Paso Doble | Pure Dancing with the Stars

DWTS13 – What’s Left to Dance?

So at this time last season, I did a run-down of what we can expect in the final 4 weeks of the season. You guys seemed to like it, so I did it again And this time I’m spilling who’s on what team for the team dances! Read on…

JR & Karina – remaining dances: waltz, tango, cha-cha, paso doble

A good mix of Latin and ballroom left for JR, and he’s fortunately gotten some of the harder dances (samba, Viennese waltz, jive) out of the way early. Not that I think it would really matter, give his popularity and skill , but it just reduces the likelihood of a potential “Ralphing” from the judges…that is, giving a celeb a cruelly low score on a dance that they struggled with but weren’t necessarily terrible at, in an effort to oust them. I guess my only concern for JR going into these last few weeks is the more aggressive dances – tango & paso doble, and moreso the latter. So far, he’s only had to be silly & energetic (jive, quickstep, foxtrot), sexy (samba), or romantic & vulnerable (Viennese waltz & rumba). We’ve yet to see a very aggressive JR – can he muster it? I think so, but at the same time, he just seems like such a nice guy. I could see the judges pulling a “well, the steps were there, but I didn’t feel the power and anger behind them” or some nonsense like that. Those frakkin’ asshats.

Ricki & Derek – remaining dances: waltz, cha-cha, samba, paso doble

The one potential problem that jumps out at me immediately here is the samba – it’s problematic for just about everyone, but for whatever reason, it’s the one dance for which Derek’s choreo doesn’t always “wow!” me (although there have been very few sambas on this show that have actually wowed me), and that the judges seem to get particularly nitpicky about. “There wasn’t enough content”, “You guys weren’t in sync”, “Your footwork was messy”, yadda yadda yadda. I can just hear them bitching now If they’re going to attempt to set Ricki up for an “off” week again, I would almost bet they’re going to do it with the samba. I’m mildly concerned for her paso, for the simple reason that I just don’t see her being terribly aggressive; but thankfully, that’s a dance that Derek seems to thrive on, so it could work in her favor. Waltz & cha-cha? Easy dances – no biggie

Nancy & Tristan – remaining dances: tango, Viennese waltz, samba, jive

Ummm, yikes. Samba is the obvious troublemaker here, and the jive is probably not going to do Nancy too many favors, either. One requires a fairly significant amount of technique (which I’m not sure she can muster); the other requires stamina, which I also have yet to see from Nancy. So far, she’s kinda lucked into getting much slower, easygoing dances; she hasn’t really had to haul ass in a dance, which is why I could also see the Viennese waltz being problematic. She just seems to move soooo slooooow sometimes…I’m having nightmarish visions of her losing time in both her Viennese waltz and jive in several places. And then there’s the tango. *sigh* We saw how well she did the first time she had an aggressive dance – her paso looked more like a leisurely stroll in the park than a bullfight. But who knows – maybe she can summon her inner tart for the tango, now that she’s shaken her stuff in the group dance But MacGrace fans, I’d buckle in for a rough few weeks ahead – because I think Nancy may have the toughest group of dances to deal with, out of the remaining couples

David & Kym – remaining dances: waltz, foxtrot, cha-cha, samba

The dreaded samba strikes again! I could see poor David stumbling through that one with a bit of a “deer in the headlights” look on his face – no doubt, he’d give it his best shot, but I’m not sure he’d succeed. He probably will be fine with the waltz & foxtrot, since he seems to be doing better with the ballroom dances; he could falter a bit with the cha-cha, since Latin hip action seems to evade him – but I daresay it wouldn’t be as hard on him as the samba. Honestly, if he can soldier through the samba, I think he could have a decent shot at the finale…if he keeps up the improvement we’ve seen from him in the past few weeks, and can avoid being…well, creepy.

Rob & Cheryl – remaining dances: waltz, tango, quickstep, samba

Again, the big red flag here is the samba – somehow I don’t see Rob getting his hips moving like JR’s, or with as much energy. The samba, to me, is the dance that truly separates the men from the boys and the women from the girls – it’s hard, and as I said before, the judges seem uneccessarily nitpicky about it. However, I’ve also noticed that they might tear a samba apart in their critiques, but still give it a halfway-decent score. Maybe someday I’ll look at the scoring closer and see if they maybe cut breaks on the samba, points-wise. Anywho! I could see Rob really doing well at his remaining ballroom dances – from what I saw in his foxtrot, he seems to have a flare for the ballroom as opposed to the Latin. Quickstep could be a potential problem if he can’t come out of his shell a bit more, and he may need to intensify his blank stare in order to succeed in the tango…but I could see him having a shot at the finale, too. Interesting indeed.

Hope & Maks – remaining dances: waltz, quickstep, samba, paso doble

Yet another couple who still has the pesky samba to contend with. Hell, at this rate, the samba could be the deciding factor in who gets that coveted 3rd spot in the finale – whoever manages to muddle through it alive could be a possible candidate! Haha. I know a lot of Hope fans have been saying “Just wait till she has the paso, she’s gonna be awesome!”, but I’m still skeptical – especially after watching her muscle her way through that tango. Yes, paso requires strength and aggression; but it’s still a dance, and it still requires some degree of finesse and restraint. Can she muster it? I’m not sure. Waltz could also be problematic, since it requires a grace I have yet to see from Hope – and because it’s so slow, any potential snafus are going to stick out like a sore thumb. Quickstep? Could go either way – if she’s able to let loose and have fun like she did in the foxtrot, I think she’ll do well; but if she goes stiff and tight like she did in the jive, it could be disasterous.

