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DWTS10 Finale – The Cheesecake Awards!!!

*sniff* Sorry for the delay, kids – this week’s awards were a little bittersweet for Heidi & I, since they’re the last chance we’re going to be able to nitpick & snark until September :-( But better late than never, eh? With 3 hours of nonstop ridiculousness to pull from this week, we definitely had a lot of material to work with – and I like to think we’ve really outdone ourselves this time :-D So please – sit back, relax, and savor your last piece of cheesecake from season 10!

Best Impersonation of a Jersey Shore cast member: Brooke’s Snooki-inspired pouffy hair
Courtney: I can’t recall a hairstyle in the show’s history that was more talked-about than this one (not even Karina’s mullet!).  Thank goodness Heidi & I weren’t the only ones that were totally distracted by Brooke’s sky-high Bump-It pouff on Monday night.  And with a headband? Totally ridiculous…send her hairstylist back to Jersey, PLEASE! In fact, this pouff could have actually rivaled Snooki’s in its size…looks like J-Woww, Pauly D, and the Situation are all fist pumping under there. 

Heidi: I think Voldemort was under there. Maybe that’s why she’s improved so much – he’s controlling her. :-)

Biggest Exercise in Futility: Kate’s encore performance of her paso doble, and subsequent hustle to “I Will Survive”; (dis)honorable mention for Evan & Anna and Erin & Maks unsuccessful use of outside choreography for their freestyles
Courtney: A question for whoever had the bright idea to put Kate front & center in the opening number: did you really think she was gonna pull off the simple act of walking with a feather thingie successfully? Because she managed to botch that completely.  And the paso was terrible the first time around – did we really need to relive it, as if to confirm “Yep, Kate really is a bad dancer!” The feeble hustle that ended with her being lifted up in a cherry-picker at the end? I guess we should be thankful that it was less hustle and more just Kate being lifted.  At least she seemed to be having fun.  And after the two mediocre freestyles from the couples that used outside assistance, I reiterate: the further you go outside of your comfort zone and into something that you’re unfamiliar with, the more clueless & uncomfortable you look.  Stick with what works.

Heidi: Dude, she was downright creepy, what with the way she was “flying” and the way she was lit.  Eeep!! As for the outside choreography…well, I guess I kinda understand it *in theory*, but at that point in the season the dancers know each other (and their strengths and weaknesses) so well, that it seems to me that an outsider would mess with that.
  
Most Interesting Double Entendre: Maks’ excuse for the mess-ups on the bed – “That wasn’t the bed we rehearsed on!”
Courtney: I still can’t decide if he said this in earnest, or deliberately threw out something saucy like this.  He only dug himself further into a hole with his follow-up comment on GMA yesterday morning: “The first time we did it on the bed, she went flying off!” Oh jeebus…

Heidi: I’m tempted to make a crack about you giving Maks too much credit for superb innuendo. :-)  But it beats me if he was earnest or not.  Better was Tom’s reaction to it last night – making a big O with his arms and yelling “over sharing!!!”

Courtney: Eh, I’m leaning more towards the former – that he was just flustered and blurted it out without thinking – but Maks does have interesting ways of getting attention…maybe he actually thought of it beforehand and had it in his verbal arsenal just incase ;-)
  
The “Denial is not just a river in Egypt” award: Nicole & Derek’s vehement denial of there being anything going on between them romantically
Courtney: Ok, first there was the armpit sniffing and gum sharing.  Then the strange neck caressing.  And then, after an overtly sexual rumba, they pan to Nicole’s boyfriend in the audience – and he is NOT a happy camper.  And after a juicy bit of insider info that I heard a few days ago, I am almost 100% certain that SOMETHING has gone on between these two. 

Heidi: You forgot that she jumped on top of him in happiness – not only that, but she was running her hand over his hair and kissing on him.  More than anything it’s the hands in the hair thing and the multiple times she wrapped her legs around him. :-) And Derek keeps picking her up.
  
Biggest Accident Waiting to Happen: Erin nearly taking Maks out during the infamous jump off the stage in the their Argentine tango
Courtney: Maybe she overshot it a bit, maybe he wasn’t quite grounded enough – maybe a combination of both.  But for a second, Maks wavered, and I was worried that they both were going to topple.  Seriously – that is one dangerous lift! I don’t blame Erin for being apprehensive…

Heidi: I gasped – thought they were going all the way to the judges.
 
Best “Hairstyle on a Budget”: Nicole’s banana claw for the rumba
Courtney: Prior to their rumba, I was like “Really, hair people? First you Snookify Brooke, now you’re scrimping on Nicole and sticking her with a $2 Goody banana clip from the drugstore? You could at least bedazzle that thing, jeez!” Then I saw the rumba…and I was like “Ahhhh. I think I need to invest in some banana clips.”

Heidi: LOL – I was gonna say, nothing says “We’ve done it” more than a practiced hair loosening. Ya see, it’s the subtle little moves like that that make me go “Ahhh…I want some of that kind of action please.”
  
Best Intro for a Returning Celeb Dance: Tom’s description of Pam’s performance – “Pamela Anderson…and some guys.”
Courtney: Oh Pam – I knew you would make a triumphant return to the floor in your own steamy way! And she really did upstage all three of them, slinking around in that corset and fishnets.  Leave it to Tom to summarize it best…I’m gonna miss you till September, Tom Bergeron :-(

Heidi: Follow him on Twitter – hilarious. He and Melissa Rycroft have some weird relationship. He used her as a paparazzi shield monday night and then pseudo apologized on Twitter.  Anyway, Pam didn’t just upstage them, she ROLLED across them.  Wowza!!
 
The Candid Camera Award: Evan & Anna’s unhappy expressions in the dressing room; (dis)honorable mention for Anna clearly mouthing the f-word at the end of Monday night’s show
Courtney: Now we’ve all seen what kind of damage can be done when the couples know the camera is running during their practice sessions.  But the real fun happens when they DON’T know the camera is on them – like finale night, when they showed Nicole & Derek backstage energetically practicing their jive, and then panned to the adjacent room where Evan & Anna were sitting – glumly, like someone had killed their dog – or they were about to kill each other. Now before anyone can say “But they felt defeated after Len told Nicole she should win!”, keep in mind this was BEFORE Len said that, as neither of them had performed their final dance yet.  Not sure what they were so upset about, but someone must have told them to perk up, because they next time they showed them backstage, they were all smiles.  As for Anna’s pottymouth moment, it’s at the very end of Monday night’s show, when they’re going through the scoreboard – they pan to Evan & Anna as they’re saying “And at the bottom of the leaderboard…” and Anna looks over her right shoulder and says “F&%!” It actually made me laugh – if I were on the show, I would probably have the censors taking beta blockers, they’d be bleeping me so much…nice to know the pros slip up from time to time, too;-)

Heidi: That was striking, them sitting there. I was like, what the hell??  But at the end of the results show, when Mark picks Derek up, I’m pretty sure he lets out an involuntary “shit” of surprise – or it was my high def making the audio cut out. Buncha potty mouths. :-)
 

Best Wardrobe Malfunction Waiting to Happen – Brooke Burke and her gold Mummy dress
Heidi: When she went to talk to the final two and she actually SAT DOWN – I actually held my breath to see if the dress would bust in a strategic spot. :-) I was oddly disappointed when it held together. Seriously, they work so hard to keep the dancers in their dresses wouldn’t it be freakin’ hilarious if Brooke busted (heh) out of hers?? Anyway, she gave a whole new meaning to the words Golden Globes.

Courtney: That dress just confused me.  It was some crazy patchwork concoction – like someone didn’t have enough of any one type of fabric to make a dress, so they just combined scraps they had laying around.  I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I actually think I liked Samantha’s dresses better than some of the ones Brooke has worn. 
 
 
Tom Bergeron Line O’ The Night: “Hey Kate, while you’re up there, sing ‘Don’t Cry for me Argentina’”
Heidi: I think I actually guffawed. I don’t even know what that actually sounds like, but I’m pretty sure I did it. :-)

Courtney: Eva Peron > Kate Gosselin.  *shudder* Somehow I think that Kate would actually be a worse singer than she is a dancer (and I think we’ve already established that she is a TERRIBLE dancer!) Tom, don’t give Kate any ideas – next thing you know, the tabloids will have her auditioning for Broadway!

Hugest Disservice to an American Hero – Buzz and his strange space suit, complete with Green Lasers
Heidi: Really DWTS Wardrobe??  Really? Talk about cheesy!! Holy hell.  And Star Wars? It also lasted about ten minutes too long. :-)

Courtney: Ugh.  Enough with the space suits and references to his astronaut background.  Although I have to wonder if Buzz had some say in what he wanted to do – the man does wear a lot of NASA shirts…

Biggest Piece of Cheese I’m Most Ashamed to Admit that I Thought was Kinda Cool – The “Mirrorball Cage In Which Nicole and Evan Descended from the Ceiling.
Heidi:: I’m so ashamed. Between that and the fog, I was like “Coooool”.  :::sigh:::

Courtney: My DVR cut that part out. Thank goodness!
  
Best Self Impersonation – Derek Hough, Describing his Reaction to Almost Dropping Nicole
Heidi: So nice to see these two so relaxed. Ahem. :-) Relaxed. 

Courtney: DVR cut out on this one too…so I’ll just take your word for it ;-)

Heidi: I’ll post it. It’s actually pretty funny. Apparently there was a lot of dialog during that dance and it was Derek who screwed it up. The dance, not the dialog.

Worst Opening Sequence in the History of the Show: Tuesday Night
Heidi: Is it just me or was that a craptastic opening dance?  Did you see Kate walking along the edge of the dance floor trying to find her spot?? Did you notice Derek’s “I’m so going to puke” face?? LOL

Courtney: Another group number that looked like it was thrown together at the last possible moment.  Lots of confused choreography, dittoed costumes, and pained expressions. I think the feather thingies were meant to distract us from a clearly terrible performance – some very wise production assistant must have plucked them from the prop closet & suggested they reuse them from the female pros’ opening dancing last season.  If I were one of the producers, that production assistant would be promoted to creative director! Haha.

