Our Pros, Celebrities, Judges and Hosts often say things that perhaps, from a professional standpoint, they shouldn’t. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re experiencing foot-in-mouth disease, sometimes they’re aggravating, sometimes it’s just none of their damn business. Courtney and I thought it would be fun to take some of these comments and discuss them, under the heading of “People say the Silliest Things”. Plus, some of us miss DWTS when it’s not on – this will be something to talk about.

First up, Tony Dovolani, in People Magazine Online:

“I enjoyed every bit of last season — well, most of it, I mean,” Tony Dovolani, who partnered with controversial contestant Kate Gosselin last season, told PEOPLE at the ESPY Awards Wednesday in L.A. “Next season I would like to have a more able partner, someone who doesn’t have so many distractions in their life. The producers know how I feel.”

Heidi: Oh, Tony, there are many things wrong with this statement, if remotely accurate. First off, some pros were not fortunate enough to even get a partner, let alone one that you (hopefully inadvertently) imply is disabled. Complaining about Kate – no matter how horrible she was (and she was horrible – no mistake) probably seems like Paris Hilton complaining about her new house only having 5 bathrooms to people like Dmitry, Lacey, Kym and others. And you know what, Jonathan is only sporadically on this show and he ALWAYS has a worse partner than you’ve had. Geez, you were on the cover of freakin’ PEOPLE magazine!! Besides, even slight disses against a former partner, no matter how true, strikes me as very unprofessional – and saying “the producers know how I feel” sounds arrogant. Not to mention the producers probably remember that you just took Melissa Rycroft to the final two seasons ago – more than Jonathan can say.

And then we have this gem: E!’s Awful Truth

While dishing all the goss with the Dancing with the Stars crew recently, Tony had no problem telling it like it is about Jake Pavelka and Vienna Giardi’s recent “juvenile” break up: “It was such great TV I couldn’t help but watch,” Dovolani recently joked about Jake and Vienna’s ABC special. “Wow, wasn’t that a train wreck or what? My wife and I kept looking at each other like ‘Is this really happening’,” Dovolani reiterated. “But it was great TV. Thank you!”

Courtney: Ooh wee. Now while I agree wholeheartedly with our Albanian friend that the very public, very messy demise of Jake & Vienna rivaled some of the train-wreckery previously known only to various VH1 dating series (again, I reiterate: “Can we please get a poly-a-graph test here?!” only reinforces to me that Vienna should have been cast on Rock of Love XXVII instead of The Bachelor), Tony, honey, there are definitely things that could be said with a little more tact – or in this case, not at all. So much for the alleged camaraderie of the season 10 cast (which was tenous at best), and the reasonably classy reputation that the majority of the pros tend to keep in the media. It would honestly not surprise me in the slightest if some of the pros from this season were conveniently not able to participate next season due to “lack of celebrities to match well with” – if they can sit Kym out for a season for holding out for more money, I wouldn’t put it past the producers to punish some of the more mouthy pros by not asking them back for season 11. And without getting into detail, as far as relationships go – I don’t think most of the pros on the show are in any position to be giving out opinions on relationships – there’s been enough tabloid fodder about some of them (who shall remain nameless ) to make Jake & Vienna’s split look downright civil. Just sayin’…

Heidi: Isn’t it weird that the very YOUNGEST pro on the show is the one who has shown the most tact when asked about Jake and Vienna? Chelsie was asked a direct question and, from what I saw, left it at a “could see it coming” type thing. But Courtney…you left out the best (worst?) parts of this E! thing!!

“Honestly, not my worries,” Dovolani dished to us when we asked him what he thought of the recent Kate Plus 8 investigation. “I haven’t stayed in touch with her, she hasn’t stayed in touch with me. I needed a break and I got a break—which was awesome—with my family.”

Aside from persuading “Tone-dog” to team up with Lindsay Lohan on the next season of DWTS, the babe told us he’s had it with one group of so-called celebs allowed on the ABC hit.

“I think we’ve had enough Bachelors on our show,” T.D. ‘fessed.

As for whether he’s ready to give the boot to all reality TV celebs? He said the ban doesn’t have to go that far.

“As long as they have followers I guess they are stars.”

Heidi: Well, provided that Tony is accurately quoted here, I don’t really know what to say. Dude, it just seems to me that taking direct shots at the producers in public is not really the road to job security. I could be wrong – but this is a show that has 16 to 20 pros already in the stable and they’re likely to only go with 11 to 13 stars again. Do you want to take chances?? I mean, Derek is possibly out for Season 11 (who can tell, he may never leave the bedside of a certain malaria ridden, Brit pop princess), but as far as I can tell the rest of the gang is eager to dance with a star. As far as stars to match YOU, well, there’s Maks (who is being rather circumspect right now) and Dmitry. And I KNOW Dmitry wants back on the show. He’s tweeted as much. Dude, what ARE you doing?? Even if the producers don’t care, I’ve seen several articles about your comments with the word “me-ow” included, not to mention “thrown under the bus” and other indications that we’re not alone in thinking these weren’t the wisest words you’ve ever spoken.

