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DWTS10 Finale – The Cheesecake Awards!!!

*sniff* Sorry for the delay, kids – this week’s awards were a little bittersweet for Heidi & I, since they’re the last chance we’re going to be able to nitpick & snark until September :-( But better late than never, eh? With 3 hours of nonstop ridiculousness to pull from this week, we definitely had a lot of material to work with – and I like to think we’ve really outdone ourselves this time :-D So please – sit back, relax, and savor your last piece of cheesecake from season 10!

Best Impersonation of a Jersey Shore cast member: Brooke’s Snooki-inspired pouffy hair
Courtney: I can’t recall a hairstyle in the show’s history that was more talked-about than this one (not even Karina’s mullet!).  Thank goodness Heidi & I weren’t the only ones that were totally distracted by Brooke’s sky-high Bump-It pouff on Monday night.  And with a headband? Totally ridiculous…send her hairstylist back to Jersey, PLEASE! In fact, this pouff could have actually rivaled Snooki’s in its size…looks like J-Woww, Pauly D, and the Situation are all fist pumping under there. 

Heidi: I think Voldemort was under there. Maybe that’s why she’s improved so much – he’s controlling her. :-)

Biggest Exercise in Futility: Kate’s encore performance of her paso doble, and subsequent hustle to “I Will Survive”; (dis)honorable mention for Evan & Anna and Erin & Maks unsuccessful use of outside choreography for their freestyles
Courtney: A question for whoever had the bright idea to put Kate front & center in the opening number: did you really think she was gonna pull off the simple act of walking with a feather thingie successfully? Because she managed to botch that completely.  And the paso was terrible the first time around – did we really need to relive it, as if to confirm “Yep, Kate really is a bad dancer!” The feeble hustle that ended with her being lifted up in a cherry-picker at the end? I guess we should be thankful that it was less hustle and more just Kate being lifted.  At least she seemed to be having fun.  And after the two mediocre freestyles from the couples that used outside assistance, I reiterate: the further you go outside of your comfort zone and into something that you’re unfamiliar with, the more clueless & uncomfortable you look.  Stick with what works.

Heidi: Dude, she was downright creepy, what with the way she was “flying” and the way she was lit.  Eeep!! As for the outside choreography…well, I guess I kinda understand it *in theory*, but at that point in the season the dancers know each other (and their strengths and weaknesses) so well, that it seems to me that an outsider would mess with that.
  
Most Interesting Double Entendre: Maks’ excuse for the mess-ups on the bed – “That wasn’t the bed we rehearsed on!”
Courtney: I still can’t decide if he said this in earnest, or deliberately threw out something saucy like this.  He only dug himself further into a hole with his follow-up comment on GMA yesterday morning: “The first time we did it on the bed, she went flying off!” Oh jeebus…

Heidi: I’m tempted to make a crack about you giving Maks too much credit for superb innuendo. :-)  But it beats me if he was earnest or not.  Better was Tom’s reaction to it last night – making a big O with his arms and yelling “over sharing!!!”

Courtney: Eh, I’m leaning more towards the former – that he was just flustered and blurted it out without thinking – but Maks does have interesting ways of getting attention…maybe he actually thought of it beforehand and had it in his verbal arsenal just incase ;-)
  
The “Denial is not just a river in Egypt” award: Nicole & Derek’s vehement denial of there being anything going on between them romantically
Courtney: Ok, first there was the armpit sniffing and gum sharing.  Then the strange neck caressing.  And then, after an overtly sexual rumba, they pan to Nicole’s boyfriend in the audience – and he is NOT a happy camper.  And after a juicy bit of insider info that I heard a few days ago, I am almost 100% certain that SOMETHING has gone on between these two. 

Heidi: You forgot that she jumped on top of him in happiness – not only that, but she was running her hand over his hair and kissing on him.  More than anything it’s the hands in the hair thing and the multiple times she wrapped her legs around him. :-) And Derek keeps picking her up.
  
Biggest Accident Waiting to Happen: Erin nearly taking Maks out during the infamous jump off the stage in the their Argentine tango
Courtney: Maybe she overshot it a bit, maybe he wasn’t quite grounded enough – maybe a combination of both.  But for a second, Maks wavered, and I was worried that they both were going to topple.  Seriously – that is one dangerous lift! I don’t blame Erin for being apprehensive…

Heidi: I gasped – thought they were going all the way to the judges.
 
Best “Hairstyle on a Budget”: Nicole’s banana claw for the rumba
Courtney: Prior to their rumba, I was like “Really, hair people? First you Snookify Brooke, now you’re scrimping on Nicole and sticking her with a $2 Goody banana clip from the drugstore? You could at least bedazzle that thing, jeez!” Then I saw the rumba…and I was like “Ahhhh. I think I need to invest in some banana clips.”

Heidi: LOL – I was gonna say, nothing says “We’ve done it” more than a practiced hair loosening. Ya see, it’s the subtle little moves like that that make me go “Ahhh…I want some of that kind of action please.”
  
Best Intro for a Returning Celeb Dance: Tom’s description of Pam’s performance – “Pamela Anderson…and some guys.”
Courtney: Oh Pam – I knew you would make a triumphant return to the floor in your own steamy way! And she really did upstage all three of them, slinking around in that corset and fishnets.  Leave it to Tom to summarize it best…I’m gonna miss you till September, Tom Bergeron :-(

Heidi: Follow him on Twitter – hilarious. He and Melissa Rycroft have some weird relationship. He used her as a paparazzi shield monday night and then pseudo apologized on Twitter.  Anyway, Pam didn’t just upstage them, she ROLLED across them.  Wowza!!
 