So what’s going on with the team dance? It’s this coming week (Week 7) and the teams are Ricki & Derek, Rob & Cheryl, and Hope & Maks vs. JR & Karina, David & Kym, and Nancy & Tristan. Ricki’s team is doing a paso doble; JR’s team is doing a tango. Heidi will reveal the songs in her “Who’s Dancing What?” post on Sunday. Now while I’m somewhat relieved that they’ve taken a break from the team cha-cha, I’m a bit concerned that this won’t necessarily be an evenly-matched face-off – the same two dances were the team dances in season 9, and team tango basically annihilated team paso. Then again, team tango also had Derek, who thus far is undefeated in the team dance, and choreographed a dynamite team paso in season 7. I’d say Kym is probably the 2nd most successful (2 team dance wins, and 1 tie), followed by Cheryl (2 wins, 1 loss). Quite possibly my biggest concern: the dynamic between the pros on team paso. Derek & Maks worked great together on the team Apolo cha-cha in season 11; but in light of some of the conflict this week, is it going to create any friction? I would hope not, but you never know. Will be interesting to see how Tristan fares in his first team dance, and on a team with his main squeeze, no less I’m tentatively saying team paso will take this one, just based on the pros on that team having previous experience.

What about the marathon dance? Sorry, not gonna be one this season. The group dance basically replaced it, which I’m actually kind of thankful for – the marathon dance seems to favor those with particularly high endurance, so I’m not sure Nancy, Chaz, or even Rob would have fared well in it. At least the group dance was just a fun little ditty that let us see the couples in a new light.

When are they gonna do the Argentine tango/salsa? Not 100% when, but they are coming. If I had to guess, I’d say they’re probably going to follow the pattern of last season, and they had these dances in weeks 8 & 9. And if my spidey sense is correct, some of the couples with only 1 Latin dance remaining (like Rob & Cheryl) COULD end up with salsa as their instant dance. Also in the vein of last season: for the couples who still have the standard tango remaining, they may end up doing the Argentine tango instead, and skipping the standard one altogether – that’s what happened with both Chelsea & Kirstie last season. However, if a couple has already done the standard tango, I’m thinking they’ll probably do Argentine tango as well – that’s how it played out with Hines. And then he ended up never doing the regular waltz. *shrug* Go fig.

Are they going to do the “Instant Dance” again? Yes, in week 8. And as always, it will be a Latin dance – so that week, the remaining couples will likely all do one regular ballroom dance, and then an instant Latin dance.

Do you know if the “Winner Take All” dance is coming back? Praise 8 lb 10 oz baby Jesus, it is NOT COMING BACK! Apparently it was wildy unpopular…can’t imagine why. *snicker* But I do like to think Heidi & I had something to do with its demise, since Heidi was the one that first noticed what a crock of crap it was, and I just basically shouted it to the heavens. But just because there isn’t a WTA dance, don’t assume that everything is going to be business as usual – I could see them rehashing the smackdown or medley dance, just to fill time and have something “different”.

Vogue here adding some video footage of the Teams practicing 4 hours after the Results show last night:

DWTS Who Wore it Better? Part XI – Season 12 Thus Far Edition

With a mere 4 weeks of competition complete, we’ve already seen a slew of costume dittos from the pros and also the troupe this season. Let’s have a look, shall we? It’ll give Heidi & I some time to come up with this week’s cheesecake…and I’m sure it will be a doozy, after suffering through “American Night”-mare.

Battle of the lime green, jeweled & feathered Latin costume: Peta in the “On the Floor” pro/troupe dance this season vs. Kym’s pro dance with Tony to Santana in season 11

Courtney: Hmmm. Tough one for me. I like Petra’s hair better, but I think the color looks better with Kym’s skin. Although I’m not wild about that thing they’ve got going across the midriff on Kym…glad they omitted it for Peta.

Heidi: Peta is certainly beautiful, and looks good in the dress, but I don’t think the Awesome Boobage of Kym can’t be beaten – by anyone. Add in that her darker tan compliments the dress and there you go. I do see something resembling a crotch doilie though and it’s giving me flashbacks.

Courtney: I was thinking more “feather loincloth”, but crotch doily works too

The winner: The Awesome Boobage prevails once more

Battle of the beaded black mesh Latin dress with plunging neckline, redux: Karina’s pro dance with Louis to Jennifer Hudson this season vs. Anna’s pre-season photo shoot with Sugar Ray this season vs. Kym’s cha-cha with the Hoff in season 11

Heidi: Again, I have to go with Kym for reasons previously stated. Plus, I think Anna is too pale in her photo and with the red hair it just washes her out. Karina looks amazing, but I would go with Kym.

Courtney: The problem with this dress is that it’s not a typical “Anna” dress – she seems to tend more towards the conservative, less va-va-va-voom Latin costumes these days, so she’s out. I loved the way the dress looked on Karina while she was moving - quite quickly, I might add, which is why it was hard for Heidi to get a clear screen cap – but alas, Kym reigns supreme once more with her sex kitten hair, smoky eye makeup, and perpetual Awesome Boobage

The winner: You don’t mess with the Awesome Boobage.

Battle of the hot pink fringed Latin dress, redux: Chelsea’s pre-season photo shoot with Mark this season vs. Lacey’s Team Kristi cha-cha with Kyle in season 11 vs. Anna in the “On the Floor” pro/troupe dance this season

Courtney: Poor Anna always seems to get stuck with the 3 & 4-peat costumes God love her…she’s cute, but I’m not wild about the hot pink paired with her red hair. Sticking with cute-as-a-button Chelsea on this one…

Heidi: Ummm….not Lacey? I think I lean toward Chelsea, as I think her hair style compliments the “cute” of the dress.

The winner: Chelsea’s still pretty in pink.

Battle of the red & gold paso doble dress: Karina’s paso doble with Mario in season 6 vs. Oksana’s paso doble demo with Kiki this season

Heidi: I’m going to go with Karina based on skin tone and, even though it’s not a fair comparison since we’re looking at stills, the movement she achieved with this dress. Although that could also be due to what appears to be a different cut to the bottom portion – did they remove a slit and the gold trim for Oksana?

Courtney: Oksana keeps reminding us of how she’s a “powerhouse in a small package”, so I’m guessing they probably had to hem this dress for her – hence, the disappearance of the gold trim at the bottom of the dress. Looks like they also omitted the gold belt (likely to make her torso appear longer) and may have sewn up a few of the slits & jeweled the bodice to balance the look. A good example of how some minor tweaking can really change the look of a costume But I agree – I like the look better on Karina. Just works better with her skin tone and her build.