Look, Courtney and I DID find something to snark on. Not really, we just decided that it was time to put some of the wardrobe recyclers (or victims thereof) head to head to see if it’s always such a good idea. The answer is….no, not always. On with the show…

Battle of the black & white paso dress: Chelsie’s pro paso with Derek this season vs. Cheryl’s paso with Gilles in season 8

Courtney: Hands down, Chelsie rocked this one better. She was working the skirt with every move, and I think the cut-out back really showed off her arm lines. As for Cheryl – I thought it looked too bulky on her frame and she didn’t really utilize the skirt like Chelsie did…almost seems like she was weighed down by it.
Heidi: Yeah, I don’t know why it didn’t work on Cheryl. Maybe it was the hair pulled up that put too much weight on the dress. She has a great body, it just didn’t work. Isn’t that the dance where Gilles went shirtless? That could be it too – too much contrast between the two of them.
Courtney: Yep, Gilles was indeed shirtless. With the high-waisted black dance pants and some sort of necklace. Mmmmm!
Heidi: Hold up a sec!! Seeing the pictures side by side – Chelsie had the whole front of the skirt cut out!! That removed a ton of bulk and allowed her to work the skirt better. Cheryl would have benefitted tremendously from that same cut out.
The winner: Chelsie, for workin’ that skirt for all it’s worth!

Battle of the white 2-piece Latin dress: Nicole’s pre-season photo shoot vs. Natalie’s bolero with Alec in season 9

Courtney: I’m gonna go with Nicole on this one, for the simple fact that Natalie was just so meek sometimes that a lot of her costumes seemed to overwhelm her. I think it suits Nicole’s sexy, confident attitude. Both have great bodies, but Nicole’s got the vibe to go with it – along with some killer curves to fill it out a bit better than Natalie, who had more of an athletic build.
Heidi: Yeah, I’m with ya. You have to have serious attitude and confidence to pull that look off and Natalie seemed a bit afraid of it. Plus, she had all the Rumba crap attached to it that got lost when Nicole wore it – lots less material on Nicole, if you look at them side by side.
The winner: Nicole, for the ‘tude, confidence, and dangerous curves!

Battle of the black, edgy, fringy 2-piece dress: Anna’s pre-season photo shoot w/Evan (as well as the week 2 pro dance) vs. Joanna’s jive with Derek in season 9

Heidi: Joanna had a combination of attitude, bad ass hair, and Derek as a partner, that made her pull off that outfit better. Even the picture of Derek and Joanna shows why I think she pulls it off better.
Courtney: I think Joanna was slightly more believable in this one – the hair & attitude really pulled the whole outfit together. It also seems a little bit loose on Anna – another small frame kinda overshadowed by the costume. And I just don’t see her as a rock chick.
The winner: Joanna, for her rocker attitude that matched that of her partner

Battle of the black & silver fringed Latin dress: Pam’s pre-season photo shoot with Damian vs. Cheryl’s pro dance in week 2 vs. Mya’s jive with Dmitry in season 9

Heidi: I thought Cheryl rocked this dress, but it was more the dance than the dress itself. She killed in that dance. I’m going with her and I confess it’s because she was the standout female in that dance – the still photo doesn’t do it justice.
Courtney: I say Mya, but just by a hair over Pam. I think Cheryl has to be really careful with very heavy trimmings on dresses – like the ruffles on the paso dress, I think this made her look heavier than she really is. The dress suits Pam’s smoldering attitude perfectly, but it doesn’t quite look as impressive sitting still on her as it does moving with Mya as she’s flicking and jumping in the jive – look at how it stands out. Plus it seemed to fit the flapper theme of their jive well.
The winner: For dancing, Cheryl. The actual dress? Mya by a hair.

Battle of the silver-fringed Latin dress: Shannon’s pre-season photo shoot with Mark vs. Edyta’s pro dance in week 2 vs. Kym’s cha-cha with Donny in season 9

Courtney: I feel bad for anyone who has had to wear the same costume as Edyta – with a body like hers, not many women stand a chance. She looks fantastic in this one, especially with those black boots she was rockin’. Shannon seems a little overwhelmed by it, and I don’t think it’s the best color on Kym – seems to wash her out a bit.
Heidi: Do you even need to ask? Edyta, of course.
The winner: Edyta, by a killer body

Battle of the white & flesh-toned Latin dress: Kate’s pre-season photo shoot with Tony vs. Joanna’s rumba with Derek in season 9

Heidi: Well, Joanna clearly has a better body, but I didn’t like this dress on her. Actually – it wasn’t the dress. You can’t underestimate how much how you wear your hair will impact the overall effect. If Joanna had had softer, romantic hair for this dress, she would win it. Hair is important!
Courtney: As much as it may pain me…I’m actually gonna go with Kate on this one. I always thought it looked way too conservative and matronly on Joanna – both qualities which make the dress more appropriate for Kate. In any other (skimpier) dress, Joanna would have had it for sure – I still wonder why, of all weeks, they chose rumba week to cover her up…and give her such old-fashioned hair. Crazy wardrobe & hair people!
Heidi: You know, the pros are generally in charge of the costuming, but when they recycle so blatantly, I wonder how much input they actually have? Derek usually does so well…then again, I wondered what the hell they were doing to Joanna hair and makeup-wise much of the season. She had some BAD makeup. Wonder if it was Joanna messing about.
The winner: Kate. By a (head full of) hair.

Battle of the denim & fringe 2-piece cowboy outfit: Edyta’s pro dance to Reba in week 3 vs. Chelsie’s country two-step with Louie in season 9

Courtney: This has got to be the most adorable outfit I have seen all season – it’s cute while at the same time being sexy, and the fringe moves so well in two-step spins. While I think they both look fantastic in it, I think it’s a little better suited to Chelsie…she seems like a country girl. I just have a hard time imagining a Polish bombshell with an accent as heavy as a fried pierogi as a cowgirl!
Heidi: Well, I think Chelsie pulls off “cowgirl” better than Edyta by a mile. Edyta is too sultry for the cowgirl thing, whereas it fits Chelsie to a T. But damn, look at Edyta’s body! And you see the reason why Edyta is not a cowgirl – she took at least 4 inches off an already short skirt. On the top AND the bottom.
The winner: Chelsie, for being our favorite l’il cow-girl next door

*sniff* Sorry for the delay, kids – this week’s awards were a little bittersweet for Heidi & I, since they’re the last chance we’re going to be able to nitpick & snark until September But better late than never, eh? With 3 hours of nonstop ridiculousness to pull from this week, we definitely had a lot of material to work with – and I like to think we’ve really outdone ourselves this time So please – sit back, relax, and savor your last piece of cheesecake from season 10!