The Candid Camera Award: Evan & Anna’s unhappy expressions in the dressing room; (dis)honorable mention for Anna clearly mouthing the f-word at the end of Monday night’s show
Courtney: Now we’ve all seen what kind of damage can be done when the couples know the camera is running during their practice sessions.  But the real fun happens when they DON’T know the camera is on them – like finale night, when they showed Nicole & Derek backstage energetically practicing their jive, and then panned to the adjacent room where Evan & Anna were sitting – glumly, like someone had killed their dog – or they were about to kill each other. Now before anyone can say “But they felt defeated after Len told Nicole she should win!”, keep in mind this was BEFORE Len said that, as neither of them had performed their final dance yet.  Not sure what they were so upset about, but someone must have told them to perk up, because they next time they showed them backstage, they were all smiles.  As for Anna’s pottymouth moment, it’s at the very end of Monday night’s show, when they’re going through the scoreboard – they pan to Evan & Anna as they’re saying “And at the bottom of the leaderboard…” and Anna looks over her right shoulder and says “F&%!” It actually made me laugh – if I were on the show, I would probably have the censors taking beta blockers, they’d be bleeping me so much…nice to know the pros slip up from time to time, too;-)

Heidi: That was striking, them sitting there. I was like, what the hell??  But at the end of the results show, when Mark picks Derek up, I’m pretty sure he lets out an involuntary “shit” of surprise – or it was my high def making the audio cut out. Buncha potty mouths. :-)
 

Best Wardrobe Malfunction Waiting to Happen – Brooke Burke and her gold Mummy dress
Heidi: When she went to talk to the final two and she actually SAT DOWN – I actually held my breath to see if the dress would bust in a strategic spot. :-) I was oddly disappointed when it held together. Seriously, they work so hard to keep the dancers in their dresses wouldn’t it be freakin’ hilarious if Brooke busted (heh) out of hers?? Anyway, she gave a whole new meaning to the words Golden Globes.

Courtney: That dress just confused me.  It was some crazy patchwork concoction – like someone didn’t have enough of any one type of fabric to make a dress, so they just combined scraps they had laying around.  I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I actually think I liked Samantha’s dresses better than some of the ones Brooke has worn. 
 
 
Tom Bergeron Line O’ The Night: “Hey Kate, while you’re up there, sing ‘Don’t Cry for me Argentina’”
Heidi: I think I actually guffawed. I don’t even know what that actually sounds like, but I’m pretty sure I did it. :-)

Courtney: Eva Peron > Kate Gosselin.  *shudder* Somehow I think that Kate would actually be a worse singer than she is a dancer (and I think we’ve already established that she is a TERRIBLE dancer!) Tom, don’t give Kate any ideas – next thing you know, the tabloids will have her auditioning for Broadway!

Hugest Disservice to an American Hero – Buzz and his strange space suit, complete with Green Lasers
Heidi: Really DWTS Wardrobe??  Really? Talk about cheesy!! Holy hell.  And Star Wars? It also lasted about ten minutes too long. :-)

Courtney: Ugh.  Enough with the space suits and references to his astronaut background.  Although I have to wonder if Buzz had some say in what he wanted to do – the man does wear a lot of NASA shirts…

Biggest Piece of Cheese I’m Most Ashamed to Admit that I Thought was Kinda Cool – The “Mirrorball Cage In Which Nicole and Evan Descended from the Ceiling.
Heidi:: I’m so ashamed. Between that and the fog, I was like “Coooool”.  :::sigh:::

Courtney: My DVR cut that part out. Thank goodness!
  
Best Self Impersonation – Derek Hough, Describing his Reaction to Almost Dropping Nicole
Heidi: So nice to see these two so relaxed. Ahem. :-) Relaxed. 

Courtney: DVR cut out on this one too…so I’ll just take your word for it ;-)

Heidi: I’ll post it. It’s actually pretty funny. Apparently there was a lot of dialog during that dance and it was Derek who screwed it up. The dance, not the dialog.

Worst Opening Sequence in the History of the Show: Tuesday Night
Heidi: Is it just me or was that a craptastic opening dance?  Did you see Kate walking along the edge of the dance floor trying to find her spot?? Did you notice Derek’s “I’m so going to puke” face?? LOL

Courtney: Another group number that looked like it was thrown together at the last possible moment.  Lots of confused choreography, dittoed costumes, and pained expressions. I think the feather thingies were meant to distract us from a clearly terrible performance – some very wise production assistant must have plucked them from the prop closet & suggested they reuse them from the female pros’ opening dancing last season.  If I were one of the producers, that production assistant would be promoted to creative director! Haha.

The “I’m So Uncomfortable Watching This” Award: Kate Gosselin informing Tony That She’s Controversial “You know”
Heidi: Um, ick? I can’t decide if it was mean of the producers to show that, or stupid of Kate to seem oddly proud of it.

Courtney: I think what bothered me most was the way she said the word “controversial”.  She put too much emphasis on the “i” – “controverSEE-al”. Like she wanted to make it sound more high-class or something.  Honey, if you have to tell us that you’re controverSEE-al – then you’re just fishing.
Moment I Expected To Be Supremely Craptastic: Vienna Dancing
Heidi: Why wasn’t she on the show?? She’s way better than Jake. I was surprised how well she did with Dmitry, then not surprised when with Jake everything got…stiff. Pardon the expression. :-) Jake turns everything Cheesy.

Courtney: Jake is a goober.  And Vienna was alright – but she still looks like she has no clue what is going on around her.  Totally blank expression.  Dude, at least Tenley had more facial expressions than just “confused”.

Heidi: :::gasp:::  Did YOU watch the Bachelor?!?!  Come sit with me in the hall of shame, girly. :-)

Courtney: Eh, I saw some of the finale…CSI must have been a rerun that night.  It was like a train wreck in progress -  terrible, but you just can’t seem to avert your eyes!
  
