Things I learned from tonight’s episode of DWTS:
1.) Don’t feel like wearing heels? No problem…as long as your name is Zendaya or Aly.
2.) Even wearing a played-out hipster fedora, Peanut is still the coolest person in the ballroom.
3.) You can apparently praise a couple that was blatantly OUT of sync for being IN sync…and not mean it ironically.
4.) You get a 30! And YOU get a 30! And you get a 30, too! Whoops…not you, Ingo.
5.) Even an exhausted Jacoby is ten times more fun to watch then an Aly operating at peak efficiency.
Yeah. I feel enlightened 
But not really, because I vacillate between thinking the judges’ agenda is blantantly clear and thinking “WTF was that?” So let’s get to it…
1.) Zendaya & Val – Color me NOT surprised that she got hip-hop, and color me even LESS surprised that she got a perfect 30 – she SHOULD have gotten a perfect 30, given that the girl has been dancing hip hop “since she was 8″. And then there’s that whole being employed on a show where she is dancer…but noooo, Zendaya doesn’t have an advantage! But anywho – she was great in the hip-hop, but I expected her to be great in the hip-hop; I actually think I saw Val getting a bit out-of-sync with her, which I imagine is the result of him being completely green in the hip-hop arena. I actually found the song choice a bit odd – really? Chris Brown? It worked, but it just felt…strange. And I just HATE those pants that look like they’re made from trash bags and are intentionally saggy in the crotch…looks like a diaper. As for the quickstep – I agree that it was definitely not perfect and there were clearly some issues…but I don’t know that I would have dropped the hammer like the judges did. Almost felt like they were being intentionally over-the-top, perhaps to whip those darling youngin’s that spend more time on Twitter & Instagram than they do on schoolwork into voting even harder (for those of you wondering what I’m talking about, just check out the comments section of the pic of Ingo & Kym posted on the DancingABC instagram yesterday…it’s a sh*tshow). I thought the intro with the cars took up too much time, and there were a couple instances where there were synchonization issues with feet. And again, with the wide-leg pants….WTF? Once again, I have to chalk this one up to choreographic issues – Val seemed to go more for speed than for technique, likely hoping to wow everyone with just how FAST they were going, but as a result, their frame kinda fell apart. I see no reason these two shouldn’t make the finale – and with the judges already plugging Zendaya’s upcoming album in her critique, I think the agenda as far as she’s concerned is pretty damn clear.
2.) Kellie & Derek – Glad to see that the red screen from Ricki’s Psycho tango got to make a reappearance Really liked the Argentine tango – it was refreshing, for once, to see the celeb dancing circles around the pro, rather than vice-versa…Kellie seemed to be doing a lot of the intricate footwork, and I think Derek was probably smart to utilize Kellie’s long legs and her ability to extend them. Lots of pretty leg lines. Thought the pose for a pseudo-kiss in the middle was a bit odd & awkward, and I wasn’t wild about the wig they put on Kellie, but overall, I enjoyed it. I actually really enjoyed their flamenco – as a side note, those stomping movements that Derek was doing are deceptively hard to do and require a lot of technique…otherwise, doing them wrong, repeatedly, can actually cause hairline fractures in the feet. Kellie seemed like she might have been a bit tired after their tango, because I got the impression that she was having to really soldier through the flamenco – but it was fun to watch, nonetheless, and was nice to see PROPER flamenco choreography 
Loved the trick at the end, too. Again, I see no reason why they shouldn’t make the finale…and I’m already curious as to what Derek pulls out for these “supersized” freestyles. Did they really need to be “supersized” again, though?