Best Impersonation of a Jersey Shore cast member: Brooke’s Snooki-inspired pouffy hair
Courtney: I can’t recall a hairstyle in the show’s history that was more talked-about than this one (not even Karina’s mullet!).  Thank goodness Heidi & I weren’t the only ones that were totally distracted by Brooke’s sky-high Bump-It pouff on Monday night.  And with a headband? Totally ridiculous…send her hairstylist back to Jersey, PLEASE! In fact, this pouff could have actually rivaled Snooki’s in its size…looks like J-Woww, Pauly D, and the Situation are all fist pumping under there. 

Heidi: I think Voldemort was under there. Maybe that’s why she’s improved so much – he’s controlling her.

Biggest Exercise in Futility: Kate’s encore performance of her paso doble, and subsequent hustle to “I Will Survive”; (dis)honorable mention for Evan & Anna and Erin & Maks unsuccessful use of outside choreography for their freestyles
Courtney: A question for whoever had the bright idea to put Kate front & center in the opening number: did you really think she was gonna pull off the simple act of walking with a feather thingie successfully? Because she managed to botch that completely.  And the paso was terrible the first time around – did we really need to relive it, as if to confirm “Yep, Kate really is a bad dancer!” The feeble hustle that ended with her being lifted up in a cherry-picker at the end? I guess we should be thankful that it was less hustle and more just Kate being lifted.  At least she seemed to be having fun.  And after the two mediocre freestyles from the couples that used outside assistance, I reiterate: the further you go outside of your comfort zone and into something that you’re unfamiliar with, the more clueless & uncomfortable you look.  Stick with what works.

Heidi: Dude, she was downright creepy, what with the way she was “flying” and the way she was lit.  Eeep!! As for the outside choreography…well, I guess I kinda understand it *in theory*, but at that point in the season the dancers know each other (and their strengths and weaknesses) so well, that it seems to me that an outsider would mess with that.
  
Most Interesting Double Entendre: Maks’ excuse for the mess-ups on the bed – “That wasn’t the bed we rehearsed on!”
Courtney: I still can’t decide if he said this in earnest, or deliberately threw out something saucy like this.  He only dug himself further into a hole with his follow-up comment on GMA yesterday morning: “The first time we did it on the bed, she went flying off!” Oh jeebus…

Heidi: I’m tempted to make a crack about you giving Maks too much credit for superb innuendo.   But it beats me if he was earnest or not.  Better was Tom’s reaction to it last night – making a big O with his arms and yelling “over sharing!!!”

Courtney: Eh, I’m leaning more towards the former – that he was just flustered and blurted it out without thinking – but Maks does have interesting ways of getting attention…maybe he actually thought of it beforehand and had it in his verbal arsenal just incase
  
The “Denial is not just a river in Egypt” award: Nicole & Derek’s vehement denial of there being anything going on between them romantically
Courtney: Ok, first there was the armpit sniffing and gum sharing.  Then the strange neck caressing.  And then, after an overtly sexual rumba, they pan to Nicole’s boyfriend in the audience – and he is NOT a happy camper.  And after a juicy bit of insider info that I heard a few days ago, I am almost 100% certain that SOMETHING has gone on between these two. 

Heidi: You forgot that she jumped on top of him in happiness – not only that, but she was running her hand over his hair and kissing on him.  More than anything it’s the hands in the hair thing and the multiple times she wrapped her legs around him. And Derek keeps picking her up.
  
Biggest Accident Waiting to Happen: Erin nearly taking Maks out during the infamous jump off the stage in the their Argentine tango
Courtney: Maybe she overshot it a bit, maybe he wasn’t quite grounded enough – maybe a combination of both.  But for a second, Maks wavered, and I was worried that they both were going to topple.  Seriously – that is one dangerous lift! I don’t blame Erin for being apprehensive…

Heidi: I gasped – thought they were going all the way to the judges.
 
Best “Hairstyle on a Budget”: Nicole’s banana claw for the rumba
Courtney: Prior to their rumba, I was like “Really, hair people? First you Snookify Brooke, now you’re scrimping on Nicole and sticking her with a $2 Goody banana clip from the drugstore? You could at least bedazzle that thing, jeez!” Then I saw the rumba…and I was like “Ahhhh. I think I need to invest in some banana clips.”

Heidi: LOL – I was gonna say, nothing says “We’ve done it” more than a practiced hair loosening. Ya see, it’s the subtle little moves like that that make me go “Ahhh…I want some of that kind of action please.”
  
Best Intro for a Returning Celeb Dance: Tom’s description of Pam’s performance – “Pamela Anderson…and some guys.”
Courtney: Oh Pam – I knew you would make a triumphant return to the floor in your own steamy way! And she really did upstage all three of them, slinking around in that corset and fishnets.  Leave it to Tom to summarize it best…I’m gonna miss you till September, Tom Bergeron

Heidi: Follow him on Twitter – hilarious. He and Melissa Rycroft have some weird relationship. He used her as a paparazzi shield monday night and then pseudo apologized on Twitter.  Anyway, Pam didn’t just upstage them, she ROLLED across them.  Wowza!!
 