Surest Sign that Len’s Meds Need Adjusting: Telling Nicole She Should Win BEFORE Evan Even Danced
Heidi: I’m a Derek/Nicole fan and I have to say that was shitty. Super Shitty. I groaned out loud.  

Courtney: Call me insensitive, but it actually didn’t bother me too badly – granted, I was really surprised Len actually said it, but at that point I think it was just getting too obvious that Nicole was miles ahead of Evan. And I think you mentioned it earlier, but Len may have thought that Nicole wasn’t going to win – and hence was trying to soften the blow a bit…even if he went about it in a rather uncouth way.  Or maybe he just got sick of all of the storyboarding, and the fakey “OMG! It’s anyone’s game!” schtick, and this was his geriatric way of rebelling.  It seemed to bother Anna more than it bothered Evan – that boy is sweet as pie and totally laid back, so he probably didn’t give it much of a second thought. Good for him :-)

Biggest “Oh no you didn’t!” Moment: Kelly Monaco calling Alec the Iceman
Heidi: Geez, maybe it’s true but can you be ANY more unprofessional, bitch?

Courtney: My guess is that ABC cited some obscure line in her contract from the original season that forced her to attend – because she made it abundantly clear that she really didn’t have any desire to be there.  Maybe she was cranky cause her character’s boytoy on General Hospital just got sent to prison. No sex scenes for Sam McCall for awhile…I’d be cranky too!  But I gotta give her props for saying out loud (on national television) what we’ve been saying all along – Alec is totally blah.

Tom Bergeron Line O’ The Night, Take Two: “I’ll Never Get Tired of Seeing You Do That”, when imitating Maks jumping tantrum
Heidi: If anyone can bring Maks down to size, it’s Tom Bergeron. LOL

Courtney: Somehow, I don’t think that’s the last we’ll see of the clip of Maks jumping up and down like a toddler who wants candy at the grocery store.  I have a feeling it will resurface in subsequent seasons when they’re doing background videos of the pros.  Congrats, Maks – your tantrum is now cemented in the annals of DWTS history. :-)

*sigh* Well, we hope you guys have enjoyed your weekly helpings of cheesecake this season as much as we’ve enjoyed dishing them out. The Heidi & Courtney Bitchin’ Kitchen may be closed for the season, but will reopen for business again in September for another fun-filled season of snark ;-)  Until then, please  do continue to lurk! Pure DWTS doesn’t go on summer vacay – we’ll still be keeping up with the latest casting rumors, post-season media appearances, pro gossip, and who knows what else! It promises to be a good time…so stay tuned!

May 27, 2010 I Written By

Ultrasound sales specialist by day, semi-knowledgeable DWTS fan by night...with a smattering of hair & makeup enthusiast, occasional model, and crazy cat lady peppered in to make things REALLY interesting ;-) I might pee my pants in happiness if Donnie Wahlberg ever does DWTS - or if they ever use "Sunglasses at Night" as a paso doble. Check out some of my other work at pureamericasgottalent.com!

Dancing with the Stars Season 10 Finale

This is what I call a pretty crazy finale. 4 dances? That’s a lot of dances for any dancer. Let alone those that aren’t exactly ballroom dancers. Although, it seems good that they raised the bar for these 3 dancers since they are all so good. Ok, without further ado, tonight’s list of DWTS music:

Erin & Maksim danced a Samba to the song “Mi Swing Es Tropical” Nickodemus & Quantic featuring Tempo - Endangered Species - Mi Swing Es Tropical (Featuring Tempo)- Nickodemus & Quantic feat Tempo
Erin & Maksim danced a Freestyle to the song “Alone” Heart - Greatest Hits - 1985-1995 - Alone—Heart
Erin & Maksim danced a Argentine Tango to the song “Una Música Brutal” Gotan Project - La Revancha del Tango - Una Música Brutal—Gotan Project
Erin & Maksim danced a ??? to the song
Evan & Anna danced a Viennese Waltz to the song “Piano Man” Billy Joel - The Essential Billy Joel - Piano Man—Billy Joel
Evan & Anna danced a Freestyle to the song “Footloose” Kenny Loggins - Footloose (15th Anniversary Collectors' Edition) - Footloose—Kenny Loggins
Evan & Anna danced a Argentine Tango to the song “Bust Your Windows” Jazmine Sullivan - Fearless - Bust Your Windows—Jazmine Sullivan
Evan & Anna danced a Quickstep to the song
Nicole & Derek danced a Rumba to the song “The Lady in Red” Chris de Burgh - Into the Light - The Lady In Red—Chris De Burgh
Nicole & Derek danced a Freestyle to the song “A Little Less Conversation” Elvis Presley - Elvis - 30 #1 Hits - A Little Less Conversation—Elvis Presley
Nicole & Derek danced a Argentine Tango to the song “El Capitalismo Foraneo” Gotan Project - La Revancha del Tango - El Capitalismo Foráneo—Gotan Project
Nicole & Derek danced a Jive to the song

Check out the previous weeks DWTS music here.

May 24, 2010 I Written By

Better known as Charlie.

Pure Dancing with the Stars Season 10 Winner

In case you missed it, we posted a poll after last week’s show to predict the winner of Dancing with the Stars season 10. So far we’ve gotten 684 votes. Here are the results:

Looks like it’s down to Evan and Nicole (no surprise there) with Evan the winner of Dancing with the Stars season 10. This should be fun to watch.

I Written By

Better known as Charlie.

DWTS 10: Final Dance Predictions

So here we are… the Finals. The last week of Dancing with the Stars for the season until the Fall Season starts and the cycle begins again.