The “I’m So Uncomfortable Watching This” Award: Kate Gosselin informing Tony That She’s Controversial “You know”
Heidi: Um, ick? I can’t decide if it was mean of the producers to show that, or stupid of Kate to seem oddly proud of it.

Courtney: I think what bothered me most was the way she said the word “controversial”.  She put too much emphasis on the “i” – “controverSEE-al”. Like she wanted to make it sound more high-class or something.  Honey, if you have to tell us that you’re controverSEE-al – then you’re just fishing.
Moment I Expected To Be Supremely Craptastic: Vienna Dancing
Heidi: Why wasn’t she on the show?? She’s way better than Jake. I was surprised how well she did with Dmitry, then not surprised when with Jake everything got…stiff. Pardon the expression. :-) Jake turns everything Cheesy.

Courtney: Jake is a goober.  And Vienna was alright – but she still looks like she has no clue what is going on around her.  Totally blank expression.  Dude, at least Tenley had more facial expressions than just “confused”.

Heidi: :::gasp:::  Did YOU watch the Bachelor?!?!  Come sit with me in the hall of shame, girly. :-)

Courtney: Eh, I saw some of the finale…CSI must have been a rerun that night.  It was like a train wreck in progress -  terrible, but you just can’t seem to avert your eyes!
  
Surest Sign that Len’s Meds Need Adjusting: Telling Nicole She Should Win BEFORE Evan Even Danced
Heidi: I’m a Derek/Nicole fan and I have to say that was shitty. Super Shitty. I groaned out loud.  

Courtney: Call me insensitive, but it actually didn’t bother me too badly – granted, I was really surprised Len actually said it, but at that point I think it was just getting too obvious that Nicole was miles ahead of Evan. And I think you mentioned it earlier, but Len may have thought that Nicole wasn’t going to win – and hence was trying to soften the blow a bit…even if he went about it in a rather uncouth way.  Or maybe he just got sick of all of the storyboarding, and the fakey “OMG! It’s anyone’s game!” schtick, and this was his geriatric way of rebelling.  It seemed to bother Anna more than it bothered Evan – that boy is sweet as pie and totally laid back, so he probably didn’t give it much of a second thought. Good for him :-)

Biggest “Oh no you didn’t!” Moment: Kelly Monaco calling Alec the Iceman
Heidi: Geez, maybe it’s true but can you be ANY more unprofessional, bitch?

Courtney: My guess is that ABC cited some obscure line in her contract from the original season that forced her to attend – because she made it abundantly clear that she really didn’t have any desire to be there.  Maybe she was cranky cause her character’s boytoy on General Hospital just got sent to prison. No sex scenes for Sam McCall for awhile…I’d be cranky too!  But I gotta give her props for saying out loud (on national television) what we’ve been saying all along – Alec is totally blah.

Tom Bergeron Line O’ The Night, Take Two: “I’ll Never Get Tired of Seeing You Do That”, when imitating Maks jumping tantrum
Heidi: If anyone can bring Maks down to size, it’s Tom Bergeron. LOL

Courtney: Somehow, I don’t think that’s the last we’ll see of the clip of Maks jumping up and down like a toddler who wants candy at the grocery store.  I have a feeling it will resurface in subsequent seasons when they’re doing background videos of the pros.  Congrats, Maks – your tantrum is now cemented in the annals of DWTS history. :-)

*sigh* Well, we hope you guys have enjoyed your weekly helpings of cheesecake this season as much as we’ve enjoyed dishing them out. The Heidi & Courtney Bitchin’ Kitchen may be closed for the season, but will reopen for business again in September for another fun-filled season of snark ;-)  Until then, please  do continue to lurk! Pure DWTS doesn’t go on summer vacay – we’ll still be keeping up with the latest casting rumors, post-season media appearances, pro gossip, and who knows what else! It promises to be a good time…so stay tuned!

May 27, 2010 I Written By

Ultrasound sales specialist by day, semi-knowledgeable DWTS fan by night...with a smattering of hair & makeup enthusiast, occasional model, and crazy cat lady peppered in to make things REALLY interesting ;-) I might pee my pants in happiness if Donnie Wahlberg ever does DWTS - or if they ever use "Sunglasses at Night" as a paso doble. Check out some of my other work at pureamericasgottalent.com!

DWTS10 Week 9 – The Cheesecake Awards!

So apparently Heidi & I were on this freaky wavelength this week where we both agreed on everything…literally, we thought of almost the exact same things for this weeks awards.  Add to that the fact that this week was just a pretty damn good week, both performance-wise and results show-wise, so this week’s awards are a little less snarktastic (sorry kids…we just were feeling the semifinal love this week :-D) and a little more just odd observations…but interesting ones nonetheless! Now…let’s take it cheesey, shall wee? ;-)

The “3rd Time’s a Charm!” Award – Cheryl & Chad , for their 3rd week in a row wearing see-through ballroom outfits
Courtney: I think wardrobe was cutting corners and just made 3 identical dresses for Cheryl, and then dyed them whatever color felt right for the week, hehe.  But this time they actually got it right: I loved that flesh tone on her, and it went perfectly with her 40′s-esque, softly curled hair.  A definite improvement from the white christening gown two weeks ago, and the black negligee (complete with thong-like lower back thingie!) from last week.  Chad dittoed his Viennese waltz silky pajamas again…gotta say, that’s the most interesting interpretation of a ballroom suit I’ve seen in awhile.  To me it says “Heck yah I’m gonna do the waltz, and then afterward, I’m gonna go have drinks with Hef – without changing clothes!”

Heidi: Hee – we are sharing a brain today – I was having deja vu with my “another day, another see thru skirt. But you’re right, this one was very pretty.

Biggest Waste of Season-Long Buildup Award – The Design-a-Dance
Courtney: Why oh why did they think having two former celebs doing a dance together would be a good idea??! This was a disaster, IMO.  Sloppy choreography that neither of them seemed to really know well, a crappy tango song, and Joey Fatone in KISS makeup.  Bleeeccchhh.  Even the guy that designed the costumes seemed to be unhappy to be there witnessing it! The Design-a-Dance has really been going downhill since the first one where Julianne & Derek did the jive to “Great Balls of Fire” in season 7 – now that was worth the season-long buildup.  Then there was the 4-person quickstep with Derek, Mark, Julianne, & Lacey, which was still pretty cute; and then the pro-am paso with Mark & Sabrina, which was just kinda ok…and then this.  Oy.  Hopefully next season they’ll revert back to the 2-pro format…because this was a big letdown. :-(

Heidi: Again, sharing a brain. WTF?  Like we don’t have enough amateurs dancing on this show they have to make DaD amateur as well? I must say, though, that the designer will probably be a huge success because he has “bored bitchface” down to a science!! And really, that’s all it takes to be a designer, right?

The Carrie Ann Inaba Weird Analogy of the Week – Describing Nicole’s ability to learn new dances as “Pooping out cells”
Courtney: It’s moments like these that make me wonder if Carrie Ann knocked back a few drinks before hitting the judging table.  I mean, I understood what she meant; it was just really…awkward.  I think I liked the Charlie Brown teacher analogy better.

Heidi: As soon as I heard the word “Poop” I was gone. I mean really, I prefer Bruno’s f-bombs. :-)

The Peculiar Body Language Award: Nicole & Derek, for their repeated neck-touching
Courtney: Now Heidi may have been tipped off by their armpit sniffing and gum spitting last week, but the way they kept touching each others’ necks this week made me wonder if there was something more than just platonic friendship going on between these two.  The neck is a vulnerable, erogenous zone – you don’t just go around caressing someone else’s unless you’re romantic with them. Yes, I am aware that Derek injured his neck – but why did Nicole feel the need to keep touching it? And why was he touching hers? Hmmmm….

Heidi: Honey, he wasn’t just touching, he was stroking – very strange, particularly since he’s not giving off the vibes he did with Joanna (aka the “yer sooooo pretty and hot” vibes :-) ). I had several WTF moments with Nicole and Derek this past week – like, if she had taken any longer with the family after the AT (including bf) he would have picked her up and caveman carried her to the celebraquarium.

Unofficial Sponsor of the Semifinal Performance Show: Prince
Courtney: The Purple Man…the Artist Formerly Known as Prince…whatever you call him, he’s AWESOME.  Two Prince songs in one night, and a Purple Rain-inspired costume? LOVES IT. The only thing better would be him sitting in the front row, glasses on, hair all pompadour-y…glorious.

Heidi: Derek says in his blog that the song they danced to was specifically ONLY allowed for Nicole. I believe his words were “Nicole and Nicole ONLY” was allowed to dance to it. Pretty cool. Love the Purple One. 

The Whoopsy-Daisy Award: Bruno and his various faux pas this week
Courtney: First there was the “9!” while holding up the 10 paddle; then the naughty word slip that those skillful censors managed to catch in the nick of time.  I wanna say there was more stuff he fouled up a bit, but I just couldn’t keep track of them, haha.  The man was in rare form this week…didn’t think it was possible for him to be any more flamboyant than he already is! LOL.

Heidi: I love the little dude. You want me to post the video of him and Billy Bush in speedos? Seriously – I have that and haven’t had time. It’s a little on the scary side. :-) They cook in their speedos too.

Tom Bergeron Line O’ the Night: “Bruno had premature paddling” (check the actual phrasing) tied with “I’m gonna go get me one of those Derek Hough Injuries”
Heidi: You know, the very best thing about Tom and what makes him so lovable is that he clearly loves this show and everyone involved in it. That makes him genuinely hilarious in a sweet way.

