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DWTS12 End of Season Award Winners – Which Dance Was the Worst?

John: To be honest, I didn’t really enjoy any of Wendy’s or Kirstie’s dances really. I enjoyed their humor and their one liners. I just wasn’t a fan of their dancing at all. Even Kendra was a disappointment (we should have had an award for that). However, Wendy definitely takes the cake for worst dancer this season. Can you say awkward?

Vogue: Yeah, I picked Wendy too. She was not very good. Plus, her attitude was poor and egotistical. Poor Tony. I really felt sorry for him. Wendy wasn’t as bad as Kate Gosselin, but, at times I had to kind of wonder?

Courtney: The fact that Wendy thought she was hot sh*t, coupled with some very (IMO) kindergarten choreography is what made this dance so bad. She was barely moving, yet with all the bravado she was throwing around both before & after the dance, you would have thought she danced like Nicole Scherzinger. The hair, the makeup, the dress, the choreo, the attitude – blech.  No wonder Wendy ran away with more than half the vote! Mike & Lacey’s foxtrot – ok, pretty bad, but it had a bit of a trainwreck appeal to it…and Mike was pretty damn lovable.  Kirstie & Maks’ jive wasn’t the strongest technically, but it did have a pretty strong entertainment quality.  I’m honestly surprised Kendra & Louis’ Viennese waltz didn’t get more votes – that was the dance that Kendra managed to somehow contort into some bizarre Mafia tribute, and she looked like a lost puppy the whole time.  Oh – and it’s also the week she said she didn’t care about elegance :-P I can’t really fault Ralph & Karina for their samba being tacky – what the hell are you supposed to do when you get “Sweet Home Alabama” as your music? But of course, the judges raked them across the coals for it – just like they did everything else this season. *sigh* I actually kinda liked Chelsea & Mark’s jive, but I agree that it was maybe a bit too “out there” to please the judges, and wasn’t proper jive technique; Romeo & Chelsie’s rumba was just a non-event. Perhaps the most interesting response in the write-in category: Chelsea & Mark’s freestyle.  It’s interesting because the freestyles are almost universally popular with fans – but I have to agree that this one was a dud, and will probably go down in DWTS history as one of the worst…it just felt like such a cop-out to me.  Just some routine that was thrown together, without any sort of connection to Chelsea.  Some other responses: Ralph & Karina’s salsa (ok, not their best, but I don’t think it was worse than a lot of the dances above!), “Hinds” freestyle (I’m gonna assume you mean “Hines” :-)), Wendy & Tony’s quickstep (I actually thought this one was the most tolerable of their 3 bad dances…), and “anything by Chelsea (OVERRATED)” lol.  While I think Chelsea was blatantly overscored more often than not, I did enjoy a few of her dances – namely her foxtrot & jive.  Overall, I think the right dance won this category – it was the combination of bad costuming, bad choreo, bad execution, and bad attitude that made this one a champion.  But are there REALLY any winners in this category? ;-)

Marianya: Do we REALLY have to pick? I mean, I would have thought it be pretty obvious. Wendy! Since the other bloggers have already said everything that needed to be said in regards to this celeb… all I’m going to say to TPTB is this: please be nicer next time, someone like her is an easy way to turn off the TV.

Heidi: Wendy…worst dancer, biggest diva. And that’s just cray-cray.  I quickly got to the point where I never wanted to see her face or hear her voice EVER again.  That bit on the finale – I almost had turn the channel. :-) I would have, if it weren’t for the cheesecake awards.  All for you people. ;-)

July 21, 2011 I Written By

Ultrasound sales specialist by day, semi-knowledgeable DWTS fan by night...with a smattering of hair & makeup enthusiast, occasional model, and crazy cat lady peppered in to make things REALLY interesting ;-) I might pee my pants in happiness if Donnie Wahlberg ever does DWTS - or if they ever use "Sunglasses at Night" as a paso doble. Check out some of my other work at pureamericasgottalent.com!

DWTS 12 End of Season Award Winners – Which Couple Was the Best Dressed?

John: Impossible to decide between Kym, the blonde bombshell with the awesome accent, or the super model with the amazing accent. Does it really matter what they wear or who their partner is? Correct Answer: No.

Vogue: This was a toss up between Hines and Kim or Petra and Dimitry. Both couples always took my breath away. In the end, Kym and Hines got my vote. Not only does Kym have a knack for dancing and teaching, she knows just the right costumes to pull out and when for the most part. They aren’t too gawdy or in your face. They are never ugly or tasteless. They always match the dance which is really important in my opinion. Totally classy all the way.

Courtney: I’d like to say a little prayer of thanks & praise to Our Lady of the Awesome Boobage, because she easily ran away with this title, IMO :-D Seriously – Kym’s hair, makeup, and costumes were picture-perfect this season, and I think she did a great job of styling Hines well, too.  My favorites had to be her quickstep dress (quite possibly my favorite ballgown in the history of the show) and Argentine tango dress (who would have thought thousands of pearls could make a bigger statement than the cliched rhinestones?).  I think Kym’s biggest strength in styling both her & her partners is that she knows when to keep it simple – most of her popular costumes are very uncomplicated silhouttes, in flattering colors and textures that compliment the moves of the dances.  Wish some more of the female pros would take a page out of her book…you listening, Lacey & Karina? ;-) Petra was a vision in all of her costumes this season – but how couldn’t she be, when she’s such a vision on her own? And a sweetheart to boot…I have to admit, I really liked she & Dmitry together this season, despite thinking I would find them boring.  While I don’t think all of Kirstie’s costumes were terribly flattering (still trying to figure out her jive & waltz costumes…), I do think they were memorable and fit the dances well.  Thought some of Romeo & Chelsie’s costumes were just lovely – god I loved both their Fred & Ginger-inspired foxtrot costumes, and their Titanic-inspired waltz costumes! Rounding out the write-in category: Ralph & Karina (12), Chelsea & Mark (7), Chris & Cheryl (1), and “No one” (1). Ralph & Karina were kinda hit-or-miss for me – loved their foxtrot costumes, hated their salsa costumes, loved their rumba & waltz costumes, hated their paso doble & quickstep costumes.  Karina’s kinda all over the place for me, costume-wise.  Looks like Chelsea & Mark are a polarizing couple – people seemed to either really love or hate both their dancing & their costumes! She had a few good ones (foxtrot, cha-cha), but I’m afraid she was overshadowed by the ridiculous ones (paso doble, samba, freestyle). As for Chris & Cheryl – I didn’t really LOVE any of their costumes this season, but I didn’t really hate them, either.  They were just…there.