The Candid Camera Award: Evan & Anna’s unhappy expressions in the dressing room; (dis)honorable mention for Anna clearly mouthing the f-word at the end of Monday night’s show
Courtney: Now we’ve all seen what kind of damage can be done when the couples know the camera is running during their practice sessions.  But the real fun happens when they DON’T know the camera is on them – like finale night, when they showed Nicole & Derek backstage energetically practicing their jive, and then panned to the adjacent room where Evan & Anna were sitting – glumly, like someone had killed their dog – or they were about to kill each other. Now before anyone can say “But they felt defeated after Len told Nicole she should win!”, keep in mind this was BEFORE Len said that, as neither of them had performed their final dance yet.  Not sure what they were so upset about, but someone must have told them to perk up, because they next time they showed them backstage, they were all smiles.  As for Anna’s pottymouth moment, it’s at the very end of Monday night’s show, when they’re going through the scoreboard – they pan to Evan & Anna as they’re saying “And at the bottom of the leaderboard…” and Anna looks over her right shoulder and says “F&%!” It actually made me laugh – if I were on the show, I would probably have the censors taking beta blockers, they’d be bleeping me so much…nice to know the pros slip up from time to time, too;-)

Heidi: That was striking, them sitting there. I was like, what the hell??  But at the end of the results show, when Mark picks Derek up, I’m pretty sure he lets out an involuntary “shit” of surprise – or it was my high def making the audio cut out. Buncha potty mouths.
 

Best Wardrobe Malfunction Waiting to Happen – Brooke Burke and her gold Mummy dress
Heidi: When she went to talk to the final two and she actually SAT DOWN – I actually held my breath to see if the dress would bust in a strategic spot. I was oddly disappointed when it held together. Seriously, they work so hard to keep the dancers in their dresses wouldn’t it be freakin’ hilarious if Brooke busted (heh) out of hers?? Anyway, she gave a whole new meaning to the words Golden Globes.

Courtney: That dress just confused me.  It was some crazy patchwork concoction – like someone didn’t have enough of any one type of fabric to make a dress, so they just combined scraps they had laying around.  I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I actually think I liked Samantha’s dresses better than some of the ones Brooke has worn. 
 
 
Tom Bergeron Line O’ The Night: “Hey Kate, while you’re up there, sing ‘Don’t Cry for me Argentina’”
Heidi: I think I actually guffawed. I don’t even know what that actually sounds like, but I’m pretty sure I did it.

Courtney: Eva Peron > Kate Gosselin.  *shudder* Somehow I think that Kate would actually be a worse singer than she is a dancer (and I think we’ve already established that she is a TERRIBLE dancer!) Tom, don’t give Kate any ideas – next thing you know, the tabloids will have her auditioning for Broadway!

Hugest Disservice to an American Hero – Buzz and his strange space suit, complete with Green Lasers
Heidi: Really DWTS Wardrobe??  Really? Talk about cheesy!! Holy hell.  And Star Wars? It also lasted about ten minutes too long.

Courtney: Ugh.  Enough with the space suits and references to his astronaut background.  Although I have to wonder if Buzz had some say in what he wanted to do – the man does wear a lot of NASA shirts…

Biggest Piece of Cheese I’m Most Ashamed to Admit that I Thought was Kinda Cool – The “Mirrorball Cage In Which Nicole and Evan Descended from the Ceiling.
Heidi:: I’m so ashamed. Between that and the fog, I was like “Coooool”.  :::sigh:::

Courtney: My DVR cut that part out. Thank goodness!
  
Best Self Impersonation – Derek Hough, Describing his Reaction to Almost Dropping Nicole
Heidi: So nice to see these two so relaxed. Ahem. Relaxed. 

Courtney: DVR cut out on this one too…so I’ll just take your word for it

Heidi: I’ll post it. It’s actually pretty funny. Apparently there was a lot of dialog during that dance and it was Derek who screwed it up. The dance, not the dialog.

Worst Opening Sequence in the History of the Show: Tuesday Night
Heidi: Is it just me or was that a craptastic opening dance?  Did you see Kate walking along the edge of the dance floor trying to find her spot?? Did you notice Derek’s “I’m so going to puke” face?? LOL

Courtney: Another group number that looked like it was thrown together at the last possible moment.  Lots of confused choreography, dittoed costumes, and pained expressions. I think the feather thingies were meant to distract us from a clearly terrible performance – some very wise production assistant must have plucked them from the prop closet & suggested they reuse them from the female pros’ opening dancing last season.  If I were one of the producers, that production assistant would be promoted to creative director! Haha.

The “I’m So Uncomfortable Watching This” Award: Kate Gosselin informing Tony That She’s Controversial “You know”
Heidi: Um, ick? I can’t decide if it was mean of the producers to show that, or stupid of Kate to seem oddly proud of it.

Courtney: I think what bothered me most was the way she said the word “controversial”.  She put too much emphasis on the “i” – “controverSEE-al”. Like she wanted to make it sound more high-class or something.  Honey, if you have to tell us that you’re controverSEE-al – then you’re just fishing.
Moment I Expected To Be Supremely Craptastic: Vienna Dancing
Heidi: Why wasn’t she on the show?? She’s way better than Jake. I was surprised how well she did with Dmitry, then not surprised when with Jake everything got…stiff. Pardon the expression. Jake turns everything Cheesy.

Courtney: Jake is a goober.  And Vienna was alright – but she still looks like she has no clue what is going on around her.  Totally blank expression.  Dude, at least Tenley had more facial expressions than just “confused”.

Heidi: :::gasp:::  Did YOU watch the Bachelor?!?!  Come sit with me in the hall of shame, girly.

Courtney: Eh, I saw some of the finale…CSI must have been a rerun that night.  It was like a train wreck in progress -  terrible, but you just can’t seem to avert your eyes!
  
Surest Sign that Len’s Meds Need Adjusting: Telling Nicole She Should Win BEFORE Evan Even Danced
Heidi: I’m a Derek/Nicole fan and I have to say that was shitty. Super Shitty. I groaned out loud.  