The winner: Oksana the powerhouse-in-a-small-package is no match for powerhouse-in-any-package Karina!

Battle of the pink & red ruffled Latin dress: Oksana in the “On the Floor” pro/troupe dance this season vs. Cheryl’s samba with Gilles in season 8

Courtney: I feel like a lot of Cheryl’s costumes in season 8 were similar to this – ruffly, midriff-y, and brightly-colored. I guess she was maybe celebrating her weight loss (and departure from the frumpy costumes she wore in season 7 to cover up her weight gain) with all of these loud dresses…but it just doesn’t feel like something that really fits her personality well. For that reason, I’m gonna go with Oksana…seems like something she’d actually pick out for herself.

Heidi: Hmmmm….I think I have to go with Oksana and I’m not really sure why I like it better on her. Overall, I don’t much care for the dress at all, but Oksana wears it well.

The winner: Everyone’s favorite pint-sized mail-order bride – Oksana

Battle of the red & orange fringed Latin dress: Melissa’s would-be jive with Tony in season 8 vs. Lacey in the “On the Floor” pro/troupe dance this season

Heidi: Again, a dress that I don’t care for much – but believe it or not I’m going to go with Lacey. Again, not a fair comparison because Lacey is benefiting from movement whereas Melissa is stationary. That said, Lacey’s hair is gawdawful. But then, Melissa looks like a school marm posing as a hot Latin momma and failing miserably. So, it’s really a double fail, but less on Lacey. This time.

Courtney: Poor Melissa – she didn’t even have a chance to show us this dress in motion (this was the week that she injured herself and was unable to do her jive, so they showed us the footage of the camera blocking instead). She just wore it on the results show for the sake of consistency. Not that I’m too disappointed – this dress reminds me of a Muppet. Or rather, the leftover trimmings of a Muppet on the cutting room floor of Jim Henson studios But weird & Muppet-y fits right in Lacey’s wheelhouse, so I’m gonna go with her as well.

The winner: Lacey rocks the “leftover Muppet” look well.

Battle of the pink ruffled mesh rumba dress & the jeweled & ruffled black mesh samba dress: Lacey’s rumba & samba with Kyle in season 11 vs. 2 wardrobe assistants futzing around backstage this season

Courtney: Two of Lacey’s weirder costumes from last season, fo sho…but these boys are fearlessly rocking them. The Asian guy dominates in this one – he’s even got the artsy Latin hand gesture down cold! Other guy gets points for trying, but the socks, dude? As for Lacey…she never stood a chance against either of these fashion plates

Heidi: The Asian guy, definitely. The other guy would be doing well if not for the white ankle socks.

The winner: Lacey never stood a chance against the fabulosity of these two

DWTS10 Finale – The Cheesecake Awards!!!

*sniff* Sorry for the delay, kids – this week’s awards were a little bittersweet for Heidi & I, since they’re the last chance we’re going to be able to nitpick & snark until September But better late than never, eh? With 3 hours of nonstop ridiculousness to pull from this week, we definitely had a lot of material to work with – and I like to think we’ve really outdone ourselves this time So please – sit back, relax, and savor your last piece of cheesecake from season 10!

Best Impersonation of a Jersey Shore cast member: Brooke’s Snooki-inspired pouffy hair
Courtney: I can’t recall a hairstyle in the show’s history that was more talked-about than this one (not even Karina’s mullet!). Thank goodness Heidi & I weren’t the only ones that were totally distracted by Brooke’s sky-high Bump-It pouff on Monday night. And with a headband? Totally ridiculous…send her hairstylist back to Jersey, PLEASE! In fact, this pouff could have actually rivaled Snooki’s in its size…looks like J-Woww, Pauly D, and the Situation are all fist pumping under there.

Heidi: I think Voldemort was under there. Maybe that’s why she’s improved so much – he’s controlling her.

Biggest Exercise in Futility: Kate’s encore performance of her paso doble, and subsequent hustle to “I Will Survive”; (dis)honorable mention for Evan & Anna and Erin & Maks unsuccessful use of outside choreography for their freestyles
Courtney: A question for whoever had the bright idea to put Kate front & center in the opening number: did you really think she was gonna pull off the simple act of walking with a feather thingie successfully? Because she managed to botch that completely. And the paso was terrible the first time around – did we really need to relive it, as if to confirm “Yep, Kate really is a bad dancer!” The feeble hustle that ended with her being lifted up in a cherry-picker at the end? I guess we should be thankful that it was less hustle and more just Kate being lifted. At least she seemed to be having fun. And after the two mediocre freestyles from the couples that used outside assistance, I reiterate: the further you go outside of your comfort zone and into something that you’re unfamiliar with, the more clueless & uncomfortable you look. Stick with what works.

Heidi: Dude, she was downright creepy, what with the way she was “flying” and the way she was lit. Eeep!! As for the outside choreography…well, I guess I kinda understand it *in theory*, but at that point in the season the dancers know each other (and their strengths and weaknesses) so well, that it seems to me that an outsider would mess with that.

Most Interesting Double Entendre: Maks’ excuse for the mess-ups on the bed – “That wasn’t the bed we rehearsed on!”
Courtney: I still can’t decide if he said this in earnest, or deliberately threw out something saucy like this. He only dug himself further into a hole with his follow-up comment on GMA yesterday morning: “The first time we did it on the bed, she went flying off!” Oh jeebus…

Heidi: I’m tempted to make a crack about you giving Maks too much credit for superb innuendo. But it beats me if he was earnest or not. Better was Tom’s reaction to it last night – making a big O with his arms and yelling “over sharing!!!”

