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DWTS All Stars, Week 5 – The Cheesecake Awards!!

Word to the wise: If you want to see something in the Cheesecake Awards, DON’T say so. Don’t tell us what you expect to see. Because if you do, we just might think it’s too obvious or decide that we don’t want anyone to expect anything – and not include it.

Just sayin’. :-)  The Cheesecake is on the small side this week – we have discovered that most of the cheesy goodness is in a results show. :-)

Beware: Heidi’s Mean Streak is wider than usual this week. :-)

Tom Bergeron Line O’ the Night: “By the way, tonight Carrie Ann Plays the Iceberg” (ref. Titanic) in reference to her comments regarding Shawn and Derek’s supposed lift.

Heidi: That was very clever. I love me some Tom. Even CAI couldn’t help but laugh at herself after that one and Len loved it as well. How is he so quick?? I’d be standing there saying, “Bitch.”

Courtney: For someone that gets all OTT in her praise like CAI often does, she’s also a colossal buzzkill – and nothing says buzzkill like a humongous ocean liner getting obliterated by an iceberg.  And Carrie Ann, like an iceberg, is chilly, jagged, and is useless as a judge on a reality tv dancing show :-) Read more..

October 28, 2012 I Written By

I'm a nerd and proud of it. Two degrees in geology also means I love BEER. :-) I'm also a Derek lover - proud of that too. So don't scream at those of us on this site and call us a bunch of "biased Derek-lovers" - it's just ME. :-) It may sound like I hate DWTS at times, but really, I'm just a snarky nitpicker from way back. And I'm cynical and jaded too. But I do love DWTS. :-)

DWTS All Stars, Week 4 – The Cheesecake Awards!!

This blog is brought to you by the letter D and the number 8.

I don’t know how funny I’m feeling this week, but I AM feeling snotty, and that’s almost as good. :-) IMO, anyway.

The Award for the Oddly, Mildly Amusing Imitation of the Week: Mark (and Shawn and Derek) for the Bunny Imitation

Heidi: Okay, I found it mildly amusing when Mark was doing it…then much more amusing when Shawn and Derek started doing it and Mark joined in. And then I had to wonder – what the hell goes on in that boy’s head? And what made him think that possibly dancing in bunny suits would be a good idea?? He also seems to have a real fixation on a variety of animals. Last week he was all about turtles, this week bunnies. He shaved his head and got real weird. :-)

Courtney: Old Mark Ballas had a farm, E-I-E-I-O…and on this farm he had a bunny, a turtle, some gorillas, the donkey from Emmitt’s paso doble, and probably the horses from the Gangnam Style team dance.  I dunno, I find his animal fixation oddly endearing this time around – maybe it’s because I love animals, maybe it’s because I think Mark had already kinda given up on Bristol this season and doing animal stuff was a way to amuse himself until she was eliminated. And Shawn & Derek? I just think they’re whimsical :-P Yeah I said it…whimsical.  Like the keepsake ornaments at Hallmark.

Heidi: I find it oddly endearing too. :-)  And I love the word whimsical.  This blog is now brought to you by the word “whimsical”.

The Award for Highest Cognitive Dissonance Factor, Week 4: Len Goodman, for the hilarious backstage aside to Bruno – “You touched him in a provocative way!”

Heidi: I’m sorry, but when Len is being the “real Len” that you often see in paparazzi video (and in this backstage bit) it really throws me and makes me giggle.  He’s just *funny* in a weird and unexpected way and I think it’s fun to see him interacting with Bruno in a more natural way. He often reminds me of a drunken grandpa who ends up dancing in his underwear for the entertainment of others. :-)

Courtney: He’s either the drunk grandpa dancing nekkid, or the drunk grandpa will all sorts of tall tales from his youth about how he had to walk 15 miles barefoot in the snow to get to school, how he once beat Sinatra in a poker game, or the wild night he spent in Vegas with Shelley Winters :-P Regardless, I just enjoy that Len seems to call his fellow judges out on their bullshit – and yes, I would say Bruno grabbing Gilles “in a provocative way” would qualify as bullshit, because you KNOW that allowing that to happen would score some serious Bruno brownie points for Gilles.  Oh sh*t…”Bruno brownie points” sounds FILTHY 8-O Read more..

