with me, there was a lot I found problematic. I think the biggest problem I had was the fact that they felt the need to vastly expand upon the storylines of some of the characters (namely the entire Houseman family) from the original, and give them each some profound growth arc. The original Dirty Dancing is primarily Baby’s story, and partially Johnny’s, and is fractionally also a story about Dr. Houseman’s relationship with his daughter. Everyone else is really a peripheral character to the main Baby/Johnny/Dr. Houseman thread and it isn’t necessary to witness a detailed character arc from them – which is why it irked me to no end that in this incarnation, they decided to construct a marital discord subplot for Dr. & Mrs. Houseman, and Lisa falling for the band member of color (that nobody approves of her dating, of course) after nearly being raped by Robbie. There was simply NO REASON FOR IT – and with this movie clocking in at an onerous 3 hours, there was certainly fat that could (and should!) have been trimmed to get the running time to 2 hours, tops. We didn’t need to know a ton about Mrs. Houseman, we didn’t need to have Lisa undergoing some great personal revelation. Time spent exploring those storylines could have been better spent on scenes establishing chemistry between Baby & Johnny (and believe me, they could use all the help they could get – more on that later).
Second problem: heavy-handed dialog/storytelling. At times I felt like the writers thought I was stupid and must have needed very blunt explanation of what was going on, because they seemed to have the characters reciting wooden lines that seemed to over-iterate what was going on at a particular point in the story. I don’t need the camera to pan back and forth between Penny puking and Baby looking shocked three times (and Penny saying “I’m pregnant”) before I can figure out what Penny’s problem is. The original was far better at subtly and quickly conveying most of the plot points, without being so blatant. Additionally, I would venture a guess that most folks who tuned in had at least a passing familiarity with the plot of the original movie – making the need for such blunt explanation doubly unnecessary.
Third problem: a pointless, and actually kind of counterproductive, frame story. The original version didn’t have one – just a brief voiceover from Baby, hearkening back to the summer of 1963, at the beginning of the film that just indicates that everything we’re seeing happened in her past. In this one, we open with Baby sitting down in the audience of a Broadway show called Dirty Dancing in 1975, and the show basically being a long flashback to the summer she spent at Kellerman’s resort in 1963. Then at the end, after the iconic dance scene (and where the original movie ended without any further fuss), we go back to adult Baby applauding and wiping away tears at the end of the show clearly inspired by her past, and then accidentally running into Johnny (the show’s creator & star) after the show, at which point it becomes apparent that the two have not seen each other in several years and Baby is now married with a child and the only dancing she does is a weekly salsa class at the Jewish community center. As Johnny realizes that a reunion between the two of them isn’t going to happen, he wistfully tells her to “keep dancing” as she departs with her husband and daughter – which is quite possibly the most soul-crushingly unsatisfying ending they could have concocted to this farce. Sure, it’s probably far more realistic than assuming that Baby & Johnny lived happily ever after, after that last dance at Kellerman’s; but at the same time, I feel like the takeaway point of Dirty Dancing was always “it’s possible for two people from opposite sides of the tracks can meet and fall in love”, and it’s not MEANT to have a pragmatic, brutally-honest ending – it’s not important what happens to Johnny & Baby AFTER the dance; just that they were able to reconcile their differences and dance together again after all the conflict in the film. It’s best left open-ended – let viewers draw their own conclusions about Johnny & Baby’s ultimate fate. And for Pete’s sake, if you absolutely MUST expound about Johnny & Baby’s future, at the very least don’t put her back in the same mundane, sheltered existence that Johnny pulled her out of – I don’t really want to see her pulled out of her cushy suburban bubble of the doctor daddy and the private school education by a wild stranger, then plunked right back into basically the same surburban bubble, only this time she’s the mom/wife taking salsa lessons while married to a sweet-but-unexciting husband and raising a girl much like herself.
Fourth problem: why in the HELL did this need to become a musical??? It was as if so many other relevant aspects (particularly the choreography, which got RIDICULOUSLY dumbed down from the original) were cast aside because somebody had their heart set on this being a musical, and having the whole cast (or most of the cast) singing at some point. There was just no reason for it – and it probably resulted in a lot of miscasting we saw, because they seemed to go after singers over dancers…which is kind of a big problem to have, when you’re casting A DANCING MOVIE. On top of that, the soundtrack basically got neutered to accommodate the various vocal ranges & abilities of the actors – and the end result often sounds like one of those cheap party music CD’s you get from Party City that have low-budget covers of popular songs which are only a slight step above karaoke-quality performances. Those were ok when I was maybe 12 – but now that I’m older and have a better appreciation for good production quality and composition, it’s just ear blood.