Courtney: He’s like the Papa Bear of DWTS, looking out for all his baby pro-ducklings and star-ducklings :-D He reminds me of Cat Deeley on SYTYCD – she always seems to look out for the contestants and seems to develop an attachment to them each season.  Seacrest, on the other hand - he almost seems like he intentionally puts the Idol kids in the hot seat for ratings.  Whole lotta good that’s doing, buddy.

The Cheese Match Made in Heaven Award:  Corky Ballas sitting almost next to Donny Osmond
Heidi: Lord have mercy, that’s way too much cheese for me. Good thing there was one dude sitting between them or we might be drowning in cheddar sauce.

Courtney: Oh good GAWD – I do remember seeing them sitting in pretty close proximity, a few rows behind Rick Fox & Kareem Abdul Jabbar (glad those two Lakers were there to run interference and cancel out some of the Corky-Donny energy…the building could have imploded from too much cheese!).  The clash of the attention fiends! Here’s my weird Carrie Ann analogy for them: have any of you ever watched MadTV and seen the sketches with Stuart, the little boy Michael McDonald played that was always saying “Look at what I can do! Look at what I can do!”? Well, put Corky & Donny in front of a camera and you’ve got yourself a regular old Stu-off…each one trying to outdo the other, saying “Look at what I can do! Look at what I can do!” Hilarity.

Most Stark Transition to Adulthood since Britney Spears: Miley Cyrus
Heidi: What the hell? How old is this little chickadee?? Or do I not want to know? So, like when you reach (Hollywood’s version of) adulthood you grow feathers and live in cages, or is that only for lip-syncing pop tarts anxious to shed the Hannah Montana label?

Courtney: This was like the second coming of the “Dirrrty”-era Christina Aguilera – totally contrived and just plain weird.  And yes, Heidi, when you reach adulthood you do grow feathers and live in cages, and fake smooch on your female backup dancers and grind with gay choreographers (*cough*Adam Shankman*cough*)…apparently you and I just missed the memo ;-)

Ahhhh…this week’s awards seemed to go down like a nice brie cheese – smooth and not at all sharp.  Apologies for those of you wanting something a bit bitier ;-) Maybe the chips on our shoulders will return next week for one last hurrah before a 4-month hiatus…fingers crossed! :-D

May 19, 2010 I Written By

Ultrasound sales specialist by day, semi-knowledgeable DWTS fan by night...with a smattering of hair & makeup enthusiast, occasional model, and crazy cat lady peppered in to make things REALLY interesting ;-) I might pee my pants in happiness if Donnie Wahlberg ever does DWTS - or if they ever use "Sunglasses at Night" as a paso doble. Check out some of my other work at pureamericasgottalent.com!

DWTS Season 10, Week 8 – The Cheesecake Awards!!

Week 8 – It’s easy, it’s cheesy!! And, actually, quite funny and not so much annoying. :-)

The Déjà vu Award: Cheryl’s see through skirt.
Heidi: Another week, another see thru skirt on Cheryl – only, like, the photo negative version. Is this like a new favorite thing with her? Don’t get me wrong – I didn’t hate it, I just find it…weird.
Courtney: Cheryl loves her some tulle, that’s for sure. I maintain my theory: he stinks at the ballroom dances, so they’re trying to trick him into thinking they’re Latin (by wearing costumes that feel more Latin) so he does better. Power of positive thinking, I guess! What caught my eye more was that the top of the dress didn’t do much to flatter Cheryl’s funbags – it kinda smushed them down and it looked uncomfortable.
Heidi: Funbags. Heh heh heh.

The Cheesiest Production Addition: The Titles and Credits of the judges shown on screen when they first critique.
Heidi: Heh, credits below judges names. Think they’re getting a lot of shit for being on CRACK half the time?? LOL
Courtney: Well I guess if your claim to fame in the dance business includes gyrating on a pole, topless & bald for Madonna and having a brief engagement to a ballroom dancer (ahem, Carrie Ann), people might need to be reminded that you are qualified to be nitpicky when you’re bitching about lifts and technique. Oh, yah – and she was Fook Mi in the 3rd Austin Powers movie. Shouldn’t overlook that qualification! If it’s not already obvious – I’m not a Carrie Ann fan. As for Len – maybe all this yo-yo scoring has people wondering if he’s got dementia, so we have to be reminded that he’s a world-class expert. Bruno – they should just change his description to “Flamboyant Italian who Loves Metaphors”.

Cheesiest Producer Tactic of the Night: The Packages
Heidi: Jesus. Where do I start? Chad being BIZARRE, both he and Cheryl being low talkers. Niecy – let’s pimp how hard she works, like she didn’t KNOW she would have to work hard when she joined up. Erin – how cute, she’s afraid to jump. Evan, let’s pimp his skating with another cute package. Nicole, yeah, she’s doing too well so we’ll show her crying again – even though there is plenty of footage of non-crying moments – the evidence is out there. I know each of these couples actually practiced DANCING in a normal way at some point in the week. Producers, you suck. Edit: Okay, you’re forgiven (for now)….
Courtney: I’m kinda over the packages – seems like the same song and dance (no pun intended) each week with every couple. Niecy will yuk it up and crack jokes about food, Chad & Cheryl will have a verbal altercation in hushed tones, Nicole will put a ridiculous amount of pressure on herself, Evan will be busy traveling, and Erin & Maks will continue their lovers quarreling. Can’t we see more of them just having fun? :-)
Heidi: Gee, what a novel idea. They’ve shown they have the footage…

Most Hilarious Sports Center Bit: Derek and Nicole…and Derek and Mark
Heidi: Bwahahaha….Derek dances with the most beautiful girls. Shannon…Brooke….Joanna….MARK. Hilarious. Then they FINALLY show some of the bizarre stuff Derek and Nicole get up to – smelling armpits?? Spitting gum into each other’s mouth?? I see the fun stuff all the time on the entertainment shows, bout time DWTS showed it too.
Courtney: I didn’t really need the slo-mo repeat of those two thrusting next to each other during their “Move” performance last year. Kenny Mayne wishes he could quit Mark. Please, no more Brokeback DWTS. I don’t know what to say about Derek & Nicole…sharing gum and sniffing armpits? Those two must REEEEAAALLLY feel comfortable with each other.
Heidi: Yeah, between Erin and Maks’ cold rumba, and Derek and Nicole sharing gum I was starting to wonder if there was a whole lot of SEX going on on DWTS this season. :-)

The WTF were the judges smoking Award: Chad’s Jive
Heidi: Are you kidding me? Is it because his kids were in the audience?? Or were you just that anxious that Niecy go home and, like, NOW?
Courtney: Even his kids looked a little bored with it. I’m starting to wonder if it’s not so much that they’re trying to praise Chad – it’s that they’re trying to appease Cheryl. She’s one of the longest-tenured pros on the show (next to Edyta), she’s got two trophies under her belt, and even when her celeb doesn’t win, she still seems to avoid being the first sent home and ends up placing fairly well. She’s a definite asset to the show – and she’s scary when she’s angry :-(

Tom B’s Line O’ the Week: “There’s no whipping in ballroom.” Honorable Mention: “Next season, they’re gonna have Derek do a quickstep from the Renaissance!”
Heidi: The question, Tom, is WHY?? I think a little whipping makes everything more interesting.
Courtney: It’s little quips like these that makes Tom infinitely better than Seacrest, and Howie Mandell, and that guy that hosts Survivor – somebody please tell me why this man hasn’t yet won the Emmy for Best Reality TV Host??! I got a pretty hearty laugh about the Renaissance comment. Somehow, I think Derek could pull that off too…or a samba from the stone age, a foxtrot from Medieval times, a jive from the American Revolution…I could go on and on…
Heidi: The boy does well with a challenge. :-) Did you hear Brooke’s response to that line? “He could pull that off.” And how about him working the school supporters in the background? :-)

Most Shocking Dance of the Week: Erin’s Rumba; Honorable Mentions: Erin’s AT and the 50’s Paso Doble
Heidi: Both of Erin’s dances shocked me, for different reasons. A fantastic AT followed by a not good, but not horrible Rumba. If there was any dance I expected those two to seriously pull off, in a hot and sexy way, it was the Rumba. Maybe they ARE sleeping together? :-)  Because that was too cool (as in temperature) to be a rumba. As for Derek’s 50’s Paso? Dear lord, that’s two years in a row that he pulls off something that seems impossible. Fantastic. When Television without Pity calls you a genius, you know you’re good.
Courtney: Was definitely surprised at the lack of chemistry in the rumba (their rumba was, quite possibly, the most anticipated dance of the season), especially after such a sexually-charged Argentine tango. I’m gonna chalk it up to Erin’s nervousness about her long limbs. But I actually liked the rumba – even if it was really only because I <3 the 80′s and that John Waite song :-) And what can I say about the 50′s paso that hasn’t already been said? It was brilliant – I think any other choreographer would have been hard-pressed to come up with a paso from that era. And what I especially appreciated was that they managed to strike a balance in the composition of the dance – not just a bunch of textbook paso (a la Niecy & Louis) and not too much fluffy, era-appropriate choreo (like Chad & Cheryl).
Heidi: I wonder if Maks and Erin burnt out all their sexual energy in the first dance? Seems like it would be hard to do two dances like that in the same night. Or two dances in a week was too much for her at this point.

The “Don’t Faint, I Agree with Len” Award: Evan’s Cha Cha
Heidi: I was confused too. I just wasn’t sure if I liked it or not. I mean, I liked it – but was it a cha cha?? I don’t know if I liked it as a cha cha. Confused. I have decided that I could so kiss Evan’s face off, though. :-)
Courtney: It was the electrical-tape inspired facial hair that did it for you, didn’t it? ;-) This dance left me puzzled as well – I didn’t hate it per se, but I certainly don’t think it was Evan’s (or Anna’s) best dance. Again, I think whoever drew “futuristic” as their era was at a disadvantage to begin with, due to the success of Derek’s paso last season. Kind of a hard act to follow, but Anna made a valiant effort…loved the little drop they did towards the end.

