Argentine Tango | Pure Dancing with the Stars

PureDWTS Rants & Raves: To Lift or Not to Lift?

For those of you that follow me on Twitter, you may have noticed me “getting up on my soapbox” the past few weeks regarding something that has been debated from several different angles around PureDWTS: lifts. We’ve casually kicked around the pros & cons of them: do they enhance the routine, or are they just filler? Should they be required? Should they be prohibited? Are they safe? What exactly constitutes a lift, anyway? Well here it is, kids – the place where we can really get down to the nitty-gritty of lifts.

My sudden fixation with the topic started about 2 weeks ago, while watching a movie with my boyfriend (who, as many of you know, is a pro ballroom dancer/teacher). He kept squirming around, trying to get comfortable, and failing. Finally, getting annoyed with all his wiggling, I asked what was wrong. “Oh, I just strained my neck a little bit doing a lift with one of my students today. It’s just a little sore.” Seemed benign enough – minor soreness from doing a new lift. But over the course of the next week, the pain intensified, to the point where he was unable to turn his head to the right AT ALL, and had to turn his whole body to face me when I was talking (which was actually kind of cool, since it made me think he was just really listening to me intently ) and had to institute a temporary ban on lifting at the dance studio. He iced it. He put a heating pad on it. He stretched it. He used a special neck pillow. He took some Tylenol. He went and got 3 massages in one week – all to little avail. Things were starting to take their toll on both of us, as my bf was in too much pain to ride his motorcycle, sit upright for very long, or do any sort of vigorous activity. Finally, at the recommendation of one of his students (and me, as I had been HOUNDING him about it), he finally went to the chiropractor last Friday, and after taking one look at my bf’s x-ray, the chiropractor exclaimed “Ooh, no wonder you’ve been in pain – your C4 & C5 vertebrae are wayyyy out of alignment!” A few minutes with the TENS unit and some adjusting with the chiropractor later, he was FINALLY experiencing some relief. That was a week ago – he’s been to the chiro a few more times since then, and he’s probably 85% better. But the no-lift rule at the studio still stands until he’s back to 100% and gets the all-clear from the chiropractor.

So the most obvious question brought up by my bf’s dilemma is “Are lifts safe?” The answer: no. Read my lips: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A “SAFE” LIFT. Sure, there are techniques to make them safer, and some are clearly safer than others, but all lifts are inherently dangerous, as there is always going to be the risk of injury from falling or being fallen on, as well as other sprains, strains, and even breaks from trying to correct a fall that is already in motion. In fact, the very appeal of lifts is in the danger – the awe-spiring risk of doing them in the first place, and often the romantic notion of the delicate lady being in harm’s way, but protected by the strong arms of a handsome male lead. No wonder all of my boyfriend’s students want lifts in their showcase routines!

Which brings up the next question: should they even be doing lifts in the first place? Obviously, it’s always going to be safer for a couple already experienced in lifting to be doing lifts (check out Eric Luna & Georgia Ambarian, the current world champions in the theater arts division), and it’s a downright TERRIBLE idea for two inexperienced individuals to start attempting them without the guidance and supervision of someone with experience (this is a good example of people that should NOT being doing lifts!). But both my boyfriend’s predicament and that of the couples on DWTS is a bit more of a grey area – the situation where only half of the couple is experienced. In this particular case, I’m a firm believer that the more experienced member of the partnership is the one more likely to get hurt, regardless of gender. Since they’re experienced, they’re going to be more likely to be hurt by the rookie mistakes of their partner, and more likely to try & protect their partner from harm…and possibly injure themselves as a result. My boyfriend is a good example of this, as his neck injury was the result of him compensating for a student who couldn’t quite get the right leverage to get up onto his shoulder; Kym’s neck injury this past season is also a good example, as it was Hines who lost his balance and fell onto Kym, likely due to pure inexperience. Toni Redpath (a former Australian ballroom champion & a frequent guest judge/choreographer on SYTYCD) did a great video blog a few weeks back (thanks for pointing this out, Evaine! Quite timely ) which did a good job of explaining why lifts are allowed in ballroom routines on SYTYCD but not on DWTS – and the biggest reason was *drumroll* EXPERIENCE. All the dancers on SYTYCD have some experience with dance, which makes the transition to lifting quite a bit smoother for them than a celebrity with zero dance experience. Not only does it make life a bit easier on the celebs, but it keeps the couples safer, too.

But let’s say experience is not an issue. From a choreographic standpoint, should everybody be peppering lifts into their routines? I certainly don’t think so. Heidi always brings up an interesting argument whenever someone starts comparing ballroom on SYTYCD to ballroom on DWTS and the subject of lifts comes up: when used in excess, lifts tend be a bit of a cop-out, choreographically. It can often let bad dancers get away with not really dancing, and results in a routine that is more “flash & trash” than meat-and-potatoes dance steps – and can end up looking NOTHING like the dance it’s meant to portray. The best example of this that I can think of is Channing & Philip’s samba from season 6 of SYTYCD. While not inherently “bad”, the routine only has a few basic samba steps in it, and the rest was a lot of shimmying and (rather clumsily-executed) lifts. Of course the video cuts out before the judges give their commentary, but I distinctly remember Adam actually calling out the choreographers on this one for making the routine “too lifty”. I feel like lifts can also interrupt the “flow” of a dance if not placed properly – for a lift to work choreographically, I think it has to have proper timing & musicality, and have very fluid transitions in & out of it. Otherwise you end up with routines like Channing & Philip’s, which feels jerky & disjointed – “Look I’m doing samba, I’m doing samba, I’m doing samba…ooh now I’m stopping samba & doing a lift…aaaaaand I’m back to dancing samba…STOP! time for another lift-and more samba….” It’s just visually…displeasing. Now don’t get me wrong – a few well-placed, well-executed lifts can enhance a routine. A great example is Riccardo Cocchi & Yulia Zagoruychenko’s samba showdance from the 2009 America’s Ballroom Challenge (does the move at 1:06 look familiar? Derek used it at the end of his samba with Nicole ). Only one lift, and they ended up winning the showdance category, over 5 other couples – most of whom had more lifts. IMHO, you don’t need lifts to make ANY routine on DWTS (including the freestyle) look good. Derek had no choice but to come up with alternatives to lifts in season 11, when Jennifer made it clear from day 1 that her neck injury made lifting an impossibility – and they still managed to win, and create some very memorable routines while they were at it. Their lift-minimal Argentine tango still stands out to me as one of the best we’ve ever had on the show.