I could go on and on about the slew of problems with this movie, but I’ll just leave it at this: I think the movie’s reach far exceeded its grasp, and I have to wonder if the budget was blown primarily on securing the rights to the movie (which were likely not cheap) and getting some big names on the marquee, and there just wasn’t a ton of money left for…I don’t know, a decent script writer? I’ve also seen a lot of people musing as to why some of these actors would sign on to such a toxic project – and my best guess is that they might not have known just how bad it was going to be until it was too late to back out. Fortunately, I think the actors that made the most of the steaming pile of crap they were handed aren’t likely to suffer as a result – but for the two leads? Ooh wee, I think this could haunt them for awhile.
Anywho – like I did with the Hairspray Live! power rankings, I’m going to rank the 13 top-billed actors and how well they handled their respective roles. Now let me just lead with this: nobody is really a winner here – this script was so bad that even the best actor would have a hard time churning out a decent performance, so I guess you should probably look at this list as “this how they did, from least bad to most bad”.
1.) Bruce Greenwood as Dr. Jake Houseman – I tip my hat to Bruce – I would say he was the one whose role in the original movie got expanded the most, albeit in sometimes-ridiculous ways, so he had to put in some WORK. Dr. Houseman in the original movie is a pretty stoic guy, but he’s happily married and generally a very good father whose only struggle seems to involve Baby coming of age. In this version, his marriage is in turmoil, and the impression is given that he hasn’t maybe been the most supportive or encouraging father to Baby. This added some complication that Jerry Orbach didn’t have to deal with – however, I think the deeper storyline allowed Bruce & Debra to form a better chemistry than Jerry did with Kelly Bishop. I’d say they probably had the best romantic chemistry in the movie, which is saying something 😛 He seemed to navigate the “wife neglected by her workaholic husband” storyline well, and gave it a nice, believable progression from him being in denial at first, to being angry, and to finally opening up and reconciling with his wife. I think that storyline may have actually pulled him away from his central storyline with Baby a bit (which isn’t Bruce’s fault), and I think some of his dialog with Baby seemed a tad ridiculous and over-the-top (again, also not his fault) – but he handled it with aplomb, even when it didn’t completely make sense, and gave as believable a performance as he could given the circumstances. In the end, I kinda of appreciated that he played Dr. Houseman a bit more sensitive and warm than Jerry Orbach’s more stoic portrayal – and his singing voice is pretty awesome, too 🙂
2.) Debra Messing as Mrs. Marjorie Houseman – First off, Debra looks STUNNING in the 60’s housewife look – I just thought the big hair, pastel frocks, and bright lipstick just wore well on her. She looked gorgeous. Secondly, she got dealt a bit of a tricky hand, as she & Bruce couldn’t draw from the original movie too much because their storyline here was a completely new addition. But I appreciated her vulnerability as a wife trying desperately to get her husband to notice her, and I liked that Debra gave her some depth compared to Kelly Bishop’s more daffy interpretation of Mrs. Houseman. I think the script may have screwed her a bit with regards to Baby, though, as she didn’t seem to be as present for Baby in this iteration as the original, but once again – not Debra’s fault. Great singer, and loved her heartfelt solo pleading to her husband in the ballroom.
3.) Katey Sagal as Vivian Pressman – Katey is so BOSS – she was stealing the show from her very first scene, because she was one of the few actors that seemed to really grasp their role and understand what direction they wanted to take in it. It probably help that Vivian, a relatively minor role in the original, got expanded a bit more here, and was more fleshed-out in her motivations – she went from the “scorned mistress” stock character in search of revenge to a lonely, neglected divorcee just trying to connect to someone. Katey does “cougar” well – she kinda did it on Married! With Children and Sons of Anarchy, so she was right at home here – and I’m so glad they actually gave her an opportunity to sing, because DAMN. I think she was giving plenty of chemistry to Colt – which he only partially gave back – but I think she played her role as well as she could. I couldn’t ask for much more from her.
4.) Sarah Hyland as Lisa Houseman – Admittedly, I went into this thinking “Of course she’s gonna do well as Lisa – Lisa is basically a 60’s version of Hayley Dunphy, so she isn’t gonna have to reach far.” And initially, she didn’t – Lisa starts out as pretty vapid, as she did in the original film, so Sarah was right at home in Lisa’s shallowness. However, I will say that Lisa’s expanded storyline in this version did give her a little more room to stretch her acting chops, and it was nice to see some vulnerability from her, even if the expanded storyline seemed scattered & uneven. Thought she had a nice chemistry with Quinton Johnson, and tried to have chemistry with Abigail – but the latter seemed to have trouble connecting to just about everyone in the cast. Was also impressed by her singing voice, so I’d say she probably came out smelling ok in the grand scheme of things.
5.) J. Quinton Johnson as Marco – The one fortunate thing about this character is that it’s the only one NOT in the original movie, and appears to me to have only been added to this version to justify using J. Quinton Johnson’s silky voice on the soundtrack – so there’s nobody for me to compare Quinton’s performance to. Marco doesn’t exactly play an enormous role in the grand scheme of things, but I guess if they were insisting on giving Lisa her own story arc, he was a decent option to do so. He doesn’t have a ton of lines (he is mainly seen playing the piano & singing during the staff parties in the boathouse), but he does teach Lisa how to play the ukulele and performs with her at the talent show (to a lot of raised eyebrows), and after Lisa overhears her parents discussing divorce, she frantically searches for Baby and asks for Marco’s help (they still don’t find Baby, but he offers to walk her back to her cabin “because it’s dark”). Here’s the thing: if they were trying to set up a new love interest for Lisa, they should have given more time for follow-through – instead, we get a bit of half-assed set-up, and while Quinton & Sarah do have some on-screen chemistry, they’re just not really given a whole lot of time or material over which to develop it.