October 21, 2012 I Written By

I'm a nerd and proud of it. Two degrees in geology also means I love BEER. :-) I'm also a Derek lover - proud of that too. So don't scream at those of us on this site and call us a bunch of "biased Derek-lovers" - it's just ME. :-) It may sound like I hate DWTS at times, but really, I'm just a snarky nitpicker from way back. And I'm cynical and jaded too. But I do love DWTS. :-)

DWTS All Stars, Week 3 – The Cheesecake Awards!!

Oooo…it’s getting super snarky in here. Hehehehe….

The Award for Pro Most Likely to Win the Role of Cinderella’s Ugly Step Sister: Maksim Chmerkovskiy

Heidi: Dude, seriously – you is one ugly woman. But as an androgynous man you ain’t half bad. :-) What was freaky was how UNLIKE himself he looked. Really, a shave and a wig and you’re nearly unrecognizable?? Amazing. :-)

Courtney: I just have to laugh at the wig itself – that was SERIOUSLY the best Mick Jagger wig they could find? I’d find it more believable if Mick Jagger circa 1970 looked more like a cross between Jim Morrison & a mustache-less Inigo Montoya from The Princess Bride, with a smattering of the famous Farrah Fawcett hair flip in Charlie’s Angels.  And the pants? Would make Austin Powers himself jealous.  The end result was simultaneously hilarious and disturbing…in that Maks seemed to be enjoying himself just a teeny bit too much :-P

The “Google Is Your Friend” Award for General Cluelessness: Maksim Chmerkovskiy for not knowing what Androgynous means.

Heidi: Well, if it were ME and I didn’t know the meaning of the word that Kirstie was calling me all week long, I would: A) Realize that perhaps I needed a wee bit more education and B) GOOGLE IT. The embarrassing and hard way (but hilarious for the audience) to find out the answer to the question is on National Television. :-) Of course, you can’t know everything. But even a chimp can google. ;-)

Courtney: You know who else can Google? Muppets. :-P

The Award for the Worst Wardrobe Idea Since the Lacey Crotch Doilie (heh): Sabrina, Louis and the Wardrobe Department for the PURPLE Crotch Window Treatment

Heidi: That entire costume was godawful, but I kept getting distracted by the material dangling…down there.  It was just freakin’ weird!  I was like, what the hell IS that?? Of course, the other issue was waiting with baited breath to see if the top half of her costume would hold up to the work out that her boobage was giving it. Ahem…more support is a GOOD idea.

Courtney: Her boobs were REALLY ANGRY this week, as Mama Spence put it.  And each time she stomped or gesture wildly…it just looked painful.  And the big triangular purple phallus just made me chuckle like a 14-year-old boy.  Wonder if Louis was cranky because he was feeling inadequate by comparison :-P Read more..

October 14, 2012 I Written By

I'm a nerd and proud of it. Two degrees in geology also means I love BEER. :-) I'm also a Derek lover - proud of that too. So don't scream at those of us on this site and call us a bunch of "biased Derek-lovers" - it's just ME. :-) It may sound like I hate DWTS at times, but really, I'm just a snarky nitpicker from way back. And I'm cynical and jaded too. But I do love DWTS. :-)

DWTS 15, Week 2 – The Cheesecake Awards!!!!

Heidi: I’m on a roll…or a tear, depending on your POV, this week. I’m feeling mean. You’ve been warned. Don’t come crying to me later for my sense of humor having a mean streak this week.

Courtney: But everyone out to be thankful that Heidi’s on a streak, because I myself am feeling a bit…sedate.  Apparently I am allergic to either Cajun seasoning or lump crabmeat, as I broke out into hives about 15 minutes after sampling a hot seafood dip Mama Spence made for the Colts game.  A few hours, a trip to the urgent care, and a shot of dexamethasone later, I’m feeling less itchy…but a little blaaaahhhh.  But hey, at least the Colts beat the Packers! :-D

The C U Next Tuesday Award, Redux: Carrie Ann Inaba, for rather heavy-handedly chastising Bristol Palin for breaking hold in her quickstep