So the bf & I were talking about lifts at-length the other night, and he said something that stuck with me: “You know, DWTS is great for the attention it has brought to ballroom dancing & all, but it’s really left some people with an unrealistic idea of what ballroom is and isn’t.” He went on to explain that he gets new students in the studio who are frustrated upon finding out that they won’t be dancing eye-catching routines like the ones on TV right off the bat, and many of them seem more concerned with costumes & music than technique & solid choreography. I can imagine it gets very frustrating for dance teachers like him – especially when the demand for flashy nuances like lifts necessitates them risking their own safety. The format of DWTS has actually forced my bf’s studio to start doing more showcase routines with their students (as opposed to focusing on good technique for competition) – and as my bf puts it, “every single one of my ladies wants lifts in her routine – and if they think one of the other ladies has more/better lifts, they’ll ask for more. It’s KILLING me!” And me as well, since he often comes home cranky & sore and barely able to move…let alone do other activities.

So I’ve said my piece with regards to lifts…what do you guys think? LAY IT ON ME

DWTS12 Week 9 Power Rankings

So how many of you still think us crazy bitches here at PureDWTS were smoking crack when Heidi predicted that all of this would happen…waayyy back on Wednesday?

Yes, I’m gloating on behalf of Heidi, and I don’t care – because honestly, I’ve never hoped she’d be wrong more than I have this past week. But in a show of true favoritism & wanton idiocy, the judges played into every single cliche they could that resulted in an extraordinarily padded score for Chelsea – and a brutal beating for Ralph, leaving him so far down in the basement in scores that nothing short of divine intervention could possibly save him from going home tomorrow night. Whoops…did I spoil the rankings for you?

1.) Chelsea & Mark – These two couldn’t possibly be any safer, and it’s not due extraordinary dancing – Chelsea was decent tonight, but nowhere near deserving some of the truly inflated scores that were being handed to her. Her Argentine tango had the potential to be good – if she wasn’t moving so damn gingerly. Wendy’s foxtrot had more impactful footwork than this! She captured the mood, yes; but the lifts looked a bit clunky & she never seemed to really hit any of the steps with the staccato that I like in a tango (perhaps she should have watched the playback of Mark doing the “salsa” last week for inspiration). As for the rumba…*shaking my head* Strike one: using a silly prop like gauzy fabric. Strike 2: using an “edgy” song from the Twilight soundtrack. Strike three: wearing character shoes instead of ballroom shoes – AGAIN. If that wouldn’t be enough to get her out, strike 4 would have been the complete lack of hip & leg action I saw from her. I might have enjoyed this more had I not been spoiled by great rumbas in the past by Jennifer & Mel B, which actually were 30-worthy. Their “winner take all” cha-cha was decent, and definitely more complex than any of the others – but I still feel like Chelsea’s legs stay pin-straight throughout the dance, and she lacks the characteristic bending & straighting of the knees. But none of this matters to the judges – they’ve made it abundantly clear that they want her in the finals, and so to the finals she goes. Pffft.

2.) Hines & Kym – Hines, god bless him, was the one true bright spot of the evening for me – and dadgummit, I cried with he & Kym after their Argentine tango! While I don’t think that tango was perfect (I’m gonna chalk it up to nerves due to Kym’s injury), he definitely schooled Ralph & Chelsea in what A. tango should look like – and Kym, god bless her too, soldiered through and the two of them actually managed to perform a routine that made me give a damn. It was definitely nice to see Hines back in the same fight mode that I haven’t really seen from him since his samba in week 3 Their salsa was definitely cute – and Hines is the master of staying on time and not missing steps. But like their A. tango, I don’t think it was perfect. Near-perfect, but not perfect – something about Hines’ face just made me think he wasn’t 100% in the dance. He definitely had the cleanest cha-cha – but I guess the judges would rather have complexity over cleanliness, which is why they chose Chelsea over him. I give up. I would have given these two the 15 points as the icing on the cake for their soldiering through what looked to be a very, very scary injury to me (this is coming from a girl who’s grandfather was a paraplegic for 10 months after a simple fall at home). I don’t mess with spinal injuries – this made my stomach churn even worse than seeing Evan land on his neck after a stunt in season 10. But I digress. These two are safe, thanks to some pretty damn good performances on an otherwise dismal night…and one very ridiculous points spread.

3.) Kirstie & Maks - I’m afraid I just don’t have a lot to say tonight about these two, other than “Did I miss something?” I don’t think Kirstie was at her best tonight, and I guess I’m gonna chalk it up to burnout – of the 4 remaining contestants, she’s the one that I still worry about most when it comes to endurance. However, the judges seemed to think she was fantastic, and much more so than Ralph – I just don’t understand it. She misses steps in her paso (which, on an unrelated note, seemed to end rather abruptly…anyone notice that?), and got a tad off-time in her Viennese waltz. Yet she still scores considerably better than Ralph, who I don’t think missed any steps. *shrugs* I’m beyond trying to understand it at this point. I definitely preferred her V. waltz to her paso doble, as it was actually pretty lovely, aside from the timing issue I saw a few times. Felt a little let down by her cha-cha - it felt like the same cha-cha she’s done twice before this season, and she still messed it up a bit this time Again, I’ll give her a break due to lack of energy, but I was counting on her to hopefully bump Chelsea out of the running for those extra 15 points…and she didn’t deliver. Luckily, she’s got the fanbase to pull her through, and a pretty decent lead over Ralph – she & Maks better step up their game in a big way, though, because both Chelsea & Hines are miles ahead of her in terms of stamina.