Normally I would do a breakdown of dances and predict a score… since most of the dances are rehashes of what they have done previously I will only provide the score they have achieved when they did the dance the first time around:

Erin Andrews / Maksim Chmerkovskiy
Monday Night:

Judges Choice: Samba – Week 6: 25/30
Freestyle
- Season 4 (w/ Laila Ali): 26/30
- Season 5 (w/ Melanie Brown): 27/30

Tuesday Night:
Argentine Tango – Week 8: 28/30
Viennese Waltz(?) – Week 9: 27/30

Nicole Scherzinger / Derek Hough
Monday Night:

Judges Choice: Rumba – Week 4: 25/30
Freestyle
- Season 7 (w/ Brooke Burke): 30/30

Tuesday Night:
Argentine Tango – Week 9: 30/30
Jive – Week 2: 28/30

Evan Lysacek / Anna Trebunskaya
Monday Night:

Judges Choice: Viennese Waltz – Week 1: 23/30
Freestyle
- Season 2 (w/ Jerry Rice): 27/30

Tuesday Night:
Argentine Tango – Week 7: 30/30
Quickstep – Week 3: 26/30

Read more..

I Written By

My life can be summed up in the following two quotes: 1) "I am married to engineering and am its faithful wife by day, but at night my wanderlust takes hold and the arts becomes my jealous paramour." and... 2) "Engineering is my safety net. Writing is my passion. Acting is my escape when the other two become too much." So where does dancing fit in? Pretty much anywhere at this point... =)

Vote for the Dancing with the Stars Season 10 Winner

One of my favorite parts of Pure Dancing with the Stars is having polls where people can vote for their favorite dancers. I love it because they are actually very good predictors of who is actually going to win this season of Dancing with the Stars. Take a look at the poll we did at the beginning of the season to predict the Dancing with the Stars season 10 winner. The top 4 in votes were in fact the top 4. How beautiful is that?

Well, it’s that time again. We’re down to the final 3 and it’s your chance to vote for who you think (or who you want, you choose) to win Dancing with the Stars season 10. Should be fun to watch and see who the Pure DWTS readership predicts to be the winner of Dancing with the Stars season 10. Now Vote!!

Congrats to Erin, Evan and Nicole for making the DWTS Season 10 finale!!

May 18, 2010 I Written By

Better known as Charlie.

DWTS Week 9 Predictions

Here is the predictions to the semi-finals! Just one week shy of the finals… whoever leaves here today will miss out in the worst way possible… And now without further ado… the predictions!

Erin Andrews / Maksim Chmerkovskiy
Viennese Waltz
- Season 5 (w/ Melanie Brown, Week 4): 26/30
- Season 5 (w/ Melanie Brown, Week 9): 30/30
Looking at comparable TV personalities…
- Season 7 (Brooke Burke w/ Derek Hough, Week 3): 28/30
- Season 7 (Brooke Burke w/ Derek Hough, Week 10): 30/30
Prediction: 26/30

Paso Doble
- Season 7 (w/ Misty May Treanor, Week 2): 21/30
- Season 5 (w/ Melanie Brown, Week 7): 30/30
- Season 4 (w/ Laila Ali, Week 4): 21/30
Prediction: 25/30

Evan Lysacek / Anna Trebunskaya
Foxtrot
- Season 9 (w/ Chuck Liddell, Week 1): 16/30
- Season 6 (w/ Steve Guttenberg, Week 1): 18/30
- Season 2 (w/ Jerry Rice, Week 4): 24/30
Prediction: 27/30

Paso Doble
- Season 2 (w/ Jerry Rice, Week 6): 23/30
Looking at other comparable Olympians…
- Season 4 (Apolo Anton Ohno w/ Julianne Hough, Week 8): 30/30
- Season 6 (Kristi Yamaguchi w/ Mark Ballas, Week 4): 29/30
- Season 8 (Shawn Johnson w/ Mark Ballas, Week 9): 29/30
Prediction: 28/30

Chad Ochocinco / Cheryl Burke
Waltz
- Season 8 (w/ Gilles Marini, Week 10): 30/30
- Season 4 (w/ Ian Ziering, Week 4): 24/30
- Season 3 (w/ Emmitt Smith, Week 7): 28/30
- Season 3 (w/ Emmitt Smith, Week 9): 29/30
Prediction: 23/30

Samba
- Season 9 (w/ Tom DeLay, Week 3): 15/30
- Season 8 (w/ Gilles Marini, Week 3): 27/30
- Season 7 (w/ Maurice Greene, Week 4): 20/30
- Season 6 (w/ Cristian de la Fuente, Week 7): 21/30
- Season 6 (w/ Cristian de la Fuente, Week 9): 29/30
- Season 4 (w/ Ian Ziering, Week 5): 24/30
- Season 3 (w/ Emmitt Smith, Week 5): 27/30
- Season 2 (w/ Drew Lachey, Week 5): 27/30
Prediction: 24/30

Nicole Scherzinger / Derek Hough
Argentine Tango
- Season 8 (w/ Lil Kim, Week 4): 27/30
Prediction: 28/30

ChaCha
- Season 9 (w/ Joanna Krupa, Week 9): 27/30
- Season 8 (w/ Lil Kim, Week 1): 21/30
- Season 7 (w/ Brooke Burke, Week 1): 23/30
- Season 6 (w/ Shannon Elizabeth, Week 1): 21/30
- Season 5 (w/ Jennie Garth, Week 9): 30/30
Prediction: 29/30

Honestly, in my opinion it’s Chad’s turn to go home… as for who would be in the “bottom two” with him? I don’t think there would be a “bottom two” I think the person they would push to be in the “danger zone” in an attempt to even out the odds would be Erin Andrews… though if they did Nicole that would also make sense.