6.) Casper Smart as Billy Kostecki – Oddly enough, I think Casper came across more charismatic in the few lines they gave him during the “carried a watermelon” scene than Colt did the entire movie – and he probably would have made a much better Johnny than Colt, too. Better dancer, better screen presence – hell, probably a decent singer, too, and if not, they could have auto-tuned him. Disappointingly, though, the character of Billy felt like much more of an afterthought in this version of the movie, and less of a friend/third wheel to Johnny & Penny so much as he was just “that weird guy on the staff that crops up from time to time to say hi”. Casper maybe had 8 lines, total, and unless I wasn’t paying attention (and it’s possible that I wasn’t, it was really a struggle to finish this thing), after the scene where Johnny moves out after getting fired from Kellerman’s, we don’t see him again – in the original, he was the one that helped Johnny stage the big dance scene at the talent show at the end, and was seen grooving with Lisa during the final number. HUGE waste that they opted not to utilize his dance talent in some way, but given the few crumbs they gave him to work with, dialog-wise – I think Casper did well.
7.) Billy Dee Williams as Tito Suarez – If I recall, Tito doesn’t actually have any speaking lines in the original – he just directs the band and does a little bit of soft-shoe. He’s just this smiling, soothing background character. Basically, the perfect role for mobility-limited Billy Dee. And it would have been fine, if they didn’t try to turn him into a bit of a father/authority figure to Marco by telling him to avoid Lisa if he wants to keep his job. It just came across as out-of-character and unnecessary, in an otherwise perfectly fine role. Billy Dee did fine and it was good seeing him, but I just could have done without the whole “stay away from the white girl” advice he gave Marco.
8.) Nicole Scherzinger as Penny Johnson – I will say this: I really think Nicole was giving it her all and doing the best she could with the singing/dancing/acting. HOWEVER – when you’ve got a partner on the screen and on the floor as stiff and awkward as Colt, it’s bound to throw you off your game at least a little bit, and maybe even a lot. Thought she seemed unusually wooden during the dance sequences with Colt, which is unusual given what we saw from her on DWTS – she was rarely off her game, and the choreo Derek gave her was far harder than what they threw at her here. But I think she & Colt’s energy (and skill level…) was just entirely mismatched, and created some uncomfortably awkward dancing & acting. She also appeared to be doing a questionable New York accent – why? I have no clue, but it almost made her sound lethargic and out of it. Again, I think she was TRYING – but I don’t think any of the actors were really given a whole lot to work with, and were just trying to get by with the little material they had.
9.) Tony Roberts as Max Kellerman – Anyone else think Tony Roberts could be Ron Perlman’s more wire-y older brother? 😛 I think the big problem I had with how they played this character was that he was too one-dimensional – just seemed like the hard-ass resort owner interested in making money. In the original, Max seemed like more of the fun uncle that cared about the resort and its runnings, but also seemed to wistfully acknowledge that the days of family vacations at mountain resorts were becoming a thing of the past. He wasn’t quite the hardass that this version was making him out to be, but I also thought his character was less prominent in this version too…so it left a lot less room for character complexity. Kinda the story with a lot of the characters in the new version, since they seemed intent on wasting so much time on giving so many people a complex storyline that they had to cut time from other characters.
10.) Trevor Einhorn as Neil Kellerman – Y’know, I had a hard time with this one, because in the original, Neil is less “nerdy” and more what I would consider “slightly mayonnaise, but not bad-looking or awkward, per se, young professional” – but they went full on nerd with this one, and also seemed to try to combine the character of Neil with the character of Stan from the original, which was the megaphone-toting comedian & and a minor character played by Wayne Knight. I think the result was a character that nobody could actually take seriously as a potential love interest for Baby, even when he’s rattling off lines from The Feminine Mystique and mansplaining feminism to Baby. Within the context of the plot, Neil’s not really meant to be funny – and he’s actually meant to be a lot more antagonistic and a bigger threat to Johnny than he came across here. I think Trevor Einhorn was doing what he was asked – but they were just asking the wrong stuff of him.