4.) Ralph & Karina – I should have known better than to think that the judges might turn over a new leaf and actually be nice to Ralph tonight…because the barrage of criticism they threw at him was downright sickening at times. No love for his Argentine tango, which really wasn’t all that bad – he may not have been 100% in the sultry “character” of it, but I daresay his technique was better than Chelsea’s, since he actually managed to get some impact with his steps. The judges went straight for the jugular on his salsa, too – I actually thought he had more energy and more entertaining content than Hines’ salsa did, but either the judges were blind to it or I was drawn to it more than the average bear, because it was lost on them. And Karina – god bless her for calling Bruno out on what I’m deducing was one very uncalled for lewd comment – had I been there, I may have needed to be put in a straight jacket after breaking that fool’s nose and then going for his gonads. Admittedly, his cha-cha was the weakest – but I knew that going in. The poor guy has never been great at cha-cha – he was facing a stacked deck going into this 3-ring circus of a “bonASS dance”. I wanted to shove a dirty sock in all three of the judges mouths as their sole words of compliment were “You tried so hard tonight!” before heaping praise on Hines. Made me sick. And now, he’s gotta face the music tomorrow night – and I’m sure the judges will all sit there, with their smug little smiles on their faces, and pretend to be disappointed that the poor guy is going home and that they’ll miss him – when in reality, they’re the ones to blame for his departure. Bravo.

And so ends quite possibly the most disappointing night of DWTS I have ever watched. Sorry to burst the bubble of any of you that had the time of your life watching tonight – because I was miserable for most of it, due to the blatant over & underscoring going on. I don’t deal with hidden (or in this case, not-so-hidden) agendas very well. But I’m gonna suck it up and go power vote for Ralph, in the event that there were enough Ralph fans as pissed off as Heidi & I were at how things panned out that are doing the exact same thing. Wouldn’t it be so awesome to watch the judges’ jaws drop if Ralph stuck around for yet another week? I know, I know…wishful thinking. But a girl can dream Fare ye well, Ralph…

DWTS12 – What’s Left to Dance?

Six weeks down, four to go…are you guys as shocked as I am that this season is more than halfway over??? Seems like only yesterday that Mike was pelvic thrusting & Irish jigging his way out the door…;-)

We’ve got 3 weeks of regular competition left, and then the finale week. The next few weeks are going to be crucial in helping to determine who makes it all the way to the finale and who doesn’t – and as we’ve seen, if someone has just one off-week, it can mean curtains for them during a season where there’s so many fan favorites. So what can we expect to see?

Each couple has 4 dances left to learn (a random combo of Latin & ballroom dances), as well as the team cha-cha next week and possibly the Argentine tango (I’ll get to that later). Starting next week, the remaining couples will have to start doing 2 dances per week , which is what usually separates the “men from the boys”, so to speak. Usually it’s one ballrom and one Latin per week, although I’m not sure how that’s going to work out since Ralph & Hines only have one Latin dance left to do. Lord knows this season is just wacky

Hines & Kym – remaining dances: jive, waltz, tango, foxtrot

A decent “mixed bag” left for Hines – I have a feeling he’ll do well in the slow waltz, foxtrot, and tango (since he seems to do well with slow, romantic dances and fast, aggressive ones), but I could see him struggling a bit with the jive, since he hasn’t really had a “silly” dance yet. Then again, I said the same thing about Warren not doing well with the jive, and his ended up being one of my favorites

Kirstie & Maks – remaining dances: paso doble, jive, Viennese waltz, tango

To quote Evaine earlier, I’m going to go ahead and point out the proverbial “elephant in the room” – I’m not sure how well Kirstie is going to handle the jive, and I have to wonder if they’re saving it for last in order to allow her to build up her stamina. Poor Kirstie still seemed incredibly winded 5 minutes after her samba the other night – I can’t imagine what she’s gonna be like after a jive! Of the remaining dances, I think it could definitely be her Achilles’ heel. She’ll probably have a lot of fun “sexing up” her tango & paso doble, and barring any additional shoe malfunctions, I think she’ll have a decent Viennese waltz, too.

Romeo & Chelsie – remaining dances: jive, samba, Viennese waltz, tango

Romeo has definitely proven that he excels more at the ballroom dances than the Latin ones, so I don’t anticipate him having any issues with the Viennese waltz or tango. He may not be as technically good at the jive, but I think he enjoyed being a bit cheeky in his foxtrot, so he’ll likely inject a lot of character into his jive to make up for any iffy technique. The samba? Oy. I always worry when a couple gets the samba later in the competition rather than earlier – since it’s such a technically hard dance, it could potentially prevent them from making it to the finale, if they’re up against couples with easier dances.

Ralph & Karina – remaining dances: cha-cha, Viennese waltz, tango, quickstep

Of all the remaining contestants, I think Ralph has the best group of dances heading into these last few weeks. He’s gotten 4 of the 5 Latin dances (which he tends to struggle with) out of the way already, and he actually gets a sort of “practice round” with the team cha-cha next week before he does it again on his own. And Ralph is VERY strong in the ballroom dances – after several “off” weeks, I wouldn’t be surprised to see him back at the top of the leaderboard with one of the ballroom dances above. As long as he & Karina can avoid any further mishaps, I would say he’s good for at least the semi final, and possibly the final, at this point.

Chelsea & Mark – remaining dances: rumba, paso doble, waltz, tango

Hmmm…Chelsea’s got 2 rather aggressive dances left: paso doble & tango. I’m just not sure how well she’s gonna be able to embody that, since she always seems to be smiling No doubt she’s got the dance skills – let’s just hope Mark can give her some good, non-rule-breaking choreo for the dances she has left, because at this point, I don’t know that the judges are going to be so forgiving of “risk-taking” choreography. One ho-hum score from some disgruntled judges could mean the difference between staying & going.