May 17, 2010 I Written By

My life can be summed up in the following two quotes: 1) "I am married to engineering and am its faithful wife by day, but at night my wanderlust takes hold and the arts becomes my jealous paramour." and... 2) "Engineering is my safety net. Writing is my passion. Acting is my escape when the other two become too much." So where does dancing fit in? Pretty much anywhere at this point... =)

It Is Hard for Nicole to Learn Ballroom Dancing

I think it’s been really interesting to watch the amazingly talented dancer, Nicole, struggle as she learns to do ballroom dancing. I must admit that some of her pouting, getting down on herself, getting frustrated, or whatever you want to call it has been kind of annoying. It’s kind of hard for me to watch someone who dances so amazing being so hard on herself. Not that I want her to be arrogant about it either, but let’s just say that those moments don’t put Nicole in the best light.

However, last night I finally understood what she’s really going through. Nicole described it really well. It’s not easy for her to learn to dance ballroom the way she does. When she said that I started having flashbacks. I got taken back to when I was 19 years old and understood exactly what she meant.

You see, when I was 19 I went on a mission for my church to Italy. Before going to Italy I went to a missionary training center for 2 months where Italian was fed to us like a firehose. The learning process was much like Dancing with the Stars. Only difference was that we were learning a language and their learning to dance Well, and there were probably a few other differences as well, but you get the point.

I remember those first couple weeks were incredibly intense and REALLY hard. What’s interesting is that I’d had 2 years of Italian in high school (great high school huh?). I’m sure that most of you reading this know how well the high school’s do at teaching language. Yeah, I couldn’t speak much at all thanks to high school language classes. However, I did have a little bit of base vocabulary and pronunciation which the other people in my class didn’t have. Does this sound a bit like Nicole? It does to me.

What’s really interesting is that despite my past language experience I worked my butt off and it was REALLY hard to learn a new language. However, I didn’t realize how much easier it was for me than my classmates until my final week of classes. We had to stay an extra week because of visa issues and so we got a chance to teach Italian to a brand new class of missionaries. When we went into this brand new class of people who knew NO Italian, I realized just how hard it was for them to go from nothing (something that I didn’t have to experience since I knew at least a little something). That’s not to say I didn’t work hard or that it was easy for me. It most certainly wasn’t, but I can easily say it was even harder for other people who are going from nothing.

I couldn’t help but understand what Nicole was saying. She’s working her butt off and ballroom dancing IS really hard for her. The problem is that she just doesn’t realize how much harder it would be for her if she was going from 0 dance training.
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May 11, 2010 I Written By

Better known as Charlie.

DWTS10 Week 7 Power Rankings

*Cough* *Cough* Excuse me…*cough* Sorry, I just – *cough* *clears throat* I apologize, I was just choking on all the smoke that the judges were blowing up some of the couples’ asses tonight.  That, and the producers trying to shove Evan down my throat at every opportunity they could.

 Heidi and I were in agreement – tonight’s show kinda pissed us off (at least when Heidi could see the show – her power kept going out, poor girl!).  Once again, there were whipping girls (Nicole & Pam, primarily) and golden girls (Erin & Niecy), and both of the guys got a thorough tongue bathing by the judges tonight – they just loved the heck out of both Chad & Evan.  But hey, guess it was time to shuffle around the praise and the punishment – they have to avoid the appearance of storyboarding! Oh wait…too late. Anyway…I guess I had better get on with it…

 1.)    Evan & Anna – Really no surprise here – Heidi called it when she predicted these two would be back in a big way this week, whether they deserved it or not – and what better way to make it back to the top than with the first perfect 30 of the season? It was a good Argentine tango, I’ll give them that; but I don’t think it was 30-worthy – it seemed like Anna doing most of the work, with Evan doing a good job of “being there” for her.  I still say the closest to perfect we’ve come this season was Derek & Nicole’s standard tango.  I’m glad Evan is back at the top of the board neck-and-neck with Nicole, really I am…but really? A 30? Seems a little too…perfect.  But I guess they at least gave the impression of leveling the playing field when they gave the team cha-cha to Team Gaga, which conveniently tied Evan & Nicole for the top spot…hmmm. Oh-em-gee, it really is a nail-biter, isn’t it? :-P Oh well…these two are safe, and always have been, and always will be. Dangit Evan, why you gotta be such a nice guy? :-D

 2.)    Nicole & Derek – Ok, I will admit, Nicole did seem a little distracted during her waltz this week.  Granted, it really was lovely (the spin at the end was especially beautiful), but I almost felt a part of her just wasn’t really present in the dance.  But I don’t think Erin’s quickstep was as good at Nicole’s waltz, by any means…but again, some heavy-duty storyboarding going on here, trying to give the impression of it being “anyone’s game”.  These two were the obvious high point of Team Gaga, and Nicole seemed to fare better than the two couples who had already done cha-cha. I’m beginning to think these two will be safe all the way to the finals, for the simple reason that they’re trying to create the impression that Evan & Nicole (and now Erin, to some degree) are all vying very closely for the top spot.  And if they get sent home – really, what are they gonna do? Try and make Chad out to be the “dark horse”? Hehe.

 3.)    Erin & Maks – Aaaaaand the bickering continues between these two.  And the removal of clothes.  And the messy footwork & wonky arms.  But hey, we the audience don’t know a thing about ballroom dancing, so the judges must be right – these two MUST be as good as Nicole & Derek! (Did you catch the sarcasm there?) I’m sorry, but scoring a quickstep where the first 15 seconds consisted of the couple fumbling to remove clothing (and where the celeb makes a glaring mistake while the camera is on her) the same as a waltz where there were maybe 2 small missteps just seems criminal.  I honestly don’t quite know why Maks is so insistent on stripping during his routines – if he focused more on actual steps, I think he’d lessen the risk of Erin getting flustered and off-time.  But again, what we’re witnessing here is the judges building their ideal top 3 – what better way to create suspense than 3 ringers duking it out for the trophy? However, I wouldn’t be shocked if these two ended up in a “shocker” bottom 2 – not getting eliminated, but put there to create suspense. Gotta keep us viewers on our toes!