Marianya: Instead of saying “best dressed” I’ll instead say who I think didn’t annoy me with their costumes. In this case it would have to be Petra and Dmitry. However, if we’re measuring the entire course of the show, then of course Hines and Kym. :D

Heidi: In re-watching the various seasons, I’m continually in awe of the hot blond with the awesome boobage – and I ain’t talkin’ Derek. :-)  What I can’t figure is why Kym is so under the radar – I guess she’s second only to Derek in the lack of self promotion.  It’s like she goes into hiding between seasons…but this girl is just gorgeous!!  Inside and out. It’s safe to say I have a straight gurl crush. :-)  Seriously – two trophies, great record with her partners, gorgeous…and the best dance-face around.  Best example is her Team Paso with Warren – fierce.  Speaking of Paso Doble’s with Warren – that pleather ensemble and the Matrix tribute dance?? Awesome.  This season, I have to go with the quickstep dress -fantastic.   She’s my new favorite girl, easily.

July 19, 2011 I Written By

Ultrasound sales specialist by day, semi-knowledgeable DWTS fan by night...with a smattering of hair & makeup enthusiast, occasional model, and crazy cat lady peppered in to make things REALLY interesting ;-) I might pee my pants in happiness if Donnie Wahlberg ever does DWTS - or if they ever use "Sunglasses at Night" as a paso doble. Check out some of my other work at pureamericasgottalent.com!

DWTS 12 End of Season Award Winners – Which Couple’s Elimination Was the Most Disappointing?

John: I had an odd season with no real emotional favorite (although, I did like Chelsea). However, Ralph was just a class act. Plus, I’m afraid Mr. Miyagi might come and kick my trash if I said otherwise.

Vogue: LOL JOHN!! Seriously, Ralph for me too!!! The judges finally had their way. I’ll never understand why they picked on him so? A total shame. He belonged in the Finals! I really enjoyed him and I was the happiest when he and Karina brought in an Oriental influence to some of their dances. Beautiful!!

Courtney: With the exception of maybe Kendra & Louis (who I still must applaud for a very classy exit), I was disappointed to see all of the above couples eliminated – but the sting was definitely the greatest with Ralph :-( Echoing Vogue’s sentiments, it was the last straw – the judges had finally gotten away with manipulating the outcome of the show.  And Ralph looked so heartbroken, even though I think he knew it was coming.  I think Ralph’s unceremonious ousting (and season-long abuse by the judges) will go down in DWTS history as the most unfair cut…even moreseo than Brandy, because this time around – only the judges are to blame.  I also got a little sad when Romeo was cut, just because he had grown so much in the duration of the season & seemed so humbled and thankful for the experience.  Chris was just so funny & charming (and he got dealt a crappy dance the week he was sent packing) that it hurt to see him go too; and Petra was just an absolute angel and seemed truly humbled by the experience.  Really and truly, with the exception of Wendy – I think all of this season’s eliminated contestants were very classy & gracious when they were eliminated.  Very impressive :-) Some write-ins: Kirstie & Maks (7), Mark & Chelsea (2), None (2), Mike & Lacey (1).  I never really count those who make it to the finale but don’t win as “eliminations”, but I could see how those could sting just as bad.  I liked Kirstie & I was glad to see her beat Chelsea, but I think deep down I know that there was no way she could bridge the points gap between her & Hines, thanks to the judges.  I felt bad for Chelsea (who I think was a bit of a pawn this season), but I can’t say I was disappointed to see her go – her very presence in the finale seemed unfair, and had she won – it would have been a very hollow win.  I didn’t hate the player – I hated the game.

Heidi: I don’t think the judges realize that manipulating someone into the finals doesn’t mean people are suddenly going to start voting for her. By that stage of the game, the voting is pretty set (for those doing the serious voting especially).  And if you’re not getting votes, it might be for a good reason, not an accident. Most have learned from Sabrina by now. For that reason alone, it was a shame that Ralph got the boot. But I agree with Courtney in that I was sad to see a lot of them go for a variety of reasons. But Ralph’s ouster just pissed me off. I have to think that the judges get in their heads the “good dancer” and “bad dancer” labels for each contestant and they can’t seem to bridge that when someone starts to improve and do well.

Marianya: Really? Really?! REALLY?!?! How do you choose? There were so many (ok, really only two in my book) disappointing eliminations, but one that I was definitely screaming and pouting about was Ralph and Karina the judges proverbial punching bag. I mean COME ON! The moment that TPTB allow people to call in and pick which dances they liked you have to expect the popularity vote, there’s no ifs, ands, or buts about it. **Sighs**

July 15, 2011 I Written By

Ultrasound sales specialist by day, semi-knowledgeable DWTS fan by night...with a smattering of hair & makeup enthusiast, occasional model, and crazy cat lady peppered in to make things REALLY interesting ;-) I might pee my pants in happiness if Donnie Wahlberg ever does DWTS - or if they ever use "Sunglasses at Night" as a paso doble. Check out some of my other work at pureamericasgottalent.com!

DWTS12 End of Season Award Winners – Which Dance Was the Best?

John: I think I’m with the other 49 people that voted for other on this one. I just have a really hard time choosing a favorite dance. Too hard for me to compare a Cha Cha to a Quickstep to a Waltz to a Rumba. They’re all so different. I just love dance.

Courtney: It’s really interesting to me that what you guys voted as the best dance this season wasn’t one with particularly stunning choreography or flawless execution – granted, Kirstie was great in it, but I think the appeal was more in the entertainment value than anything else.  Compared to very technically impressive dances like Derek & Jennifer’s Argentine tango or Kyle & Lacey’s jive, Kirstie’s just sticks out as a fun, carefree, easygoing little ditty – which is totally fine with me :-) Kind of a nice change of pace.  Obviously it was well-received, since Kirstie & Maks have performed it at least a dozen times both on DWTS and on other shows! Haha.  I think Hines’ samba was probably stronger technically, but didn’t have quite as much sass as Kirstie’s cha-cha; I think Ralph’s quickstep & Romeo’s waltz were likely the strongest of the smooth dances, but still can’t trump the memorability of Kirstie’s dance.  Chelsea & Mark’s rumba – meh, it was dramatic, but I didn’t see anything that was insanely well-executed, and I think they were overscored; Kendra & Louis’ samba was just pure fun – little to no technique, but a lot of jiggle :-) Onto the other category – again, many of you answered with one name, like “Kendra”, “Chelsea”, or “Hines”, which tells me NOTHING about which dance was best, so your votes get thrown out; looks like Hines & Kym’s Argentine tango (3), Ralph & Karina’s foxtrot (2), Chelsea & Mark’s Viennese waltz (2), Ralph & Karina’s waltz (1), Chelsea & Mark’s slow waltz (1), Kirstie & Maks’ Argentine tango (1), Romeo & Chelsie’s paso doble (1), and Hines & Kym’s paso doble (1).  I agree that some of these are good, but compared to other dances, they seemed to get lost in the shuffle a bit.  Someone else just voted “MEEEEEE!!!!”, so I’m assuming either Mark or Lacey found their way here and are trying to pad their vote percentages ;-); and for whoever voted “there were no really good dances” – I agree with you to some degree.  The caliber of dancing this season was just not up to par with what we’ve seen in seasons past.  There’s something to be said for having ringers, kids…

Marianya: Can I plead the fifth? I’m afraid I can’t answer this one truthfully. I mean I understand why Kirstie & Maks’ first ChaCha is voted towards the top, but it wasn’t the best dance, it’s definitely one of the more memorable ones. Courtney does a great job explaining it. But the best? I don’t think there really was one, I mean I liked Chelsea & Mark Viennese Waltz to Harry Potter’s Hedwig Theme, but I’m a Harry Potter fan so meh. Yeah… memorable I could choose, but I don’t think there is anything that I could define as “the best”.