11.) Shane Harper as Robbie Gould – Robbie is one of the main antagonists in the original, and Max Cantor (the guy who played him) was an appropriately smarmy & manipulative, putting up a charming facade for guests that concealed a narcissistic agenda. Shane…feels wooden, when he’s trying to antagonize Johnny/Lisa/whoever. Literally, his face doesn’t really move, so it’s hard to tell if he’s even being serious when making threats to Johnny & Lisa in particular. The threats feel hollow. And he’s not even really part of the main action in this version – granted, he knocked Penny up, but it isn’t revealed until the end of the movie (it’s revealed much earlier in the original); and his relationship with Lisa is pretty brief – he comes on strong, tries to rape her, she runs away and tells him never to speak to her again – all within the first 30 minutes. He was more of a constant background presence in the original, courting Lisa until probably 3/4 through the movie, when she catches him in bed with Mrs. Pressman; he also caught Johnny & Baby in a compromising position, insults Baby, and gets in a fist fight with Johnny as a result. All of this was omitted in the new version, which I think diminished the impact he had as a villain – to me, he just kinda felt like “that douche-y waiter that only crops up every now and then so it’s pretty easy to ignore him”.
12.) Abigail Breslin as Frances “Baby” Houseman – And now we get down to the real root of the problem with the movie: terribly, horribly, awkwardly miscast leads. Part of me thinks this movie, while its flaws are legion, could have probably turned out halfway-okay if they had just cast a strong leading couple – but instead, we got two leads that were downright PAINFUL to watch interact. Here’s my problem with Abigail: while she has gotten older, the maturity of her acting really hasn’t, and it doesn’t help that she’s just one of those people that has a very youthful-looking face. I would go so far as to say it felt “statutory” watching some of her love scenes with Colt – like a predatory college guy seducing a 14-year-old into bed. The thing about the role of Baby is that, yes, you need someone fairly young that can convey the naivete of someone that’s lived as sheltered a life as Baby; but you also need someone that can convey the burgeoning sexuality of a young woman experiencing adult love for the first time, and discovering herself. Abigail handled the first part fine – it’s the second part (and arguably, the more crucial part) where she failed. And I don’t think the way they styled her helped – the hair was an awkward attempt to invoke Jen Grey’s famous curls (unnecessary) and just looked frumpy, and all of her outfits were either unflattering in their cut or just juvenile & dowdy. Even Jen’s most dowdy costume, the cardigan over the dress, was more youthful and fresh than some of the stuff they put Abigail in. The dress she wore for the mambo with Johnny at the hotel was an absolute abomination – like something out of an 8-year-old’s tap recital. And the dancing – eek. She’s just an awkward mover, and yeah, it kinda works initially because Baby is an awkward mover – but by the end of the original, Baby had become comfortable and confident in her own skin and it showed in her quality of movement. Abigail….still looked awkward, by the final scene, even with the choreography being significantly dumbed-down from the original. Just an all around actor mismatch here, I’m afraid. Even Lea Michele (who seemed to be an early rumor when talk of a remake was floating around) would have been better here, or even Hailee Steinfeld.
13.) Colt Prattes as Johnny Castle – Oof. Probably the hardest performance to watch, because it had the highest expectations and he fell the shortest of his respective expectations more than any other character. First of all, didn’t one of you tell me that Colt is a dancer? And that he has danced professionally in some capacity? Because I wouldn’t believe it, seeing how this guy moves – and I mean dancing, period, not just the quality of his ballroom. I saw slumped shoulders, some pretty feeble pirouettes, and some rather uncoordinated pelvic thrusting – this guy moves more like a guy whose fiancee has gotten them dance lessons so they can do the famous Dirty Dancing routine at their wedding, than someone that has trained for a prolonged period of time in dance. The acting? My god, talk about robotic. He seems to get this far away, glassy look in his eye when he’s trying to deliver lines, and when he’s trying to be aggressive, it just comes across…phony. And hollow. Or just with the wrong intonation – when he says the famous “Nobody puts baby in a corner!” line at the end, it sounds less sincere, and more like something the male lead in a Dirty Dancing porno spoof might say to the female lead before dropping trou 😛 He & Abigail just completely lacked any chemistry – their vibe was less romantic and more “older guy annoyed by the little girl next door that hangs around him all the time and asks too many questions”. I don’t think we have to worry about Swayze & Grey’s amazing chemistry getting bested by these two. The only thing Colt seemed to do with any level of mastery was the singing, which was the part I probably cared least about because there was NO REASON TO MAKE THIS INTO A MUSICAL IN THE FIRST PLACE. In the end, I’m just left wondering “Really? This guy was the best you could do?” I’m just hard-pressed to believe that they couldn’t have found an established actor that had at the very least dabbled in dance and was a decent study to fill the role – hell, I think Jason Derulo would have actually made a cool (albeit different, and more diverse) Johnny, and would have been a much better dancer. And more charismatic. But my guess is a lot of actors could smell the stink a mile away on the script, and recognized it as a toxic asset and stayed well enough away. Hope Colt wasn’t hoping for this to be his big break, because he may be persona non grata in Hollywood after this nightmare.
The Soundtrack:
*Songs in bold are ones I would recommend checking out.
“Be My Baby” by Bea Miller: Pretty good. Bea’s got a nice voice, and I think it stays pretty faithful to the original version by The Ronettes – very Motown girl-group vibe.