Courtney: Eh, I’m leaning more towards the former – that he was just flustered and blurted it out without thinking – but Maks does have interesting ways of getting attention…maybe he actually thought of it beforehand and had it in his verbal arsenal just incase

The “Denial is not just a river in Egypt” award: Nicole & Derek’s vehement denial of there being anything going on between them romantically
Courtney: Ok, first there was the armpit sniffing and gum sharing. Then the strange neck caressing. And then, after an overtly sexual rumba, they pan to Nicole’s boyfriend in the audience – and he is NOT a happy camper. And after a juicy bit of insider info that I heard a few days ago, I am almost 100% certain that SOMETHING has gone on between these two.

Heidi: You forgot that she jumped on top of him in happiness – not only that, but she was running her hand over his hair and kissing on him. More than anything it’s the hands in the hair thing and the multiple times she wrapped her legs around him. And Derek keeps picking her up.

Biggest Accident Waiting to Happen: Erin nearly taking Maks out during the infamous jump off the stage in the their Argentine tango
Courtney: Maybe she overshot it a bit, maybe he wasn’t quite grounded enough – maybe a combination of both. But for a second, Maks wavered, and I was worried that they both were going to topple. Seriously – that is one dangerous lift! I don’t blame Erin for being apprehensive…

Heidi: I gasped – thought they were going all the way to the judges.

Best “Hairstyle on a Budget”: Nicole’s banana claw for the rumba
Courtney: Prior to their rumba, I was like “Really, hair people? First you Snookify Brooke, now you’re scrimping on Nicole and sticking her with a $2 Goody banana clip from the drugstore? You could at least bedazzle that thing, jeez!” Then I saw the rumba…and I was like “Ahhhh. I think I need to invest in some banana clips.”

Heidi: LOL – I was gonna say, nothing says “We’ve done it” more than a practiced hair loosening. Ya see, it’s the subtle little moves like that that make me go “Ahhh…I want some of that kind of action please.”

Best Intro for a Returning Celeb Dance: Tom’s description of Pam’s performance – “Pamela Anderson…and some guys.”
Courtney: Oh Pam – I knew you would make a triumphant return to the floor in your own steamy way! And she really did upstage all three of them, slinking around in that corset and fishnets. Leave it to Tom to summarize it best…I’m gonna miss you till September, Tom Bergeron

Heidi: Follow him on Twitter – hilarious. He and Melissa Rycroft have some weird relationship. He used her as a paparazzi shield monday night and then pseudo apologized on Twitter. Anyway, Pam didn’t just upstage them, she ROLLED across them. Wowza!!

The Candid Camera Award: Evan & Anna’s unhappy expressions in the dressing room; (dis)honorable mention for Anna clearly mouthing the f-word at the end of Monday night’s show
Courtney: Now we’ve all seen what kind of damage can be done when the couples know the camera is running during their practice sessions. But the real fun happens when they DON’T know the camera is on them – like finale night, when they showed Nicole & Derek backstage energetically practicing their jive, and then panned to the adjacent room where Evan & Anna were sitting – glumly, like someone had killed their dog – or they were about to kill each other. Now before anyone can say “But they felt defeated after Len told Nicole she should win!”, keep in mind this was BEFORE Len said that, as neither of them had performed their final dance yet. Not sure what they were so upset about, but someone must have told them to perk up, because they next time they showed them backstage, they were all smiles. As for Anna’s pottymouth moment, it’s at the very end of Monday night’s show, when they’re going through the scoreboard – they pan to Evan & Anna as they’re saying “And at the bottom of the leaderboard…” and Anna looks over her right shoulder and says “F&%!” It actually made me laugh – if I were on the show, I would probably have the censors taking beta blockers, they’d be bleeping me so much…nice to know the pros slip up from time to time, too;-)

Heidi: That was striking, them sitting there. I was like, what the hell?? But at the end of the results show, when Mark picks Derek up, I’m pretty sure he lets out an involuntary “shit” of surprise – or it was my high def making the audio cut out. Buncha potty mouths.

Best Wardrobe Malfunction Waiting to Happen – Brooke Burke and her gold Mummy dress
Heidi: When she went to talk to the final two and she actually SAT DOWN – I actually held my breath to see if the dress would bust in a strategic spot. I was oddly disappointed when it held together. Seriously, they work so hard to keep the dancers in their dresses wouldn’t it be freakin’ hilarious if Brooke busted (heh) out of hers?? Anyway, she gave a whole new meaning to the words Golden Globes.

Courtney: That dress just confused me. It was some crazy patchwork concoction – like someone didn’t have enough of any one type of fabric to make a dress, so they just combined scraps they had laying around. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I actually think I liked Samantha’s dresses better than some of the ones Brooke has worn.

Tom Bergeron Line O’ The Night: “Hey Kate, while you’re up there, sing ‘Don’t Cry for me Argentina’”
Heidi: I think I actually guffawed. I don’t even know what that actually sounds like, but I’m pretty sure I did it.

Courtney: Eva Peron > Kate Gosselin. *shudder* Somehow I think that Kate would actually be a worse singer than she is a dancer (and I think we’ve already established that she is a TERRIBLE dancer!) Tom, don’t give Kate any ideas – next thing you know, the tabloids will have her auditioning for Broadway!

Hugest Disservice to an American Hero – Buzz and his strange space suit, complete with Green Lasers
Heidi: Really DWTS Wardrobe?? Really? Talk about cheesy!! Holy hell. And Star Wars? It also lasted about ten minutes too long.

Courtney: Ugh. Enough with the space suits and references to his astronaut background. Although I have to wonder if Buzz had some say in what he wanted to do – the man does wear a lot of NASA shirts…

Biggest Piece of Cheese I’m Most Ashamed to Admit that I Thought was Kinda Cool – The “Mirrorball Cage In Which Nicole and Evan Descended from the Ceiling.
Heidi:: I’m so ashamed. Between that and the fog, I was like “Coooool”. :::sigh:::

Courtney: My DVR cut that part out. Thank goodness!

Best Self Impersonation – Derek Hough, Describing his Reaction to Almost Dropping Nicole
Heidi: So nice to see these two so relaxed. Ahem. Relaxed.

Courtney: DVR cut out on this one too…so I’ll just take your word for it

Heidi: I’ll post it. It’s actually pretty funny. Apparently there was a lot of dialog during that dance and it was Derek who screwed it up. The dance, not the dialog.