Courtney: Let’s get one thing straight: I fully acknowledge that Bristol & Mark broke hold in their dance (if you haven’t yet, see my post about it) and I agree that the judges were right in pointing it out.  HOWEVER – I don’t endorse CAI for going all Regina George on Bristol for it, claiming she was going to “slam back” because Bristol “slammed them in the face” by breaking the staying in hold rule. First of all, I have to laugh at how egocentric CA must be to think that all the couples break rules with the intention of somehow dissing the judges – I’ve heard her make the same ridiculous assumption about couples doing lifts, as if every single choreographic decision the couples make that doesn’t fit into her her specific (and ever-changing) rule book is a personal insult to her.  My god, woman, IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU!!! Second of all, at least direct your unwarranted indignance at the real guilty party – Mark.  Have you somehow forgotten that the pros ultimately make the choreographic decisions??? I don’t care how much influence you may think a celeb has over their pro partner – the pro gets the final say in the choreography, and if it really was Bristol insisting they break hold (and I’m not sure it was), then Mark should have had the cojones to put his foot down and tell her no.  But that’s neither here nor there – CA is a grown woman, not a teenage girl slamming another girl against a locker for stealing her boyfriend/copying her outfit/whatever.  Grow up, ya diva…before they have to pull an extra chair up to the judges’ table for your ever-growing ego.

Heidi: She’s just a nutbar. As you said she’s done this before – taken it as a personal insult to her that someone broke the rules.  Like Derek or Mark or Maks sit in a room with their partner saying, “What can we do to REALLY get CAI’s goat and piss her off?” But see, that’s the difference between CAI and the pros on this show. The pros are actual choreographers…it’s an art form, and sometimes they make creative decisions to put together the most exciting, memorable dance and that means a rule gets broken.  I doubt CAI was considered until they looked at the final routine and figured that they better warn their partner they might get in trouble because CAI is a self centered biotch who thinks it’s all about HER.

The “Making out is the new black!” Award: Helio & Chelsie and Apolo & Karina, for finding ways to smooch in their routine; honorable mention – Val Chmerkovskiy, for finding any excuse he could to kiss Kelly on the head/hand/arm/etc.

Courtney: This seemed to be one week where the makeup department was discouraged from using the long-wearing lipsticks that we’re used to seeing – as both Helio & Apolo proudly sported lipstick kisses on their faces from their female partners.  Love certainly seemed to be in the air this week…maybe they were inspired by Kirstie’s enthusiastic congratulatory smooch to Tom last week? :-P

Heidi: Well, I think Val and Karina have crushes. Don’t know what the hell the deal is with Chelsie. :-D

The “STFU Already” Award for Beating of a Dead Horse…AGAIN: Len Goodman for YET AGAIN reminding us of how shocking Sabrina’s elimination was in Season 6

Heidi: OMFG…how many times do we have to hear about this!!! Are they going to give her top of the leaderboard every week just to get the story they want at the end of the season?? “The most shocking elimination EVER finally wins!!! All is right with the fucking world.” :::rolls eyes:::  I think I actually freaking screamed when he said it yet again.

Courtney: Wait…Sabrina’s elimination was shocking? Hold the phone. MIND…BLOWN.  8-O Read more..

October 7, 2012 I Written By

Ultrasound sales specialist by day, semi-knowledgeable DWTS fan by night...with a smattering of hair & makeup enthusiast, occasional model, and crazy cat lady peppered in to make things REALLY interesting ;-) I might pee my pants in happiness if Donnie Wahlberg ever does DWTS - or if they ever use "Sunglasses at Night" as a paso doble. Check out some of my other work at pureamericasgottalent.com!

DWTS Season 15, Week 1 – The Cheesecake Awards!!!!

Well kids, we’re back & snarky/juvenile/perverse/etc!  :-P And for those of you not accustomed to our particular brand of humor – consider yourself warned.  We swear, we get innuendo-y, we make fart jokes, and we call people out for being stupid on the show.  If you are hypersensitive/lack a sense of humor/are a prude/whatever, you probably should just skip this post altogether…and you sure as hell better not comment on it.  Because any Debbie Downers/Bobby Buzzkills lurking in the comments section will be deleted without a 2nd thought.  Consider this the party post – party poopers need not apply, because we have plenty of fellow freaks who love to party along with our special brand of humor.  Party on, Wayne ;-)

The “C U Next Tuesday” Award: Carrie Ann Inaba, for repeatedly calling out Tom for cutting her off