“Big Girls Don’t Cry” by Karmin: Didn’t know Karmin was still making music – they were supposedly the “next big thing” for a hot minute, then they kinda dropped off the face of the earth, it seems. This version is…okay, I guess. The famous Frankie Valli falsetto lead in The Four Seasons version gets replaced by a female vocalist singing in a bit of an obnoxiously high, nasal register, and it seems to grate as the song goes on – but overall, I guess the arrangement isn’t too bad.
“Love Man” by J. Quinton Johnson: Feels very “community musical theater” to me. The vocals are neither bad nor memorable; the arrangement feels wayyyy too safe compared to the original…like it’s lacking some bass or something to give it depth.
“Do You Love Me” by Colt Prattes, Nicole Scherzinger, & J. Quinton Johnson: I think this song is a prime example of why trying to make Dirty Dancing into a musical actually hurts it – when you’re trying to include too many cast members’ voices in a song, you tend to end up with a very nondescript, middle-of-the-road arrangement that suits everybody’s vocal range, but isn’t terribly…impactful. Part of the appeal of the original was how awesome the soundtrack is – and the remake has basically taken all the songs and neutered them. Made them karaoke-friendly and easy for the most tone-deaf individual to sing along to, but also made them terribly uninteresting. Pass.
“Fever” by Katey Sagal & Colt Prattes: Not on the original soundtrack, and it’s a song that I usually find to be completely overdone, but considering it’s the only way we were gonna get to hear Katey’s fabulous voice on this soundtrack – I’ll accept it. I love that her voice sounds mature and calm, and not all breathy & overdone like so many younger vocalists. As for Colt – his voice is almost too gravelly and overwrought here, and kinda assaults your ears after being soothed by Katey’s smooth vocals. Calm down there, killer.
“When I’m Alone” by J. Quinton Johnson: Not quite sure what purpose this song serves on the soundtrack, but it sounds like it’s vaguely inspired by “These Arms of Mine” by Otis Redding, which is woefully absent from the soundtrack – so I wonder if there were issues clearing it…and this is what we got instead. It’s just bland and uninteresting – not a bad song, just terribly unmemorable.
“Wipeout” by American Authors feat. Lindsey Stirling: A slightly modernized update of the original, for the simple reason that it’s hard to really put a new spin on an instrumental song the focuses mostly on the drummer and whose only words are “wipeout” and “yeah” 😛 Thought the addition of Lindsey on violin was a nice switch-up, and gave it an edgier, more unique sound.
“Hungry Eyes” by Greyson Chance: I’ll give Greyson points for having a very interesting, gravelly quality to his voice – but this one is a complete snooze compared to the original from Eric Carmen. They just stripped it down to a pretty bare bones drum machine & synth line, and it sounds too downtempo for the scenes of Johnny & Baby rehearsing. It’s actually kinda depressing.
“Hey Baby” by Lady Antebellum: Probably one of the stronger songs on the soundtrack, simply because the bouncy, uptempo feel of this one seems to suit Lady A’s sound well. Not super exciting, but fun & listenable.
“Whole Lotta Shakin’ Goin’ On” by Nicole Scherzinger & Abigail Breslin: It’s cute and Nicole sounds good (Abigail sounds decent), but it was only added in so Penny & Baby could have a scene together. So I’m just kinda left going “but why, though?”
“Cry to Me” by Seal: I always tend to associate Seal’s breathy, raspy voice with those Pure Moods CD’s that they used to sell on infomercials back in the 90s – so I wouldn’t say I think it’s a suitable substitute for Solomon Burke’s gravelly growling & belting on the original. I would have loved to hear Miguel or even Frank Ocean’s take on this one – Seal’s just feels too…mellow.
“They Can’t Take That Away From Me” by Debra Messing & Bruce Greenwood (in the reprise): Actually quite lovely, as both Debra & Bruce are actually pretty adept, vocally – I’m guessing both have done Broadway or at least musical theater at some point. Not on the original soundtrack, and really only added as part of the Houseman’s marital struggle storyline, but definitely worth a listen.
“Love is Strange” by Abigail Breslin & Colt Prattes: It’s ok. I’m not particularly fond of the original, so that might color my opinion a bit.
“She’s Like the Wind” by Calum Scott: This is what happens when you try to modernize an 80s ballad by trying to add an EDM feel. I loved the sax-heavy feel of the original, and that’s gone here – just some passionless crooning from Calum with some EDM beats in the background. Man, I loved Swayze’s version.
“Don’t Think Twice It’s Alright” by Sarah Hyland & J. Quinton Johnson: Actually a really cute duet, and one of the bright spots on the soundtrack. Part of me thinks the only reason they created a character for Johnson was to justify having songs like this on the soundtrack – which I’m ok with 🙂
“(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life” – The cast of Dirty Dancing, featuring Abigail Breslin, Colt Prattes, Nicole Scherzinger, Debra Messing, & Bruce Greenwood: By this point, I was so completely over the movie that I didn’t even really pay attention to this song. I guess it was ok – neither terrible nor great, and doesn’t stick out in my head as memorable.