Kendra & Louis – jive, paso doble, waltz, tango

Hehehe…oh boy. Kendra’s got her work cut out for her Honestly, of the dances she has left – I’m not sure there’s any that she’s really going to do remarkably well at. She’s shown that she’s not exactly adept at (or fond of) the ballroom dances, and she only seems to do halfway well at Latin dances where she can “shake it”. No really good “shake it” dances left – and I could see her trying to bounce around in the jive, but it looking kinda awkward…with her ample bosom doing most of the bouncing instead. Luckily for us, I don’t think she’s going to be able to last through next week, so we likely won’t have to suffer through any of the potential awkwardness of her attempting more than one of these dances.

So what’s going on with the team cha-cha? It’s next week, and it looks like the teams are Hines, Kirstie, & Kendra vs. Romeo, Chelsea, & Ralph. I would say that youth & higher cha-cha scores tips the scales in favor of the Romeo-Chelsea-Ralph team, but I think the Hines-Kirstie-Kendra team has probably got the better choreographers. Could be a pretty even match-up…but we’ll save further discussion for Heidi’s “Who’s Dancing What?” post on Sunday :-) Maks tweeted something ambiguous last night about “In Your Arms”, which has got some people wondering if his team got Kylie Minogue’s “In Your Arms” as their song. I would say that everyone is also going to do one unlearned ballroom dance next week, but apparently Chelsea & Mark have already said they’re doing the paso doble and Romeo & Chelsie said they’ve got the samba, so who knows. And the wackiness of season 12 continues. *sigh*

What about the marathon dance? Sorry to disappoint, kids, but my spidey sense is telling me there probably isn’t going to be one this season. The marathon dance is usually done when 7 couples remain, which would have been this week, but it looks like the “Broadway” (WTF?) marathon that was planned at the beginning of the season was scrapped without explanation by TPTB. Why? Evaine & I theorize (and mind you, this is complete speculation on our parts, so take it with a grain of salt) that maybe they were waiting to see if Kirstie’s endurance increased during the season to see if she could handle a marathan dance. Judging from her breathlessness post-samba this week – I’d say she probably couldn’t. So the marathon dance was scrapped, and Hanson was mysteriously added to the roster of musical guests at the last minute to fill up the time that would have been allotted for the marathon dance. For those of you still holding out hope for one – there really isn’t much point in doing one with 5 people or less, so you might want to just save your enthusiasm for next season

When are they gonna do the Argentine tango??? I haven’t heard anything official saying whether or not they’re going to do it this season, and if so, when they’re going to do it – but I think it would be a very dumb move of them to scrap one of the most popular dances with viewers. Looking at the dances that are left and the time left to do them in, it looks like they are still one dance short, if they’re going to have the couples doing 2 dances per week. Since no one has done the Argentine tango yet, it would make sense to me that they’d probably have everyone do it the same week – maybe in a relay or “smackdown” fashion, as they’ve done in seasons past, with everyone doing a short routine, one at a time, back-to-back, to the same song. Not exactly the intimate feel I like my Argentine tangos to have, but if it’s the only way I can take it, cool. Keep in mind this is completely just Courtney speculating – this is not the official “word” on the fate of the A. tango. So just in case they do ix-nay it…I wouldn’t get your hopes up.

Are they going to do the “Instant Dance” again? They said “yes”, at the beginning of the season, but then again, they also said “yes” about the marathon dance coming back…so once again, I’m not sure. It wouldn’t surprise me if they made one of the couples’ remaining dances an “instant” dance – most likely one of their remaining Latin dances – and if we’re basing it on historical data, it would probably be during week 8, as that is when it happened during season 11. That’s the best info I can give you…I’m sure we’ll hear more within the next week or so.

Alright, so there’s your overview of what you can expect (or not expect) during weeks 7-9. Who do you guys think has the edge heading into the last 3 weeks of the season? Who do you think could be in trouble? DISCUSS And be sure to stay tuned later today for the usual post-elimination media featuring Chris & Cheryl (gotta give Vogue some time to compile ), and further info on what dances we’re going to see next week in Heidi’s weekly “Who’s Dancing What?” post on Sunday!

DWTS10 Finale – The Cheesecake Awards!!!

*sniff* Sorry for the delay, kids – this week’s awards were a little bittersweet for Heidi & I, since they’re the last chance we’re going to be able to nitpick & snark until September But better late than never, eh? With 3 hours of nonstop ridiculousness to pull from this week, we definitely had a lot of material to work with – and I like to think we’ve really outdone ourselves this time So please – sit back, relax, and savor your last piece of cheesecake from season 10!

Best Impersonation of a Jersey Shore cast member: Brooke’s Snooki-inspired pouffy hair
Courtney: I can’t recall a hairstyle in the show’s history that was more talked-about than this one (not even Karina’s mullet!). Thank goodness Heidi & I weren’t the only ones that were totally distracted by Brooke’s sky-high Bump-It pouff on Monday night. And with a headband? Totally ridiculous…send her hairstylist back to Jersey, PLEASE! In fact, this pouff could have actually rivaled Snooki’s in its size…looks like J-Woww, Pauly D, and the Situation are all fist pumping under there.

Heidi: I think Voldemort was under there. Maybe that’s why she’s improved so much – he’s controlling her.

Biggest Exercise in Futility: Kate’s encore performance of her paso doble, and subsequent hustle to “I Will Survive”; (dis)honorable mention for Evan & Anna and Erin & Maks unsuccessful use of outside choreography for their freestyles
Courtney: A question for whoever had the bright idea to put Kate front & center in the opening number: did you really think she was gonna pull off the simple act of walking with a feather thingie successfully? Because she managed to botch that completely. And the paso was terrible the first time around – did we really need to relive it, as if to confirm “Yep, Kate really is a bad dancer!” The feeble hustle that ended with her being lifted up in a cherry-picker at the end? I guess we should be thankful that it was less hustle and more just Kate being lifted. At least she seemed to be having fun. And after the two mediocre freestyles from the couples that used outside assistance, I reiterate: the further you go outside of your comfort zone and into something that you’re unfamiliar with, the more clueless & uncomfortable you look. Stick with what works.

