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DWTS10 Finale – The Cheesecake Awards!!!

*sniff* Sorry for the delay, kids – this week’s awards were a little bittersweet for Heidi & I, since they’re the last chance we’re going to be able to nitpick & snark until September :-( But better late than never, eh? With 3 hours of nonstop ridiculousness to pull from this week, we definitely had a lot of material to work with – and I like to think we’ve really outdone ourselves this time :-D So please – sit back, relax, and savor your last piece of cheesecake from season 10!

Best Impersonation of a Jersey Shore cast member: Brooke’s Snooki-inspired pouffy hair
Courtney: I can’t recall a hairstyle in the show’s history that was more talked-about than this one (not even Karina’s mullet!).  Thank goodness Heidi & I weren’t the only ones that were totally distracted by Brooke’s sky-high Bump-It pouff on Monday night.  And with a headband? Totally ridiculous…send her hairstylist back to Jersey, PLEASE! In fact, this pouff could have actually rivaled Snooki’s in its size…looks like J-Woww, Pauly D, and the Situation are all fist pumping under there. 

Heidi: I think Voldemort was under there. Maybe that’s why she’s improved so much – he’s controlling her. :-)

Biggest Exercise in Futility: Kate’s encore performance of her paso doble, and subsequent hustle to “I Will Survive”; (dis)honorable mention for Evan & Anna and Erin & Maks unsuccessful use of outside choreography for their freestyles
Courtney: A question for whoever had the bright idea to put Kate front & center in the opening number: did you really think she was gonna pull off the simple act of walking with a feather thingie successfully? Because she managed to botch that completely.  And the paso was terrible the first time around – did we really need to relive it, as if to confirm “Yep, Kate really is a bad dancer!” The feeble hustle that ended with her being lifted up in a cherry-picker at the end? I guess we should be thankful that it was less hustle and more just Kate being lifted.  At least she seemed to be having fun.  And after the two mediocre freestyles from the couples that used outside assistance, I reiterate: the further you go outside of your comfort zone and into something that you’re unfamiliar with, the more clueless & uncomfortable you look.  Stick with what works.

Heidi: Dude, she was downright creepy, what with the way she was “flying” and the way she was lit.  Eeep!! As for the outside choreography…well, I guess I kinda understand it *in theory*, but at that point in the season the dancers know each other (and their strengths and weaknesses) so well, that it seems to me that an outsider would mess with that.
  
Most Interesting Double Entendre: Maks’ excuse for the mess-ups on the bed – “That wasn’t the bed we rehearsed on!”
Courtney: I still can’t decide if he said this in earnest, or deliberately threw out something saucy like this.  He only dug himself further into a hole with his follow-up comment on GMA yesterday morning: “The first time we did it on the bed, she went flying off!” Oh jeebus…

Heidi: I’m tempted to make a crack about you giving Maks too much credit for superb innuendo. :-)  But it beats me if he was earnest or not.  Better was Tom’s reaction to it last night – making a big O with his arms and yelling “over sharing!!!”

Courtney: Eh, I’m leaning more towards the former – that he was just flustered and blurted it out without thinking – but Maks does have interesting ways of getting attention…maybe he actually thought of it beforehand and had it in his verbal arsenal just incase ;-)
  
The “Denial is not just a river in Egypt” award: Nicole & Derek’s vehement denial of there being anything going on between them romantically
Courtney: Ok, first there was the armpit sniffing and gum sharing.  Then the strange neck caressing.  And then, after an overtly sexual rumba, they pan to Nicole’s boyfriend in the audience – and he is NOT a happy camper.  And after a juicy bit of insider info that I heard a few days ago, I am almost 100% certain that SOMETHING has gone on between these two. 

Heidi: You forgot that she jumped on top of him in happiness – not only that, but she was running her hand over his hair and kissing on him.  More than anything it’s the hands in the hair thing and the multiple times she wrapped her legs around him. :-) And Derek keeps picking her up.
  