 4.)    Chad & Cheryl – I’m gonna put it out there: no one will send Cheryl home the day after her birthday. I just don’t see it happening.  Even if this was one of the most kindergarten Viennese waltzes I’ve ever seen, with Cheryl doing most of the work again.  If they’re trying to paint Chad as the dark horse this season, it’s not working – from what I could see on Twitter & Facebook, I’m not the only one that thought Chad was suspiciously overscored again.  He was lucky to end up on Team Gaga, and that Cheryl managed to create a solo where he could spend most of the time swaggering around doing turns like we know he loves to.  I’m not really even sure these two will end up in the bottom 2 – I think the judges did a pretty good job of securing his safety with the overscoring, plus there are just a heck of a lot of maniacal Bengals fans out there that are probably using every pay phone in Cincy to dial in their votes.

 5.)    Pam & Damian – Poor Pam.  She really seemed exceptionally nervous this week, and unfortunately it showed in both her waltz & her solo in the team cha-cha.  She felt a little rushed at times, and struggled to regain her footing after spins. But I feel like I have to point out that her waltz choreo was more difficult than both Niecy & Chad’s – props to Damian for not holding out, we know she can handle it! Once again, she nailed the character of both dances – I thought she was demure & graceful in the waltz, and turned on the hair-flippin’ sexpot act in the cha-cha.  I’m just hoping that Team Viva La Pam can pull it together and keep her another week…really guys, if she gets sent home over Niecy – my head very well might explode.  She can be in the bottom 2 (ok, I’d feel much better if she wasn’t, but still)…just don’t send her home! PUH-LEASE!

 6.)    Niecy & Louis – I cringed when watching the Insider earlier tonight – there was some serious pimping of Niecy’s injury going on.  However, I was actually surprised they didn’t even mention it on the actual show…makes me wonder if they’re ready for Niecy to go bye-bye, too.  I could definitely tell she wasn’t moving to her full extent tonight – her quickstep barely made it off the ground…which is why I was that much saltier that got a better score than Pam’s waltz.  And all this nonsense about it being her “best dance”? Oy.  I get it, producers – we have to make it seem like it’s not obvious she’s going home.  Her solo was the most elementary on Team Madonna’s, as well – and if I recall, she bungled it up a bit, too.  I think it’s gonna be cutting it close between her & Pam going home – but I’m gonna be optimistic, and say that it’s gonna be Niecy, if there is any sort of justice in this world.  I’m kinda tired of hearing about her jiggly parts.

Ok, rant over.  Now that I’ve gotten that out of my system, I think I can actually go back and re-watch the show and scout for cheesecake-worthy moments! Holler at me, people – did you guys notice the fishy scoring? Do you think Niecy’s injury will save her from elimination this week? Will Evan & Anna get the encore? (Probably).  Speak your mind!

May 3, 2010 I Written By

Ultrasound sales specialist by day, semi-knowledgeable DWTS fan by night...with a smattering of hair & makeup enthusiast, occasional model, and crazy cat lady peppered in to make things REALLY interesting ;-) I might pee my pants in happiness if Donnie Wahlberg ever does DWTS - or if they ever use "Sunglasses at Night" as a paso doble. Check out some of my other work at pureamericasgottalent.com!

DWTS 10 Week 7 Predictions

Seeing as there was a little confusion as to how I make these comparisons/predictions here’s a quick recap of the process.

I take a look at scores of previous celebs in accordance to the professional they danced with and then narrowed that down to specific dances that a pro has done with past celebs. (Example: If Chelsie and Jake were dancing the Argentine Tango tomorrow, the scores I would use are all previous celebs that have danced the Argentine Tango with Chelsie in past seasons).

Now if there are not enough scores to make any kind of reasonable assumption then I look back to various celebs that have danced that particular dance that is closest to this season’s celeb (in regards to primary profession) and add those scores to the prediction (Example: with Jake Pavelka I would use past reality stars as a basis).

With many thanks to Princess Heidi for an idea of what’s going to happen on Monday, here are my predictions for Monday’s show and Tuesday’s elimination.

Erin Andrews/Maksim Chmerkovskiy – Quickstep
Season 8: (w/ Denise Richards, Week 2): 21/30
Season 5: (w/ Melanie Brown, Week 2): 23/30
Season 4: (w/ Laila Ali, Week 7): 29/30
Prediction: 25/30

Niecy Nash/Louis van Amstel – Quickstep
Season 9: (w/ Kelly Osbourne, Week 9): 27/30
Season 3: (w/ Monique Coleman, Week 7): 27/30
Season 2: (w/ Lisa Rinna, Week 6): 27/30
Prediction: 21/30

Chad Ochocinco/Cheryl Burke – Viennese Waltz
Season 8: (w/ Gilles Marini, Week 7): 27/30
Season 7: (w/ Maurice Greene, Week 6): 21/30
Season 6: (w/ Cristian de la Fuente, Week 7): 25/30
Prediction: 20/30

Nicole Scherzinger/Derek Hough – Slow Waltz
Season 9: (w/ Joanna Krupa, Week 6): 26/30
Season 8: (w/ Lil Kim, Week 9): 25/30
- Since there is so little data, I also looked at past celebs that have been in band groups (NSync, 98 Degrees, etc)
Season 4: (Joey Fatone/Kym Johnson, Week 8): 26/30
Prediction: 27/30