So did you watch last night? What are your thoughts?
Thank you for this detailed review. I tip my hat to you. I started watching but I JUST COULD NOT KEEP GOING.
I am not a casting director, obviously, but whoever cast those two leads should be run out of the business.
When Abigail was announced, my immediate reaction was what? no. Quite frankly, she was worse than I thought. Her whole appearance isn’t Baby to me. Much less her acting chops and her dancing? I keep seeing the photos of her up in the air in the water and on the dance floor and I just want to scream…”who thinks this looks good?”
Colt as Johnny? All I could think was slimy used car salesman.
Spot on review! I watched it until the bitter end, and I do mean bitter, because I hated the ending. It was just depressing and made the whole story pointless imo. Horrible casting job, especially the leads. The one person that surprised me was Casper Smart. I rolled my eyes when I heard he was going to be in this, but he pleasantly surprised me. Why oh why didn’t they cast a better dancer to play Johnny?? It’s not like Colt had the acting chops, or the screen presence, to make the blah dancing less glaring. I’m not one who thinks it’s heresy to remake famous projects, but this was bad……really really bad.
@JM – I, too, was pleasantly surprised by Casper – to the point where I was like “Why is he not the one playing Johnny???” Wish we could have seen him actually dance.
I admit that I pre-judged Casper as probably not being very talented because of the whole boy toy image. I should know by now that media portrayals are often inaccurate. He would have made a much better Johnny! I would definitely watch him in other projects. I hope he gets a chance.
I’m just giving you a standing ovation for watching it and then writing this detailed article! While sick last night you made me feel better with your comments. It sounded like a hot mess to start and I have no intention of watching it! So sorry about the lost 3 hours of your life but thanks for taking one for the team! You’re very appreciated!
Thank you for putting up with the show to write such a well written and thorough review. I grew up with the original and the soundtrack was my life back then and I could not bring myself to tarnish it with this remake. The previews and the bit on DWTS only reinforced it for me.
Again, thanks for the review. It’s a great read.
I am so happy it was you and not me that wasted 3 hours watching this movie lol thank you for writing this review ?. ABC needs to stay away from remakes & TV movies cause they don’t seem to ever have the talent or production like NBC does.
i couldnt bare it past the halfway mark. I thought it was going to be like grease live, a live show on a lot and stuff. Not some cheap TV movie remake.
Watching Baby, total miscast btw. Seriously that poor actress always gave the vibe like she didnt know why she was even cast in the first place or like she was being forced to go through with it against her will. Also if no one else will say it I will. Too chubby for the role. No grace, no lines. Her clothes didnt fit her well, they tried to dress her similarly to Grey but she just looked like a chubby 13 year old following a guy twice her age trying to get him to notice her. In the beginning I had a hard time believing she was going to get better dancing, as she had no grace, awkward as heck. I decided to wait until the mambo scene, and she still looked like crap so I was like…ok it wont get better and I didnt want to see the iconic lift. Out of respect to Patrick Swayze’s legacy I didnt need to see anymore.
My question WHY WHY! WHy bother trying to do a remake of something so iconic and classic with well trained dancers with subpar actors. When as a studio exec you see something isnt working out, just cancel it rather than offend the work of the actors in the original. People will always compare it to the original.
And i am one of the few who actually liked dirty dancing havana nights
That this was 3 hours long is a hilarious joke. One of the best things about the original was its streamlined editing and perfect pacing.
My condolences to you on having suffered through this. I had thought of maybe watching it eventually but after reading how they butchered it think I’ll pass.
I watched the Survivor finale last night so DVR’d this. After reading your review, I definitely want to check it out! I will probably end up fast forwarding through it. Thanks for the update and suffering through all 3 hours for us!
Honestly I tried to watch but after an hour today I couldn’t take it lol. That guy is no Swayze and Breslin wasn’t decent but oof that’s a brutal remake from what I saw
@jane5: I loved the survivor finale but poor Cirie 🙁 . That sucked
I didn’t watch Dirty Dancing last night. After reading your Tweets last night Courtney, and this article, I won’t. Even though Dirty Dancing is my all-time favorite movie!
I felt so sorry for Abigail. Everything they did to her made her look frumpy and unflattering. From the flat shoes to the horrible hair. Plus she couldn’t dance very well. She looked so much cuter at the end in the present day though.
I guess the leads sang well enough, but they didn’t seem to play their parts well or could dance well. So disappointing.
I loved Sarah, Bruce, Nicole and Debra. I was pleasantly surprised at how well Sarah sang. The best song was when Sarah and Quentin sang at the talent show with the Ukelele and guitar.
The set was amazing. That was the best part.
Thanks for the detailed review. It explains why and how I felt.