Courtney: Call me insensitive, but it actually didn’t bother me too badly – granted, I was really surprised Len actually said it, but at that point I think it was just getting too obvious that Nicole was miles ahead of Evan. And I think you mentioned it earlier, but Len may have thought that Nicole wasn’t going to win – and hence was trying to soften the blow a bit…even if he went about it in a rather uncouth way.  Or maybe he just got sick of all of the storyboarding, and the fakey “OMG! It’s anyone’s game!” schtick, and this was his geriatric way of rebelling.  It seemed to bother Anna more than it bothered Evan – that boy is sweet as pie and totally laid back, so he probably didn’t give it much of a second thought. Good for him

Biggest “Oh no you didn’t!” Moment: Kelly Monaco calling Alec the Iceman
Heidi: Geez, maybe it’s true but can you be ANY more unprofessional, bitch?

Courtney: My guess is that ABC cited some obscure line in her contract from the original season that forced her to attend – because she made it abundantly clear that she really didn’t have any desire to be there.  Maybe she was cranky cause her character’s boytoy on General Hospital just got sent to prison. No sex scenes for Sam McCall for awhile…I’d be cranky too!  But I gotta give her props for saying out loud (on national television) what we’ve been saying all along – Alec is totally blah.

Tom Bergeron Line O’ The Night, Take Two: “I’ll Never Get Tired of Seeing You Do That”, when imitating Maks jumping tantrum
Heidi: If anyone can bring Maks down to size, it’s Tom Bergeron. LOL

Courtney: Somehow, I don’t think that’s the last we’ll see of the clip of Maks jumping up and down like a toddler who wants candy at the grocery store.  I have a feeling it will resurface in subsequent seasons when they’re doing background videos of the pros.  Congrats, Maks – your tantrum is now cemented in the annals of DWTS history.

*sigh* Well, we hope you guys have enjoyed your weekly helpings of cheesecake this season as much as we’ve enjoyed dishing them out. The Heidi & Courtney Bitchin’ Kitchen may be closed for the season, but will reopen for business again in September for another fun-filled season of snark   Until then, please  do continue to lurk! Pure DWTS doesn’t go on summer vacay – we’ll still be keeping up with the latest casting rumors, post-season media appearances, pro gossip, and who knows what else! It promises to be a good time…so stay tuned!

I must say, I love how much dancing they’re putting into the results shows these days – keep up the good work!!

Len’s Dancing recap – who danced what and how well. Love the confessionals.
Read more…

…with Dancing with the Stars in the lead once again. From the Washington Post:

Once again, ABC’s “Dancing With the Stars” has pasodobled past Fox’s “American Idol” in the ratings.

Monday’s 90-minute “Dancing” episode, featuring America’s Most Put Upon Mother Kate Gosselin performing her final walk — this time an alleged foxtrot, to “The Breakfast Club” tune “Don’t You (Forget About Me)” while dressed as Princess Aurora from “Sleeping Beauty” — averaged 21.1 million viewers.

Meanwhile, Tuesday’s one-hour performance episode of “Idol,” in which show host Ryan Seacrest’s ego took the night off, freeing up more time for the Idolettes to take turns singing inspirational songs, attracted 19.7 million people to their screens, according to Nielsen.

This week marks the third time in five weeks the performance night of “Dancing” has attracted a larger crowd than the performance night on “Idol.”

It may also be the last because, sadly, “Dancing” ratings magnet Gosselin was finally felled this week by the professional judges’ low, low scores for her performances (“Dancing” eliminates a celebrity per week based on a combination of the judges’ scores and viewer voting).

I guess that remains to be seen. I don’t think it was Kate drawing viewers, so much as Idol really sucks this season. Seriously.

After watching “Movie Night” on Dancing with the Stars, I realized that there were several songs used this season that were recycled from previous seasons.

Since this past week Kate Gosselin was eliminated, I decided to post up her “recycled” dances first. Not only Kate & Tony’s dances, but the previous celeb and pro to have danced them…

Below are two dances done to the song She’s Always a Woman by Billy Joel… both done as a Viennese Waltz

Season 6: Marlee Matlin & Fabian Sanchez

Season 10: Kate Gosselin & Tony Dovolani
Read more…

It was a Cheesy, sometimes annoying week, this week. But there is one huge bright spot – no more Kate. But there’s also a dim spot – no more Kate. Beware, Courtney and I weren’t in the best of moods when we wrote these.

Most Interesting Movie Theme Selection: Armageddon for Evan and Anna
Heidi: So, producers. Armageddon, eh? What exactly are you trying to say? Evan the asteroid?
Courtney: *pouting* I would have enjoyed it so much more if it was an overwrought, tacky homage to Top Gun. I had such high hopes! Haha. But yes, this was a bit peculiar – and kind of a hard movie to convey in that rumba. What where they supposed to do, have Anna hurling herself across the stage at Evan like some sort of asteroid about to hit the dance floor? And in the same token – how were Niecy & Louis supposed to convey “La Bamba” in their dance? Dress Louis up like Lou Diamond Phillips?

Best “Heidi was right” moment – Armageddon!!
Heidi: My brain finally came through on one.
Courtney: Props, m’dear…but I swear, someone is going to use “Take My Breath Away” one of these seasons, count on it!!