Biggest Accident Waiting to Happen: Erin nearly taking Maks out during the infamous jump off the stage in the their Argentine tango
Courtney: Maybe she overshot it a bit, maybe he wasn’t quite grounded enough – maybe a combination of both.  But for a second, Maks wavered, and I was worried that they both were going to topple.  Seriously – that is one dangerous lift! I don’t blame Erin for being apprehensive…

Heidi: I gasped – thought they were going all the way to the judges.
 
Best “Hairstyle on a Budget”: Nicole’s banana claw for the rumba
Courtney: Prior to their rumba, I was like “Really, hair people? First you Snookify Brooke, now you’re scrimping on Nicole and sticking her with a $2 Goody banana clip from the drugstore? You could at least bedazzle that thing, jeez!” Then I saw the rumba…and I was like “Ahhhh. I think I need to invest in some banana clips.”

Heidi: LOL – I was gonna say, nothing says “We’ve done it” more than a practiced hair loosening. Ya see, it’s the subtle little moves like that that make me go “Ahhh…I want some of that kind of action please.”
  
Best Intro for a Returning Celeb Dance: Tom’s description of Pam’s performance – “Pamela Anderson…and some guys.”
Courtney: Oh Pam – I knew you would make a triumphant return to the floor in your own steamy way! And she really did upstage all three of them, slinking around in that corset and fishnets.  Leave it to Tom to summarize it best…I’m gonna miss you till September, Tom Bergeron :-(

Heidi: Follow him on Twitter – hilarious. He and Melissa Rycroft have some weird relationship. He used her as a paparazzi shield monday night and then pseudo apologized on Twitter.  Anyway, Pam didn’t just upstage them, she ROLLED across them.  Wowza!!
 
The Candid Camera Award: Evan & Anna’s unhappy expressions in the dressing room; (dis)honorable mention for Anna clearly mouthing the f-word at the end of Monday night’s show
Courtney: Now we’ve all seen what kind of damage can be done when the couples know the camera is running during their practice sessions.  But the real fun happens when they DON’T know the camera is on them – like finale night, when they showed Nicole & Derek backstage energetically practicing their jive, and then panned to the adjacent room where Evan & Anna were sitting – glumly, like someone had killed their dog – or they were about to kill each other. Now before anyone can say “But they felt defeated after Len told Nicole she should win!”, keep in mind this was BEFORE Len said that, as neither of them had performed their final dance yet.  Not sure what they were so upset about, but someone must have told them to perk up, because they next time they showed them backstage, they were all smiles.  As for Anna’s pottymouth moment, it’s at the very end of Monday night’s show, when they’re going through the scoreboard – they pan to Evan & Anna as they’re saying “And at the bottom of the leaderboard…” and Anna looks over her right shoulder and says “F&%!” It actually made me laugh – if I were on the show, I would probably have the censors taking beta blockers, they’d be bleeping me so much…nice to know the pros slip up from time to time, too;-)

Heidi: That was striking, them sitting there. I was like, what the hell??  But at the end of the results show, when Mark picks Derek up, I’m pretty sure he lets out an involuntary “shit” of surprise – or it was my high def making the audio cut out. Buncha potty mouths. :-)
 

Best Wardrobe Malfunction Waiting to Happen – Brooke Burke and her gold Mummy dress
Heidi: When she went to talk to the final two and she actually SAT DOWN – I actually held my breath to see if the dress would bust in a strategic spot. :-) I was oddly disappointed when it held together. Seriously, they work so hard to keep the dancers in their dresses wouldn’t it be freakin’ hilarious if Brooke busted (heh) out of hers?? Anyway, she gave a whole new meaning to the words Golden Globes.

Courtney: That dress just confused me.  It was some crazy patchwork concoction – like someone didn’t have enough of any one type of fabric to make a dress, so they just combined scraps they had laying around.  I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I actually think I liked Samantha’s dresses better than some of the ones Brooke has worn. 
 
 
Tom Bergeron Line O’ The Night: “Hey Kate, while you’re up there, sing ‘Don’t Cry for me Argentina'”
Heidi: I think I actually guffawed. I don’t even know what that actually sounds like, but I’m pretty sure I did it. :-)

Courtney: Eva Peron > Kate Gosselin.  *shudder* Somehow I think that Kate would actually be a worse singer than she is a dancer (and I think we’ve already established that she is a TERRIBLE dancer!) Tom, don’t give Kate any ideas – next thing you know, the tabloids will have her auditioning for Broadway!