Courtney: We learned pretty quickly on Monday whether we’d get cool Carrie Ann or bitter, angry Carrie Ann this season – and I think she made it pretty clear it’s definitely the latter.  Look, CAI, I get it: your fairytale engagement didn’t result in a fairytale wedding, and you’re probably not too happy about that.  But did you really have to repeatedly heckle EMMY AWARD-WINNING HOST Tom Bergeron for cutting your commentary on Joey & Kym’s cha-cha off early? It was pretty obvious the show was moving at breakneck speed in order to fit everyone in, and I daresay that, being the EMMY AWARD -WINNING HOST of a LIVE reality tv show, Tom Bergeron knows a thing or two about effectively fitting into a time frame while still being entertaining – plus he probably had the Muppets upstairs screaming in his earpiece to move things along.  I highly doubt whatever long-winded critique you were going to offer up was all that insightful, CAI – it seldom is.  Yet your excessive self-importance forced you to interrupt things not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES to remind everyone that Tom cut you off – who’s the asshat now?

Heidi: My brother texted me during the show to call CAI names….then commented that her tampon is in sideways. :-)  Yes, that is my family…we tend toward gross at times. But also very apropos.  But seriously, don’t heckle The Berg, biotch. It’s not all about you. Hard to believe, I know.

Courtney: Looks like someone had a bad case of Emmy Envy.  :-P

The “Deeerrrrp” Award: Chelsie Hightower, for getting confused over the native languages of Brazil & South America; (dis)honorable mention – Val Chmerkovskiy, for not really knowing what Kelly did for a living

Courtney: “Wait…they speak Spanish in South America???” I’d like to think this was taken out of context, but from the puzzled look on Chelsie’s face…I doubt it was.  And by the earnest expression on Val’s face as he asked “Oh, you work in a hospital?”, I’m gonna venture a guess that “catching up on the soaps” is not on Val’s list of hobbies :-P

Heidi: Both were hilarious…but I was yelling at my TV, saying “Chelsie, STOP talking, yer makin’ it worse”, while laughing at her.  Val I thought was just endearing…and for Kelly, humbling. :-D

Couple’s Schtick That is Most Likely To Get Old VERY Quickly: Sabrina & Louis reminding everyone that Sabrina was voted in and this season is “all about redemption”; (dis)honorable mention for Derek’s short jokes and Kelly & Val’s pattycaking

Courtney: I just think the short jokes are corny :-P And I guess I would just rather see Kelly & Val doing something other than pattycaking…something more…intimate.  ;-) Maybe if they were playing pattycake with their face.  LOL :-P But the Sabrina & Louis “the viewers chose us to be here!” and “this is all about redemption because Sabrina left too early” poppycock is just beyond annoying at this point.  If that’s their big reason why people should vote for them – then they must not be that special, because every week that any of the couples is sticking around, is a week they are being “chosen” by the viewers, since they’re obviously getting votes.  And you want to talk about “redemption”? Gilles was narrowly beat out for the MBT by a mere 1%.  Joey & Kirstie are both 2nd place finishers; Bristol finished 3rd in her season, and was pretty unpopular.  Drew, Kelly, & Emmitt are all trying to prove that the earlier champions are every bit as good as the newer ones. I daresay any of the names I just mentioned have a greater hunger for “redemption” than a 7th place finisher who just couldn’t get the votes to stick around in season 5…and has been reminding us about it ever since.

Heidi: Eh, I don’t mind the short jokes and Derek usually recognizes the shelf life of  joke in general. (I have to say, though, that the harassment he got from one Shawn fan freak on Twitter was OTT – yo, Derek ain’t the one that looks bad here, nutjob!) Also didn’t mind the patty caking – was rather amazed by that, actually. Not sure I could do that without a shit ton of beer to relax me.  :-) But the Sabrina crap is in a whole other league from those other two because we’ve been hearing for YEARS about her (not) shocking elimination. Talk about drinking game potential. Get the fuck over it already! I’m about ready to stick a pen in my eye.  Guess what kids – you were voted in over Carson and Kyle, NOT the rest of the cast. You better hope like hell that Team Sabrina is a lot bigger than I suspect it is. Read more..

September 29, 2012 I Written By

Ultrasound sales specialist by day, semi-knowledgeable DWTS fan by night...with a smattering of hair & makeup enthusiast, occasional model, and crazy cat lady peppered in to make things REALLY interesting ;-) I might pee my pants in happiness if Donnie Wahlberg ever does DWTS - or if they ever use "Sunglasses at Night" as a paso doble. Check out some of my other work at pureamericasgottalent.com!