Best Len/Tom Interaction – Re: Chad. Len: “This is a dance competition”. Tom: “Not for him it isn’t.”
Heidi: Tom Bergeron, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways. Way too many one-liners tonight.
Courtney: Tom, you are oh-so-wise. But if it’s not a dance competition for Chad…what exactly is it? A “get in Cheryl’s pants the fastest” contest? A “see how much sports-related trash talking you can do in the off-season” competition? Please…put him on blast, Mr. Bergeron

Most Delightful Temper Tantrum – Maks jumping up and down during his pre-jive package with Erin
Heidi: Dude, way to channel your inner two year old – WAY more fun than the meanie weenie. I giggle the whole time – and I was rooting for HIM, which is a change.
Courtney: I think Maks may have met his match in Erin…the girl gets under his skin in the best way. She’s reduced him from a man of such arrogance & bravado to a pouting toddler. LOVE IT.

Most Nonsensical Prop – Maks’ menu.
Heidi: Why? That had nothing to do with the movie dance – and you slowed down the tempo which is cheating on the Jive, in addition to using a prop for just as many bars as Damian did.
Courtney: Somewhere, Quentin Tarantino is having a seizure…not only did they foul up with the color of Erin’s hair (and the lack of a ponytail on Maks, AHEM), but they used a very, very minor part of the original movie scene to skirt around doing a full-speed jive for the whole routine. I would have been more impressed if he was dancing around drinking a “$5 milkshake”

Most Distracting Accessory – Jake’s Bandaids
Heidi: For the love of God, Jake, if you’re going to dance in your underwear, man up and lose the bandaids. I think they might even have had dinosaurs on them. Or little planes.
Courtney: Or Hello Kitty. Or maybe even custom ones with Vienna’s face on them. Wait…maybe that’s a little too weird…Vienna on his knees…gah. At least he managed to get those pants on quickly to cover them up.
Heidi: I feel dirty now. Thanks.

Most Horrifying Dress – Kate.
Heidi: Sweet jesus, can you get any more colors on that dress? And what was it supposed to mean??? If you’re taking the time to write on a chalkboard for your movie theme, at least dress the woman like Molly Ringwald circa 1980’s.
Courtney: I’m just pissed that it was more akin to the dreadful pink number that Molly wore to the prom at the end of Pretty in Pink, and the song was from the Breakfast Club. But yes, it was an eyesore – kinda like a watercolor palette exploded in the wardrobe room – but so was her dancing. So I guess it kind of fit.

Tom Bergeron LOL Line O’ the Night - Regarding Kate Gosselin: “8 little friends just stripped Bruno’s car”
Heidi: Bwahahaha…OMG. The man can think on his feet like no one else – and the imagery of those little kids all over Bruno’s car, tearing parts off, all the while snarling like little animals. LOL
Courtney: Dunno what’s scarier: the thought of those 8 little rugrats wreaking havoc on Bruno’s stylish little European 2-seater like some thugs out of Grand Theft Auto, or the thought of Mama Gosselin goading them on: “C’mon, babies! Show Bruno what happens when he talks bad about mama’s dancing!”

Best Prat Fall – Derek Hough, “Whoo Hoo…” CRASH!!!!!!!!!
Heidi: I swear, he does that on purpose but he makes it look real. It’s oddly funny every time. The dork.
Courtney: Still trying to figure out if he meant to do it or not…it looks like he may have planned to do something crazy, but maybe went at it with too much force and ended up sprawled on the floor laughing instead. Either way, I got a chuckle out of it.
Heidi: I think Tom gets a kick out of it too: “Derek Hough: The Buster Keaton of DWTS” LOL

Most On-Show Pimpage – TIE: Evan (skating, traveling) & Kate (using her kids for votes)
Heidi: Evan’s really wasn’t up to him, or his fault per se, although it makes me wonder why they are making a fuss about him traveling while performing. It certainly isn’t the first time, and for someone as experienced as he is, no hardship either. He signed up knowing that was going to be the case. So what’s the deal?? Soap Stars did it. Niecy does it. Donny Osmond did it. As did countless others – at least one every season, as I recall. But what I don’t recall is them making a big deal out of Donny doing it (of course, he had ET to do it FOR him) or hardly anyone else, either. In any case, Kate’s was much more egregious – can you use children for votes any more blatantly than she did?That was horrible. (Note: It might also have been what got her kicked off, that and her witchier than normal behavior – she finally went too far.)
Courtney: The “I love you!” to her kids was getting more & more forceful each week – kinda getting scary, actually. Like she was subliminally saying “Listen up, America! I LOVE MY KIDS! I DESERVE VOTES!!!” Yikes. Not faulting the woman for loving her kids – but she doesn’t need to exploit it for votes. Evan…*sigh* I’m done even trying to talk about his ringership. But apparently the show isn’t…although I must point out Adam’s comment about Evan’s spins: “Gee, wonder where he learned how to do that? HE’S A PROFESSIONAL ICE DANCER, PEOPLE!” Hmmm, that doesn’t sound like Adam pointing out a correlation between dancing and skating now, does it?

Most Improvement by a Non-Contestant: Brooke Burke
Heidi: I gotta give it up to Brooke; I noticed she was much better Monday night. More at ease, more prepared or something. I heard no loud gonging sounds or groans after she spoke. I think she’s starting to get into the job.
Courtney: That, or they have someone in her ear telling her exactly what to say verbatim. But yes, I agree – she’s improved. No more awkward comments about cheesecake.

The Human Thesaurus Award – Niecy Nash, for rattling off as many synonyms for “horseplay” as she could think of
Courtney: Shenanigans…antics…tom foolery…carrying on…funny business…hijinx…
Heidi: …foolishness….crap, I got nuthin’ else.

The “Adam Corrolla Should be on Every Week!” Award: Julianne stuck this thing under my butt and told me to “pedal, monkey!!” Or how about his razzing of Evan for of course knowing how to spin. Like, DUH!!
Heidi: I think Adam is a riot and he, along with those Dance Center guys, should be on more often. And the Evan thing was a nice counterpoint to the previous night’s pimpage. Not sure I want to know about Julianne sticking things under his butt, though. Plus, I also thought he was Jewish. Go figure.
Courtney: AMEN ON ALL COUNTS. Between Tom & Adam, we have a voice of reason on this show.