Hugest Disservice to an American Hero – Buzz and his strange space suit, complete with Green Lasers
Heidi: Really DWTS Wardrobe??  Really? Talk about cheesy!! Holy hell.  And Star Wars? It also lasted about ten minutes too long. :-)

Courtney: Ugh.  Enough with the space suits and references to his astronaut background.  Although I have to wonder if Buzz had some say in what he wanted to do – the man does wear a lot of NASA shirts…

Biggest Piece of Cheese I’m Most Ashamed to Admit that I Thought was Kinda Cool – The “Mirrorball Cage In Which Nicole and Evan Descended from the Ceiling.
Heidi:: I’m so ashamed. Between that and the fog, I was like “Coooool”.  :::sigh:::

Courtney: My DVR cut that part out. Thank goodness!
  
Best Self Impersonation – Derek Hough, Describing his Reaction to Almost Dropping Nicole
Heidi: So nice to see these two so relaxed. Ahem. :-) Relaxed. 

Courtney: DVR cut out on this one too…so I’ll just take your word for it ;-)

Heidi: I’ll post it. It’s actually pretty funny. Apparently there was a lot of dialog during that dance and it was Derek who screwed it up. The dance, not the dialog.

Worst Opening Sequence in the History of the Show: Tuesday Night
Heidi: Is it just me or was that a craptastic opening dance?  Did you see Kate walking along the edge of the dance floor trying to find her spot?? Did you notice Derek’s “I’m so going to puke” face?? LOL

Courtney: Another group number that looked like it was thrown together at the last possible moment.  Lots of confused choreography, dittoed costumes, and pained expressions. I think the feather thingies were meant to distract us from a clearly terrible performance – some very wise production assistant must have plucked them from the prop closet & suggested they reuse them from the female pros’ opening dancing last season.  If I were one of the producers, that production assistant would be promoted to creative director! Haha.

The “I’m So Uncomfortable Watching This” Award: Kate Gosselin informing Tony That She’s Controversial “You know”
Heidi: Um, ick? I can’t decide if it was mean of the producers to show that, or stupid of Kate to seem oddly proud of it.

Courtney: I think what bothered me most was the way she said the word “controversial”.  She put too much emphasis on the “i” – “controverSEE-al”. Like she wanted to make it sound more high-class or something.  Honey, if you have to tell us that you’re controverSEE-al – then you’re just fishing.
Moment I Expected To Be Supremely Craptastic: Vienna Dancing
Heidi: Why wasn’t she on the show?? She’s way better than Jake. I was surprised how well she did with Dmitry, then not surprised when with Jake everything got…stiff. Pardon the expression. :-) Jake turns everything Cheesy.

Courtney: Jake is a goober.  And Vienna was alright – but she still looks like she has no clue what is going on around her.  Totally blank expression.  Dude, at least Tenley had more facial expressions than just “confused”.

Heidi: :::gasp:::  Did YOU watch the Bachelor?!?!  Come sit with me in the hall of shame, girly. :-)

Courtney: Eh, I saw some of the finale…CSI must have been a rerun that night.  It was like a train wreck in progress –  terrible, but you just can’t seem to avert your eyes!
  
Surest Sign that Len’s Meds Need Adjusting: Telling Nicole She Should Win BEFORE Evan Even Danced
Heidi: I’m a Derek/Nicole fan and I have to say that was shitty. Super Shitty. I groaned out loud.  

Courtney: Call me insensitive, but it actually didn’t bother me too badly – granted, I was really surprised Len actually said it, but at that point I think it was just getting too obvious that Nicole was miles ahead of Evan. And I think you mentioned it earlier, but Len may have thought that Nicole wasn’t going to win – and hence was trying to soften the blow a bit…even if he went about it in a rather uncouth way.  Or maybe he just got sick of all of the storyboarding, and the fakey “OMG! It’s anyone’s game!” schtick, and this was his geriatric way of rebelling.  It seemed to bother Anna more than it bothered Evan – that boy is sweet as pie and totally laid back, so he probably didn’t give it much of a second thought. Good for him :-)

Biggest “Oh no you didn’t!” Moment: Kelly Monaco calling Alec the Iceman
Heidi: Geez, maybe it’s true but can you be ANY more unprofessional, bitch?