Vogue: Kirstie and Mak’s Cha Cha!! I don’t think I’ll ever forget that first night she danced and how she lit us all up. As much as many of us liked her, we weren’t expecting her to come out and dance the way she did. She was light on her feet. She was cheeky, flirtatious, and fun. Maks was clearly having a blast and we saw a change in him right from the get go. We knew we were in for something really special all Season with this dance and they didn’t fail us. It made the perfect statement in more ways than one. I loved almost all of Karina and Ralph’s dances as well. Romeo and Petra grew on me. As much as I could appreciate the creativity in Mark’s choreography, I was equally or more annoyed with his antics and ego.

Heidi: My initial response was “Meh”.  Just “meh”. I think this past season overall was not one that had any dancing that made me sit up and go “Wow, that was awesome” – but I can’t say that I didn’t enjoy it because I did. I enjoyed watching Hines, Kirstie, Ralph, Romeo – even Kendra provided limited entertainment value.  And Petra always made me go “Oh, she’s so pretty and nice.”  But I don’t think the dancing was up to par of, say, Season 10, where we had Nicole, Evan and Erin – the last two would have won this season handily, absent Nicole. There certainly is something to be said for ringers – better to have 3 like Season 10 than none at all.

July 14, 2011 I Written By

Ultrasound sales specialist by day, semi-knowledgeable DWTS fan by night...with a smattering of hair & makeup enthusiast, occasional model, and crazy cat lady peppered in to make things REALLY interesting ;-) I might pee my pants in happiness if Donnie Wahlberg ever does DWTS - or if they ever use "Sunglasses at Night" as a paso doble. Check out some of my other work at pureamericasgottalent.com!

DWTS12 End of Season Award Winners – Which Celebrity Improved the Most Throughout the Season?

John: After seeing Master P, I wasn’t sure that Romeo would ever turn the corner and let himself go. I think he definitely deserves this award in my book.

Heidi: I also have to give it to Romeo, easily. Kirstie was more of an inverted bell curve – started out good, faltered a good bit, and then got better

Marianya: Romeo… I really grew to like him over the course of the season, I could have gotten used to him being around a bit longer…

Vogue: Yep, Romeo for me too! During the pre-show period and in the beginning, he seemed a little full of himself and I was beginning to get really annoyed when he didn’t want to wear the dance shoes or seemed too cool to get into it all. I didn’t think he’d last long even though you could feel and see a tiny spark there. Then suddenly, he started surprising us all. I loved how he bloomed in so many ways. It was pure joy and even magical watching him when he put the coolness aside and became a class act…..now that was COOL!

Courtney: No disagreement here! I loved watching Romeo really grow throughout the season.  I think the turning point was his foxtrot – that was the first time he seemed to really enjoy himself and took the quality of his dancing to a whole new level.  By the time he was eliminated, I daresay he was giving Chelsea, Kirstie, Hines & Ralph all a decent run for their money, technique-wise.  He also seemed to really grow as a person – he started off the cool cat that thought wearing dance shoes was lame; as the weeks went by, he shed the bravado and the facade and showed a vulnerability I don’t think anyone could’ve expected from him when the season started – except for my mom, who loved him from day 1…she’s got good intuition ;-).  Definitely a bright spot of this season for me! As for Kirstie – I kinda agree with Heidi that it wasn’t so much that she improved, but she started off good, kinda fell into a slump, and then recovered and was good again at the end.  Chris would probably be my 2nd place on this one – he started off pretty darn bad, then slowly improved before getting dealt a crappy hand (or rather, song & dance) the week he was eliminated.  Kendra improved a little bit the last 2 weeks or so that she was in the competition, but I don’t think it was a vast improvement; Petra stayed about the same for me the short time she was around.  Write-in responses: Ralph (6), Hines (5), Chelsea (3).  I don’t think Hines improved at all – he started off good and remained consistent the entire season.  Kinda the same deal with Chelsea – I think she was a good dancer the whole season through, but the ups & downs she had with the judges due to bad choreography choices on Mark’s part probably gave the false impression that she was improving. Big difference between getting good scores w/the judges (which are often skewed to fit their biases) and actually improving ;-) As for Ralph – I feel like it’s a bit of the same phenomenon: Ralph really started off good and ended pretty good with the smooth dances, and consistently did bad at the Latin dances…but the way the judges were all over the place with the scores, it often made it seem like he was doing far better (or worse) than he really was.

July 13, 2011 I Written By

Ultrasound sales specialist by day, semi-knowledgeable DWTS fan by night...with a smattering of hair & makeup enthusiast, occasional model, and crazy cat lady peppered in to make things REALLY interesting ;-) I might pee my pants in happiness if Donnie Wahlberg ever does DWTS - or if they ever use "Sunglasses at Night" as a paso doble. Check out some of my other work at pureamericasgottalent.com!

DWTS 12 End of Season Award Winners – Which Couple Was the Worst Dressed?

John: I’m surprised that Wendy didn’t take all of the cake on this one. I think it was my wife that said she looked like a Drag Queen. I couldn’t stop laughing, because she was right.

Courtney: Thank 8 lb 10 oz baby Jesus I wasn’t alone – I was referring to Wendy as “RuPaul’s long-lost twin” all season long :-) And apparently we weren’t the only ones thinking that, John – the guys in my office swore up & down she was a man.  Everything about Wendy was just too much – the huge wig, the 4 sets of false eyelashes (yes kids, according to Melanie Mills, the head DWTS makeup artist, Wendy would wear FOUR sets at a time!), and those monster boobs…they always looked so angry.  I almost think it wasn’t the costumes themselves (ok, maybe the cha-cha one was really & truly BAD) that were so terrible, but just the way she wore them.  Just…no.  Interestingly enough, I was originally not going to include Mark & Chelsea as nominees for the worst dressed couple…but a certain other blogger convinced me they were contenders ;-) And contenders they were…guess the skulls & chains & weird workout gear & fringe just overshadowed some of Chelsea’s prettier outfits, such as her foxtrot gown (loved it), and cha-cha costume.  Rounding out the “other” category: looks like a bunch of you answered with just one name (“Kirstie”, “Hines”, “Maks”), which doesn’t count because I asked which COUPLE was the worst dressed *tosses out those votes*; looks like Kirstie & Maks (5), Hines & Kym (2), Chris & Cheryl (1), none (1), and…hehe…Tom & Brooke (1).  Now while I agree that “Broke Burke” had some questionable ensembles this season, The Berg is never anything short of perfection for moi ;-)

Marianya: You know what? I don’t remember what Wendy wore… maybe it was so bad that I blocked it out of memory. I just remember that all I saw were boobs, boobs and more boobs… and you know I have big boobs too, but I try to be more subtle about them and use them when absolutely necessary… Wendy’s were just flying all over the place, without any control. I think that’s why I can’t remember what she wore because her assets just trumped them… dressing sexy is good… looking like a drag queen ain’t.