The Coolest Eyelashes Award: Anna Trebunskaya’s futuristic lashes
Heidi: I was hypnotized. They had little tiny white beads or something on the end.
Courtney: I actually think I’ve seen these lashes before – Makeup For Ever, if my memory serves. You can get ‘em at Sephora. Go get ‘em and save ‘em for Halloween! We’ll figure out what you’re gonna be lata ;-)
Heidi: With those eyelashes aren’t your options kinda limited to Futuristic robot or some sort of Bug?? :-)

The “Say WHAT??” Award: a structural engineer on the UC San Diego Dance Team
Heidi: I work with Engineers. They don’t dance. They can barely walk and talk at the same time.
Courtney: You’d be surprised – when I was on the Purdue team oh-so-many years ago, it was predominantly industrial engineering and chemistry majors, and I was one of the latter. Scientists are hardcore, man – they don’t stop until they GET it. It was actually the liberal arts and education majors that seemed to struggle.
Heidi: I am a scientist – a geologist, to be specific. We kick ASS, for sure. :-) But engineers? All of that persuasion that I know are rather…stiff. And not in a good way. ;-)

The “I’m So Sorry I laughed my Ass Off” Award: Sports Center on Evan – snoring guys; Honorable Mention to the Erin/Maks Rant segment.
Heidi: I really did feel bad for laughing so hard at the Sports Center guys. They were wonderful tonight though – I mean, the snoring. LOL. Poor Evan. And of course they had to pick up on Maks’ temper tantrum. Makes it worth it. :-)
Courtney: I think you and I would get along great with those guys, Heidi – they seemed to be saying last night stuff that you and I have been saying all season: Evan is bland, Maks is an ornery toddler, etc. etc. I had to smile at the repeat of Maks’ tantrum – too funny for words, especially when you’re looping it!

The Cheap Costume Award: Chad’s 60′s pimp suit
Courtney: Seriously? This is the best that wardrobe could come up with? I could walk into any costume store around Halloween and find a dirt cheap copy of this, with a bonus pimp hat. Shoddy craftsmanship, I say! And since when are the 60s the era of big pimpin’? I thought that was more of a 70′s thing.
Heidi: I think it was a 70′s thing, for sure. Wasn’t 60′s peace, love and understanding and all that?? I dare say this isn’t the first time Cheryl’s gone that route. Why wardrobe enables that, I have no idea.

The Unintentional Back-Handed Compliment Award: Tom to Cheryl – “What are you doing after 10? You’ll be busy, dressed like that!”
Courtney: Congrats, Tom – in trying to convey to Cheryl that she looked hot, you more or less told her (on live television) that she looked like a ho and would likely be getting busy later in the evening because of it. I love you. Marry me. :-)
Heidi: Get in line, sweetie. I am older than you, I get first pick. I pick Tom and Derek. :-) Aaanyway, Cheryl certainly picked up on it. I don’t remember what show I saw (because I was tired from meeting the mayor and “mingling” at a “function”) but she definitely picked up on it. :-)

The Most Pointless Prop Since the Heart Pillows: The TV screens in the background for Niecy’s paso
Courtney: I bet half of you didn’t even notice them – they were that useless in conveying that it was a 90′s paso. I know what they were going for – the quintessential 90′s music video/club cliche of the wall of TV’s all showing the same thing – but it really looked like they just went dumpster diving in Compton and precariously stacked the obsolete tv’s they found at the front of the stage. Cue the white noise.
Heidi: I noticed them, but failed to grasp the point. And I’ve always been one for clubbing, so I guess my brain shuts off on performance night.

Most Ironic Comment of the Season Thus Far: Anna to Evan “You can come across kind of…cold.”
Courtney: I’m gonna sum this one up with Heidi & I’s favorite phrase: “Pot, meet kettle.” :-)
Heidi: HA!!! I was thinking, “You’re just NOW telling him this? Seriously?” Dude, it’s week 8. While I’m still mostly convinced that Evan is going to win this thing, last night I started thinking that perhaps Erin and Nicole could take the top two spots, leaving Evan at third. Not that they’ve made huge strides past him, but because he’s fading into obscurity a bit. He REALLY needs to do something spectacular next week.

Okay, folks – that’s it for this week. I started out this week thinking there wasn’t that much funny, but in retrospect it was a pretty darn good week!!

May 12, 2010 I Written By

I'm a nerd and proud of it. Two degrees in geology also means I love BEER. :-) I'm also a Derek lover - proud of that too. So don't scream at those of us on this site and call us a bunch of "biased Derek-lovers" - it's just ME. :-) It may sound like I hate DWTS at times, but really, I'm just a snarky nitpicker from way back. And I'm cynical and jaded too. But I do love DWTS. :-)

DWTS Season 10, Week 7 – The Cheesecake Awards!

I’m feeling quite snarky this week. Courtney’s in a bad mood – you’ve been warned. :-)

Most Bizarre Costuming – Cheryl & Chad’s see-through ensemble
Heidi: So, this was like 1820’s porn or something? She’s wearing the hoop but not the actual dress over the top?
Courtney: I think I was more perturbed by Chad’s matching see-through sport jacket with no shirt underneath. I think there was a method to their madness – Chad is admittedly better at the Latin dances, so they figured if they made their costumes feel more like Latin costumes than ballroom ones, they might fare better…hehe. Well, something must’ve worked, because they got undeservedly high scores…AGAIN.
Heidi: Don’t worry, the judges will make up for it next week when they have their “off the meds” week.

Most Improved Tweeter – Evan Lysacek
Heidi: Hey!!! Evan stopped spamming me about voting for him. He’s like down to two tweets on show day!! Now, if he would stop talking about his freakin’ private jets…it just occurred to me that he probably gets paid for those tweet.
Courtney: I’ll have to take your word for it – I stopped following Evan after tweet number 1,475,236 asking me to vote for him. Thankfully, Anna has left the begging to Evan, and has only tweeted a few times asking for votes. Good girl :-)

Biggest “Get Out of Jail Free” Card – Maksim Chmerkovskiy
Heidi: So, he removes clothing (gimmick) and breaks hold in a quickstep, his partner is off time (and correct in calling him a five year old) and he still gets a 9 from Len?? Gee, Derek and Nicole broke hold, had gimmicks did a BETTER DANCE and got a 7 from Len. And people wonder why I throw my Blackberry at the TV. Edited: Okay, so maybe “free pass” was a poor choice of words…perhaps the bottom two was payback? :-)
Courtney: Week 2 of Maks the Petulant Asshole. Last week he threw a tantrum while getting his scores – then proceeded to bitch and moan about it all week in the media. Erin practically BEGS him to not take his clothes off this week, he drops 4+ F-bombs in a matter of seconds, and storms out – and STILL insists on removing his clothing during their quickstep, which I still think is what threw Erin off at the beginning. And then, karma strikes – they end up in the bottom 2. But of course, they get a stay of execution and we lose Pam instead. All I have to say is that Maks had better be really, really, REALLY thankful that he’s around next week, after the crap he’s been pulling. NOT COOL.

The Cheesiest “I told you so” Moment: Tom B calls Evan the “comeback kid”.
Heidi: Not Tom’s fault – producers/script writers, you are SO fucking predictable!!!
Courtney: Oh, but it has such a nice ring to it ;-) Kidding! Just another glaring example of storyboarding – right down to what the hosts are saying…which is why Brooke still sounds stilted and awkward. She’s trying to rememember the wording they told her to use to explain Evan’s rise back to the top! Thankfully, we have Tom to also throw in perfect little gems off the top of his head…

Funniest Side Note: Tom B – “Cause that’s how we roll” in reaction to audience boos.
Heidi: LOL – I love the man’s ad libs – I can’t help it!!
Courtney: In that moment, I think Tom & Chad became homeboys.

Best Celeb “Shell Removal” – Evan Lysacek
Heidi: dude is coming out of his shell in a big way. Omega Sheep?? Dude, she’s RUSSIAN!! Don’t be talking like that to her, she could remove your balls with a fingernail. Hilarious.
Courtney: Tread carefully, my friend – not only is she Russian, she’s a redhead. A REDHEAD. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Pro Least Ready to be Back on the Dance Floor – Mark Ballas
Heidi: Dude, big slip like you had in that pro dance after a knee injury – not good. Surely you could have sat out another week or two for your own good? And so Derek could take your place in the dance? :-) Just a little selfish, I’m being.
Courtney: Ugh. The spaz came back. And the fact that they had him paired with Chelsie? Oy. But that’s not the only thing wrong with that dance…

Song that Should NEVER Be Heard on DWTS Again: “Hey Soul Sister” by Train
Courtney: First, they laid ruin to it vocally when they had Peter Brady sing it (rather, warble it) for Aiden & Edyta’s quickstep. Then, they had a random assortment of pros dancing a positively bizarre mashup to it – did they let Mark choreograph that monstrosity while he was still coming off the anesthesia? It started off with Mark & Chelsie doing something kinda slow & lyrical, then all of a sudden, Dmitry & Lacey are doing a frantic jive. Tony & Cheryl show up at some point and do something sort of samba-y, and then they’re all doing this cheesy, weird, jazzy/show choir/seizure choreography. I literally said “WTF is this crap?!” out loud.
Heidi: It was just very, very strange. I don’t know what to say, really. And I like Train, usually. I will say, in all seriousness, if Mark is trying to get out of DWTS, there are less painful ways than dancing way too soon on a knee injury that was described so seriously a few weeks ago. Of course, this show isn’t prone to DRAMA or anything…

The “So Perky, it’s a Whole New Level of Cheese” Award: Melissa Rycroft
Heidi: Help me, sugar shock, throat is closing up…I’d tell her “don’t quit your day job” if I thought she had a day job. :-) Seriously, Melissa is okay, she’s just too cheerleader for me sometimes. Like today.
Courtney: Hang in there, Heidi – I know it’s hard to be cheerful right now! She may be irritatingly peppy, but at least she can form insightful thoughts on the fly – unlike some hosts I know.