It was very painful to watch. All the dancing was awkward, especially the iconic lift. They didn’t even do the right last dance. They changed and added too many things. I hated the very end, it was just dumb. I read that Jennifer Grey was offered some kind of part and she turned it down, I don’t blame her for not wanting to be part of this crapfest. It was an insult to the original and it just makes me want to watch it to get this bad taste out of my mouth
Thanks for the review and all the great comments!
I usually obsess over all things Billy Dee Williams but this movie was so bad that I stopped watching before his parts.
Abigail Breslin looked out of her element. I saw someone on twitter joke: she looked like she thought she was showing up for an Ibsen play.
Everyone else looked really, really old for the roles they were portraying. Like 40-somethings playing late teens.
I’m still trying to decide what kind of bad this movie is. Is it so bad it’s good?
Is it just regular bad?
It’s like DWTS x MST3K.
I might watch it one more time with a six pack of Rainier assisting in the decision making.
Thank you for saving me from wasting my time. When I heard they were going to do this movie, and Derek Hough’s name was mentioned as Johnny, I kind of cringed. Some things are just perfect the way they are and shouldn’t be redone. I don’t think even Derek could have pulled it off and I really love and respect him.
I applaud you, Courtney, for sitting through this remake. I wouldn’t be able to do that. And thank goodness I didn’t tune in; I was not really interested to watch what turned out to be a dreadful remake, going by comments/reactions on Twitter and your excellent review here. I’ve read other reviews, too, and came upon only one that was, uhm, kind to the show. Hope this unfortunate remake doesn’t cost the cast future gigs.
WHO from the original Dirty Dancing writing team…ALLOWED this train-wreck to happen.
I wonder, did Jennifer Grey pipe up?
I didn’t watch it. I saw the original Dirty Dancing at a drive-in (remember those?) with a car full of my friends. It’s a nice memory for me that I don’t feel the need to mess with by watching a subpar, unnecessary remake.
Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Gray had the kind of chemistry that’s like capturing lightning in a bottle. It’s rare and thrilling to watch.
Hollywood industry people have become too lazy and repetitive. Find the next Lin-Manuel Miranda and give that person the resources and money to create something new and impactful instead of messing with a classic.
By the way I’m obsessed with The Handmaid’s Tale. Watching it scares the crap out of me, but I can’t not watch it. Elisabeth Moss is freaking amazing.
I tuned in and watched 10 minutes after seeing Courtney tweet about the show. OMG, it was awful. I thought the two leads were both terrible.
I really appreciate you Courtney for sitting through this poopy festival. I also appreciate your detailed write up. It’s excellent as always. Your tweets made me fall out of my chair a few times because they were so funny!!
This movie is one of my all-time faves and I remember how crazy everyone was for this movie during my high school years. Young and old alike loved it!
I actually ended up watching a decent amount of it and all I can say is WHHHHYYYY???!!!! I hate to sound dramatic but I found the whole thing to be disrespectful of the original and especially to Patrick’s memory. He had to be rolling in his grave. It really was an atrocity!
Watching the original as a teenager, I could relate to Jennifer Gray’s performance. I always loved “bad boys” and I had crushes on many of them. I personally felt like Baby when she first noticed Johnny and I could relate to the awkwardness when she first danced with him. She really captured my own personal feelings to a T. Abigail Breslin, unfortunately, was NOT able to do this at all. She really was just going through the motions. Bless her heart but she was totally miscast. Forget about that Colt dude. He Can Never Hold A Candle To Mr. Swayze. He had zero charisma, he had zero dance skills, and his acting skills left a lot to be desired too. TOTAL MISCAST!!!!!!!!!!
The only person I really enjoyed was Katey Sagal. I actually like the changes to the Vivian character.
Can’t say much more because Courtney covered everything above!! Excuse me while I go back to watch the original for the 7632956357th time!!!
Before i watched it i looked at the reviews and seen where one site had a comparison lift from Jennifer Grey and Patrick S while in the water, just a beautiful lift. Then they showed Abigail and Colt’s lift side by side and i laughed soo hard. I would pot the link but not sure links are allowed, but just google it, you’ll get a good laugh. I thought it was a comedy remake of the original. It was sad how Abigail seemed soo out of her element. The producer should be fired for this, making a fool of this whole movie. After i seen that pic i still watched it anyways, big mistake, but stopped before the ending. Now i’m glad i did because i never would have thought they stooped even lower with that ending. I was wrong. Great review Courtney, very thorough. Now tonite i’ll be pulling up the original Dirty Dancing on Netflix to get this bad taste out of my mouth and that horrible lift image out of my head.
I’m thank I didn’t watch it. I didn’t want the original ruined for me. The previews looked terrible, so it doesn’t surprise me to read how bad it actually was.