Heidi: Personally, I think Wendy’s attitude made her look worse than she was probably actually dressed. That air of superiority. You know when you meet a hot guy and find out he’s a total jerk and suddenly he doesn’t look that hot to you anymore?? Like that. :-)

Vogue: The worst dressed? Mark and Chelsea for me. Yes, I was the “certain blogger” (I’m innocent, I’m innocent! lol) who told Courtney to add them to this Poll!! Although I have no issues with Guy Liner, Mark over killed it. I was annoyed with Mark’s hats and black and white SHOES all Season too. The beat all was the work out outfits that didn’t match their dance and TOTALLY GAWDY lights on their shoes, etc. at the end! What the ??? I still can’t get over that. 8O

July 12, 2011 I Written By

Ultrasound sales specialist by day, semi-knowledgeable DWTS fan by night...with a smattering of hair & makeup enthusiast, occasional model, and crazy cat lady peppered in to make things REALLY interesting ;-) I might pee my pants in happiness if Donnie Wahlberg ever does DWTS - or if they ever use "Sunglasses at Night" as a paso doble. Check out some of my other work at pureamericasgottalent.com!

Pure DWTS End-of-Season Awards – Season 12

We know you all love the comedy of the Cheesecake Awards, but we here at PureDWTS do know how to be serious, as well :-) So it’s time to vote in our end-of-season awards – we started this last year as a way to look back at the season and see what the bests and worsts were, and see how our readers really felt about the season as a whole.

The voting categories are below – please vote on each one.  We will reveal the results in a series of posts in the upcoming weeks, as well as our commentary on the results.  Vote away and enjoy!!!

NOTE: There is an “other” box, if you really & truly don’t agree with any of the options listed for a particular category. We did our best to compile a list of good nominees for each category, but not everyone is going to agree. C’est la vie.  So if you want to vote “other” – simply click on that option and type in your answer.  However, a word of caution – if I cannot understand what you typed, I won’t count it in the vote totals.  I’m afraid some went a little crazy with the “other” box last season, and I was left to muddle through some badly misspelled, grammatically confusing, and downright incoherent answers…as well as answers that were already listed as nominees.  *facepalm* So for the sake of my sanity, kids, please – at least try to spell things correctly, and make sure the thing you are voting for isn’t already listed a nominee ;-)

June 15, 2011 I Written By

Ultrasound sales specialist by day, semi-knowledgeable DWTS fan by night...with a smattering of hair & makeup enthusiast, occasional model, and crazy cat lady peppered in to make things REALLY interesting ;-) I might pee my pants in happiness if Donnie Wahlberg ever does DWTS - or if they ever use "Sunglasses at Night" as a paso doble. Check out some of my other work at pureamericasgottalent.com!

DWTS Search Engine Round-Up – Week of June 3, 2011

Buckle in, kids – we’ve got a lot of interesting stuff to chat about today ;-) 

Maks & Cheryl in Vegas/Maks & Cheryl kissing

Oh boy – I think I was secretly wishing that no one would ask about this, because I feel kind of odd giving any more attention to what has become a Twitter firestorm.  But no such luck…*sigh* The basic gist: some pictures surfaced of Maks apparently kissing (I say apparently because his rep insists he was “whispering in a fan’s ear”) a dark-haired chick in a black, backless dress over the weekend in a club in Vegas.  Cheryl has long, dark hair and was wearing a black backless dress that night.  The two have been good friends for quite some time, and I vaguely remember some questions about a possible romance between the two in season 7.  So for me, it wouldn’t be a total stretch if these two suddenly became amorous – if even for one night after a few too many drinks (lord knows I had a few nights in my younger, wilder days where a guy friend started looking like more than just a friend after I got a few gin & tonics in me – ooh wee, that required some damage control the next day!).  Not that I care enough to really debate it – so what if Maks & Cheryl are getting cozy??? More power to ‘em – they both have had a rough go of it in the relationship department the past few years…maybe dating someone they’ve been friends with for a long time will be good for both of them. The only thing I will contest is this: if they weren’t kissing (as his rep insists), then I’ve been doing it wrong all these years – as well as whispering in peoples’ ears.  Apparently that’s done via mouth-to-mouth contact.  Glad Maks’ rep could clear that one up for me ;-) Hahahaha…I IZ NOT STOOPID, Maks’ rep. Oh, and to those who intend to scold me for posting a link to the pix – spare me.  People came here wanting to know about it; I’m gonna give them full disclosure.  If they do a basic google search, they’re gonna find ‘em anyway. Plus there’s some other hella funny pix in that gallery – including a few of a very intoxicated-looking Teddy V. wearing a cardigan that’s about 3 sizes too small and some dorky glasses.  Bahahahahaha!

Total votes for DWTS finale/How many votes did Hines get?

HA.  If you think this info is readily available to the public – keep dreaming :-) I can’t recall if they’ve ever revealed the grand total of all the votes cast for a finale – they’ve hinted at percentages and margins (much like Heidi does in her By the Numbers posts) and made vague statements such as “the most votes we’ve ever had cast for a finale!”, but I don’t think they’ve ever said “x number of votes were cast last night”.  The votes are tabulated by an independent audit firm (don’t ask me which one) and I’m guessing they’re paid handsomely for their confidentiality. Really, guys – revealing the vote totals is kind of like insider trading…it provides the viewer with information that allows them to further manipulate the outcome of the show.  If you know that Hines needs x% of votes to pass Ralph, and that there are x votes being cast – that basically tells you exactly what needs to be done to ensure Hines sticks around.  It takes away some of the element of surprise, and also tends to benefit those at the bottom of the leaderboard – they then have a pretty good idea of how hard they need to vote to keep Joe-Schmoe-Sucky-Dancer around another week.  On top of that, I’m fairly certain that ABC gets revenue for every vote cast…and if the viewers know that they only have to cast a finite number of votes to save their favorite, they’re less inclined to “vote like crazy” – and hence, less $$$ in the pockets of TPTB. I know that a lot of Kirstie fans who were upset at the outcome of the finale were petitioning to get the vote totals released to the public – it’s not going to happen, but if it did, then it would just give disgruntled fans more fodder for complaint.  We’d have people demanding recounts, debates over the elderly not voting properly due to impaired vision, hanging chads, etc…oh wait, wrong election :-) Anywho – don’t hold your breath for ABC to fold and announce the vote totals.  Just accept that the show will never be 100% fair, or will even be a “full disclosure” type of show. 

When does DWTS season 13 start?