Worst Opening Sequence in the History of the Show: Tuesday Night
Heidi: Is it just me or was that a craptastic opening dance? Did you see Kate walking along the edge of the dance floor trying to find her spot?? Did you notice Derek’s “I’m so going to puke” face?? LOL

Courtney: Another group number that looked like it was thrown together at the last possible moment. Lots of confused choreography, dittoed costumes, and pained expressions. I think the feather thingies were meant to distract us from a clearly terrible performance – some very wise production assistant must have plucked them from the prop closet & suggested they reuse them from the female pros’ opening dancing last season. If I were one of the producers, that production assistant would be promoted to creative director! Haha.

The “I’m So Uncomfortable Watching This” Award: Kate Gosselin informing Tony That She’s Controversial “You know”
Heidi: Um, ick? I can’t decide if it was mean of the producers to show that, or stupid of Kate to seem oddly proud of it.

Courtney: I think what bothered me most was the way she said the word “controversial”. She put too much emphasis on the “i” – “controverSEE-al”. Like she wanted to make it sound more high-class or something. Honey, if you have to tell us that you’re controverSEE-al – then you’re just fishing.
Moment I Expected To Be Supremely Craptastic: Vienna Dancing
Heidi: Why wasn’t she on the show?? She’s way better than Jake. I was surprised how well she did with Dmitry, then not surprised when with Jake everything got…stiff. Pardon the expression. Jake turns everything Cheesy.

Courtney: Jake is a goober. And Vienna was alright – but she still looks like she has no clue what is going on around her. Totally blank expression. Dude, at least Tenley had more facial expressions than just “confused”.

Heidi: :::gasp::: Did YOU watch the Bachelor?!?! Come sit with me in the hall of shame, girly.

Courtney: Eh, I saw some of the finale…CSI must have been a rerun that night. It was like a train wreck in progress - terrible, but you just can’t seem to avert your eyes!

Surest Sign that Len’s Meds Need Adjusting: Telling Nicole She Should Win BEFORE Evan Even Danced
Heidi: I’m a Derek/Nicole fan and I have to say that was shitty. Super Shitty. I groaned out loud.

Courtney: Call me insensitive, but it actually didn’t bother me too badly – granted, I was really surprised Len actually said it, but at that point I think it was just getting too obvious that Nicole was miles ahead of Evan. And I think you mentioned it earlier, but Len may have thought that Nicole wasn’t going to win – and hence was trying to soften the blow a bit…even if he went about it in a rather uncouth way. Or maybe he just got sick of all of the storyboarding, and the fakey “OMG! It’s anyone’s game!” schtick, and this was his geriatric way of rebelling. It seemed to bother Anna more than it bothered Evan – that boy is sweet as pie and totally laid back, so he probably didn’t give it much of a second thought. Good for him

Biggest “Oh no you didn’t!” Moment: Kelly Monaco calling Alec the Iceman
Heidi: Geez, maybe it’s true but can you be ANY more unprofessional, bitch?

Courtney: My guess is that ABC cited some obscure line in her contract from the original season that forced her to attend – because she made it abundantly clear that she really didn’t have any desire to be there. Maybe she was cranky cause her character’s boytoy on General Hospital just got sent to prison. No sex scenes for Sam McCall for awhile…I’d be cranky too! But I gotta give her props for saying out loud (on national television) what we’ve been saying all along – Alec is totally blah.

Tom Bergeron Line O’ The Night, Take Two: “I’ll Never Get Tired of Seeing You Do That”, when imitating Maks jumping tantrum
Heidi: If anyone can bring Maks down to size, it’s Tom Bergeron. LOL

Courtney: Somehow, I don’t think that’s the last we’ll see of the clip of Maks jumping up and down like a toddler who wants candy at the grocery store. I have a feeling it will resurface in subsequent seasons when they’re doing background videos of the pros. Congrats, Maks – your tantrum is now cemented in the annals of DWTS history.

*sigh* Well, we hope you guys have enjoyed your weekly helpings of cheesecake this season as much as we’ve enjoyed dishing them out. The Heidi & Courtney Bitchin’ Kitchen may be closed for the season, but will reopen for business again in September for another fun-filled season of snark Until then, please do continue to lurk! Pure DWTS doesn’t go on summer vacay – we’ll still be keeping up with the latest casting rumors, post-season media appearances, pro gossip, and who knows what else! It promises to be a good time…so stay tuned!

Joanna Krupa Sent Home on DWTS

Is anyone else pissed that Joanna was sent home last night? I think she should have been in the finals no questions asked. She was sexy, elegant, and amazing to watch all season and to come this close just kills me. And with Derek’s hot choreography I’m pretty sure their freestyle would’ve been HOT!

BEST DANCES
Week 1: Cha, Cha, Cha

Week 4: Lambada

Week 6: Waltz

Week 7: Rumba

Week 8: Futuristic Paso Doble

Week 9: Cha Cha Cha

HOTTEST COSTUMES

DWTS Week 8 Edition: THE GOOD, THE BAD, and THE INCREDIBLY HOT!

What a week!

THE GOOD
The thing with all Mya is that she is always good just never outstanding. She stays in the safe zone and that’s why I never get the ‘WOW’ factor from her like I do with Derek and Joanna! However, Dmitry and his mustache were amazing

THE BAD
Don’t get me wrong…I really enjoy watching Kelly and Louis but I think this storyline was just to much! The doll carried on for way to long and her dancing was very small in comparison to all the other celebs dances. I don’t think the dance was terrible but it had no ‘WOW’ factor

THE INCREDIBLY HOT
OH MY GOD!!!!!!! These two do it again…Derek’s choerography was BRILLIANT! By far my favorite dance of the season!

THE INCREDIBLY HOT TAKE 2!
I LOVED seeing Sabrina and Mark together again…this routine was fantastic and so hot!

THE INCREDIBLY HOT TAKE 3!
Amazing lifts…amazing chemistry…amazing dance!