3.) Aly & Mark – I just don’t get it. The judges turn the biggest blind eye, by far, to Aly’s mistakes – and I’m sorry, but even though she seems like a sweet girl, it’s week 9 and she’s still about as interesting to me as watching paint dry. I think the only week I was really on the Aly bandwagon was Stevie Wonder week, when she seemed to hit a stride, but I feel like both of her dances this week were just lukewarm. I can’t be the only one who thought her rumba felt more like a contemporary routine than a rumba – and the few rumba steps that were in it got kind of repetitive, and were pretty simple. I guess I didn’t HATE it, and it wasn’t BAD…but I just find myself going “Meh.” The chemistry was tepid, and the rumba content really wasn’t there for me. As for the Afro jazz – brave routine, but c’mon judges…BLATANT synchronization issues here. And you guys went so far as to PRAISE it??? Is the Ministry of Truth editing your commentary? (If you’re a tween and you didn’t get that literary reference, get off the damn interwebs and go check 1984 out of the library – like right meow.) I go back & forth between liking & disliking Mark’s Afro jazz choreography - yes, it definitely had Afro jazz steps and an overall Afro jazz feel, but like their contemporary routine earlier this season, it felt a little like “Afro jazz by numbers”: ok, now we’re going to stomp our feet! Then we’re going to swing our arms! Then we’re going to jump! Then we’re going to swing our arms again! Once again, I found myself thinking “What would a SYTYCD choreographer think of this?”And I think the answer would probably be something like “Well…that was cute.” I think with their scores, they should have no issues making it to the finale – but I think they may fade into the background next to Kellie, Zendaya, & Jacoby.
4.) Jacoby & Karina – I think pigs must be flying, because it actually looked like Jacoby cleaned up his footwork this week! I was very pleasantly surprised by his Argentine tango – if there was one dance that was really going to put those bad feet on display, it was this one. But he seemed to handle the intricate footwork really, really well, and had no problems with the lifts. And this goes without saying – but he carried off the tango “swagger” well, too. One of the best dances he’s done this season. Not gonna lie – the Lindy Hop was totally fun to watch, but it did feel a bit thrown together to me…like maybe Karina spent most of the week working on the Argentine tango (smart idea) and then lost track of time and had to scramble to put the Lindy together. Nonetheless, it was extremely entertaining, and Jacoby looked like he was having the time of his life…boy seems to like dances where he can kick his legs I think these two deserve to be in the finale, and I’m hoping they’ll be there…but the fact that Jacoby has been in jeopardy the past two weeks has got me a little bit worried. I like to think he’s handily beating Ingo in votes…but have the GH fans rallied? I doubt we’ll see a real bottom 2 tomorrow, but if we did…I have to wonder if Jacoby would be part of it. I hope I’m wrong!
5.) Ingo & Kym – Anyone else notice that Kym’s costumes have gotten progressively skimpier as the season has worn on? Not that I’m complaining – everyone knows I respect the Awesome Boobage. But I have to wonder if it’s an attempt to distract from how truly awkward Ingo is on the floor – I say it every week, but man, poor guy still seems just as awkward to me now as he did in week 1. Their samba was almost comically bad – Ingo seemed like he was really focusing hard, but was always about 1 beat too fast…and the hip shaking just was stiff & weird. I think their Charleston had the potential to be cute – but unfortunately, there were timing issues in this one as well, and it also seemed like they didn’t do a whole lot of the Charleston basic…seemed like a lot of running around and lifts, and just a couple basics. Then again, I have had the feeling for a few weeks now that Kym is just burnt out and ready to be done with this season, and maybe just doesn’t have the energy to try and conceal Ingo’s many dancing eccentricities with very clever choreography. Nothing against Kym – I just think the poor woman is exhausted and running on fumes. If it wasn’t obvious by the scoring, I think Ingo’s toast tomorrow – we don’t know for sure if he was in the bottom 2 last week, but I’d venture a guess that he probably was; he’s been there before. There’s still a part of me that’s a bit uneasy about the GH fans somehow rallying and keeping him around, and I think Jacoby is the most likely target if Ingo somehow manages to get the votes…but I hope he doesn’t, because he’d look woefully underqualified next to Kellie, Zendaya, Jacoby, & Aly.
So what are your thoughts on tonight’s show? And who do you think is headed to the finale?
I don’t even want to think about it? 