September 19, 2011 :-) Which makes me think that the cast announcement will happen roughly 3 weeks before the premiere, likely during the finale of The Bachelorette…I’m guessing August 29 (don’t quote me on that).  If that’s the case…we can probably expect the official annoucement of the couples on August 31, and the official cast pictures on August 2.  The show itself may be unpredictable, but at least the timetable for it is pretty finite :-)

DWTS gifting suites

Oh, what I wouldn’t give to be on the receiving end of some of the free stuff that gets lavished upon the pros, celebs, and crew at DWTS :-D From what I’ve heard, it’s right up my alley – lots of fun girlie stuff, like skincare products, makeup, jewelry, etc.  Perhaps the most exciting item gifted to the cast this season was jewelry from Anne Koplik Designs, the official jewelry designer to the show.  Some of the jewelry I’ve seen from them has been absolutely EXQUISITE – check it out for yourself here. Wish you could nab some fab free stuff from them? WELL YOU’RE IN LUCK!!! Stay tuned, kids, because a little birdie (John) told me that we’re going to be doing another jewelry giveaway sometime soon, courtesy of the lovely folks at AKD (follow them on Twitter @AKoplikDesigns!).  Word on the street is that this time, we’re going to be giving away a ring ;-) I’ve seen it, and it’s every bit as gorgeous as the earrings from Kym’s samba and the earrings from Chelsea’s Argentine tango that we gave away earlier this season. Among the other items I’ve heard given away in these suites are Boscia skincare products (yet another thing Anna & I have in common, besides our red hair, asthma, & dance skills – a love of Boscia!) & Gleam by Melanie Mills – a shimmery body makeup created by the head makeup artist at the show, which makes everyone’s skin look FLAWLESS.  I was fortunate enough to get a sample of it (shout out to Candy at Gleam for hooking me up!) and let me tell you – it’s UH-MAY-ZING.  Smells delish (very light coconut/vanilla fragrance), makes skin smooth & even-looking (even if you don’t have a tan!) and best of all – it doesn’t rub off on your clothes/furniture/boyfriend/etc. Yes, I am in full-on Romeo Miller plug mode right now ;-) Some of the celebs & pros have also gotten in on the gifting action – I believe I heard Cheryl gave out copies of her book, and according to Rick Fox, The Situation was a “walking gifting suite”, doling out samples of his jewelry, vodka, & iPhone app to anyone & everyone involved in season 11 :-P

Brooke Burke has a crush on Ralph

This probably stems from Brooke’s appearance on the Rachael Ray show on May 24, where she admitted that Ralph was her “childhood crush” and she had pictures of him plastered all over her bedroom.  Wonder how Ralph reacted when she shared that gem :-P

Will Derek/Mark/Maks be back next season?

Our best answer: time will tell.  When it was announced back in January that Derek would be sitting out this season to film Cobu 3D, both Derek & Conrad seemed to state with certainty that Derek would be back for season 13.  However, Julianne has said the same thing in the past about “definitely” coming back to DWTS – and we have not seen her for 4 seasons now, due to her music & blossoming movie career.  I think it’s safe to say that, barring some catastrophic scandal that blackballs her from both Hollywood & Nashville…she’s never coming back to DWTS. Sorry kids. Now Derek may have every intention of coming back (or maybe not, after the fiasco of this season), but if offered another movie role – what’s to say he won’t take it? As for Maks – I could have sworn Vogue did a post where Maks says in an interview that he’s unsure of whether he’s coming back, but of course – I cannot find it.  Hopefully I didn’t hallucinate that…feel free to hop in & link to it, Vogue! However, Tom seemed to allude in a recent interview with EW that Maks might not be back, since the famed “Tom Bergeron ass pinch” is being retired. I can’t say I wouldn’t blame Maks for either sitting out a season or calling it quits at the show – I can imagine the past 3 seasons have been rather frustrating for him (3rd place w/Erin, getting axed before the finale with Brandy, & runner-up this season), and he’s also got his hands full with opening a new dance studio in CA that he’s going to be co-owning with Tony – not to mention several other successful studios on the east coast.  Maybe now’s a good time for him take a break and recharge.  And then there’s Mark.  *sigh* I have heard nothing of any merit that suggests he won’t be back next season – however, judging from the reaction of a lot of fans both here and on Twitter, it seems like a widely-held opinion that Mark could benefit from some time away from the show.  His choreography (and behavior) the past few seasons seems to have deteriorated, and he seems to be investing more and more time & effort into his music…and hence, less effort into the show & his partners.  Perhaps he too could use a break.  Unfortunately, though he probably SHOULD take a break – I don’t think he will.  He seems to crave the attention it brings him.  As for all 3 – we’ll only know their plans for sure come mid-August, in the week or so preceding the cast announcement.  That’s when the pros usually start announcing whether or not they’re going to be on the fall season.  And Heidi does a SUPERB job of keeping up with all the Twitter madness during that period :-) So stay tuned!

Dancing with the Stars camel toe

*facepalm* Is this yet another one of you kids’ freaky fetishes??? LOL.  I mean, y’all have a D-Hough foot fixation, a Shirley Ballas boob obsession, and you wanna see Mike buck nekkid? Those 3 I can understand.  But CAMEL TOE???!! Oy vey.  I daresay it’s only been mentioned once at PureDWTS – in an edition of Who Wore it Better – and I believe Heidi chastised me for even mentioning it.  Now I know why. :-) 

June 4, 2011 I Written By

Ultrasound sales specialist by day, semi-knowledgeable DWTS fan by night...with a smattering of hair & makeup enthusiast, occasional model, and crazy cat lady peppered in to make things REALLY interesting ;-) I might pee my pants in happiness if Donnie Wahlberg ever does DWTS - or if they ever use "Sunglasses at Night" as a paso doble. Check out some of my other work at pureamericasgottalent.com!

DWTS Season 12, The Finale – The Cheesecake Awards!!

Oy veh. One more for the season. WARNING! This one gets a tad…harsh. If you are overly sensitive in regard to some of the regulars on this show, look out. :-) You’ve been warned. I (Heidi) was feeling particularly evil when I wrote my parts.

Best Moment of the Finale: The Three Stooges reaction to Chelsea Kane getting 3rd place

Heidi: Ahhh…that was soooo sweet. Guess what, stooges, you don’t have all the power, no matter how hard you try. LOL. Want to see what we’re talking about? Keep your eye on the judges once the camera goes wide again. The body language is hilarious. Len and Carrie Ann are sitting, not clapping, in shock. Mwahahahaha….

Courtney: Both of them looked like they’d just seen the ghost of Michael Jackson or something.  Utter, total, and complete shock – followed by bitterness.  The Almighty Judges thwarted in their master plan??? Muahahahaha – you betcha.  Probably a good thing that Carrie Ann wasn’t clapping – her arm fat was jiggling like crazy earlier in the night when she was grooving in her chair to Black-Eyed Oh-bitch-please.

The Award for Being Almost TOO Cheesey to Bear: Tom Bergeron/Producers for that silly opening voiceover on the last night

Heidi: Is it just me or was that just way more over the top than normal?? I mean, this ain’t the Olympics, it’s DWTS (which I guess makes my complaint ironic…or redundant…or…pointless?) – but do we really need the dramatic talk about “their journey” to get to the finals??