Courtney: My guess is that ABC cited some obscure line in her contract from the original season that forced her to attend – because she made it abundantly clear that she really didn’t have any desire to be there.  Maybe she was cranky cause her character’s boytoy on General Hospital just got sent to prison. No sex scenes for Sam McCall for awhile…I’d be cranky too!  But I gotta give her props for saying out loud (on national television) what we’ve been saying all along – Alec is totally blah.

Tom Bergeron Line O’ The Night, Take Two: “I’ll Never Get Tired of Seeing You Do That”, when imitating Maks jumping tantrum
Heidi: If anyone can bring Maks down to size, it’s Tom Bergeron. LOL

Courtney: Somehow, I don’t think that’s the last we’ll see of the clip of Maks jumping up and down like a toddler who wants candy at the grocery store.  I have a feeling it will resurface in subsequent seasons when they’re doing background videos of the pros.  Congrats, Maks – your tantrum is now cemented in the annals of DWTS history. :-)

*sigh* Well, we hope you guys have enjoyed your weekly helpings of cheesecake this season as much as we’ve enjoyed dishing them out. The Heidi & Courtney Bitchin’ Kitchen may be closed for the season, but will reopen for business again in September for another fun-filled season of snark ;-)  Until then, please  do continue to lurk! Pure DWTS doesn’t go on summer vacay – we’ll still be keeping up with the latest casting rumors, post-season media appearances, pro gossip, and who knows what else! It promises to be a good time…so stay tuned!

May 27, 2010 I Written By

Ultrasound sales specialist by day, semi-knowledgeable DWTS fan by night...with a smattering of hair & makeup enthusiast, occasional model, and crazy cat lady peppered in to make things REALLY interesting ;-) I might pee my pants in happiness if Donnie Wahlberg ever does DWTS - or if they ever use "Sunglasses at Night" as a paso doble. Check out some of my other work at pureamericasgottalent.com!

DWTS10 Week 6 – The Cheesecake Awards!

Alas, I think Heidi & I’s mojo came back this week :-) Because we’ve got some fun ones! Now Miss Heidi is actually away on a business trip for a few days, and was unable to catch last night’s results show – so I basically had to fill her in as we went along.  Please forgive the wordiness – this is verbatim what was going on via email today between Heidi & I.  But I promise – it’s funny wordiness ;-) NOW LET THEM EAT (CHEESE)CAKE!

The “Wow…AWKWARD MOMENT!” Award: Jake’s tearful departure, (dis)honorable mention for Maks’ outburst against Len

Courtney: Now while I was sure it couldn’t get much more uncomfortable than witnessing the tense confrontation between Maks & Len, then Jake turned on the waterworks…

Heidi: Wait, WHAT?! Jake CRIED?! There’s no crying in Ballroom!

Courtney: Yep, like a baby.  And it wasn’t just like his eyes welling up – it was full-on tears running down his face.  He told Chelsie he loved her. Vienna looked like she was about to pull a Lorena Bobbitt on him.

Heidi: Oh wow…that is cheesey.  There were many instances on the Bachelor where I thought he looked really teary-eyed. I thought it was his contacts. I guess not.

Courtney: But I will say that Erin looked terribly uncomfortable as Maks was cutting Len off and generally not taking his critique well.  Poor girl looked like she wanted to fade into the hardwood of the floor.

Heidi: Which would be quite impossible in her Muppet dress. All those purple feathers would suffocate her.

Best Argument for Chewing Your Food 22 Times Before Swallowing: Louis’ cookie consumption problem during Niecy’s Argentine Tango

Courtney: The good news – the cookie didn’t detract from the performance.  The bad news – Louis nearly choked on it getting his critique from the judges.  I wonder if the fabulous Tom Bergeron knows the Heimlich Maneuver. Who am I kidding? Tom Bergeron knows EVERYTHING :-)

Heidi: I’m sorry, I hated the cookie AND the rose and the whole concept of eating during an AT. I must be old fashioned – I like my ATs hot, sexy and passionate, not…crumby. :-)

Courtney: At least he ate the cookie at the end.  I’m thankful he didn’t pull a Cookie Monster & nom-nom-nom-nom throughout the entire performance!