Most Incoherent Critique of a Contestant’s Dancing: Carrie Ann comparing Kate’s foxtrot to the teacher from Charlie Brown
Courtney: I KIND OF understood what she was saying, but she choose a really awkward metaphor for it. Couldn’t she have said “Nothing about your dance was really defined”, instead of spouting off a chorus of “Wuh wuh wuh WUHH”? And then the whole “SUPERSTAR!!!” thing with Derek & Nicole – did she throw back a couple of cosmopolitans before the show?
Heidi: Ummmm…..Cosmos. You know, there are times that I think you and I are the only ones old enough to drink around here. I think she meant that when she watches Kate dance, she sort of drifts off into La La land and doesn’t really see the dance anymore. She’s, like, seeing Tony naked or something. Or am I the only one with that problem?

Most Interesting Freudian Slip: Cheryl Burke – “Chad isn’t happy unless I’m always coddling/cuddling him”
Courtney: Hehe…she may have aimed for “coddling”, but it sure sounded an awful lot like “cuddling”…
Heidi: I heard fondling. Must have been the beer.

Best Wardrobe Malfunction: Chelsie popping out of her dress during the encore performance of Jake’s cha-cha
Courtney: Maybe mine eyes were deceiving me – but didn’t it seem like Jake was trying to use his head to cover up Chelsie’s boobs? What a helper. LOL
Heidi: Pretty sure Vienna is packing heat. If he’s not careful, he’ll get his “helper” shot off. Risky Business indeed.

And thus another week of Cheesecake Awards are concluded. Please, DWTS, try to give us more exciting material next time, would ya? We KNOW you’ve got it in you.

Entertainment Tonight – most of the gang.
Read more…

And Courtney is currently waltzing around her living room in joy. That’s right, Kate had to hit the trail tonight.

Well, I would say that I was freaking ECSTATIC to be wrong – and part of me is – but part of me is also incredibly bummed that Pam was in an actual “bottom two” again. That’s just so wrong! That said, looking back at my numbers post, it’s not really that hard for Niecy to get more votes that her. Remember, Niecy only had to get about 17,400 more votes per 1 million votes cast. Sounds like a lot, but it’s really not. I also realize that I unintentionally left Pam out of my votes discussion.

One thing about the results show, other than my love for Adam Corrolla – Next time you’re going to have four hot male pros dancing get rid of that chick in the middle. She was just in the way.

The Scorecard:
Heidi – called it Niecy solid with no backup plan. Therefore, I fail. But I’m so not upset about that.

Courtney – Also called it Niecy solid and Kate safe. I can’t imagine she’s upset to be wrong either. She’ll let us know when she stops waltzing.

Summary:
Heidi: I think what I forgot to take into account was Niecy’s previous status as a bottom two person – it caused every other fan group to rally, why not Niecy’s? As a result of that rally, it came back round to Pamela. But now, Kate is gone – so who’s it going to be?? I think this week the dance really will be critical, more than ever. It sounds like we have either Samba (Nicole, Erin) or Argentine Tango (Niecy?) in addition to a Swing Marathon. Swing? Why swing? Which pro excels in that? None that I know of, that are currently on the show.

Courtney, what say you??

Courtney: I have never been so happy to be so wrong about who was going home No more crying, needy lead-ins…no more low-energy performances…and no more frustrations taken out on Tony! Watching DWTS will be a much happier experience for me now I have to wonder if George Lopez’s stupid “Keep Kate” campaign actually did more harm than good – voting for Kate was the cool, nonconformist thing to do, until he took it to the mainstream. Either that, or Kate went from being the “trainwreck that was fun to watch” to just being whiny & boring, and people stopped voting. Or maybe it was the fact that she was actually improving a tiny bit. Whatever it is, I’m glad Tony is free, and we can hopefully avoid the “Kate-saturation” of the media week after week.

But echoing Heidi’s sentiments – it seriously scared the crap outta me that Pam was in the bottom 2 again. I’m hoping it was just the fact that people just assumed she was safe and didn’t vote, rather than forgetting about her altogether or deliberately not voting for her. I’m crossing my fingers that she & Damian’s Argentine tango next week is dynamite, and that her fans rally to pull her outta the bottom 2. Hopefully they can break out of that dreaded “middle of the pack” position they fell into this week, and overtake Jake & Erin.

I happily admit that I underestimated Niecy’s appeal…guess her jiggly parts are paying the dividends, after all

The judges are giving me whiplash. It’s like they can’t make up their minds if they want to be hard asses or if they just want to try for rational. It’s truly bizarre. You want examples? I’ll give you examples; Len gives Erin and Maks a verbal pass for not only using a prop, but Maks slowing the tempo of a JIVE for the first however many bars AND using that menu to an extreme. Len then proceeds to rip Damian a new one for having Pam sit at the table for too long. Hey, I agree Len – Damian shouldn’t have done that. But how about, instead of seeming to give Maks a pass then dinging them with a low score so they’re confused, you tell them that they, like Damian (and Derek) broke the rules. Derek broke hold in a Quickstep and got hosed for it, Maks slows the tempo and used a menu and still gets a 7 but with no useful critique, and Damian gets a tongue lashing for using a table and chairs. Dude, your enforcement of your rules and “commandments” seems pretty freakin’ random to me. At the end of the day, any pro who says, “ya know what? We knew we would get dinged, but we went for the audience” has my complete sympathy this season. But no faux confusion (Dmitry), own it.