Courtney: You’d think we were watching the pre-show for the Olympics or the Superbowl or even Idol – the sad backstory, the clawing their way to the top, the blood, sweat, toil, and tears, this has been their lifelong dream, yadda yadda yadda.  Way, WAAAYYYY over-the-top. Spare me.

The Karma Really Works Award: Len Goodman for “If they don’t like our scores, then vote for them!!”

Heidi: Fan-f@#ing-tastic. :-) That’s called having karma take a bite out yo ass. :-) We DID vote and it didn’t quite go the way you expected, did it? But this still does piss me off because that sure as hell didn’t work in week 9, did it. I fully expect to see the BonASS dance in the finale next season so they are more likely to get their way. Anyway, I think the producers were taking a poke at the judges, since when they aired this little gem they likely already knew that Chelsea took 3rd place. :-)

Courtney: You may be onto something with the producers taking a swipe at the judges – perhaps they were trying to make them the scapegoat for the whole fiasco.  I can’t help but wonder if TPTB were catching so much flak for the WTA dance that they decided to shift the blame to the judges – making a point of having Len say that right before announcing Chelsea as 3rd place was a subtle way of saying “Blame the judges! They’re the ones that gave the scores!” Of course, I don’t think anyone in a position of authority on the show is blame-free for the shitshow that was season 12 – as I said on Twitter the other day, this season was one big series of unfortunate events that resulted from TPTB trying to atone for the sins of season 11…and failing miserably.  Viewers tend to fight back when they start monkeying around too much with the basic premise of the show – this is a prime example.

Award for Most Bizarre Dancing “tic”: Maks and walking

Heidi: He does this all the time and did it again in his freestyle with Kirstie. He has quite long sections of just walking across the dance floor. Don’t get me wrong, it really worked well in the mood of his freestyle, but often it’s just a time-wasting move that he uses too much – IMO, of course. They all have tics or signature moves – but those are MOVES. This is walking. I’m surprised he doesn’t get called on it more often. I’d call him on it. :-)

Courtney: Yeah, I guess it’s kind of his “thing” – like Mark’s jimmy legs, Cheryl’s sheer-skirted ballgowns, or Lacey’s sometimes-pointless displays of flexibility.  I am a bit surprised that he doesn’t get called out on it more, but I guess he does walk with a sense of purpose in his step – I guess I can forgive it more easily than, say, spastic dancing or copied choreo. 

The Award for the Best Use of NEW MATH: Brooke Burke/the Producers

Heidi: Most watched season ever?? Seriously?? TV Guide said it was up by double digits but compared to what?? And for the ENTIRE season and not just the finale? Doubtful. It’s possible I could be brain-dead, but ratings are one of those things I pay attention to and I thought it was down – and some weeks Nielsen reported it was down. Now, granted, I don’t look THAT closely, but damn, I think this is creative math at work here. They’re forcing me to do a post on ratings trends. :-) Maybe they meant to say “Most watched SPRING season ever.” That might work.

Courtney: I feel like the phrases “most watched season ever” and “closest competition ever” have become clichés in the great DWTS lexicon – they seem to toss ‘em out every time the finale rolls around.  And lucky for them – most viewers don’t care enough to contest it.  But for us Scullys & Mulders who know “the truth is out there” – it’s endlessly annoying.  It’s taking liberties with the data – and that pisses us off.  We ain’t stoopid :-)

Heidi: :::swoon::: Just call me Scully – I love me some Mulder. :-)

The “Oh. I didn’t think about that” Award for Failure to Engage the Brain: Mark Ballas, for his freestyle choreography

Heidi: Dude, probably not a good idea to plan to have your partners hands and feet light up, necessitating wires running all up and down her body, AFTER you’ve spent 60 seconds tossing her around the dance floor. OF COURSE the batteries came un-plugged and the battery pack got dislodged (incidentally, affecting her performance – not that it mattered to the stooges). Battery packs with wires + highly tricky dancing = OOPS

Courtney: That was a dumb move on his part, but so was picking a freestyle song/theme that did nothing to showcase his partner’s skills or even allow her to connect to the music.  I’ve said it before, but I’ll go ahead and say it again: I don’t feel like I was watching a performance of their freestyle; it was just a regurgitation, if you will.  Unlike Kirstie & Hines, who I felt both really “connected” to their routines on a personal level, this did not feel like something Chelsea would have chosen for herself – it said nothing about her.  This was music recycled from Mark’s heydey, with moves that show how great MARK is, not Chelsea. The poor girl was just trying to keep up the whole time.  The malfunctioning lights were just icing on the crappy cake. 

Best Song Lyrics Written by a 5-Year Old: Black Eyed Peas Song they Debuted on the Finale

Heidi: So, Will.i.Am’s kid has begun writing song lyrics now?? Really, wasn’t that just one line chanted over and over again for three minutes?? This group continues it’s downward spiral into mediocrity.

Courtney: The Peas are gadawful, period.  I move that we relegate them to Yo Gabba Gabba! duty ASAP, cause their songs are serious gibberish.  Like, seriously – my cat makes more interesting noises when pooping in his litter box than the Black-Eyed Oh-bitch-please – no more! do in a song.  The person I feel most sorry for in this whole Pea-induced debacle is Hines – poor guy had to deal with him at the Superbowl AND the DWTS finale.  I bet he’s ready to slap that metal toupee off Will.i.am’s head and kick Fergie right in her London Bridge.  I’d make some funny comment about the other two, but seriously – who remembers their names? They will eternally be Asian Guy and Other Black Guy to me. That seems punishment enough for those poor souls. Hashtag, just sayin’.  ;-)

Heidi: Bwahahaha…London Bridge. Is that in her mouth or is it a euphemism for…never mind. :-) I like that one song “I Got A Feeling” but mainly because I have seen a home video of four of the five Hough siblings just jamming out to it with Derek leading the way. It takes a Hough…technically 7 of them since it was 4 sibs and 3 of their little girls.

Comedic Line ‘O the Night: ANYTHING by Mike Catherwood.

Heidi: Hilarious dude. The one that really made me giggle was when he called Tristan “Lucky Charms”. LOL And may I just say that he can really pull off that short…body suit thingy that he was wearing. He was trying to be ridiculous, obviously, but I just kept thinking about what an awesome body he had. :-)

Courtney: Mike is seriously doing a disservice to the women of the world by not capitalizing on his fab form.  Case in point: I’m not really a “leg” girl (most regulars here can tell you I’m a pec girl – especially if a guy can make them dance), but I was marveling at how RIPPED Mike’s quads and hamstrings are.  Meeeeooowwww.  The whole “riotously funny” act is just icing on the cake.  Seriously judges (more specifically Carrie Ann…and maybe Bruno) – you couldn’t have ridiculously overscored Mike the first two weeks so we could have kept him around a bit longer? I don’t know too many people who would have been upset if Wendy had gone home earlier ;-)

Heidi’s Favorite Moment of the Night: Petra and Dmitry’s Dance to Josh Groban

Heidi: Okay, this clearly shows what a total SAP I am, but I just loved how Groban walked out there singing and Petra didn’t realize until Dmitry stopped her and pointed – the look on her face was just priceless. That woman is just an angel, I swear.