DWTS Season 14, Week 9 – The Cheesecake Awards!!

We’re back, after a couple week absence…and some of you will not be happy to see us. ;-)  Them’s are breaks…the weeks we missed we’ll pick up as a bit of retrospective cheese once the season is over.

The Award for Biggest Lack of Commitment to Week 9 – The Costuming Department who really screwed Cheryl out of some fringe on her Samba Costume

Heidi: You might ask yourself, “Are ‘biggest’ and ‘lack’ really the two best words to put together?” but really that was what was going through my mind looking at her costume. Yo, dudes, either add the fringe or don’t – you kinda half assed it here, IMO. :-) Yep, we’re picking nits.

Courtney: Everything about the show this week was so…blah.  Most of the routines were ho-hum, nobody really said anything interesting, and even the costumes seemed like they were half-assed.  It was as if the costume folks bailed and headed to the bar after only putting half the fringe on her costume.  “Yeah, that’ll do.  C’mon, we can make it for happy hour if we leave now!” Can’t blame them…even I’m bored with the show at this point.

Heidi: Perhaps you and I should win this award. It was pretty damn boring in retrospect. :-)

The “Most Telling Obsession” Award: Mark Ballas and his fondness for fences

Heidi: Really, dude. You’ve put Katherine in two cages and Bristol in one…is this a comment on how your attitude toward women in general or these two women in particular? :-) Or is it just a sexual kink all the way around? ;-) Considering your girlfriend, I’m going with BOTH.

Courtney: I’m sure Freud would have a heydey trying to make something of Mark’s fixation with cages.  Who knows what his true motives are – maybe he wants people to think he’s tough, maybe it makes him feel like he’s in control, maybe he just really wants us to know that he’s very, very into MMA.  I’m just kinda bored with it, to be quite honest.  You know it’s bad when I was actually slightly amused when he put Katherine in a snake basket for their salsa…nice change of pace :-P

Heidi: A cage is a cage even when it’s a basket. ;-)

Read more..

May 20, 2012 I Written By

I'm a nerd and proud of it. Two degrees in geology also means I love BEER. :-) I'm also a Derek lover - proud of that too. So don't scream at those of us on this site and call us a bunch of "biased Derek-lovers" - it's just ME. :-) It may sound like I hate DWTS at times, but really, I'm just a snarky nitpicker from way back. And I'm cynical and jaded too. But I do love DWTS. :-)

DWTS Season 14, Weeks 5 – The Cheesecake Awards!!

Ta DA!! We’re in catch up mode. :-)

First - WEEK 5

The “Can’t Carry a Tune in a Bucket” Award: Len and Bruno, for their rendition of either “Maria” or “How Do you Solve a Problem Like Maria”…we can’t be sure. :-)

Heidi: So, the first time I saw it, I thought they were doing a little West Side Story…the second time I saw it, I’m honestly not sure. Don’t quit your day job, boys…if I can’t tell what you’re going for, you can’t sing. :-)  If I had to bet, I would call Len Sound of Music and Bruno West Side Story. :-)

Courtney: Screw musicals…I think we’re giving them too much credit there.  I think they both were just making it up as they went along and just hoping that that the audience was even less educated than they were and would just assume that they were singing a legitimate song…and the fact that they were both doing it might somehow lend creedence to their made-up tune.  Whatever it was…it was dumb.

Brooke Burke Flub O’the Night: “We’ve combined your jokes with the judges scores…”

Heidi: Have you heard the one about the judge who walked into the bar?? He tried to give the barmaid a “10” and….well, I can’t think of a good joke. But does one really need one when Brooke is around? :-) In all fairness, she’s been better this season than previously, but her occasional tongue tripping can be entertaining.