Heidi: Dude, she was downright creepy, what with the way she was “flying” and the way she was lit. Eeep!! As for the outside choreography…well, I guess I kinda understand it *in theory*, but at that point in the season the dancers know each other (and their strengths and weaknesses) so well, that it seems to me that an outsider would mess with that.

Most Interesting Double Entendre: Maks’ excuse for the mess-ups on the bed – “That wasn’t the bed we rehearsed on!”
Courtney: I still can’t decide if he said this in earnest, or deliberately threw out something saucy like this. He only dug himself further into a hole with his follow-up comment on GMA yesterday morning: “The first time we did it on the bed, she went flying off!” Oh jeebus…

Heidi: I’m tempted to make a crack about you giving Maks too much credit for superb innuendo. But it beats me if he was earnest or not. Better was Tom’s reaction to it last night – making a big O with his arms and yelling “over sharing!!!”

Courtney: Eh, I’m leaning more towards the former – that he was just flustered and blurted it out without thinking – but Maks does have interesting ways of getting attention…maybe he actually thought of it beforehand and had it in his verbal arsenal just incase

The “Denial is not just a river in Egypt” award: Nicole & Derek’s vehement denial of there being anything going on between them romantically
Courtney: Ok, first there was the armpit sniffing and gum sharing. Then the strange neck caressing. And then, after an overtly sexual rumba, they pan to Nicole’s boyfriend in the audience – and he is NOT a happy camper. And after a juicy bit of insider info that I heard a few days ago, I am almost 100% certain that SOMETHING has gone on between these two.

Heidi: You forgot that she jumped on top of him in happiness – not only that, but she was running her hand over his hair and kissing on him. More than anything it’s the hands in the hair thing and the multiple times she wrapped her legs around him. And Derek keeps picking her up.

Biggest Accident Waiting to Happen: Erin nearly taking Maks out during the infamous jump off the stage in the their Argentine tango
Courtney: Maybe she overshot it a bit, maybe he wasn’t quite grounded enough – maybe a combination of both. But for a second, Maks wavered, and I was worried that they both were going to topple. Seriously – that is one dangerous lift! I don’t blame Erin for being apprehensive…

Heidi: I gasped – thought they were going all the way to the judges.

Best “Hairstyle on a Budget”: Nicole’s banana claw for the rumba
Courtney: Prior to their rumba, I was like “Really, hair people? First you Snookify Brooke, now you’re scrimping on Nicole and sticking her with a $2 Goody banana clip from the drugstore? You could at least bedazzle that thing, jeez!” Then I saw the rumba…and I was like “Ahhhh. I think I need to invest in some banana clips.”

Heidi: LOL – I was gonna say, nothing says “We’ve done it” more than a practiced hair loosening. Ya see, it’s the subtle little moves like that that make me go “Ahhh…I want some of that kind of action please.”

Best Intro for a Returning Celeb Dance: Tom’s description of Pam’s performance – “Pamela Anderson…and some guys.”
Courtney: Oh Pam – I knew you would make a triumphant return to the floor in your own steamy way! And she really did upstage all three of them, slinking around in that corset and fishnets. Leave it to Tom to summarize it best…I’m gonna miss you till September, Tom Bergeron

Heidi: Follow him on Twitter – hilarious. He and Melissa Rycroft have some weird relationship. He used her as a paparazzi shield monday night and then pseudo apologized on Twitter. Anyway, Pam didn’t just upstage them, she ROLLED across them. Wowza!!

The Candid Camera Award: Evan & Anna’s unhappy expressions in the dressing room; (dis)honorable mention for Anna clearly mouthing the f-word at the end of Monday night’s show
Courtney: Now we’ve all seen what kind of damage can be done when the couples know the camera is running during their practice sessions. But the real fun happens when they DON’T know the camera is on them – like finale night, when they showed Nicole & Derek backstage energetically practicing their jive, and then panned to the adjacent room where Evan & Anna were sitting – glumly, like someone had killed their dog – or they were about to kill each other. Now before anyone can say “But they felt defeated after Len told Nicole she should win!”, keep in mind this was BEFORE Len said that, as neither of them had performed their final dance yet. Not sure what they were so upset about, but someone must have told them to perk up, because they next time they showed them backstage, they were all smiles. As for Anna’s pottymouth moment, it’s at the very end of Monday night’s show, when they’re going through the scoreboard – they pan to Evan & Anna as they’re saying “And at the bottom of the leaderboard…” and Anna looks over her right shoulder and says “F&%!” It actually made me laugh – if I were on the show, I would probably have the censors taking beta blockers, they’d be bleeping me so much…nice to know the pros slip up from time to time, too;-)

Heidi: That was striking, them sitting there. I was like, what the hell?? But at the end of the results show, when Mark picks Derek up, I’m pretty sure he lets out an involuntary “shit” of surprise – or it was my high def making the audio cut out. Buncha potty mouths.

Best Wardrobe Malfunction Waiting to Happen – Brooke Burke and her gold Mummy dress
Heidi: When she went to talk to the final two and she actually SAT DOWN – I actually held my breath to see if the dress would bust in a strategic spot. I was oddly disappointed when it held together. Seriously, they work so hard to keep the dancers in their dresses wouldn’t it be freakin’ hilarious if Brooke busted (heh) out of hers?? Anyway, she gave a whole new meaning to the words Golden Globes.

Courtney: That dress just confused me. It was some crazy patchwork concoction – like someone didn’t have enough of any one type of fabric to make a dress, so they just combined scraps they had laying around. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I actually think I liked Samantha’s dresses better than some of the ones Brooke has worn.