Most Impressive Demonstration of Flexibility – Louis’ full split, honorable mention for Anna’s split lift with Evan
Heidi: Dear lord, Louis, I don’t have “family jewels” but I twinged in sympathy anyway.
Courtney: Back in the day, when Louis was still competing as a pro, he was known for his flexibilty – no other male pro out there could stretch as far as that little Dutch rubber band. I got a little nostalgic last night when I could see him going for it :-) And while women are built to be more flexible, I have to give Anna props for the split lift she did with Evan – she kept those legs straight & spread and didn’t falter for a second.

Most Welcome Return to the Ballroom: Karina Smirnoff
Heidi: That was an excellent pro dance. Oh Karina, how I’ve missed thee.
Courtney: I feel like we don’t have enough female pros on the show anymore that are true TECHNICIANS – Karina’s feet, legs, torso, arms, and head are always in perfect position for every dance she’s doing. She’s so damn precise, and she wrings every last bit of energy out of every move she makes. Electrifying. They’d be foolish not to bring her back next season!

Most Shudder Inducing Commercial: The Bachelorette
Heidi: Oh ick. Court, yell at me when you realize I’m watching that trash.
Courtney: Not a problem, dearie – if I recall, I think I scolded you for watching Jake when he was still on The Bachelor, hehe. Is it just me, or does Allie look like she’s 12 years old? I won’t go any further…I know John has a thing for blondes, so he prolly thinks she’s cute as a button ;-)
Heidi: sigh…yes, you yelled at me. But I have this thing for trainwrecks and lack of fun shit to do on Monday nights.

The Ryan Seacrest Cheeseball Award: The DWTS script writers for the blatant rip off of Ryan’s pre-commercial tease “…when we come back.”
Heidi: Geez, people, don’t imitate the crap show with the falling ratings, ‘k??
Courtney: And actually, Seacrest has been catching some flack this season too – his standoffs with Simon, off-color comments, and generally drunk behavior has been raising eyebrows for weeks now. Guess he picked up the cray-cray right where Paula left off, eh?
Heidi: Did you see the results show tonight (yes, I had to see Gaga and Harry)?? Did you HEAR what Ryan said to Harry? I don’t think I can actually repeat it in polite company. Well, yeah, okay, I can. Harry is joking with Ellen about a play rivaly and Harry says, to Ellen: “Eyes away from me” and Ryan pops in with “Eyes away from his organ” – Yo, Harry wasn’t playing an organ, and there was no other way to take that comment in that context. Dude is on some crack or he’s got one job too many. Or he has a huge crush on Harry and that was what ya call a Freudian Slip. Take your pick. :-)

Well, that’s all for this week folks. Tune in next week for more snark, the occassional swoon, and just plain bitching. It’s what we do. :-)

May 5, 2010 I Written By

I'm a nerd and proud of it. Two degrees in geology also means I love BEER. :-) I'm also a Derek lover - proud of that too. So don't scream at those of us on this site and call us a bunch of "biased Derek-lovers" - it's just ME. :-) It may sound like I hate DWTS at times, but really, I'm just a snarky nitpicker from way back. And I'm cynical and jaded too. But I do love DWTS. :-)

DWTS10 Week 6 – The Cheesecake Awards!

Alas, I think Heidi & I’s mojo came back this week :-) Because we’ve got some fun ones! Now Miss Heidi is actually away on a business trip for a few days, and was unable to catch last night’s results show – so I basically had to fill her in as we went along.  Please forgive the wordiness – this is verbatim what was going on via email today between Heidi & I.  But I promise – it’s funny wordiness ;-) NOW LET THEM EAT (CHEESE)CAKE!

The “Wow…AWKWARD MOMENT!” Award: Jake’s tearful departure, (dis)honorable mention for Maks’ outburst against Len

Courtney: Now while I was sure it couldn’t get much more uncomfortable than witnessing the tense confrontation between Maks & Len, then Jake turned on the waterworks…

Heidi: Wait, WHAT?! Jake CRIED?! There’s no crying in Ballroom!

Courtney: Yep, like a baby.  And it wasn’t just like his eyes welling up – it was full-on tears running down his face.  He told Chelsie he loved her. Vienna looked like she was about to pull a Lorena Bobbitt on him.

Heidi: Oh wow…that is cheesey.  There were many instances on the Bachelor where I thought he looked really teary-eyed. I thought it was his contacts. I guess not.

Courtney: But I will say that Erin looked terribly uncomfortable as Maks was cutting Len off and generally not taking his critique well.  Poor girl looked like she wanted to fade into the hardwood of the floor.

Heidi: Which would be quite impossible in her Muppet dress. All those purple feathers would suffocate her.

Best Argument for Chewing Your Food 22 Times Before Swallowing: Louis’ cookie consumption problem during Niecy’s Argentine Tango

Courtney: The good news – the cookie didn’t detract from the performance.  The bad news – Louis nearly choked on it getting his critique from the judges.  I wonder if the fabulous Tom Bergeron knows the Heimlich Maneuver. Who am I kidding? Tom Bergeron knows EVERYTHING :-)

Heidi: I’m sorry, I hated the cookie AND the rose and the whole concept of eating during an AT. I must be old fashioned – I like my ATs hot, sexy and passionate, not…crumby. :-)

Courtney: At least he ate the cookie at the end.  I’m thankful he didn’t pull a Cookie Monster & nom-nom-nom-nom throughout the entire performance!

Least Effective Excuse for Dancing Poorly: Jake “not having his dollar”

Courtney: Ugh.  Lesson to be learned: Bruno’s fauxmances with male contestants are often flings.  If he tucks a buck one week – don’t expect him to do it again the next.  He’s a fickle creature.

Heidi: Word to the wise, Jake – don’t try flirting with people of the same gender. Fail. Actually, you weren’t that good at flirting with women either.

Most Versatile Costume: Pam’s lingerie-inspired tango dress

Courtney: It was sexy. If I were her, I’d sure as hell dance the tango in it, and then wear it to bed…with a friend. ;-) Or to a photo shoot with Maxim (the mag, not the pro). Hell, I’d wear it to the grocery store! Warm up the frozen food aisle! Not quite sure how I feel about the brunette wig, though…

Heidi: That wig was too straggly, or haggy – is that a word? But yeah, the dress was awesome.

Courtney: Maybe haggard? I dunno…but I didn’t quite understand the necessity of it.  Just to mix things up? If so, I would have rather seen them paint her own hair dark like they did Anna D.’s last season, instead of that unflattering rug on her head.

Heidi: Or just a dark wig that was smooth and not so ratty looking.

Best Impersonation of a Mannequin: Chad during his tango

Courtney: He’s tall. He’s stiff. He’s got a blank expression. Are we sure Cheryl wasn’t dancing with one of the men’s costume dummies from the wardrobe department? One of the wheeled ones? Cause it certainly looked like that’s what Cheryl was pushing around the floor.

Heidi: You remember that cheesy movie Mannequin? How whenever other people were around, she would freeze in to a mannequin from being animate?  Yeeaaahhh, Chad.

Courtney: LOL the one with Kim Cattrall? Len must be a huge fan of it, which is why he enjoyed Chad’s tango so much…it’s the only rational explanation! :-P

Worst Choice for Overplayed Practice Session Footage: The ad infinitum replay of Evan hitting his head

Courtney: Not sure what they were trying to accomplish by playing it over and over – trying to create drama? Trying to drum up sympathy for Evan? Trying to educate the masses on the dangers of swing lifts? :-P The only thing it accomplished was giving me a headache.

Heidi: And then they trash his performance (irrationally)?  So between the multiple head crunches and the thrashing he got by the judges – well, maybe he’s not getting the votes they want him to get? I find that very hard to believe, actually. But why else would they do that?

Courtney: Maybe Evan ate all the cheesecake on the craft services table and this was their revenge. HA!

Most Allergy-Inducing Costume: Erin‘s lavender-feathered samba dress

Courtney: If watching Evan hit his head repeatedly gave me a headache, then seeing Erin’s dress made me sneeze – I’m terribly allergic to real feathers.  Especially ostrich ones, which is what the entire skirt of that dress was made out of. 

Heidi: I just didn’t like that dress at all – the color was good on her, but all that flesh toned fabric was just bad – super cheesy.  Maybe it’s not a good thing that I have HD? Because none of that was actually sheer so it just looked tacky. :-)

Courtney: Gah…I hate when they pull out the pantyhose fabric! Made the top of the dress look like a skating costume, and the bottom was wayyyy to full for a Latin dance.  Would have been better suited to a foxtrot.  Wait, I totally spaced the fact that the celebs got to design they & their partner’s costumes this week! So that means…Erin actually came up with that dress herself??! Eee gad.

Most Overrated Prop: The 7 paddle, (dis)honorable mention for lack of shirts on men

Courtney: What is with the judges and giving 7′s this season??? I wish one of the production staff members would steal it and watch them freak out.  And I’m just getting tired of shirts getting torn off or ripped open – it was cool once.  Now it’s just getting cliche. 

Heidi: I have nothing against half naked men. What bugs the shit out of me is half naked men who KNOW Len is a shit about that stuff and who gripe and complain about it anyway. Dude, you know Len hates that, don’t be dissing Len in the media (calling him too old to judge) because you did something you KNOW he hates. That’s just stupid. Man up and hide behind your partner awaiting punishment like Derek did last season. :-)

Courtney: You have a valid point there, m’dear.  Maybe that’s what’s bugging me more than the actual shirts coming off – hearing Len bitch & moan.  Ugh.