Courtney: My aunt used to have this parrot named Joey that would repeat literally ANY word it heard – but it would do it at random times, and sometimes form sentences that weren’t quite coherent, contextually.  I’m beginning to think that Brooke is the reincarnation of Joey, the way she will occasionally swap out the word she intends to use with one she has just heard or thought about :-) If so, I fully expect her to start making the skud missile sound effect and start calling people SOB’s by season’s end…can’t wait ;-)

The Award for Best Reaction to being Called Safe: Melissa Gilbert – Half-Pint CUSSED!!!! :-)

Heidi: Hehehehe…loved it. Sweet, quiet Melissa gets bleeped on live television. You go girl. You really CAN take the Prairie out of the girl. ;-)

Courtney: And it was a LOOOONG cuss – like a full 5 seconds of the sound being completely bleeped out.  I can only imagine what is was she said…whatever it was, I’m sure I’d be proud ;-) Read more..

May 6, 2012 I Written By

I'm a nerd and proud of it. Two degrees in geology also means I love BEER. :-) I'm also a Derek lover - proud of that too. So don't scream at those of us on this site and call us a bunch of "biased Derek-lovers" - it's just ME. :-) It may sound like I hate DWTS at times, but really, I'm just a snarky nitpicker from way back. And I'm cynical and jaded too. But I do love DWTS. :-)

DWTS 14 Week 4 – The Cheesecake Awards!

Best Male Celebrity/Pro Trend of the Week: Heckling William Levy; honorable mention for Gene Simmons-inspired tongue displays, and carrying female contestants up & down the stairs

Courtney: Last week, Derek seemed to start the trend of taking friendly swipes at William and his hunkasaurus rex status on the show…this week, Donald jumped on the bandwagon, too. He issued a warning to La Levy that “another bare-chested, honkey-donkey man is gonna rock this paso!” For what it’s worth, I would much prefer Donald bare-chested than I would William – Donald is like a black Rambo, and with some WICKED tats.  I like tats :-) I’m pretty sure someone else (maybe Jaleel? Idk) also made a comment kinda issuing a challenge to William, but for the life of me I cannot find it.  Also a popular activity for the guys this week? Giving us their best “rock tongue” every time the camera hit them.  Was it an attempt to just fit the theme, or an attempt to titillate the female audience? We may never know ;-) But they seemed to be thoroughly enjoying themselves.  And then of course, we’ve got superheroes Derek & Gavin, who chivalrously carted an injured Maria up the temporary double set of stairs and an injured Melissa down the stairs, respectively.  It was like something out of a rock ‘n’ roll drugstore romance novel – except instead of Fabio, we had mohawked Derek and velvet-clad Gavin.  Mmmm…titillating.

Heidi: Heh…my sister who recently started watching DWTS found Derek carrying Maria up the stairs to be the highlight of the night. :-)  She’s always been one to go for the bodice ripper deal.  She texted me several times about how he carried her all the way up the stairs and wasn’t even breathing hard.  As for the tongues….the absolute best was Harold Wheeler. With the face paint and all. Hilarious. CAI?? Trying a bit to hard…she ain’t 20 anymore and seriously, the guitar pick stuck to her forehead?? No. :-)

Courtney: I dunno why, but I get disproportionately annoyed whenever Carrie Ann tries to act “hip” – whether it’s doing the rock tongue, or dancing in her seat, or using cutesy, trendy language – it just kinda makes me want to throw things at her head. :-P

New Injury of the Week: Mark Ballas for Being the Latest Victim of The Mail Order Bride’s Hair

Heidi: Seriously, keep the dude dancing with Katherine away from the mail order bride. He took a face full of hair that was moving at about 90 miles an hour. Beyotch could put out an eye with that mane. :-)

Courtney: But doesn’t hair whipping kinda fit the whole S&M theme Sharna was trying to convey with the KISS choreography? 8-) Read more..

April 14, 2012 I Written By

Ultrasound sales specialist by day, semi-knowledgeable DWTS fan by night...with a smattering of hair & makeup enthusiast, occasional model, and crazy cat lady peppered in to make things REALLY interesting ;-) I might pee my pants in happiness if Donnie Wahlberg ever does DWTS - or if they ever use "Sunglasses at Night" as a paso doble. Check out some of my other work at pureamericasgottalent.com!

DWTS Season 14, Week 3 – The Cheesecake Awards!!

Yes, folks, we are GOING THERE. Be prepared. :-)

Easter Bunny Cheryl

Gaudy Peep

The “Can’t Hit the Broad Side of A Barn” Award: Derek and Maria Menounos for a disturbing inability to high five…or kiss on the mouth…on the first try.