Least Effective Excuse for Dancing Poorly: Jake “not having his dollar”

Courtney: Ugh.  Lesson to be learned: Bruno’s fauxmances with male contestants are often flings.  If he tucks a buck one week – don’t expect him to do it again the next.  He’s a fickle creature.

Heidi: Word to the wise, Jake – don’t try flirting with people of the same gender. Fail. Actually, you weren’t that good at flirting with women either.

Most Versatile Costume: Pam’s lingerie-inspired tango dress

Courtney: It was sexy. If I were her, I’d sure as hell dance the tango in it, and then wear it to bed…with a friend. ;-) Or to a photo shoot with Maxim (the mag, not the pro). Hell, I’d wear it to the grocery store! Warm up the frozen food aisle! Not quite sure how I feel about the brunette wig, though…

Heidi: That wig was too straggly, or haggy – is that a word? But yeah, the dress was awesome.

Courtney: Maybe haggard? I dunno…but I didn’t quite understand the necessity of it.  Just to mix things up? If so, I would have rather seen them paint her own hair dark like they did Anna D.’s last season, instead of that unflattering rug on her head.

Heidi: Or just a dark wig that was smooth and not so ratty looking.

Best Impersonation of a Mannequin: Chad during his tango

Courtney: He’s tall. He’s stiff. He’s got a blank expression. Are we sure Cheryl wasn’t dancing with one of the men’s costume dummies from the wardrobe department? One of the wheeled ones? Cause it certainly looked like that’s what Cheryl was pushing around the floor.

Heidi: You remember that cheesy movie Mannequin? How whenever other people were around, she would freeze in to a mannequin from being animate?  Yeeaaahhh, Chad.

Courtney: LOL the one with Kim Cattrall? Len must be a huge fan of it, which is why he enjoyed Chad’s tango so much…it’s the only rational explanation! :-P

Worst Choice for Overplayed Practice Session Footage: The ad infinitum replay of Evan hitting his head

Courtney: Not sure what they were trying to accomplish by playing it over and over – trying to create drama? Trying to drum up sympathy for Evan? Trying to educate the masses on the dangers of swing lifts? :-P The only thing it accomplished was giving me a headache.

Heidi: And then they trash his performance (irrationally)?  So between the multiple head crunches and the thrashing he got by the judges – well, maybe he’s not getting the votes they want him to get? I find that very hard to believe, actually. But why else would they do that?

Courtney: Maybe Evan ate all the cheesecake on the craft services table and this was their revenge. HA!

Most Allergy-Inducing Costume: Erin‘s lavender-feathered samba dress

Courtney: If watching Evan hit his head repeatedly gave me a headache, then seeing Erin’s dress made me sneeze – I’m terribly allergic to real feathers.  Especially ostrich ones, which is what the entire skirt of that dress was made out of. 

Heidi: I just didn’t like that dress at all – the color was good on her, but all that flesh toned fabric was just bad – super cheesy.  Maybe it’s not a good thing that I have HD? Because none of that was actually sheer so it just looked tacky. :-)

Courtney: Gah…I hate when they pull out the pantyhose fabric! Made the top of the dress look like a skating costume, and the bottom was wayyyy to full for a Latin dance.  Would have been better suited to a foxtrot.  Wait, I totally spaced the fact that the celebs got to design they & their partner’s costumes this week! So that means…Erin actually came up with that dress herself??! Eee gad.

Most Overrated Prop: The 7 paddle, (dis)honorable mention for lack of shirts on men

Courtney: What is with the judges and giving 7’s this season??? I wish one of the production staff members would steal it and watch them freak out.  And I’m just getting tired of shirts getting torn off or ripped open – it was cool once.  Now it’s just getting cliche. 