Dang, sometimes I can nail it. I so totally called “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” for Evan and Anna’s Rumba. It took me a bit to remember what the movie was that immediately sprang to mind when I heard “romantic song in an action movie” – but that is like the ultimate in bizarre theme song for a movie. Anyway…

The MATH.

Here are the Judges Scores:
Dancer/Score
Nicole/29
Evan/27
Jake/23
Erin/22
Pam/21
Chad/18
Niecy/18
Kate/15
Total Judges Points Awarded = 173

Three point spread between Niecy and Kate? I don’t think that’s enough to save Niecy. I hope and pray I’m wrong, because Kate? Was a total beyotch last night and shamelessly brought her kids into it (moreso than before). Poor Tony. Kate was winning me over, slowly, but that was too much last night. And do I have my numbers right? Jake is now in third place? How the hell did that happen?

Dividing the individual scores by the total points awarded gives you the following percentages:

Dancer/Percentage of Total
Nicole/16.76
Evan/15.61
Jake/13.29
Erin/12.72
Pam/12.14
Chad/10.4
Niecy/10.4
Kate/8.67

Nicole and Evan score higher, and Kate and a couple other stay the same, plus there are fewer dancers – the end result is larger percentage spreads between the top and bottom and even between the bottom and the middle. Will it be enough? I hope so, but I’m not confident.

Dancer/Votes
Evan– Still the ringer of the season based on fanbase and ability, although I think Nicole might start catching him in votes. Very good Rumba, although his hips weren’t all that. Evan is a dichotomy – very bland seeming during the show, but so cute during the rehearsal packages, and then not that exciting during his dances. He’s a good dancer, for sure, but he’s not excited me thus far. Nice chest, though, when he was with Anna in the red room pre-dance. And his twitter activity is annoying the living shit out of me.

Nicole – vastly improved from last week, for sure, although I thought that move at the end was kinda strange. Props to Derek for coming up with an actual, flashy Tango to Pretty Woman. I had my doubts. I’m so ashamed. I am crazy, but the thing that I still find fascinating about these two is how in sync they are, even when not dancing. That bit when Carrie Ann said they were “Superstaaaaars” and they both immediately mimic her, in sync? Very telling, IMO. These two are pretty tight – although I don’t think she needs to hit him quite so hard. As tempting as that may be at times. Even I am tempted to give him a good smack at times – but don’t bruise the merchandise.

I have no clue how the votes are stacking up for the remaining contestants. I don’t even know if I can make a good guess. I think that Evan and Nicole are up there, possibly followed closely by Chad due to his football player status. Below is my pseudo attempt to put them in order.

Chad – Backsliding this week, I think. I’m not sure what the problem is here. I don’t even know what to say about this dance. I think I was distracted by the whole “Jungle Book” deal. And I had a headache, so I didn’t take notes. Calling him safe, either way.

Erin – I’m with Courtney 100 percent on Erin. What started off as charming and fun, is now becoming quite tiresome. I’m just…over it. Just dance, would ya? That said, I personally loved Maks’ temper tantrum, including the jumping. I won’t say more and save it for the “Cheesiest” awards. I have a huge soft spot for Maks, I must confess.

Jake – Dude, why did you have to go the tighty whities route? Why? And if you’re going to do that, lose the freaking band aid on the knee. Other than groaning loudly at the white shirt and lack of pants, I got nothing. He did a passable ChaCha, but he looked better in rehearsal footage I’ve seen.

Kate – I think she also backslid like Chad, but I have to agree with John (via Twitter) that I have seen improvement. That said, she’s still awful and far too awful to stay in the competition. But she will. :::sigh:::

Niecy – I think Niecy is on her way out, unfortunately. While I really like her personality, and she’s no where near as bad a dancer as Kate, she’s also not up to par with the rest of the pack. Not only that, but they gave her a crap dancing spot and she’s surrounded by bigger things – no pun intended. You’ve got Jake in his underwear, Erin fake fighting with Maks, Nicole and Evan killing their dances…and Kate. I don’t think The Insider and Entertainment Tonight pimpage is going to help.

A note about voting – online voting was seriously screwed up on the east coast last night. Most every Derek fan I see on Twitter was complaining about not being able to on-line vote. Since the issues occurred BEFORE you even got to the page to vote (i.e. it wouldn’t let you log in or took forever and got hung up), I’m sure it wasn’t just aimed at Derek fans. They just happen to be the ones who I see most on twitter after the show. I believe the reason for this was seriously heavy traffic – lots and lots of people voting. I believe it was traffic because about an hour after the show was over, it started to improve. This is my caveat – when you have LOTS of people voting, and lots of trouble voting, the results could be…interesting.

Okay, revisting the bottom four dancers in terms of judges scores, we have:

Pam/12.14
Chad/10.4
Niecy/10.4
Kate/8.67

I think this is actually pretty easy. Niecy and Chad are tied and I would bet that Chad is getting way more votes than anyone in the bottom four. So, call him safe. Kate is at the bottom and is 1.73% behind Niecy, which means that she has to get about 17,400 more votes than Niecy per 1 million votes cast to stay. Can she do it? I say yes, she can.

Are Kate and Niecy both getting more votes than Pam? Kate would have to get about 34,700 more votes per 1 million and Niecy would have to get about 17,400 per 1 million for them BOTH to pass Pam and have her be eliminated. Are both those things (and Chad getting a ton of votes) happening? This I find doubtful. Kate and Chad might get more, but not Niecy. I think Pam has won herself a bunch of new fans (like myself and Courtney) and along with that, a bunch of votes. I think she’s safe.

Keeping in my mind the voting caveat above…I think Niecy is going home and I’m not happy about that. Now, off to watch Bergeron’s twitter for clues.