Most in Need of Psychiatric Evaluation: Len, (dis)honorable mention for crazy Bengals fan

Courtney: I think Len’s evil alter ego Sven was out in full force this week – he was here, there, and everywhere with his critiques.  And just all-around crabby.  As for the Bengals fan that claimed the Chad was “the best dancer on the show!”…as a football fan from the Midwest, I can attest that he unfortunately does represent a pretty good cross-section of Bengals fans.  They’re uber-supportive of their boys in orange, but a little crazy at times…

Heidi: The Browns fans are worse. :-) As for Len, well, see my numbers post. I think I’m all ranted out where he’s concerned.

Courtney: Ohhh the Browns…why is it that the worse the team is, the more rabid their fans are? I would hate to see the kind of pandemonium that would occur if a member of the Lions or *gulp* the Raiders did the show…eeek!

The “Say WHAT?!” Award: Nicole’s “Aaaaaghhh!” and “Holy mother of…AIR!” comments, (dis)honorable mention for Erin’s “geeked up” comment

Courtney: Nicole had a little bit of verbal diarrhea this week, I’m afraid – the frustrated noise she made during practice left me a little bit scared, and I’m still trying to wrap my brain around the “Holy mother of air” comment…is that seriously the best she could come up with on the fly? And as for the “geeked up” comment – I’m not sure that was the best choice of words, Erin…go look it up on Urban Dictionary…

Heidi: I think maybe I need to look it up in the urban dictionary. :-)  As for Nicole, at least she only slams herself.  I loved Derek telling her she was being stupid though, because she was – she needs Derek to do that more often because the serious circles under her eyes mean she’s losing sleep, which will make her too sensitive. She needs a visit from Crazy Derek who will give her a good, metaphorical, slap.

Courtney: Go look it up…kind of a big “whoops” on her part, if she didn’t know what it meant.  But I loved Derek’s face as Nicole was getting upset…it kind of ran the gamut of “What the hell is she talking about?” to “Oh she’s such a silly girl!” to “I have absolutely no clue what to say.”

Heidi: He definitely had a “girls are so stupid” moment.  You know when he gets that WTF? look on his face and starts laughing at your face, it’s a bad sign. :-)

The Lifty McLiftertons Award: Chelsie

Courtney: This girl does RIDICULOUS lifts – no wonder they’ve been using her almost every week in the pro dances! While I had seen her do a few lifts in routines when she was on SYTYCD, I had no idea her prowess extended much further…she’s like a monkey, those long lines and no fear of heights! She may not be competing with a celeb anymore this season, but I doubt she’s gonna be totally absent from results shows, with skills like that…I’m sure John will agree :-)

Heidi: What the hell are you talking about? I didn’t see the results show, remember? :-) But I imagine it would be easy to throw a ten pound toothpick with hair in to the air. :-)

Courtney: Oops! Sorry Heidi…yah, Chelsie was doing all sorts of crazy lifts with Tony during Melissa Ethridge’s first performance.  Maks & Anna were dancing at the same time, but you barely noticed them because everything they were doing looked small and ho-hum compared to Chelsie’s acrobatics. Edyta also had one really good lift during she & Alec’s performance during “Come to My Window”.

Heidi: Ahhhh, I see. Yeah, Chelsie is a lot like Julianne in that respect – remember a couple seasons ago when Jules danced with Tony and did some crazy ass lifts?? Amazing shit.

Courtney: She’s definitely taken over as the “master liftee” since Julianne’s departure.  And Tony seems to be the master lifter…you ever noticed that none of the other guys really do the same heavy-duty lifting that Tony does? Dmitry is probably a close second, but they don’t feature him nearly as much as Tony. 

The Relapse Award: Brooke telling Pam (and America) that she was dancing the samba next week…when she is really dancing the waltz

Courtney: Now I’m not sure if someone was telling her the wrong thing on the teleprompter or if she maybe confused Pam with another contestant, but Pam definitely got a bit of a funny look on her face when Brooke said samba.  God bless Pam, she just rolled with it, and even gestured to Evan and said “Samba…that’s what you did, right? Looks like fun!” Whatever happened, it was definitely a little bit of a “D’oh!” moment, and I felt like Brooke regressed a bit.  But she’s still miles ahead of the cheesecake comment!

Alas, it was a good week for cheesecake ;-) Did you guys think of any that we may have forgotten? Let’s hear ‘em! And everyone wish Heidi a safe & happy return from her travels :-)

April 28, 2010 I Written By

Ultrasound sales specialist by day, semi-knowledgeable DWTS fan by night...with a smattering of hair & makeup enthusiast, occasional model, and crazy cat lady peppered in to make things REALLY interesting ;-) I might pee my pants in happiness if Donnie Wahlberg ever does DWTS - or if they ever use "Sunglasses at Night" as a paso doble. Check out some of my other work at pureamericasgottalent.com!

DWTS Season 10, Week 5 – The Cheesecake Awards!

It was a Cheesy, sometimes annoying week, this week. :-) But there is one huge bright spot – no more Kate. But there’s also a dim spot – no more Kate. :-) Beware, Courtney and I weren’t in the best of moods when we wrote these. ;-)

Most Interesting Movie Theme Selection: Armageddon for Evan and Anna
Heidi: So, producers. Armageddon, eh? What exactly are you trying to say? ;-) Evan the asteroid?
Courtney: *pouting* I would have enjoyed it so much more if it was an overwrought, tacky homage to Top Gun. I had such high hopes! Haha. But yes, this was a bit peculiar – and kind of a hard movie to convey in that rumba. What where they supposed to do, have Anna hurling herself across the stage at Evan like some sort of asteroid about to hit the dance floor? And in the same token – how were Niecy & Louis supposed to convey “La Bamba” in their dance? Dress Louis up like Lou Diamond Phillips?

Best “Heidi was right” moment – Armageddon!!
Heidi: My brain finally came through on one. ;-)
Courtney: Props, m’dear…but I swear, someone is going to use “Take My Breath Away” one of these seasons, count on it!!

Best Len/Tom Interaction – Re: Chad. Len: “This is a dance competition”. Tom: “Not for him it isn’t.”
Heidi: Tom Bergeron, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways. Way too many one-liners tonight.
Courtney: Tom, you are oh-so-wise. But if it’s not a dance competition for Chad…what exactly is it? A “get in Cheryl’s pants the fastest” contest? A “see how much sports-related trash talking you can do in the off-season” competition? Please…put him on blast, Mr. Bergeron ;-)

Most Delightful Temper Tantrum – Maks jumping up and down during his pre-jive package with Erin
Heidi: Dude, way to channel your inner two year old – WAY more fun than the meanie weenie. ;-) I giggle the whole time – and I was rooting for HIM, which is a change.
Courtney: I think Maks may have met his match in Erin…the girl gets under his skin in the best way. She’s reduced him from a man of such arrogance & bravado to a pouting toddler. LOVE IT.

Most Nonsensical Prop – Maks’ menu.
Heidi: Why? That had nothing to do with the movie dance – and you slowed down the tempo which is cheating on the Jive, in addition to using a prop for just as many bars as Damian did.
Courtney: Somewhere, Quentin Tarantino is having a seizure…not only did they foul up with the color of Erin’s hair (and the lack of a ponytail on Maks, AHEM), but they used a very, very minor part of the original movie scene to skirt around doing a full-speed jive for the whole routine. I would have been more impressed if he was dancing around drinking a “$5 milkshake” ;-)

Most Distracting Accessory – Jake’s Bandaids
Heidi: For the love of God, Jake, if you’re going to dance in your underwear, man up and lose the bandaids. I think they might even have had dinosaurs on them. Or little planes.
Courtney: Or Hello Kitty. Or maybe even custom ones with Vienna’s face on them. Wait…maybe that’s a little too weird…Vienna on his knees…gah. At least he managed to get those pants on quickly to cover them up.
Heidi: I feel dirty now. Thanks.

Most Horrifying Dress – Kate.
Heidi: Sweet jesus, can you get any more colors on that dress? And what was it supposed to mean??? If you’re taking the time to write on a chalkboard for your movie theme, at least dress the woman like Molly Ringwald circa 1980’s.
Courtney: I’m just pissed that it was more akin to the dreadful pink number that Molly wore to the prom at the end of Pretty in Pink, and the song was from the Breakfast Club. But yes, it was an eyesore – kinda like a watercolor palette exploded in the wardrobe room – but so was her dancing. So I guess it kind of fit.

Tom Bergeron LOL Line O’ the Night - Regarding Kate Gosselin: “8 little friends just stripped Bruno’s car”
Heidi: Bwahahaha…OMG. The man can think on his feet like no one else – and the imagery of those little kids all over Bruno’s car, tearing parts off, all the while snarling like little animals. LOL
Courtney: Dunno what’s scarier: the thought of those 8 little rugrats wreaking havoc on Bruno’s stylish little European 2-seater like some thugs out of Grand Theft Auto, or the thought of Mama Gosselin goading them on: “C’mon, babies! Show Bruno what happens when he talks bad about mama’s dancing!”