Mark Dacascos Sent Home on DWTS

I was really sad to see Mark leave on this note with his partner being out and him not on top of his game but that’s the game I guess…Let’s take a look at some of his best dances, costumes, and let’s see what the twitter world is saying to him

BEST DANCE
Jitterbug: I think you’d have to be crazy not to count this as Mark’s best dance! I enjoyed this dance because Mark really let his personality come out which made his dancing that much better

Paso Doble: This wasn’t Mark’s best technical dance but the two of them here are brilliant!

BEST COSTUMES
Cha-Cha-Cha: This was my favorite costume throughout the seven weeks! It was very him and in his element
DWTS

TWITTER WORLD
Edyta (@Edyta_Sliwinska)
I’m very sorry for Mark. He is one of the nicest people I’ve met, with so much potential! I’m sorry Anna, you did everything possible.

Lacey (@LaceySchwimmer)
All is good everyone, thanks to those who voted and supported us! GMA in the am then a flight to nyc for the VIEW. How am I gunna get better

DWTS9 Week 7 Power Rankings

At long last…a week where I actually get excited about a routine (or maybe even two! ) After the doldrums of the past few weeks, I was beginning to think I had come down with H1N1 and was just grumpy about the whole show…but I have to say, I was actually blown outta the water by one couple in particular this week…and it may not be who you think it is

As much as I’ve hated some of the new “twists” of the past few seasons (the “dance off”, the addition of a bunch of new dances every season, the relay dances, etc.), I actually do really enjoy the team dances – although I am getting a bit tired of the team paso (but thank goodness they didn’t try to revive the team mambo…I don’t want to re-live the ones from the past two seasons, yikes!). While team tango was clearly superior to team paso (Joanna & Derek in particular stood out for me), both this season’s routines didn’t seem as hard-hitting and memorable of those in past seasons…and team paso in particular just seemed to be going through the motions. Blah. But onto the rankings! Gotta say, it’s getting more and more fun to write them as the season wears on and the power players shuffle around

1.) Joanna & Derek – Now I realize that I may have been accused in the past of being overly “partial” to Derek. However, I think Heidi can vouch for the fact that I haven’t always been a fan of these tw0 (I’m still scratching my head over the whole Tarzan entrance, haha) and have had almost the same amount of criticism for them as I’ve had praise for them. But I feel as though I have to point out that these two manage to remain memorable week after week, even if their dancing wasn’t necessarily the highest-scored. Their rumba was steamy, and I expected it to be, given Derek’s track record; and Derek made a wise move in playing up his goofy side during the little “fantasy” lead-in – it’s endearing to viewers and I think they’ll definitely remember it when voting. Joanna continues to impress me with her technique, but I did see a few wonky arms and also the little stutter from getting her heel caught in her dress. And I will again reference the special powers of the Money Spot (TM). These two were the stand-out couple for me in the team tango (those high-speed pivots towards the end of their solo portion were fantastic!) and are at the top of the leaderboard points-wise. No danger here…

2.) Aaron & Karina – Oh, what a difference a week makes! These two were my favorite couple of the night…that jive was FLAWLESS (I dunno what Carrie Ann was smoking, giving them a 9!). I would even go so far as to say it was one of the best-executed jives I’ve ever seen on the show…Aaron’s flicks were razor sharp & perfectly synched to Karina’s, and perhaps most importantly of all, HE DIDN’T TIRE. The energy level stayed up from beginning to end, which is more than I can say about a lot of the jives we’ve seen. I think Aaron is beginning to give Mya a run for her money for the title of Best Technician on the show – and he also seems to tackle the hardest choreography of any of the celebs. And I have to say, he does seem to be reigning in his over-the-top behavior quite a bit – he’s beginning to become a lot more likeable to me again. While I was underwhelmed by the team paso, Aaron & Karina were most memorable to me, and seemed to best embody the sharp, aggressive feel of the dance. I daresay Aaron might have redeemed himself tonight with that jive – and he did manage to avoid the danger zone last week, so I don’t see him suddenly dropping into it this week. Kudos to him for the vast improvement!

3.) Donny & Kym – Ok, their quickstep this week was a bit of an improvement from last week’s jitterbug, and it did seem like Kym upped the ante with some more difficult choreography – but I still can’t seem to shake the feeling that Donny just looks EXHAUSTED. And I would be too, if his schedule is as crazy as everyone says it is! But the trick is to hide it well, and I’m not sure he is – he seemed to drop his posture quite a bit, and did lose the rhythm at a few points (although I did agree with Bruno that he seemed to hide it well – whenever he flubbed, I did find myself questioning what I saw, like “Did he just mess up, or am I just seeing things?”). I also go back to my “Donny likes characters” theory, and thought he may have struggled this week without a real theme or character to play in the dance – he was just left with the steps and his stage presence. His solo bit in the team tango felt a bit recycled to me (from his Argentine a few weeks back), but then again, Kelly’s did too, and at least he danced it well. But he has the fanbase, so he will be fine…but I’m sorry, Kym’s dress???! Ghastly. Please Donny, stick to singing and dancing – because ladies’ fashion is not your calling.

4.) Mya & Dmitry – I really feel like a broken record saying this week after week, but here it is again for good measure: brilliant technique, zero heat. I almost feel like both of them are more focused on playing to the audience than they are each other – Dmitry in particular. Cloris, you are such a wise old (crazy) soul, pointing out this obvious lack of heat! This was some great choreography, with such a fluid execution, and it would have been light years better if I didn’t feel like they were still so disconnected after dancing together for all these weeks – the silhouetted kiss at the end just felt contrived. But I will say that I loved the costuming – probably the best of the night: they both looked like they foxtrotted right out of a ballroom in pre-Castro Cuba. For anyone that saw Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights - Mya’s dress tonight felt like a throwback to her cameo in it as Lola Martinez (check it out – it’s the big mambo competition scene towards the end). While I was once again underwhelmed by their frigid chemistry, they did dance their foxtrot well, and they were scored decently well for it. No comment on the team paso; honestly, most of it was a non-event for me…