Tom Bergeron Line O’ The Night: “Hey Kate, while you’re up there, sing ‘Don’t Cry for me Argentina’”
Heidi: I think I actually guffawed. I don’t even know what that actually sounds like, but I’m pretty sure I did it.

Courtney: Eva Peron > Kate Gosselin. *shudder* Somehow I think that Kate would actually be a worse singer than she is a dancer (and I think we’ve already established that she is a TERRIBLE dancer!) Tom, don’t give Kate any ideas – next thing you know, the tabloids will have her auditioning for Broadway!

Hugest Disservice to an American Hero – Buzz and his strange space suit, complete with Green Lasers
Heidi: Really DWTS Wardrobe?? Really? Talk about cheesy!! Holy hell. And Star Wars? It also lasted about ten minutes too long.

Courtney: Ugh. Enough with the space suits and references to his astronaut background. Although I have to wonder if Buzz had some say in what he wanted to do – the man does wear a lot of NASA shirts…

Biggest Piece of Cheese I’m Most Ashamed to Admit that I Thought was Kinda Cool – The “Mirrorball Cage In Which Nicole and Evan Descended from the Ceiling.
Heidi:: I’m so ashamed. Between that and the fog, I was like “Coooool”. :::sigh:::

Courtney: My DVR cut that part out. Thank goodness!

Best Self Impersonation – Derek Hough, Describing his Reaction to Almost Dropping Nicole
Heidi: So nice to see these two so relaxed. Ahem. Relaxed.

Courtney: DVR cut out on this one too…so I’ll just take your word for it

Heidi: I’ll post it. It’s actually pretty funny. Apparently there was a lot of dialog during that dance and it was Derek who screwed it up. The dance, not the dialog.

Worst Opening Sequence in the History of the Show: Tuesday Night
Heidi: Is it just me or was that a craptastic opening dance? Did you see Kate walking along the edge of the dance floor trying to find her spot?? Did you notice Derek’s “I’m so going to puke” face?? LOL

Courtney: Another group number that looked like it was thrown together at the last possible moment. Lots of confused choreography, dittoed costumes, and pained expressions. I think the feather thingies were meant to distract us from a clearly terrible performance – some very wise production assistant must have plucked them from the prop closet & suggested they reuse them from the female pros’ opening dancing last season. If I were one of the producers, that production assistant would be promoted to creative director! Haha.

The “I’m So Uncomfortable Watching This” Award: Kate Gosselin informing Tony That She’s Controversial “You know”
Heidi: Um, ick? I can’t decide if it was mean of the producers to show that, or stupid of Kate to seem oddly proud of it.

Courtney: I think what bothered me most was the way she said the word “controversial”. She put too much emphasis on the “i” – “controverSEE-al”. Like she wanted to make it sound more high-class or something. Honey, if you have to tell us that you’re controverSEE-al – then you’re just fishing.
Moment I Expected To Be Supremely Craptastic: Vienna Dancing
Heidi: Why wasn’t she on the show?? She’s way better than Jake. I was surprised how well she did with Dmitry, then not surprised when with Jake everything got…stiff. Pardon the expression. Jake turns everything Cheesy.

Courtney: Jake is a goober. And Vienna was alright – but she still looks like she has no clue what is going on around her. Totally blank expression. Dude, at least Tenley had more facial expressions than just “confused”.

Heidi: :::gasp::: Did YOU watch the Bachelor?!?! Come sit with me in the hall of shame, girly.

Courtney: Eh, I saw some of the finale…CSI must have been a rerun that night. It was like a train wreck in progress - terrible, but you just can’t seem to avert your eyes!

Surest Sign that Len’s Meds Need Adjusting: Telling Nicole She Should Win BEFORE Evan Even Danced
Heidi: I’m a Derek/Nicole fan and I have to say that was shitty. Super Shitty. I groaned out loud.

Courtney: Call me insensitive, but it actually didn’t bother me too badly – granted, I was really surprised Len actually said it, but at that point I think it was just getting too obvious that Nicole was miles ahead of Evan. And I think you mentioned it earlier, but Len may have thought that Nicole wasn’t going to win – and hence was trying to soften the blow a bit…even if he went about it in a rather uncouth way. Or maybe he just got sick of all of the storyboarding, and the fakey “OMG! It’s anyone’s game!” schtick, and this was his geriatric way of rebelling. It seemed to bother Anna more than it bothered Evan – that boy is sweet as pie and totally laid back, so he probably didn’t give it much of a second thought. Good for him

Biggest “Oh no you didn’t!” Moment: Kelly Monaco calling Alec the Iceman
Heidi: Geez, maybe it’s true but can you be ANY more unprofessional, bitch?

Courtney: My guess is that ABC cited some obscure line in her contract from the original season that forced her to attend – because she made it abundantly clear that she really didn’t have any desire to be there. Maybe she was cranky cause her character’s boytoy on General Hospital just got sent to prison. No sex scenes for Sam McCall for awhile…I’d be cranky too! But I gotta give her props for saying out loud (on national television) what we’ve been saying all along – Alec is totally blah.

Tom Bergeron Line O’ The Night, Take Two: “I’ll Never Get Tired of Seeing You Do That”, when imitating Maks jumping tantrum
Heidi: If anyone can bring Maks down to size, it’s Tom Bergeron. LOL

Courtney: Somehow, I don’t think that’s the last we’ll see of the clip of Maks jumping up and down like a toddler who wants candy at the grocery store. I have a feeling it will resurface in subsequent seasons when they’re doing background videos of the pros. Congrats, Maks – your tantrum is now cemented in the annals of DWTS history.