Best Prat Fall – Derek Hough, “Whoo Hoo…” CRASH!!!!!!!!!
Heidi: I swear, he does that on purpose but he makes it look real. It’s oddly funny every time. The dork. :-)
Courtney: Still trying to figure out if he meant to do it or not…it looks like he may have planned to do something crazy, but maybe went at it with too much force and ended up sprawled on the floor laughing instead. Either way, I got a chuckle out of it.
Heidi: I think Tom gets a kick out of it too: “Derek Hough: The Buster Keaton of DWTS” LOL

Most On-Show Pimpage – TIE: Evan (skating, traveling) & Kate (using her kids for votes)
Heidi: Evan’s really wasn’t up to him, or his fault per se, although it makes me wonder why they are making a fuss about him traveling while performing. It certainly isn’t the first time, and for someone as experienced as he is, no hardship either. He signed up knowing that was going to be the case. So what’s the deal?? Soap Stars did it. Niecy does it. Donny Osmond did it. As did countless others – at least one every season, as I recall. But what I don’t recall is them making a big deal out of Donny doing it (of course, he had ET to do it FOR him) or hardly anyone else, either. In any case, Kate’s was much more egregious – can you use children for votes any more blatantly than she did?That was horrible. (Note: It might also have been what got her kicked off, that and her witchier than normal behavior – she finally went too far.)
Courtney: The “I love you!” to her kids was getting more & more forceful each week – kinda getting scary, actually. Like she was subliminally saying “Listen up, America! I LOVE MY KIDS! I DESERVE VOTES!!!” Yikes. Not faulting the woman for loving her kids – but she doesn’t need to exploit it for votes. Evan…*sigh* I’m done even trying to talk about his ringership. But apparently the show isn’t…although I must point out Adam’s comment about Evan’s spins: “Gee, wonder where he learned how to do that? HE’S A PROFESSIONAL ICE DANCER, PEOPLE!” Hmmm, that doesn’t sound like Adam pointing out a correlation between dancing and skating now, does it? ;-)

Most Improvement by a Non-Contestant: Brooke Burke
Heidi: I gotta give it up to Brooke; I noticed she was much better Monday night. More at ease, more prepared or something. I heard no loud gonging sounds or groans after she spoke. I think she’s starting to get into the job.
Courtney: That, or they have someone in her ear telling her exactly what to say verbatim. But yes, I agree – she’s improved. No more awkward comments about cheesecake. :-)

The Human Thesaurus Award – Niecy Nash, for rattling off as many synonyms for “horseplay” as she could think of
Courtney: Shenanigans…antics…tom foolery…carrying on…funny business…hijinx…
Heidi: …foolishness….crap, I got nuthin’ else. :-)

The “Adam Corrolla Should be on Every Week!” Award: Julianne stuck this thing under my butt and told me to “pedal, monkey!!” Or how about his razzing of Evan for of course knowing how to spin. Like, DUH!!
Heidi: I think Adam is a riot and he, along with those Dance Center guys, should be on more often. And the Evan thing was a nice counterpoint to the previous night’s pimpage. Not sure I want to know about Julianne sticking things under his butt, though. Plus, I also thought he was Jewish. Go figure. :-)
Courtney: AMEN ON ALL COUNTS. Between Tom & Adam, we have a voice of reason on this show.

Most Incoherent Critique of a Contestant’s Dancing: Carrie Ann comparing Kate’s foxtrot to the teacher from Charlie Brown
Courtney: I KIND OF understood what she was saying, but she choose a really awkward metaphor for it. Couldn’t she have said “Nothing about your dance was really defined”, instead of spouting off a chorus of “Wuh wuh wuh WUHH”? And then the whole “SUPERSTAR!!!” thing with Derek & Nicole – did she throw back a couple of cosmopolitans before the show?
Heidi: Ummmm…..Cosmos. You know, there are times that I think you and I are the only ones old enough to drink around here. :-) I think she meant that when she watches Kate dance, she sort of drifts off into La La land and doesn’t really see the dance anymore. She’s, like, seeing Tony naked or something. Or am I the only one with that problem?

Most Interesting Freudian Slip: Cheryl Burke – “Chad isn’t happy unless I’m always coddling/cuddling him”
Courtney: Hehe…she may have aimed for “coddling”, but it sure sounded an awful lot like “cuddling”…
Heidi: I heard fondling. Must have been the beer.

Best Wardrobe Malfunction: Chelsie popping out of her dress during the encore performance of Jake’s cha-cha
Courtney: Maybe mine eyes were deceiving me – but didn’t it seem like Jake was trying to use his head to cover up Chelsie’s boobs? What a helper. LOL
Heidi: Pretty sure Vienna is packing heat. If he’s not careful, he’ll get his “helper” shot off. Risky Business indeed.

And thus another week of Cheesecake Awards are concluded. Please, DWTS, try to give us more exciting material next time, would ya? We KNOW you’ve got it in you. :-)

April 22, 2010 I Written By

I'm a nerd and proud of it. Two degrees in geology also means I love BEER. :-) I'm also a Derek lover - proud of that too. So don't scream at those of us on this site and call us a bunch of "biased Derek-lovers" - it's just ME. :-) It may sound like I hate DWTS at times, but really, I'm just a snarky nitpicker from way back. And I'm cynical and jaded too. But I do love DWTS. :-)

DWTS 10, Week 4 – The Cheesecake Awards!!!

This week, it was nearly all the performance show. And there were almost too many things to comment on. :-)

Funniest Tom One-liner –“ Welcome to the fabric remnant showroom” (paraphrasing)
Heidi: Don’t drink red wine when you have light colored furniture.
Courtney: …lest it become one of Edyta’s costumes. Unless you’re Chad & Cheryl, in which case your costumes are made from the pantyhose I used to wear when I was a Hooters girl.

Most Stupid-assed, Cheesy Opening Segment – Buzz is blasted off from about mid-thigh up, out of the picture.
Heidi: Are you f@*king kidding me? Not only was that one of the cheesiest, stupidest things I’ve seen on this show, it’s also freakin’ disrespectful. The man is 80, and a damn astronaut. You people are pissing me off.
Courtney: If this is going to be a recurring theme during the intro, what the hell are they gonna do with the other celebs eliminated? Evan triple-lutzing out of the frame? Pam running away in slow-mo? If they’re gonna offend, they may as well be equal-opportunity offenders.

Most Snicker-worthy Production Screwup – Yeah, that double scoring scoreboard didn’t work so well on the first dance – it previewed the first dancer’s second score long before the judges had a chance to whip out their paddles. Took them a couple dances to fix it too. :-)
Heidi: Is it mean that I always laugh when they mess that stuff up?
Courtney: Not at all – if they’re going to do something as dumb as doing 2 scores, then they may as well mess it up while they’re at it. They must have really been having issues when Evan was getting his scores, because they didn’t even use that silly chart.

Most likely to moonlight as a Victoria’s Secret model – Nicole Scherzinger, Kym Johnson, & Edyta Sliwinska. (3-way tie)
Heidi: So, Nicole’s walking down the stairs with Derek and I thought that perhaps she had bought new boobs since the last show. Then I remember the miracle bra – mainly because I saw Kym Johnson wearing that and nearly nothing else, right after pondering Nicole’s situation(s).
Courtney: If I had a body half as good as these three, I would seriously go naked all day long. Maybe throw on some negligee to go to the grocery store or something. But I did notice that Nicole’s “ladies” were looking extra perky, and then noted how big of a difference there was in Edyta’s cleavage between the lead-in package to their actual performance. God bless the Miracle Bra!

Most Ridiculous Studio Decoration – The “HOT HOT HOT!!” flashing neon sign
Heidi: It’s a bad sign that when you have to hang a sign that states what you’re hoping the dances will convey on their own. What, were they afraid we wouldn’t get it?? Oh, wait…
Courtney: There are only 3 places in this world where neon flashing signage is actually effective: cheap casinos, bail bonds offices, and strip clubs. Last I checked, DWTS was not any of those 3 establishments. Well…2 out of 3…not gonna lie, I have had the urge to “tuck a buck” from time to time while watching the show ;-)

The “Heidi is Sick of Gimmicks” Cheese Award – the sob story for votes.
Heidi: Broken toes. Traveling while training. Dead relatives. Hurt back. Whaa whaa whaa – Evan double dips as two of those are his. Dude, spamming for votes AND two sob stories? No, he wasn’t really whining, but I’m with Erin – my favorites are those who get hurt and you never see any evidence of it on camera. Mark Ballas, for example, tore the hell out of his knee and danced on it without broadcasting it before the results show. Derek did the same thing two seasons in a row – and was photographed wearing a heating pad on his shoulder last week. While they were pimping the hell out of Melissa Rycroft’s ribs, Lil’ Kim had the exact same injury and we didn’t hear about it.
Courtney: If they’re in that much pain, I say they just start downing Vicodin a la Dr. House and then, after DWTS, they can do Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. It’s a two-fer! Totally, totally kidding. If you’re gonna whine repeatedly, you may as well just withdraw.

Best unintentional innuendo – Derek Hough, “This is my Love Hand.”
Heidi: :::spew::: Thank you, Baby Jesus. Dude. Right handed, eh? Visualizing, I’m visualing…I’m a bad girl. Even funnier was him realizing what he said, about 5 seconds too late. ;-)
Courtney: While he is indeed yummy, I don’t really wanna think about where that hand has been, hehe. I’d rather see Tony Dovolani’s “Hate Hand”, whereby he sticks a certain finger in Kate’s face after he’s just had enough of her nagging, complaining, and crying.

Most Egregious Vote Whore – Evan Lysacek.  (Dis)honorable Mention – Pam Anderson.
Heidi: Bad, bad Evan. It really sucks when the Olympian shoe-in is the worst about pimping himself for votes. I can at least understand Pam, since she actually hit the bottom two a couple weeks back.
Courtney: Evan is just kinda altogether annoying me right now, between the vote whoring and the whining about the toes. I’m gonna give Pam the “get out of jail free” card for the week, since she is prolly still reeling from being in the bottom 2 the first week. Plus I have a heterosexual woman-crush on her. Viva la Pam!

Best Use of a Prop We Never Thought We’d See Again - Jeff Ross’ rhinestone eye patch, worn by Aiden in the “Double O-Chocinco” fake trailer.
Courtney: Seriously, wardrobe must have peed their pants with excitement when they got to pull this out of storage. And the fact that it was worn by one of Edyta’s former partners (who happened to scratch his cornea) before being worn by Aiden (who got elbowed in the eye by Edyta during their foxtrot) is just an eerie coincidence…or is it? ;-)
Heidi: (tangent) Derek and his love hand and an eye patch………visualizing, I’m visualizing…..

