DWTS Season 11, Week 5 – The Cheesecake Awards!!
Fasten your seat belts, kids, we’re in for a long and bumpy ride!!
Award for the Biggest, Fattest, Cheesiest Waste of Time this Season So Far: The Judges discuss the Contestants on Performance Night.
Heidi: This annoyed the living hell out of me. So, the producers need to kill a HALF AN HOUR to make it a two hour show?? And they do this by having the judges blather on about each of the couples. Then they show snippets of each the contestants dances that they think are their best ones?? HELLO?!?! We’re only in Week 5 – your audience isn’t THAT stupid (well, most of them aren’t, anyway). I will speak for much of the audience (going by the disgust being vented on Twitter) when I say – “we can make up our own damn minds about what we think are the best dances and who our favorite couples are.” ABC, find ANOTHER show to put in the slot where DWTS was and shorten the damn show as you lose couples. Gawd. My HD TV is much harder to watch with a shoe sticking out of the middle of it.
Courtney: I see you’ve resorted to the ol’ “foot through the TV” maneuver I’m so fond of, Heidi 😉 But I agree…good grief…I get home from a long (ok, it was only 3 days) trip away from home, anxious to watch the cache of DWTS fabulosity on my DVR, and what do I get? A half hour of worthless schlock from the damn judges before I actually get to see any dancing. Can we say filler? If I wanted to hear those 3 blather on any more than they already do when giving their post-dance critiques (and no, I don’t want to hear any more than that), I’d just download the Tiny Bruno app for iPhone…oh wait, already did 😉 IMO…waaaaay funnier than the real thing, and when you want it to shut up, you just close the app! BRILLIANT!
Award for Most Distracting Hair Styles: Derek Hough, for appearing to be a Brunette. Honorable Mention: Maks Chmerkovskiy for attempting a Snookie poof AND shaving
Heidi: Seriously, my twitter feed for PDH was clogged with people going, “DID DEREK DYE HIS HAIR??!?!” You’d have thought he’d broken an arm or something. Of course, my initial reaction to the hair was, “EEEP!!! NO!!” so I guess I’ve no room to talk. Then when I saw Maks I wondered what the hell was wrong with his face. It looked…clean. I don’t like it when it looks clean. I like the scruffy on Maks. And what the hell was up with the poof on the top of his head?? What was that supposed to represent?? Or has his tendency to throw other people under the bus caused his head to get pointy?? Like a Pinocchio thing only on the top of his head? 🙂
Courtney: I didn’t really notice Derek’s hair so much (sorry, the 5 hour drive had worn me out and I was just trying to stay awake and watch the performance show at this point!), but I agree that Maks definitely looked odd completely clean-shaven. Very…prepubescent. Were they going for the Chandler Bing look? I’m thinkin’ yes…would explain the slicked back pseudo-pompadour as well. Oh, the 90s…surprised they didn’t try to slap a “Rachel” wig on Brandy, or break out into an impromptu version of “Smelly Cat” in the middle of their quickstep. I would’ve given that dance a perfect score!!!
Award for Most Obvious Display of Dementia: Len Goodman – the whole show.
Heidi: Where do I start?? Len liked the monkey suit. HE LIKED THE MONKEY SUIT and then dissed Jennifer for holding a feather duster before the music for their dance even started. WTF?? He said their little bit at the beginning of the dance was too theatrical. ON THEME NIGHT. So I guess the monkey suit was a representation of Bristol’s song, but NOT theatrical?? And Brandy sitting in the audience with a lollypop was just good old “Friend”ly fun? Hey Len, why don’t you try talking to the producers and tell them to quit with the cheesy-assed theme nights if you don’t like the theatrics they naturally produce. If that doesn’t work, how about you get the stick out of your ass and at least attempt to judge all the contestants the same – don’t yell at Kyle and Jennifer for doing the exact same things as Brandy and Bristol. How’s that for a freakin’ start?? Any other night it wouldn’t have been as noticeable – but the MONKEY SUIT?? Are you f@#king kidding me??? I know you guys are always telling one couple one thing and then something different for other couples – but this is taking it to a whole new extreme.
Courtney: I’m still trying to figure out how lollipop = Friends nostalgia. A latte would’ve made more sense 🙂 But anywho…I digress. I think I just tried to tune out the judges as much as possible and focus on the mediocre dancing I was seeing. While I do agree that Len needed some Gerovital after being as much of a hypocrite as he was the other night, I think the monkey suits may have been the only things he saw as praiseworthy in that jive – and when I say “praiseworthy”, I mean “Wow, it’s a wonder you didn’t pass out just doing that short little bit of jive before you (unsuccessfully) tore off the monkey suits!” THAT was one of the worst jives I’ve ever seen…even Bolton didn’t don a monkey suit! And really, on TV theme night, when you’re expected to convey the theme you’re given…aren’t you kinda SUPPOSED to piddle around with props and shit? I mean, the way he’s putting it – lollipops and monkey suits = fun, but featherdusters & disco = WRONG. It’s like one of those weird analogies they give you on the verbal portion of the SAT. Then again, Len did pitch a fit about Mya’s featherdusting back in season 9…maybe he just has something against featherdusters? And maybe, by extension (no pun intended), feathered hair? Thus the dislike of Lacey & Kyle’s foxtrot? I’m reaching, aren’t I?
Heidi: A for effort, Courtney. A for effort. 🙂 It’s as good an explanation as any.
Award for the Most Awesome Display of Logic When Faced with Crack-addled Judges: Tom Bergeron – “Wait, didn’t you just want Bristol in the Monkey suit longer??!?!”