*sigh* Well, we hope you guys have enjoyed your weekly helpings of cheesecake this season as much as we’ve enjoyed dishing them out. The Heidi & Courtney Bitchin’ Kitchen may be closed for the season, but will reopen for business again in September for another fun-filled season of snark Until then, please do continue to lurk! Pure DWTS doesn’t go on summer vacay – we’ll still be keeping up with the latest casting rumors, post-season media appearances, pro gossip, and who knows what else! It promises to be a good time…so stay tuned!

DWTS10 Week 6 – The Cheesecake Awards!

Alas, I think Heidi & I’s mojo came back this week Because we’ve got some fun ones! Now Miss Heidi is actually away on a business trip for a few days, and was unable to catch last night’s results show – so I basically had to fill her in as we went along. Please forgive the wordiness – this is verbatim what was going on via email today between Heidi & I. But I promise – it’s funny wordiness NOW LET THEM EAT (CHEESE)CAKE!

The “Wow…AWKWARD MOMENT!” Award: Jake’s tearful departure, (dis)honorable mention for Maks’ outburst against Len

Courtney: Now while I was sure it couldn’t get much more uncomfortable than witnessing the tense confrontation between Maks & Len, then Jake turned on the waterworks…

Heidi: Wait, WHAT?! Jake CRIED?! There’s no crying in Ballroom!

Courtney: Yep, like a baby. And it wasn’t just like his eyes welling up – it was full-on tears running down his face. He told Chelsie he loved her. Vienna looked like she was about to pull a Lorena Bobbitt on him.

Heidi: Oh wow…that is cheesey. There were many instances on the Bachelor where I thought he looked really teary-eyed. I thought it was his contacts. I guess not.

Courtney: But I will say that Erin looked terribly uncomfortable as Maks was cutting Len off and generally not taking his critique well. Poor girl looked like she wanted to fade into the hardwood of the floor.

Heidi: Which would be quite impossible in her Muppet dress. All those purple feathers would suffocate her.

Best Argument for Chewing Your Food 22 Times Before Swallowing: Louis’ cookie consumption problem during Niecy’s Argentine Tango

Courtney: The good news – the cookie didn’t detract from the performance. The bad news – Louis nearly choked on it getting his critique from the judges. I wonder if the fabulous Tom Bergeron knows the Heimlich Maneuver. Who am I kidding? Tom Bergeron knows EVERYTHING

Heidi: I’m sorry, I hated the cookie AND the rose and the whole concept of eating during an AT. I must be old fashioned – I like my ATs hot, sexy and passionate, not…crumby.

Courtney: At least he ate the cookie at the end. I’m thankful he didn’t pull a Cookie Monster & nom-nom-nom-nom throughout the entire performance!

Least Effective Excuse for Dancing Poorly: Jake “not having his dollar”

Courtney: Ugh. Lesson to be learned: Bruno’s fauxmances with male contestants are often flings. If he tucks a buck one week – don’t expect him to do it again the next. He’s a fickle creature.

Heidi: Word to the wise, Jake – don’t try flirting with people of the same gender. Fail. Actually, you weren’t that good at flirting with women either.

Most Versatile Costume: Pam’s lingerie-inspired tango dress

Courtney: It was sexy. If I were her, I’d sure as hell dance the tango in it, and then wear it to bed…with a friend. Or to a photo shoot with Maxim (the mag, not the pro). Hell, I’d wear it to the grocery store! Warm up the frozen food aisle! Not quite sure how I feel about the brunette wig, though…

Heidi: That wig was too straggly, or haggy – is that a word? But yeah, the dress was awesome.

Courtney: Maybe haggard? I dunno…but I didn’t quite understand the necessity of it. Just to mix things up? If so, I would have rather seen them paint her own hair dark like they did Anna D.’s last season, instead of that unflattering rug on her head.

Heidi: Or just a dark wig that was smooth and not so ratty looking.

Best Impersonation of a Mannequin: Chad during his tango

Courtney: He’s tall. He’s stiff. He’s got a blank expression. Are we sure Cheryl wasn’t dancing with one of the men’s costume dummies from the wardrobe department? One of the wheeled ones? Cause it certainly looked like that’s what Cheryl was pushing around the floor.

Heidi: You remember that cheesy movie Mannequin? How whenever other people were around, she would freeze in to a mannequin from being animate? Yeeaaahhh, Chad.

Courtney: LOL the one with Kim Cattrall? Len must be a huge fan of it, which is why he enjoyed Chad’s tango so much…it’s the only rational explanation!

Worst Choice for Overplayed Practice Session Footage: The ad infinitum replay of Evan hitting his head

Courtney: Not sure what they were trying to accomplish by playing it over and over – trying to create drama? Trying to drum up sympathy for Evan? Trying to educate the masses on the dangers of swing lifts? The only thing it accomplished was giving me a headache.

Heidi: And then they trash his performance (irrationally)? So between the multiple head crunches and the thrashing he got by the judges – well, maybe he’s not getting the votes they want him to get? I find that very hard to believe, actually. But why else would they do that?

Courtney: Maybe Evan ate all the cheesecake on the craft services table and this was their revenge. HA!

Most Allergy-Inducing Costume: Erin‘s lavender-feathered samba dress

Courtney: If watching Evan hit his head repeatedly gave me a headache, then seeing Erin’s dress made me sneeze – I’m terribly allergic to real feathers. Especially ostrich ones, which is what the entire skirt of that dress was made out of.

Heidi: I just didn’t like that dress at all – the color was good on her, but all that flesh toned fabric was just bad – super cheesy. Maybe it’s not a good thing that I have HD? Because none of that was actually sheer so it just looked tacky.

Courtney: Gah…I hate when they pull out the pantyhose fabric! Made the top of the dress look like a skating costume, and the bottom was wayyyy to full for a Latin dance. Would have been better suited to a foxtrot. Wait, I totally spaced the fact that the celebs got to design they & their partner’s costumes this week! So that means…Erin actually came up with that dress herself??! Eee gad.