Courtney: I may have been rolling my eyes and saying “Surprise, surprise”, but I have to admit – Petra’s genuine look of surprise and delight was enough to make sitting through “You Raise Me Up” again worthwhile :-) Such a doll…her gratitude for everything in life is just beautiful. Wish we could have a celeb like her on every season!

The Absolute, Without a Doubt, Stupidest, Most Awkward Bit of the Entire Season, Maybe the Entire Series: Wendy Williams interviewing herself.

Heidi: And trust me when I say that it did NOT get less awkward on the second viewing. It might have been worse because you knew what was coming. For the love of god. The only thing I can’t decide is if watching her dance would have been worse…or better.

Courtney: Let me answer that last query of yours: it would have been worse to see her dance.  That was the only good thing about this gawdawful filler – at least we didn’t have to see her move awkwardly through another cha-cha, quickstep, or foxtrot.  But a singular version of Wendy is annoying enough – I did not need the plural.  And poor Tony had to sit there and play along with the whole shitshow.  FAIL.

The “Me? A Westler? Nope, Comedian is My Current Occupation” Award: Chris Jericho

Heidi: This dude proved to be one of the more intriguing and unexpected characters on this season. Some hard-ass wrestler dude? Nah, he’s a comedian who imitates Bruno and throws himself on the judges table so that Bruno can lay one on him. :-) The whole “rubbing my chest for no apparent reason” was just totally…right on. :-)

Courtney: Just like I wish Mike could have stuck around longer, I really wish we could have seen more of Chris, too – the guy was just so darn LIKEABLE. And his impersonations were spot-on – he really captured the nuances of both Len & Bruno’s accents perfectly.  *sigh* Somehow I think this season would have been slightly less agonizing to watch had we gotten more of Chris…

Real World Problem Award: Kendra falling off the judges’ table at the end of her samba

Courtney: Fact: drunken ass-shaking on elevated surfaces seldom ends well for us common folk.  But you’d think with a bevy of strong, coordinated, muscular guys there to catch her after she dipped, that Kendra would be in no danger of this kind of mishap.  WRONGO-BONGO!!! I’m still trying to figure out how she managed to nearly fall & bust her head open with 5+ able-bodied men within arm’s reach.  Can’t decide if they were just distracted (Teddy) or apathetic (possibly Tristan…;-)).

Heidi: They were trying to dodge pinches from Bruno and got distracted. :-) HEY, it’s not out of the realm – dude has been WAY out of control all season long.

June 2, 2011 I Written By

I'm a nerd and proud of it. Two degrees in geology also means I love BEER. :-) I'm also a Derek lover - proud of that too. So don't scream at those of us on this site and call us a bunch of "biased Derek-lovers" - it's just ME. :-) It may sound like I hate DWTS at times, but really, I'm just a snarky nitpicker from way back. And I'm cynical and jaded too. But I do love DWTS. :-)

DWTS12 Week 9 – The Cheesecake Awards!! (“F You!” Edition)

 Oy veh. This gets harder every week. Gawd. I’m praying for a return to some form of sanity this coming week. Maybe we should take bets on who wears what and dances how for the freestyle. I got dibs on Mark’s shorty pants and maybe some horn rimmed glasses. Either white socks or sparkly socks. I’m also thinking that maybe Maks and either Cheryl or Chelsie won DaD – if it were Mark and/or Lacey they surely would have blabbed by now. :-) Question: Did Maks fans get out the vote?? It’s not the number of fans you have, it’s how many are willing to kill themselves voting. Mark’s fans ARE willing. Are Maks?? I guess we will (maybe) see… On with the show…

Most In Need of a Flashing “Vacancy” Sign on Their Forehead: Brooke Burke

CourtneyDo I even need to touch on the whole coin toss fail? Probably not, but I’m going to anyway :-) I loved the look on Hines’ face as he muttered “Ummm…I think they actually get to pick first.” The expression was one of “God love her, she’s sweet and she’s good lookin’, but MAN, she’s clueless. I play NFL football – I’m kind of an expert on coin tosses.  I have a Ph.D in them, dammit.” Pretty sure this clip is going to be a viral sensation by the end of the week.  The second, perhaps less noticeable (but no less excusable) fail, was when Brooke was introducing Tayla Kelley, the girl with the immunodeficieny syndrome that danced with Lacey & Chelsie.  Apparentely the poor girl’s name was too much for Brooke to handle, because she definitely (noticeably) paused to look down at her cue card before announcing her name.  *sigh* FAIL.

Heidi: Oh, lord, now who’s psychic?? That’s nearly exactly what I was thinking watching it. Hines had this, “Ummmm…how do I break this to her…” look on his face. If there is anyone there who’s going to know the difference between heads and tails (regardless of the head), it’s Hines. As for her blanking on Tayla’s name – gun shy?? If only she hadn’t been so glaringly obvious with the note check. Geez.

The “Mama Didn’t Raise No Fool” Award: Warren Sapp

Courtney: Warren Sapp is no dummy – even he can see right through the nonsense that is the 15 point “winner take all” cha-cha.  Which is why I found it deeply satisfying that he chose to mention it (and by extension, chastise it) on the special freestyle hour prior to the results show.  I believe his words were something like “I didn’t have this 15 points y’all throwin’ around!” You know you’ve made a bad, bad decision when a contestant from 5 SEASONS AGO makes a point of mentioning it, LIVE, when he’s supposed to be chatting about his freestyle.  And Conrad, I’d take heed – Warren’s a pretty big guy.  He could probably cause grave bodily harm just by sitting on you.  You best not be the object of his ire. He’s like Madea or something – he’ll injure you AND make you feel guilty for being bad.  And be hysterically funny while he’s at it :-)

Heidi: He said, “I had to work for my second place” which literally had me on the damn floor laughing. Pretty much summed it up, big guy. But he did seem rather annoyed by it. I have a feeling this won’t be the last “I had to work for it…” comment out of former contestants.

Understatement of the Century Award: Brooke Burke for her whiny immitation of a large chuck of the DWTS Audience “I miss Derek.”

Heidi: Smartest thing you’ve said in a long, long time, sister. And you don’t realize how much until you see his freestyle with Brooke, which was likely his best, IMO. Damn, I miss him. At least with all the crap they’re throwing into this show I would have something pretty to look at if he was around. :-) Not to mention, great dancing. If only he could tweet worth a damn. Then at least I would see more pictures from his set.

Courtney: One of the things I hate most about Brooke is that even when she’s being honest & is speaking from her own heart & mind, she sounds scripted.  That’s what I thought about this – that maybe the folks feeding her lines up in the control booth were like “Tell everyone how much you miss Derek!” in an effort to draw the guy back to the show next season, despite the 3-ring circus it’s been this season.  So of course, she throws out a fakey-sounding “I miss Derek!!!” that just makes me think that she had nothing better to say, even if she really did mean it. As for Derek – honey, run for the hills – or be prepared to throw your weight around to get some changes made.  Grab Conrad by the (proverbial) balls and demand that he bury this damned “winner take all” dance forever, and that the judges get sent to rehab over the summer.  And maybe demand that Mark’s sparkly sock & flood pants budget be cut – that way he’s forced to dress normally, like the rest of the male pros :-)

Heidi: I think you have identified part of the problem. When Derek is around he DOES ask Mark what the hell he’s wearing and asks him if he’s crazy…and makes fun of him. Apparently that had a much bigger impact on Mark than we previously realized. :-D

Award for Pro Most Likely to be Suffering from a Head Injury: Mark Ballas “The freestyle is the time to go out of the box”.