Pamela Anderson/Damian Whitewood – Slow Waltz
- Since Damian is a new pro I looked to various celebs that have danced the Waltz and are known primarily as a television actor (normally I would have done past Playboy models, but there weren’t any available)
Season 9: (Melissa Joan Hart/Mark Ballas, Week 6): 20/30
Season 4: (Ian Ziering/Cheryl Burke, Week 4): 24/30
Season 3: (Joey Lawrence/Edyta Sliwinska, Week 4): 27/30
Season 3: (Mario Lopez/Karina Smirnoff, Week 8): 28/30
Season 2: (Lisa Rinna/Louis van Amstel, Week 1): 19/30
Prediction: 23/30

Evan Lysacek/Anna Trebunskaya – Argentine Tango
- Since Anna has not danced the Argentine Tango with a celeb before I had to use data from previous celebs that are Olympians that have danced the Argentine Tango
Season 9: (Louie Vito/Chelsie Hightower, Week 5): 22/30
Season 8: (Shawn Johnson/Mark Ballas, Week 10): 30/30
Prediction: 27/30

For the team dances I’ve decided to provide for you the scores the celebs have received for the Cha Cha they have done, and if they have not done the Cha Cha yet (looking at Evan and Nicole) I’ve provided the scores for the other Latin dances instead.

Team Madonna (Cha Cha)
Evan/Anna
- Samba – Week 6 – 21/30
- Rumba – Week 5 – 27/30
- Jive – Week 2 – 24/30
Erin/Maks – Week 1 – 21/30
Niecy/Louis – Week 1 – 18/30

Team Gaga (Cha Cha)
Nicole/Derek
- Samba – Week 6 – 26/30
- Rumba – Week 4 – 25/30
- Jive – Week 2 – 28/30
Pam/Damien – Week 1 – 21/30
Chad/Cheryl – Week 1 – 18/30

In regards to the team dances, I believe that Team Gaga will have the edge in regards to scores… this would undoubtedly help Chad since to me Chad and Niecy would be in the bottom two this week with Niecy going home (though I wouldn’t be surprised if Chad is swapped with Pamela).

Those are my predictions… what are yours?

May 2, 2010 I Written By

My life can be summed up in the following two quotes: 1) "I am married to engineering and am its faithful wife by day, but at night my wanderlust takes hold and the arts becomes my jealous paramour." and... 2) "Engineering is my safety net. Writing is my passion. Acting is my escape when the other two become too much." So where does dancing fit in? Pretty much anywhere at this point... =)

DWTS10 Week 6 Power Rankings

I don’t know about you guys, but I’m suffering from a serious case of whiplash (or maybe it’s just hallucinations) after tonight’s scoring – seriously, WTF were the judges thinking?! Once again, the cliché 7 paddle waltzes in and makes itself comfortable in the judges’ hands, and the judges seem oh-so-cavalier about scoring gimmicky schlock (seriously, Erin & Maks, the whole stripping thing is kinda passé at this point) higher than strong technique (I actually thought Evan was on-point this week more than any other week).  Oh, and while you’re at it, why don’t you praise Chad for standing there doing nothing while Cheryl dances around him, and dock Pam points despite her myriad of legwork and undeniable heat.  To quote the brilliant Jonathan Roberts’ earlier tweet: “ok judges r fired again”.  Here here!

 On the whole, however, those with tango fared much better than those with samba, and the swing marathon wasn’t as disastrous as I thought it would be.  But let’s get on with it, shall we?

1.)    Nicole & Derek – This may sound funny, but I actually think Nicole was a little off her game this week, for the first time this season – the samba really seemed to get under her skin.  She seemed to get a little behind and a little off-balance at a few points, but of course the performance value was there, and it was another high-energy routine from Derek (although I do agree with Len a bit – I could have done with a little less gyration if he could have thrown in a shadow roll or two – Nicole can handle it!).  And Derek proves once more to be the master of stamina (Heidi, get your mind outta the gutter) as he wins yet another marathon – in all honesty, I think this one really came down to who looked less tired, rather than who was doing the flashiest choreo, which is why Nicole & Derek won over Maks & Erin.  They’re the high-scorers once more, getting the highest individual score of the night and also winning the marathon, so I think they ought to be alright – even if Nicole did get a little whiney during the lead in ;-)

 2.)    Evan & Anna – Ok, as I tweeted to Heidi earlier – something was seriously rotten in the state of California tonight if Evan & Anna scored the same as Jake & Chelsie and Niecy & Louis.  It’s like eating filet mignon with Cheetos & Twinkies – they’re just not even in the same league.  I actually thought Evan finally opened up tonight and looked like he was having a good time, and his technique, while not fabulous, wasn’t really all that bad, either.  He stayed on time, he didn’t trip (ahem, JAKE), and he stretched those arms as far as they could go.  I’m calling total foul with this scoring – shame on you and whoever is serving you hallucinogens, judges.  However, these two did kinda blend into the background for me a bit during the swing marathon – they were moving well, but not moving as big as some of the other couples, which is why they probably didn’t last long (not that I can fault Evan at all – I can imagine all the bouncing doesn’t feel too hot when you’ve clocked your noggin that hard!) But these two are a voting juggernaut, so I’m not even breaking a sweat over these two going home.