Heidi: I’ve read that these two have amazing chemistry…but what is the deal with their timing? :-) The other night in the confessional wasn’t the first time they’ve had a “swing and a miss” when it comes to celebrating. And Damn, the first time Derek actually goes for a kiss during a dance and she arches her back so he grazes her…chin.  At least she made up for it in the end, but dang. ;-)  If it weren’t for her boyfriend I would start to think they were made for each other with the crazy assed timing issue. I would have to wonder if everything misses on the first try.  Heh.

Courtney: Here’s the play-by-play of the kiss: Derek goes in for the kill, Maria resists, Derek ends up making out with chin, Maria changes mind, they almost get it right and then BOOM…it’s time to move on to the next step in their routine.  *sigh* Sometimes in life, the timing is all wrong…and I mean that on both a small and large scale, within this context ;-) < /shipping>

The “Pssst…your costume tic is showing” Award, female: Cheryl Burke, for her affinity for loofah-inspired costuming

Courtney: Rub-a-dub-dub, Cheryl must love the tub – because seriously, I’ve never seen loofahs utilized in costuming (and so frequently!) until Cheryl started donning them in the past few seasons.  Are they in case the mood to bathe & exfoliate suddenly hits her mid-dance? Who knows.  But my wise little mommy made the observation that Cheryl seems to pile on the fluff & ruffles more often when she’s a bit more on the curvy side – which seems a bit counterintuitive, since they just add more bulk.  If she really wanted to sleekify her frame, she should at least avoid all of these outrageous sherbet & Kool-Aid-colored ruffles and go for something black or neutral.  But of course, that would be logical, and sometimes this show is anything but ;-)

Heidi: Is this her mid-life crisis showing?? What the hell? Lacey is off the show for the season so Cheryl has to pick up the gawdawful costuming slack??  And I still think blue peeps are illegal. :-)

Read more..

April 7, 2012 I Written By

I'm a nerd and proud of it. Two degrees in geology also means I love BEER. :-) I'm also a Derek lover - proud of that too. So don't scream at those of us on this site and call us a bunch of "biased Derek-lovers" - it's just ME. :-) It may sound like I hate DWTS at times, but really, I'm just a snarky nitpicker from way back. And I'm cynical and jaded too. But I do love DWTS. :-)

DWTS Season 14, Weeks 1 and 2 – The Cheesecake Awards!!

Another season, another wheel of cheese. Occassionally, what you read will be an inside joke from a previous season; if you want to catch up on previous awards, just click that big box over there —>

Also, newbie note: In these awards, Courtney and I are sometimes funny, sometimes sarcastic, sometimes bitchy, sometimes annoyed by the whole show….ALWAYS guaranteed to piss someone off. You’ve been warned. :-)

I also apologize that these weren’t done sooner – that was actually my fault.  My regular 9-5 zapped pretty much all of my creative energy this week, so I didn’t even get to touch these until late yesterday.  So sorry for those of you tweaking from cheese withdrawal :-P -Court-

Award for Most Innovative (NOT!) Choreographic Choice: Whoever instructed Oksana to do nothing more than whip her hair around like the weapon it is.

Heidi: Seriously – is that the only thing she knows how to do?? It pretty much dominated her little section of the Troupe tribute bit…which in and of itself was a waste of space. Is this like the mating dance of the Mail Order Bride??

Courtney: Newsflash, Mail Order Bride: you are not Willow Smith, and thus whipping your hair back & forth is not really going to garner you any high praise or ignite a dance craze.  But yeah, that hair looks downright deadly at times – and it’s starting to look a little stringy and coarse, too, I’m afraid.  And that steely silver color she’s got going on????! YIKES.  Is she trying to attract a more mature (and affluent) potential husband over at the mail order bride site? I never did understand the whole “fashion gray” hair craze that started last year…trying to look elderly when you’re in your 20s just confuses me. And kids, remember: hairography KILLS.

Heidi: Or at the very least, put out an eye. :-) Read more..

March 31, 2012 I Written By

I'm a nerd and proud of it. Two degrees in geology also means I love BEER. :-) I'm also a Derek lover - proud of that too. So don't scream at those of us on this site and call us a bunch of "biased Derek-lovers" - it's just ME. :-) It may sound like I hate DWTS at times, but really, I'm just a snarky nitpicker from way back. And I'm cynical and jaded too. But I do love DWTS. :-)