Heidi: Um…Mark? Were you dropped on your head?? As my friend Dee so eloquently screamed on Twitter, “He’s been out of the box half the season!!!!”

Courtney: *shaking my head* If he thinks he’s been IN the box all season, then I am dreading to see him really & truly “out of the box”.  Can’t wait to see what that entails – Russian folk dancing? Pole dancing? A giant squid costume? Midgets on rollerskates? :-) In all seriousness though – freestyles that have been “out of the box” have generally not fared so well on the show.  I daresay going against the grain didn’t work for Marie & Jonathan and Erin & Maks. Like it or not, there is a certain formula that seems to always work for freestyles on this show: high-energy & upbeat, with eye-catching tricks, and a good, collaborative effort by both members of the partnership.   If Mark is planning on going against that golden formula (which has won him two MBT’s in the past, mind you), he could be setting he & Chelsea up for failure.  Now is definitely NOT the time to go slow, edgy, or bizarre.

Heidi: You’re right, of course, now that I think on it more. None of Derek’s nor Mark’s previous freestyles were what I would call “out of the box”. None of Kym’s either. I wouldn’t even really call Julianne’s terribly risky or outrageous. But they were all upbeat, high energy with good music.

Stupidest Producer Idea BESIDES the BonASS Dance, Week 9: Play by Play during the freestyles.

Heidi: I love Warren and all, but I really wanted him to shut the hell up so I could watch the dance again in peace. And do I even need to comment on the massive ego that is Donny Osmond? Dude, your Vegas show is re-opening…MOVE ON. Amazingly enough, the only one that worked was Brooke, because she wanted to watch her dance with Derek again as much as I did! Which of course, makes me think of the next award…

Courtney: I actually got kind of a kick out of Warren giving his commentary – it was done in a rather tongue-in-cheek fashion, where you could probably tell that Warren felt silly doing it and just decided to run with it :-) I was half expecting him to bust out with a “Boom goes the dynamite!” or “Whammy!” mid-commentary.  Donny – just, no.  Nuff said. Move on.  Apollo – zzzzzzzz.  Brooke – meh.  Was nice to see her unscripted, but it still smacked of cluelessness. 

Heidi: Apollo was on there?? Oh yeah, I have a vague recollection of saying “Apollo = Cute” on twitter before I took a bit of a nap. :-)

Best Freudian Slip, Possibly in the History of DWTS: Tom Bergeron, for (paraphrasing), “there’s where you needed the breast implant” when talking to Brooke during her Freestyle

Heidi: I would have to watch it again to get his exact wording, but I actually guffawed again when he said it. Totally Freudian and props to Brooke for rolling with it and snarkily correcting him. “That’s breast PAD, Tom.” Best work on DWTS she’s done since she did that Freestyle, probably. :-)

Courtney: Somewhat off-topic, but aren’t Brooke’s fake? And isn’t it kind of common knowledge? Cause the way she reacted, she made it seem like Tom was outing her as part of the Fake Boobie Brigade or something.  I could totally see her pulling Tom aside during the break and saying “How could you??!! Now EVERYONE’s gonna know my boobs are fake and I’m gonna be the laughing stock of this show!!!” No worries, Brookie – you’ve been the laughing stock for awhile now.  It’s nothing new :-)

Worst (Best???) Fashion Accessory, Week 9: Ralph Macchio’s “butt booster”; Honorable Mention: Brooke Burke’s “Boobie Butt”

Heidi: I confess I don’t know whether Ralph’s butt booster is “best” or worst because, while hilarious, it was kinda sad that you couldn’t be sure he was actually wearing a faux butt. Because, the man has no butt. Poor baby. Butt (heh) there to take all the spirit of fun out of it was Bruno the asshole and his diaper comment. Bruno, here’s a thought – put a diaper over your face and spare us your vile commentary, you little troll. Speaking of no butt – I only point out Brooke’s butt padding because it lead to one of the great Freudian slips of all time. :-)

Courtney: As one of the many Americans suffering from WGB Syndrome (white girl booty syndrome), I feel Ralph’s pain.  I myself have been forced to resort to “enhancements” just to fill out certain outfits on a few occasions – sucks that a lot of the clothing manufacturers don’t cater to the gluteally-deficient :-( And for those of you who follow me on Twitter, I’m sure you’ve seen me bemoaning the fact that the photographer definitely photoshopped my butt in my most recent photo shoot *sniff*.  But yeah, I digress – Bruno is a sleazebag and I could make a million & one distasteful jokes about his hindquarters and what he does with them…but I’m not gonna stoop that low.  :-) I gotta give Ralph props for playing along a bit and giving Bruno that adorable coy expression after Bruno’s inquiry about the diaper.  When you’re dressed up like Persian gangster, complete with silky shirt & chains, and you’re gyrating your fake butt to Pitbull – it helps to have a sense of humor :-)

Weirdest Freakin’ Rant in the History of DWTS: Maks, for “Stop reacting on my negative things in a negative way because then we both negative. One of us has to be normal”

Heidi: Um…Maks? Were you dropped on your head?? Dude, you realize I had to rewind that like four times to actually transcribe that whole bizarre, yet oddly amusing diatribe?? LOL. Weirdest of all – Kirstie understood what he was saying! She ALMOST starts laughing at him and then I think she realized that it’s not nice to laugh at crazy people.

Courtney: *still scratching head* WTF did he mean? Did it get lost in translation going from Russian to English? *shaking head* Guess I’m glad that Kirstie & Maks are so in tune with one another that she understood this without any explanation. 

Brooke Burke Question so stupid and redundant that even Kirstie had Nothing: “How do you like those 9’s???

Heidi: To which Kirstie responded, “um…YAY!!!” I mean, really, the voices in Brooke’s head have GOT to shape up because this is getting ridiculous. Surely there is SOMETHING else she can ask them about. Didn’t she just ask about their 9’s last week??

Courtney: Brooke had better shape up or get out.  This is her THIRD season doing this – she should be far better at it than she is at this point.  She’s like one of those Tickle Me Elmos that only can say like, 3 phrases – and she’s not as cute as Elmo.

May 21, 2011 I Written By

Ultrasound sales specialist by day, semi-knowledgeable DWTS fan by night...with a smattering of hair & makeup enthusiast, occasional model, and crazy cat lady peppered in to make things REALLY interesting ;-) I might pee my pants in happiness if Donnie Wahlberg ever does DWTS - or if they ever use "Sunglasses at Night" as a paso doble. Check out some of my other work at pureamericasgottalent.com!