Heidi: I have nothing against half naked men. What bugs the shit out of me is half naked men who KNOW Len is a shit about that stuff and who gripe and complain about it anyway. Dude, you know Len hates that, don’t be dissing Len in the media (calling him too old to judge) because you did something you KNOW he hates. That’s just stupid. Man up and hide behind your partner awaiting punishment like Derek did last season. :-)

Courtney: You have a valid point there, m’dear.  Maybe that’s what’s bugging me more than the actual shirts coming off – hearing Len bitch & moan.  Ugh.

Most in Need of Psychiatric Evaluation: Len, (dis)honorable mention for crazy Bengals fan

Courtney: I think Len’s evil alter ego Sven was out in full force this week – he was here, there, and everywhere with his critiques.  And just all-around crabby.  As for the Bengals fan that claimed the Chad was “the best dancer on the show!”…as a football fan from the Midwest, I can attest that he unfortunately does represent a pretty good cross-section of Bengals fans.  They’re uber-supportive of their boys in orange, but a little crazy at times…

Heidi: The Browns fans are worse. :-) As for Len, well, see my numbers post. I think I’m all ranted out where he’s concerned.

Courtney: Ohhh the Browns…why is it that the worse the team is, the more rabid their fans are? I would hate to see the kind of pandemonium that would occur if a member of the Lions or *gulp* the Raiders did the show…eeek!

The “Say WHAT?!” Award: Nicole’s “Aaaaaghhh!” and “Holy mother of…AIR!” comments, (dis)honorable mention for Erin’s “geeked up” comment

Courtney: Nicole had a little bit of verbal diarrhea this week, I’m afraid – the frustrated noise she made during practice left me a little bit scared, and I’m still trying to wrap my brain around the “Holy mother of air” comment…is that seriously the best she could come up with on the fly? And as for the “geeked up” comment – I’m not sure that was the best choice of words, Erin…go look it up on Urban Dictionary…

Heidi: I think maybe I need to look it up in the urban dictionary. :-)  As for Nicole, at least she only slams herself.  I loved Derek telling her she was being stupid though, because she was – she needs Derek to do that more often because the serious circles under her eyes mean she’s losing sleep, which will make her too sensitive. She needs a visit from Crazy Derek who will give her a good, metaphorical, slap.

Courtney: Go look it up…kind of a big “whoops” on her part, if she didn’t know what it meant.  But I loved Derek’s face as Nicole was getting upset…it kind of ran the gamut of “What the hell is she talking about?” to “Oh she’s such a silly girl!” to “I have absolutely no clue what to say.”

Heidi: He definitely had a “girls are so stupid” moment.  You know when he gets that WTF? look on his face and starts laughing at your face, it’s a bad sign. :-)

The Lifty McLiftertons Award: Chelsie

Courtney: This girl does RIDICULOUS lifts – no wonder they’ve been using her almost every week in the pro dances! While I had seen her do a few lifts in routines when she was on SYTYCD, I had no idea her prowess extended much further…she’s like a monkey, those long lines and no fear of heights! She may not be competing with a celeb anymore this season, but I doubt she’s gonna be totally absent from results shows, with skills like that…I’m sure John will agree :-)

Heidi: What the hell are you talking about? I didn’t see the results show, remember? :-) But I imagine it would be easy to throw a ten pound toothpick with hair in to the air. :-)

Courtney: Oops! Sorry Heidi…yah, Chelsie was doing all sorts of crazy lifts with Tony during Melissa Ethridge’s first performance.  Maks & Anna were dancing at the same time, but you barely noticed them because everything they were doing looked small and ho-hum compared to Chelsie’s acrobatics. Edyta also had one really good lift during she & Alec’s performance during “Come to My Window”.

Heidi: Ahhhh, I see. Yeah, Chelsie is a lot like Julianne in that respect – remember a couple seasons ago when Jules danced with Tony and did some crazy ass lifts?? Amazing shit.

Courtney: She’s definitely taken over as the “master liftee” since Julianne’s departure.  And Tony seems to be the master lifter…you ever noticed that none of the other guys really do the same heavy-duty lifting that Tony does? Dmitry is probably a close second, but they don’t feature him nearly as much as Tony. 