Most Ironic Song Choice – “Wait a Minute” by the Pussycat Dolls for Evan’s tango
Courtney: You happen to choose a song by the group that your biggest competition on the show was the lead singer of…coincidence, or strategy?
Heidi: Or producers who are sick f@#ks. I pick door number 2, Monty. Seriously, they aren’t having much opportunity to pick their own songs this year. See, Nicole’s Jive, and her upcoming Tango (to Pretty Woman?? Fer REAL???)

Most Unexpected Chemistry - Chelsie and Damian during their dance to Sade
Courtney: I was very pleasantly surprised by Damian especially this week, after complaining about “knowing nothing about him” after last week’s show. He had a great rumba with Pam, and then a lovely, dramatic performance with Chelsie. Forget about rumors of Chelsie and Mark dating and Chelsie and Derek dating – I wouldn’t mind seeing Chelsie and Damian together!
Heidi: Who’s Damian?? You mean there is a guy dancing with Pam? You don’t say!! :-) Fer a straight girl, I have a very hard time looking away from Pam. Seriously, finally we get a glimpse at Damian – he’s been a shadow up to now.

Tackiest “Love Props” - the heart pillows in the Celebraquarium, with (dis)honorable mentions for the feathers on the stage for Chad and Cheryl’s rumba and the grapes that Erin was dangling in the guys’ faces
Courtney: Those damn pillows reminded me of this tacky no-tell motel on the edge of town that has heart-shaped vibrating beds with satin sheets. And the fact that the celebs and pros alike were tossing them around ALL NIGHT LONG was just obnoxious. As was Erin dangling grapes in Maks and Jake’s faces (although I give her props for throwing one at Evan, hehe) and Chad and Cheryl collapsing into a big pile of goose down in the middle of the stage, which served no choreographic purpose other than to look romantic. We GET it, guys: it’s rumba and tango night. But do you really need pillows, feathers, and grapes to convey that???
Heidi: Of course they don’t need all that stuff, if it were just THEM. But us real stoopid people who sit at home with our hands in the front of our pants, belching might have missed all the passion floating around. That said, I too give Erin points for throwing a grape at Evan’s head. I also applaud anyone throwing a pillow at anyone else’s head as a way of saying, “Shut the f*&K up.” :-)

April 14, 2010 I Written By

I'm a nerd and proud of it. Two degrees in geology also means I love BEER. :-) I'm also a Derek lover - proud of that too. So don't scream at those of us on this site and call us a bunch of "biased Derek-lovers" - it's just ME. :-) It may sound like I hate DWTS at times, but really, I'm just a snarky nitpicker from way back. And I'm cynical and jaded too. But I do love DWTS. :-)

DWTS10 Week 3 – The Cheesecake Awards!

Welcome to the warped & ridiculous brainchild of Courtney & Heidi :-) We’ve decided to give silly awards for each week’s show – some are funny, some are shameful, some are just downright ridiculous.  But it’s all in the name of a good laugh and hopefully some great discussion! As for the name – we decided to call them the “cheesecake” awards due to Brooke’s awkward comment about cheesecake to Evan & Anna during week 2, and also because cheesecake can refer to anything that’s cheesy, tacky, or just funny. We plan to give the awards on Wednesdays, but this week just had too many events that begged for an award that we just had to do one for week 3. So without further ado, we’d like to bestow the first round of cheesecakes to the lucky (or unlucky!) winners…

 

Best use of white pants by a pro: Derek Hough

Heidi: Thank you, Baby Jesus. Um, hello there, little Derek. :-)

Courtney: Didn’t anyone tell Derek that you aren’t supposed to wear white pants between Labor Day & Memorial Day??? Oh well, I enjoyed the view nonetheless (after Heidi brought it to my attention, of course ;-) ).  The people demand more white pants!

Best use of another pro as a prop: Jonathan Roberts & Tony Dovolani as 2 of the “Three Amigos” during Chad & Cheryl’s paso doble

Courtney: Best prop of the week, if you ask me! Any excuse to have Jonathan Roberts on camera is fine by me :-) Too bad he & Tony were the most memorable part of this routine for me…note to all the couples: if you’re going to use a prop, make sure you don’t let it (or him) upstage you! LOL

Heidi: OMG – rolling on the freaking floor at Jon and Tony’s cheesy grins in the celebriquarium.  Genius. I love the implied goofiness that dictated the use of them in another pro’s dance. I’m assuming that was Cheryl’s brilliant move. Brava! Unfortunately, Courtney’s right – those two are all I can remember from that dance.

Most indulgent song choice: “Paparazzi” for Kate Gosselin’s paso doble

Courtney: C’mon now…seriously? You’re always getting followed by the paparazzi? One, you are at best a D-list celeb; two, the last I checked, you were the one seeking the spotlight – not the other way around.  Not that the song did you any favors anyway…

Heidi: Even better was Jake’s sage nodding in the background during her interview in the celebriquarium – hilarious. Seriously, Jake? REALLY? Dude, you go to every paparazzi hang out in Hollywood and then mack on your fiancé for the cameras. The Ivy? Spare me your tears, little man. :-) You love it.

Best costume that looked better the 2nd time around: Chelsie’s acoustic paso dress

Heidi: So, the acoustic Paso dress was originally worn by Cheryl in her paso with….Gilles, correct?? That dress was so hideous that it made me forget how hot Gilles was!! I couldn’t look at the beauty of Gilles because my eyeballs had been burned by the horror of that dress. Okay…hyperbole. :-)  And I think Cheryl has a great body!! Just not the body for that particular dress.

Courtney: Yep, it was her paso with Gilles – he looked fantastic (shirtless!) and I feel like that just made it look that much worse on her – I thought it made her look like the Michelin Man.  But on Chelsie – stun-ning.  I’m sure John would agree ;-)

Most shameless vote mongering: Evan Lysacek

Heidi: Evan, for the love of all that is holy…chill the f*&k out. Picture me sitting in my overstuffed chair holding my blackberry and screaming as I received yet another plea to “vote for meeeeeeee, pleeeeeeessseee”. Dude, you tweeted every 10 minutes *during the show* in week 2 begging people to vote for you. It gave me an idea for a new show!! Spamalot, staring Evan Lysacek as Sir Evan…oh, wait. Eric Idle would likely sue. You do look good in tights, though, I’m sure.

Courtney: I haven’t seen so much spam since my Aunt Nadine’s 4th of July picnic.  For SHAME, Evan!

Biggest cranky-pants of the week: Len Goodman, with a (dis)honorable mention for Jake Pavelka

Courtney: My goodness, he was even more crotchety than usual this week…don’t know how that is even possible! Didn’t think he was so crabby as to bash a couple’s routine the day AFTER the fact…maybe he just needs a nap or something.  And Jake…we all know how I feel about Jake.  Would you like some cheese with that whine, my friend?

Heidi: Len is Len, but he did go too far with the Erin/Maks critique on the day after the performance show. That is beyond his pattern of always being nasty to the dancers with experience (it does make me wonder if she’s not getting enough votes, though).   But Jake takes the cake – what, you thought that everyone wanted your rose? Um, ick, the visuals…I just made myself nauseous. :-)

Hairdo we never want to see again: Chelsie’s black Egyptian wig

Courtney: Some people are meant to have dark hair, others are not.  We like you blonde, Chelsie! And John, well…he LOVES you blonde. Don’t go changin’ on us ever again! You looked like a Cher impersonator.

Heidi: Was it the wig or the bad makeup? Or the horrifying combination? I don’t know.  And did they forget pieces of it were still there for her accoustic paso?? It looked small furry animals were hiding in her actual hair. Or were you trying to distinguish yourself from Jake’s fiancé Vienna?

Best Tom Joke of the Week: “And next week’s show will be on Pay-per-view” followed by “wonder who will have to clean that up?”

Heidi: I am madly in crush with Tom Bergeron – he makes me LOL nearly every show. Brilliant and wicked all at the same time.

Courtney: I feel your pain, Tom – I don’t want to even entertain the visual of Chad & Cheryl “making love on the dance floor”. ICK!  Still crushin’ on Tom here too…seriously, who would pay $10k to have Snooki at their event if they could book Tom Bergeron instead? Only one major caveat – his very presence just makes Brooke look even more inept.  Speaking of which…

And finally, the CheeseKake Award within the Cheesecake Awards:  Brooke’s “We wanna dance like that!!” remark in the red room after the acoustic paso. GONG!!

Heidi: Oh, Brooke, that comment fell flatter than a male pro’s washboard abs. That was just painful. I can barely bring myself to watch it over and over again. :-) Tell me, was it suppose to instill camaraderie with the other dancers? Be funny? What?

Courtney: I almost feel like we should be holding onto moldy fruit & veggies to be chucking at the screen every time she talks – some of her commentary is almost painful. Maybe not as painful as the cheesecake comment, but still – made me cringe. Definitely not a natural improviser like Tom is. But then again, nobody can compare to the glory of Tom Bergeron :-) *dreamy sigh*

Let’s have a big round of applause (or jeers, whichever suits you better!) for our first round of Cheesecake recipients! For those of you who are upset you didn’t get one this week, there is hope: you will no doubt do something stupid/funny/ridiculous/awkward enough in the coming weeks to get one.  Ooh, we can hardly wait!  Tune in Wednesday when we give our next round of Cheesecakes for the outrageous antics that are bound to arise from the tango & rumba! Scandalous ;-)

April 9, 2010 I Written By

Ultrasound sales specialist by day, semi-knowledgeable DWTS fan by night...with a smattering of hair & makeup enthusiast, occasional model, and crazy cat lady peppered in to make things REALLY interesting ;-) I might pee my pants in happiness if Donnie Wahlberg ever does DWTS - or if they ever use "Sunglasses at Night" as a paso doble. Check out some of my other work at pureamericasgottalent.com!