Most Overrated Prop: The 7 paddle, (dis)honorable mention for lack of shirts on men

Courtney: What is with the judges and giving 7′s this season??? I wish one of the production staff members would steal it and watch them freak out. And I’m just getting tired of shirts getting torn off or ripped open – it was cool once. Now it’s just getting cliche.

Heidi: I have nothing against half naked men. What bugs the shit out of me is half naked men who KNOW Len is a shit about that stuff and who gripe and complain about it anyway. Dude, you know Len hates that, don’t be dissing Len in the media (calling him too old to judge) because you did something you KNOW he hates. That’s just stupid. Man up and hide behind your partner awaiting punishment like Derek did last season.

Courtney: You have a valid point there, m’dear. Maybe that’s what’s bugging me more than the actual shirts coming off – hearing Len bitch & moan. Ugh.

Most in Need of Psychiatric Evaluation: Len, (dis)honorable mention for crazy Bengals fan

Courtney: I think Len’s evil alter ego Sven was out in full force this week – he was here, there, and everywhere with his critiques. And just all-around crabby. As for the Bengals fan that claimed the Chad was “the best dancer on the show!”…as a football fan from the Midwest, I can attest that he unfortunately does represent a pretty good cross-section of Bengals fans. They’re uber-supportive of their boys in orange, but a little crazy at times…

Heidi: The Browns fans are worse. As for Len, well, see my numbers post. I think I’m all ranted out where he’s concerned.

Courtney: Ohhh the Browns…why is it that the worse the team is, the more rabid their fans are? I would hate to see the kind of pandemonium that would occur if a member of the Lions or *gulp* the Raiders did the show…eeek!

The “Say WHAT?!” Award: Nicole’s “Aaaaaghhh!” and “Holy mother of…AIR!” comments, (dis)honorable mention for Erin’s “geeked up” comment

Courtney: Nicole had a little bit of verbal diarrhea this week, I’m afraid – the frustrated noise she made during practice left me a little bit scared, and I’m still trying to wrap my brain around the “Holy mother of air” comment…is that seriously the best she could come up with on the fly? And as for the “geeked up” comment – I’m not sure that was the best choice of words, Erin…go look it up on Urban Dictionary…

Heidi: I think maybe I need to look it up in the urban dictionary. As for Nicole, at least she only slams herself. I loved Derek telling her she was being stupid though, because she was – she needs Derek to do that more often because the serious circles under her eyes mean she’s losing sleep, which will make her too sensitive. She needs a visit from Crazy Derek who will give her a good, metaphorical, slap.

Courtney: Go look it up…kind of a big “whoops” on her part, if she didn’t know what it meant. But I loved Derek’s face as Nicole was getting upset…it kind of ran the gamut of “What the hell is she talking about?” to “Oh she’s such a silly girl!” to “I have absolutely no clue what to say.”

Heidi: He definitely had a “girls are so stupid” moment. You know when he gets that WTF? look on his face and starts laughing at your face, it’s a bad sign.

The Lifty McLiftertons Award: Chelsie

Courtney: This girl does RIDICULOUS lifts – no wonder they’ve been using her almost every week in the pro dances! While I had seen her do a few lifts in routines when she was on SYTYCD, I had no idea her prowess extended much further…she’s like a monkey, those long lines and no fear of heights! She may not be competing with a celeb anymore this season, but I doubt she’s gonna be totally absent from results shows, with skills like that…I’m sure John will agree

Heidi: What the hell are you talking about? I didn’t see the results show, remember? But I imagine it would be easy to throw a ten pound toothpick with hair in to the air.

Courtney: Oops! Sorry Heidi…yah, Chelsie was doing all sorts of crazy lifts with Tony during Melissa Ethridge’s first performance. Maks & Anna were dancing at the same time, but you barely noticed them because everything they were doing looked small and ho-hum compared to Chelsie’s acrobatics. Edyta also had one really good lift during she & Alec’s performance during “Come to My Window”.

Heidi: Ahhhh, I see. Yeah, Chelsie is a lot like Julianne in that respect – remember a couple seasons ago when Jules danced with Tony and did some crazy ass lifts?? Amazing shit.

Courtney: She’s definitely taken over as the “master liftee” since Julianne’s departure. And Tony seems to be the master lifter…you ever noticed that none of the other guys really do the same heavy-duty lifting that Tony does? Dmitry is probably a close second, but they don’t feature him nearly as much as Tony.

The Relapse Award: Brooke telling Pam (and America) that she was dancing the samba next week…when she is really dancing the waltz

Courtney: Now I’m not sure if someone was telling her the wrong thing on the teleprompter or if she maybe confused Pam with another contestant, but Pam definitely got a bit of a funny look on her face when Brooke said samba. God bless Pam, she just rolled with it, and even gestured to Evan and said “Samba…that’s what you did, right? Looks like fun!” Whatever happened, it was definitely a little bit of a “D’oh!” moment, and I felt like Brooke regressed a bit. But she’s still miles ahead of the cheesecake comment!

Alas, it was a good week for cheesecake Did you guys think of any that we may have forgotten? Let’s hear ‘em! And everyone wish Heidi a safe & happy return from her travels

Aaron Carter Sent Home on DWTS

I was slightly disappointed that Aaron was sent home last night. I think out of all the contestants he had the most up and down experience going from amazing in the first 2 weeks and then getting overly cocky and hard to watch and then back to brilliant and passionate dancing. I had a feeling Aaron was going to be sent home over Kelly but let’s take a look at his best dances and hottest outfits

BEST DANCES
Week 1: Cha-Cha
Little Aaron Carter can dance! This was an amazing premier dance for Aaron and Karina! I loved that you could tell he was working so hard to be a good dancer but also an amazing partner for Karina. Every time he touched her I could tell he was into it!

Week 2: Viennese Waltz
I loved the Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy story line here!

Week 5: Argentine Tango
He feel of the wagon during weeks 3 and 4 but came back with his Robert Patterson vibe in the Argentine Tango! This dance was so sexy and confident on his end and he had amazing partnering for Karina!