The Relapse Award: Brooke telling Pam (and America) that she was dancing the samba next week…when she is really dancing the waltz

Courtney: Now I’m not sure if someone was telling her the wrong thing on the teleprompter or if she maybe confused Pam with another contestant, but Pam definitely got a bit of a funny look on her face when Brooke said samba.  God bless Pam, she just rolled with it, and even gestured to Evan and said “Samba…that’s what you did, right? Looks like fun!” Whatever happened, it was definitely a little bit of a “D’oh!” moment, and I felt like Brooke regressed a bit.  But she’s still miles ahead of the cheesecake comment!

Alas, it was a good week for cheesecake ;-) Did you guys think of any that we may have forgotten? Let’s hear ‘em! And everyone wish Heidi a safe & happy return from her travels :-)

April 28, 2010 I Written By

Ultrasound sales specialist by day, semi-knowledgeable DWTS fan by night...with a smattering of hair & makeup enthusiast, occasional model, and crazy cat lady peppered in to make things REALLY interesting ;-) I might pee my pants in happiness if Donnie Wahlberg ever does DWTS - or if they ever use "Sunglasses at Night" as a paso doble. Check out some of my other work at pureamericasgottalent.com!

DWTS10 Week 3 – The Cheesecake Awards!

Welcome to the warped & ridiculous brainchild of Courtney & Heidi :-) We’ve decided to give silly awards for each week’s show – some are funny, some are shameful, some are just downright ridiculous.  But it’s all in the name of a good laugh and hopefully some great discussion! As for the name – we decided to call them the “cheesecake” awards due to Brooke’s awkward comment about cheesecake to Evan & Anna during week 2, and also because cheesecake can refer to anything that’s cheesy, tacky, or just funny. We plan to give the awards on Wednesdays, but this week just had too many events that begged for an award that we just had to do one for week 3. So without further ado, we’d like to bestow the first round of cheesecakes to the lucky (or unlucky!) winners…

 

Best use of white pants by a pro: Derek Hough

Heidi: Thank you, Baby Jesus. Um, hello there, little Derek. :-)

Courtney: Didn’t anyone tell Derek that you aren’t supposed to wear white pants between Labor Day & Memorial Day??? Oh well, I enjoyed the view nonetheless (after Heidi brought it to my attention, of course ;-) ).  The people demand more white pants!

Best use of another pro as a prop: Jonathan Roberts & Tony Dovolani as 2 of the “Three Amigos” during Chad & Cheryl’s paso doble

Courtney: Best prop of the week, if you ask me! Any excuse to have Jonathan Roberts on camera is fine by me :-) Too bad he & Tony were the most memorable part of this routine for me…note to all the couples: if you’re going to use a prop, make sure you don’t let it (or him) upstage you! LOL

Heidi: OMG – rolling on the freaking floor at Jon and Tony’s cheesy grins in the celebriquarium.  Genius. I love the implied goofiness that dictated the use of them in another pro’s dance. I’m assuming that was Cheryl’s brilliant move. Brava! Unfortunately, Courtney’s right – those two are all I can remember from that dance.

Most indulgent song choice: “Paparazzi” for Kate Gosselin’s paso doble

Courtney: C’mon now…seriously? You’re always getting followed by the paparazzi? One, you are at best a D-list celeb; two, the last I checked, you were the one seeking the spotlight – not the other way around.  Not that the song did you any favors anyway…

Heidi: Even better was Jake’s sage nodding in the background during her interview in the celebriquarium – hilarious. Seriously, Jake? REALLY? Dude, you go to every paparazzi hang out in Hollywood and then mack on your fiancé for the cameras. The Ivy? Spare me your tears, little man. :-) You love it.

Best costume that looked better the 2nd time around: Chelsie’s acoustic paso dress

Heidi: So, the acoustic Paso dress was originally worn by Cheryl in her paso with….Gilles, correct?? That dress was so hideous that it made me forget how hot Gilles was!! I couldn’t look at the beauty of Gilles because my eyeballs had been burned by the horror of that dress. Okay…hyperbole. :-)  And I think Cheryl has a great body!! Just not the body for that particular dress.