Thanks everyone for the kind words 🙂
@Susan2 – The Handmaid’s Tale is excellent and a very timely & important show – but I’m glad that only one episode comes out at a time, because it absolutely makes my blood boil. But it has me seriously contemplating a “nolite te bastardes de carborundorum” tattoo these days 🙂
@Nukegrrrl – I had a similar conversation with someone on Twitter the other night about the movie – the question being “Is it so bad that it’s actually good? So bad that it could later have a cult following?” and I hate to say it, but I think the answer is “no” – it’s just bad-bad. I think if the movie was a bit more self-aware in its badness and just thew caution to the wind and went for it, it might have achieved “bad-good” status (I think a movie like The Boondock Saints is one that is pretty self-aware in its badness, and thus it ends up being “good” and achieves cult status), but Dirty Dancing was simply too sincere and oblivious to how awful it was, so it’s just altogether bad.
Thank you, Courtney, for your well-written detailed review of the obvious debauched attempt of a remake of “Dirty Dancing.” I was contemplating on whether I wanted to see it; but now I know that I would rather save myself the torture. No remake could be better than the original which is my favorite dancing movie.
I am curious to what Jennifer Grey thinks of this movie. After reading your review, I thought “Patrick Swayse” is probably turning over in his grave over it.
Just like the original “Grease” was super great compared to the remake. Julianne did make a good Olivia Newton.
When it was going to be a movie, all indications pointed to Derek playing Johnny and he pretty much confirmed it in an interview right around the time it was put on the shelf. There were rumors at the time that Lea Michele was being looked at to play Baby. I always thought that the reason they put it on the shelf (and I think Kenny Ortega was going to direct – he and Derek were together a lot at that point) was because they couldn’t find a female lead they liked or Lea decided not to do it and they couldn’t find anyone to replace her. Lots of people didn’t like the idea of Lea as Baby – I thought she would have been good and would have been a nod to the Jewish family angle while being more of a subtext. She certainly would have been a far better choice than Abigail.
Omg, thanks for this fun review, Court. I have the show on record. I can’t wait to watch when I get time it to see what you mean on everything.
Idk why I decided to watch the rest of it but I did today and boy was that something. That ending was actually pretty sad to be honest I want to live in a world where Johnny and baby had a long relationship and lasted lol. Idealistic? Maybe lol.
I will admit that I loved debra messing though
OMG I laughed out loud at your first paragraph. Hysterical. Perhaps you should consider a career in comedy writing.
That being said however you were right on target. Like someone who can’t turn away from a train wreck, I watched all three hours. I can’t begin to imagine how someone ever got this made. Or for that matter, how the actors that agreed to participate even considered it after reading the script.
Now here is the interesting part. I was watching a late night edition of one of NBC’s entertainment shows and Nicole and Colt were on it. Turns out he was one of the DWTS pros when Nicole was on DWTS. Small wonder he isn’t one of the pros any longer. I personally thought Nicole looked too old for the part. I don’t know if it is her makeup or just her, but she looked very hard, if that makes any sense.
Anyway, a great post.
Cheryl, you should read all the comments before posting. Colt WAS NOT a “DWTS Pro” when Nicole was on the show. He probably was a dancer for one of the singers on the results shows, cuz he sure as hell wasn’t a DWTS pro.
I watched 20 min and shut it off. Embarrassing example of acting, production, dancing, you name it. I’m not going to compare it to the original, it was just plain bad on its own merits. Thanks for the write-up.
Ha! Ha! Great write up!! Hate that you had to sit through 3 hours of that movie though Courtney-there is no way I could do it!! I give you A LOT of credit!!
I’m surprised that Colt could have even made it as a back up dancer for one of the singers on the results show, given the way he dances.
Ugh; this remake sounds like a train wreck. Glad I didn’t have the time to watch it; and after reading your thoughts on it, Courtney, I won’t bother searching it out. Three hours is far too long; and I agree with you; this is primarily Baby’s story. Sounds like a lot of needless fat was added.
The only line I remember Tito having in the original is “Lotsa changes, Max; lotsa changes” when Max was saying that kids didn’t want to come up to Kellerman’s with their parents and take foxtrot lessons.
I was 22 when the original was released. One of my two best friends got married in June and her new husband had to go away on business for a week that August. We spent the week with another friend down the shore and that’s when we saw the film. It was our last hurrah before they started having their babies. It was just a really special time. I saw the film many times after that; so much so that I actually got tired of it after awhile. LOL. Had to wait a number of years to fully appreciate it again.
I think, for me, the most egregious change or addition is Baby’s fate. Soul crushing, indeed. Everybody knows that Baby graduated with honors from Mount Holyoke, did her stint in The Peace Corp and she and Johnny reunited at Woodstock. Right? LOL.
I apologize. Perhaps I shouldn’t have used the term PRO, but rather that he was one of the backup troupe. At least that was what I understood him to say. Doesn’t mean that my understanding is correct, its just how i heard and interpreted it. I consider anyone that dances on the show (besides the celebrity…in most cases) to be a pro. My bad.
Read your review & the comments over Memorial Day w/e. Will not bother with this remake. Sorry about your 3 hrs, Courtney. You saved 3 for me. Wish we could split the dif.
As I said before, Cheryl W – there was no back up troupe the season that Nicole won. And we would likely remember him if there was one.