 3.)    Erin & Maks – Fair warning: I’m gonna TRY to be as objective as I can about these two, but no promises.  Maks was an arrogant fool tonight – tossing his shirt at the judges when they were not praising them, interrupting Len, talking back like a mouthy teenage girl – oooh, boy, you really steamed my broccoli, and NOT in the good way.  And Erin, honey, you’re not immune either – I’d like you so much better if you would just shut up and dance rather than constantly whining at Maks during rehearsal.  This samba was overscored – Erin still has chicken arms, and is somehow still getting a few beats ahead of Maks.  I’m a little miffed that these two spent just as much time shaking their tookus as Nicole & Derek, as well as some silly futzing with tear-away clothing, and yet didn’t really get called out for it.  Len, I’m with you on this one, buddy; Bruno & Carrie Ann, go sober up and watch that samba again – I think you’ll find it wasn’t as good as you initially thought.  That said, I will give these two props in the swing – I definitely noticed them, because it seemed like these two were lifting the highest and with the most ease; however, I think in the end Nicole & Derek won out because Erin & Maks burnt out early and ran out of energy towards the end.  Erin & Maks had the better tricks, but Nicole & Derek had the endurance – and since it was a marathon, I think endurance wins out.  These two are a bit of a conundrum for me this week – I think people will either love what they did or think they’re two of the biggest whiners they’ve seen on the show to date.  But I’m gonna call them safe, based on their scores and the many women Maks seems to still have foaming at the mouth…don’t ask me why…

 4.)    Pam & Damian – I definitely think Pam was back on her game this week, although maybe not as great as she was in the rumba.  I thought this was the strongest tango of the night, because it had the most believable heat – Pam really does take her time and really FEEL the dance, and it shows.  I thought her legwork was quite good, but at times a little wobbly; she did alright with the lifts, despite some struggles during the lead-in.  DEFINITELY thought this was miles ahead of Chad & Cheryl’s tango, so I’m definitely miffed that they scored 2 points higher.  Seeing her fear of lifts, I got a little worried about the swing marathon, since it seemed like the other couples were having a much easier time – however, I was pleasantly surprised, as Pam went for the lifts without apprehension (even if she did the same ones repeatedly – hey, stick with what works, girl! ;-) ) and I thought she & Damian were cute to watch.  I have a feeling (positive thinking, people!) that team Viva La Pam is gonna rally this week after last week’s scare, these two are comfortably in 3rd place with points, and they got the money spot (although I’m not sure it carries the same weight this week, due to the swing marathon afterward)  – I’m calling her safe this time.  Slightly worried that they may get put in a faux bottom 2 (a la Niecy & Louis a few weeks back), but even if they do – I think they’ll be around next week ;-)

 5.)    Chad & Cheryl – Apparently, now all the celeb guys on show have to do to get a good score is stand there and look masculine – cause that’s all Chad did this week.  Complete CRAP that he scored 2 points higher than Pam – Cheryl was the one doing all the work! And before anyone rushes to say “well he was helping with the lifts, and it’s the man’s job to showcase the lady”, I beseech you to watch it again – there wasn’t really a lot of heavy-duty lifts (half the time Cheryl was really just leaning against him) and he didn’t “showcase” – he stood there, blank stare, as if he was busy thinking about his next publicity stunt rather than being in character.  If this is the judges idea of “shaking things up” – it ain’t funny.  As for the swing – not a whole lot of moving from Chad.  He kinda looked dorky to me – if he sticks around long enough, I’m gonna laugh my ass off when he does jive.  Bouncy definitely does not suit him! But if the crazy Bengals fan in the lead-in that was touting Chad as “the best dancer on the show” is any indicator – Chad’s got a legion of lunatics voting to keep him on the show.  Slight feeling he could end up in the red this week, but if I actually put him there (wishful thinking), Murphy’s Law of DWTS will likely spite me and he’ll be safe. Gahhh, when are the sane people voting gonna outnumber all the Bengals fans?!

 6.)    Niecy & Louis – Pleasantly surprised by these two this week – I got a little scared when Niecy said they were doing a “humorous” Argentine tango, but they actually made it work! The humor worked with the choreography, rather than interrupting it -  I was cracking up the whole time.  And really, it wasn’t half-bad – pretty elementary compared to Pam’s or even Chad’s, but Niecy did have good feet and managed to stay in step.  Swing marathon – not too surprised they were out 2nd, since stamina doesn’t seem to really be Niecy’s strong suit…but what they did worked for them, and I did enjoy watching them for the short time they were on the floor.  However, I’m not sure the boon of The Insider can carry Niecy much further (it’s gotten pretty ridiculous – they will critique every couple EXCEPT Niecy & Louis on that dog & pony show).  I’m calling these two in the red this week (interchangeable with Chad), but will likely squeak by to dance once more time.

 7.)    Jake & Chelsie – I’m still trying to figure this one out.  Jake dances a sloppy, frantic samba, gets called out by the judges, but still gets the same score as Evan; he looked decent during practice for the swing marathon, and seemed to do ok  (granted, I was trying to watch everyone – did he foul up early & I missed it?), yet is the first one tapped out.  I can’t decide if the judges are trying to bait people to vote for Jake or are deliberately trying to force him out this week.  I’m not even sure they totally dislike him – the good critiques do always seem to outweigh the bad when it comes to Jake.  He’s got a lot stacked against him this week: crap spot, lowest total score, and he has been in the bottom two once before.  He also doesn’t have the “boost” of a scare last week working for him like Pam, or the big fanbases of Chad & Evan, or Niecy’s Insider posse, or Nicole’s high scores, or Erin’s…whatever.  While he was starting to grow on me, I think it’s time for him to go – he’s plateaued.  Sorry Vienna.

So how will this week play out? We’ll have to wait and see – but in the meantime, we can certainly speculate! Will Pam dodge the red light this week? Will Jake be flying home? Who, if anyone, will get the encore (I have a sinking feeling it could be Chad & Cheryl)? HOLLER!!! :-D

April 26, 2010 I Written By

Ultrasound sales specialist by day, semi-knowledgeable DWTS fan by night...with a smattering of hair & makeup enthusiast, occasional model, and crazy cat lady peppered in to make things REALLY interesting ;-) I might pee my pants in happiness if Donnie Wahlberg ever does DWTS - or if they ever use "Sunglasses at Night" as a paso doble. Check out some of my other work at pureamericasgottalent.com!