Courtney: Yep, it was her paso with Gilles – he looked fantastic (shirtless!) and I feel like that just made it look that much worse on her – I thought it made her look like the Michelin Man.  But on Chelsie – stun-ning.  I’m sure John would agree ;-)

Most shameless vote mongering: Evan Lysacek

Heidi: Evan, for the love of all that is holy…chill the f*&k out. Picture me sitting in my overstuffed chair holding my blackberry and screaming as I received yet another plea to “vote for meeeeeeee, pleeeeeeessseee”. Dude, you tweeted every 10 minutes *during the show* in week 2 begging people to vote for you. It gave me an idea for a new show!! Spamalot, staring Evan Lysacek as Sir Evan…oh, wait. Eric Idle would likely sue. You do look good in tights, though, I’m sure.

Courtney: I haven’t seen so much spam since my Aunt Nadine’s 4th of July picnic.  For SHAME, Evan!

Biggest cranky-pants of the week: Len Goodman, with a (dis)honorable mention for Jake Pavelka

Courtney: My goodness, he was even more crotchety than usual this week…don’t know how that is even possible! Didn’t think he was so crabby as to bash a couple’s routine the day AFTER the fact…maybe he just needs a nap or something.  And Jake…we all know how I feel about Jake.  Would you like some cheese with that whine, my friend?

Heidi: Len is Len, but he did go too far with the Erin/Maks critique on the day after the performance show. That is beyond his pattern of always being nasty to the dancers with experience (it does make me wonder if she’s not getting enough votes, though).   But Jake takes the cake – what, you thought that everyone wanted your rose? Um, ick, the visuals…I just made myself nauseous. :-)

Hairdo we never want to see again: Chelsie’s black Egyptian wig

Courtney: Some people are meant to have dark hair, others are not.  We like you blonde, Chelsie! And John, well…he LOVES you blonde. Don’t go changin’ on us ever again! You looked like a Cher impersonator.

Heidi: Was it the wig or the bad makeup? Or the horrifying combination? I don’t know.  And did they forget pieces of it were still there for her accoustic paso?? It looked small furry animals were hiding in her actual hair. Or were you trying to distinguish yourself from Jake’s fiancé Vienna?

Best Tom Joke of the Week: “And next week’s show will be on Pay-per-view” followed by “wonder who will have to clean that up?”

Heidi: I am madly in crush with Tom Bergeron – he makes me LOL nearly every show. Brilliant and wicked all at the same time.

Courtney: I feel your pain, Tom – I don’t want to even entertain the visual of Chad & Cheryl “making love on the dance floor”. ICK!  Still crushin’ on Tom here too…seriously, who would pay $10k to have Snooki at their event if they could book Tom Bergeron instead? Only one major caveat – his very presence just makes Brooke look even more inept.  Speaking of which…

And finally, the CheeseKake Award within the Cheesecake Awards:  Brooke’s “We wanna dance like that!!” remark in the red room after the acoustic paso. GONG!!

Heidi: Oh, Brooke, that comment fell flatter than a male pro’s washboard abs. That was just painful. I can barely bring myself to watch it over and over again. :-) Tell me, was it suppose to instill camaraderie with the other dancers? Be funny? What?

Courtney: I almost feel like we should be holding onto moldy fruit & veggies to be chucking at the screen every time she talks – some of her commentary is almost painful. Maybe not as painful as the cheesecake comment, but still – made me cringe. Definitely not a natural improviser like Tom is. But then again, nobody can compare to the glory of Tom Bergeron :-) *dreamy sigh*

Let’s have a big round of applause (or jeers, whichever suits you better!) for our first round of Cheesecake recipients! For those of you who are upset you didn’t get one this week, there is hope: you will no doubt do something stupid/funny/ridiculous/awkward enough in the coming weeks to get one.  Ooh, we can hardly wait!  Tune in Wednesday when we give our next round of Cheesecakes for the outrageous antics that are bound to arise from the tango & rumba! Scandalous ;-)

April 9, 2010 I Written By

Ultrasound sales specialist by day, semi-knowledgeable DWTS fan by night...with a smattering of hair & makeup enthusiast, occasional model, and crazy cat lady peppered in to make things REALLY interesting ;-) I might pee my pants in happiness if Donnie Wahlberg ever does DWTS - or if they ever use "Sunglasses at Night" as a paso doble. Check out some of my other work at pureamericasgottalent.com!