5.) Kelly & Louis – This week could easily be titled “How Kelly Got Her Groove Back” – her salsa this week was the most relaxed and free I’ve seen her since week 1. It was almost as if she had to have a complete meltdown (see lead-in) before she could shake her jitters and just have fun out on the floor…and fun she did have! She shimmied, she smiled…she conquered. And I gotta give her props for putting Louis in the famous fringe pants that we’ve only seen the girls wear up until this point – the man looked like Cookie Monster out there, and I loved every minute of it! I guess it’s just a testament to she & Louis’ great chemistry that they can get in a “fight” and still look like they love each other to bits while they’re yelling at one another. Kelly shined in the group tango – so her choregraphy wasn’t really complicated and felt a bit redundant, but she didn’t flub (a lot) and she actually had some really dramatic head snaps. She definitely reclaimed the America’s Sweetheart title tonight, but let’s be honest: her dancing is nowhere near that of Mya, Donny, or Joanna, and we’re getting down to the wire now – she may live through this week based on her winning personality, but I’m afraid the clock is ticking…

6.) Michael & Anna D. - I’m finally beginning to understand why this guy has managed to stretch far beyond what should have been his lifespan on the show – he has a heart of gold. Seriously – I cannot hate the guy, no matter how much he may butcher a bolero or flub his way through a cha-cha. The pep talk during team paso rehearsal? The sweet explanation of he & Anna’s purple costumes? Heck, the guy was even big-hearted enough to hug it out with Aaron during his post-rumba meltdown! The man is like a walking Hallmark card. And add to that the fact that he actually is improving – he could surprise us all and be this season’s Ty Murray and live through another week! Like last week’s waltz (which I bit sheepishly admit that I haven’t had the heart to delete off my DVR ), his foxtrot wasn’t necessarily the hardest choreography, but he moved through it gracefully, without any missteps and without getting off-time – the man is light years better at the smooth dances than the Latin ones. And he’s charming when he dances. But we have to take into account that he was in the danger zone last week, and I don’t know that his fanbase will be able to contend with that of Donny’s or even Mya’s…and then there’s the curse of the dreaded Crap Spot (TM). The play clock may have run down for our lovable wide receiver…

7.) Mark & Anna T. – Poor Mark just couldn’t seem to catch a break this week – his regular partner gets sick, he gets a short tutorial from Tony in New York before jetting back to the west coast, and then is thrown headlong into rehearsals with Anna (<3 her!) with only 2 days to learn both his own samba and the group paso. The deck was stacked against him from the get-go, I’m afraid. But I am going to disagree with Bruno & Carrie Ann – I actually got a kick out of his samba. His samba rolls were actually pretty darn good, and he did have great energy throughout the whole thing. He wasn’t THAT bad. But I don’t even remember him in the group paso, and I think America may forget about him amidst very striking routines and high scores from Joanna & Derek and Aaron & Karina, and the fanbases of Donny, Mya, and even Michael. Sorry Lacey…I don’t think you’ll be able to make that triumphant return next week like you were hoping to

Alright, as I’ve mentioned before, I’m pretty ADD, so I can’t remember if they said tomorrow was another double elimnation or not – so if it is, I’m gonna say it’s Mark & Anna T. and Michael & Anna D. headed home; if it’s only a single, it’s gonna be Mark. What do you guys think?

DWTS9 Week 5 Power Rankings

For the first time this season, I really don’t have much to say about tonight. Despite having two of the most emotionally-charged dances (and an energetic group dance), my overall feeling for tonight is “blah” – which is why I really had a hard time with this week’s rankings. Probably the hardest yet, because very few people really “stood out” tonight – and the paso dobles seemed to really get lost in the shuffle amongst a sea of Argentine tangos. Oh well…on with it…

1.) Joanna & Maks – Yes, they did flub…but it will probably make this tango that much more memorable and will also get a lot of sympathy votes (as if Heidi didn’t drum up enough for sick Derek via Twitter! ). And they had the virtue of being in the “money spot” (which I don’t think was accidental…) Joanna was actually quite good in the tango – she had the heat, and was the only one that seemed to get the characteristic “brush” of the feet against the floor. This was probably my fave routine of hers yet – it just would have been a heck of a lot better with Derek in it! Although, oddly enough, Maks & Joanna seemed to get along pretty well…maybe the eastern European connection? But no worries, Heidi…there is only one man for Joanna, and it starts with a “D” and ends in “Erek Hough”…

2.) Donny & Kym – (WARNING TO DONNY FANS: Hatchet job in process…don’t bother reading on if you get offended easily!) Now, I did say last week that it was pointless to talk about Donny’s dancing because he’s gonna get a ton of votes (and a lot of smoke blown up his tookus from the judges) week after week. But I feel it’s my duty to point out that he was RIDICULOUSLY overscored this week. His tango was, at best, stiff and cold. I got NO HEAT from him – and honestly, who really wants to see a smoldering Osmond? I think I threw up in my mouth a little when he made the comment about “knowing about passion” because he had 5 kids. And again with the hackneyed fauxmance with Bruno…ick, ick, ick. But the crowd still cheers the loudest for him, and everyone (with the exception of maybe me, Heidi, & John) thinks he’s just dandy. *sigh* Have fun on your trip to the finals, Donny boy…

3.) Mya & Dmitry – Still stone cold. Great choreography (Dmitry really seems to shine in Argentine tango), near-flawless execution from Mya – and not a smidge of heat between them. I had high hopes for Mya after the steam she brought to the lambada last week, but alas, it was all in vain. *sigh* But their scores (and Mya’s fanbase) will likely carry them through again…

4.) Kelly & Louis - I give Kelly mad props for seemingly bringing Louis out of his shell – the guy has been wearing more makeup than some of the girls this season! It definitely makes them memorable, as does their song choice (honoring dear old daddy ) and rocking theme. And I am aware she was dancing with an injury…but let’s be honest - her paso was highly mediocre. Kelly seems to be receding further into her shell with each performance, and it looked like she was more or less just walking through her choreo tonight…she may be the “loveable underdog” this season, but she is beginning to run the risk of becoming boring. And boring does not keep you safe week after week…

5.) Louie & Chelsie – I’m gonna put it out there: Louie & Chelsie read my rankings last week and are heeding my advice and playing up the showmance These two look more smitten each time I see them – putting their heads together (a big body language indicator of attraction and trust, as it is a very vulnerable position), smiling broadly during practice, always facing their bodies toward one another. But I actually agreed with Len and thought this was their best routine yet tonight – it had a story to it (which most of the other tangos didn’t), they were connected physically and emotionally, and the execution was clean. I gotta hand it to Louie – he is always there for Chelsie physically during all of the stunts. He’s a strong lil guy! And those two are still cute as a button…onto next week…

6.) Mark & Lacey – These two are still getting lost in the shuffle for me, despite the fact that they seem to be improving. Their paso actually left me a little confused this week – Mark had some moments of great strength and character during the routine, and he also had some moments where I actually found him to be a little bit…effeminate. Not sure if it was the way he was sticking out his hips or the expression on his face, but at certain points he really looked absolutely ridiculous to me. Surprisingly enough, I actually preferred their two-step last week over this one. But if the judges say they’re improving, the voters will likely follow, and they’ll live to dance another week. I’m just not sure they’re improving at enough of a clip to stick around much longer…

7.) Michael & Anna - I don’t think it was any accident that Michael got paso this week…after the disaster that was the bolero last week, I think the producers took pity on poor Anna and gave them a dance without a hint of romance. But the paso suited him well, and he was actually quite entertaining to watch – not too painful on the eyes. But I find that paso can be a dance that is easy to ”fake” your way through, and really, that’s all he was doing. And Michael the ham came out strong with a bit about ”holding a quarter with your butt” and then took a cue from Donny and pandered to Bruno…probably a wise move on his part. There’s a slight chance these two could end up in the bottom two, but after they were snatched from the jaws of death last week by Michael’s fans, I sincerely doubt they’re leaving this week.

8.) Melissa & Mark - Sorry Melissa, looks like you really are a one-week wonder. And yes, I know your partner was sick one day (and you got to work with the fabulous Anna T., whom I adore ) - but your tango still sucked. The energy was low, and Mark did most of the fancy footwork (which is really supposed to be the woman’s job in this dance). Aside from that, I remember nothing about it. And I don’t know how much longer you can coast through on Mark’s popularity…

9.) Aaron & Karina – Oh Aaron, what are we going to do with you? (and ironically enough, this was actually a lyric in one of his early songs back in the day! lol) I daresay you’ve got a lot of reputation repair to do to recover from your emotional outbursts the past two weeks. And it doesn’t help that you seemed to be on the verge of happy tears upon getting your scores this week…although your tango was actually pretty darn good. Like Louie, Aaron is strong, and good at tricks – he never seems to falter when he’s hoisting his partner around, and for the first time I actually felt a little bit of heat between he & Karina when their faces were close together. But when they were apart? Totally blank. Not a whole lot of showmanship here. And they performed early in the show, which never seems to help. On a (slightly) unrelated note – does anyone else detect a rivalry between Aaron & Louie? Louie definitely took a cheap shot at Aaron during his confessional last week, and their “Who can do the best flip?” contest during the hustle practice seemed to have a slightly aggressive undercurrent…

10.) Natalie & Alec – Robotic, emotionless, low energy, and BLAH. I really have nothing more to say about it. I don’t know how it’s possible, but Natalie seems to have actually gotten WORSE with each passing week, in both stage presence & technique. It certainly didn’t help that she got stuck in the “crap spot” by dancing first…and she definitely doesn’t have the scores to keep her safe this week. I also noticed her starting to develop the “Wish I had more to say…

So ummm yah…I really don’t have a lot more to say. I think it’ll come down to Aaron & Karina (or maybe Melissa & Mark) and Natalie & Alec in the bottom 2, with Natalie probably going home. We’ll suffer through the group hustle once again as the encore, and we’ll probably be underwhelmed by the MJ tribute. *sigh* But hopefully you guys will have some strong opinions about tonights show…and I wanna hear ‘em!

Also, feel free to take a look back at all the previous Dancing with the Stars power rankings to see how they’ve changed as the show progressed.

Paso Doble and Mambo time!!!!

There are so many video’s of rehearsals being leaked and I’m so excited to see these newbie’s take on the cha cha, foxtrot, salsa, or viennese waltz in 2 weeks! Until then…here’s another the good, the bad, and the incredible hot!

THE GOOD
Season 8: Lil Kim, Paso Doble
This is a PERFECT example of how amazing Derek choreographs to his partners! Lil Kim picked up on all the little details in the dance including the wrist flips and the leg kicks! Her facial expressions were on point and her costume was very fitting!

THE BAD
Season 7: Kim Kardashian, Mambo
I think Mark said it best when he said “Kim just needs to come out of her shell and bring it” I do feel like a lot of people expected Kim to be this sexy dancer but it all reality she didn’t have the musicality! She knew the steps but didn’t put any of her in them which makes for a boring performance. Lastly, Kim never did the moves 100% like Mark does all the time, so it was aesthetically pleasing to watch.

THE INCREDIBLE HOT
Louis Van Amstel always has amazing choreography!

DWTS Choreography…The Next 8 Count

This past weekend I was youtubing some DWTS dances from all the past seasons and I found some that I completely forgot about but still love! I was also reminded of several that I don’t care to see again So, for today here’s the break down of the good, the bad, and the just plain adorable

THE GOOD
Julianne’s first emmy nomination dance: Season 5 Helio Castroneves, Mambo

THE BAD
Season 2: Master P, Cha Cha
There’s one thing to be a terrible dancer and still trying your hardest to be apart of something of this magnitude. However, Master P was clearly over DWTS before he even jumped in. Technically, he was terrible! There was no musicality from him, he walked the entire performance, never once showed any emotion, and wasn’t a great partner for Ashly!