Heidi: Bless you, Tom Bergeron, for having a tendency to say exactly what I’m thinking at just the right time and with just the right about of amused indignation. Marry me. 🙂
Courtney: God bless Tom for making the judges feel appropriately nincompoopish. Reminds me of when the lovely Cat Deeley called the SYTYCD judges out on a rather hypocritical statement they made this past season…you could almost feel a collective “OOOOH! BURRRRN!” by the audience, and at that moment everyone wanted to be BFF with Cat. I want Tom & Cat to get married and have little TomCat babies that are fabulously charismatic and poised and ridiculously funny…but would they end up human redwoods like Cat, or pocket-sized like Tom? Hmmmmm….
Award for Ickiest Gross-Out Moment of Performance Night: Barry Williams/Florence Henderson
Heidi: The whole Barry/Florence aura and ensuing discussions was, frankly, way too much for me. Just. No. And how is it that Barry looks older than Florence?? Drugs?? No, seriously, I’m really asking. I have to give him props for the “He’s younger than BOBBY!” line though. LOL
Courtney: Barry just hasn’t aged well at all – and I would venture a guess that it was due to some hard-partying in his younger, handsomer days. He was pretty hot, by 60s & 70s standards! But even though she isn’t his real mom…there’s something icky of Oedipus proportions there that just makes my stomach churn thinking of those two doing…er, nevermind. Let’s pretend that didn’t just happen.
Award for the Hugest WTF??? in Costuming: The Monkey Suits. Honorable Mention: Florence Henderson.
Heidi: What exactly is going through Mark Ballas’ head that he would put Bristol in a monkey suit?? Please, someone, explain this to me. The only thing I can think of is that Mark always thinks “cartoon” when he hears the word jive – I mean, he usually dresses his partners like Minnie Mouse on crack for that dance. Maybe that was getting too boring and staid for him. So, he put a monkey suit OVER the Minnie Mouse on Crack. Two birds, one stone. Mark, start paying attention to Derek. He told you you were nuts (heh-pardon the expression) when you wore those little tiny red shorts to dance with Shawn and he said “never” to putting one of his partners in a monkey suit too. He shouldn’t have to tell you these things, really. But you know what? It runs in the family, because Ballas Senior had Florence Henderson dressed like Mrs. Santa Clause and that somehow signified “Brady Bunch” to him. Mrs. Clause on crack, I should say. Or a life sized Christmas package. On crack. Or a Scottish Highlander in the depths of winter. On crack. Or, like the sofa in Pee Wee’s Playhouse – look, you can sit on it AND it dances!! On crack.
Courtney: Crack is whack, Heidi. While you may be onto something with your Mark Ballas Cartoon Jive theory, I just think he’s given up to the point that he might actually be TRYING to get sent home…and what better way to get people to think you’re a total joke than to don a monkey suit? Hmmm…the tiny red shorts…as I recall, there was a suspicious bulge in them there shorts that ended up all over The Soup and Best Week Ever that week…but once again, I digress. Oh the housecoat that Flo wore…I don’t ever recall Mrs. Brady wearing one, but I think it was a Jan thing. She was always the dowdy one. That particular coat reminded me of these plaid nightgowns (with matching caps!) that my mom bought my sister and I for Christmas one year when we were little and insisted on taking oodles of pix of us wearing them by the Christmas tree. I don’t think I’ve ever recovered from that trauma…I still refuse to wear plaid…
Heidi: ::singing:: “I’m a lumberjack and I’m okay, I drink all night and I sleep all day.” Name that show…no, really, name it because I can hear the song but can’t think of the musical act. It’s the plaid’s fault.
Award for Tom Bergeron Line O’ the Night: “So we’ve learned that Tony got punked by Richard Gere.”
Heidi: Bwahaha…well, that’s what you get, Tony, for being a big ole cheesy name dropper AND torturing your partner by getting her to bite into an onion. Was that really the wife’s idea? If I were you, I would disregard what Gere tells you – especially if it has to do with hamsters. Word to the wise.
Courtney: HAMSTERS!!!! Bwahahahahaha. I’d like to also call this award the “Most Misguided Piece of Advice” award, because whoever told Tony that rubbish about onions & garlic before a love scene (pssssh, Richard Gere my ass! Oh wait…BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!) probably hadn’t done many love scenes in his or her day…because that would seriously make ANY costar recoil in disgust and dry up any ounce of romance in a love scene. But hey…maybe rodents dig onions and garlic 😉
Heidi: We are cracking me up. LOL. Bet we’re making John REALLY uncomfortable right now. 😉
Award for Highest Degree of Cognitive Dissonance in Costuming – Week 5: Kyle Massey
Heidi: And the internet screamed, “It’s ISSAC from the LOVE BOAT!!” So why were they dancing to Charlie’s Angels?? Of course, from a pair that didn’t know who the Eagles are I would expect them to also think that Charlie’s Angels were Drew Barrymore, Lucy Lieu and Cameron Diaz, not realizing we are talking TV THEMES, not the movies. HOWEVER, after Lacey’s simulating “Kids in the Hall” last week, I have to wonder if the production crew are having a bit of fun with this seemingly rather clueless pair. “Hehehe…let’s dress him as Issac from the Love Boat and tell them it’s Bosley from the TV show.” Um, no. Kyle, for someone in the entertainment business, I would think that you at least took a gander at Nick at Night or TV Land once in your short life.
Courtney: He looked like a strange hybrid of Isaac from The Love Boat, Shaft, and Richard Pryor pre-setting himself on fire. Oh, and vaguely like Jules Winnfield from Pulp Fiction (Tarantino represent!) without the potty mouth and the glock. I’m sure Lacey had something to do with it – you could tell she was just loving her little shampoo commercial moment with the wind blowing in her feathered blonde hair. Those two are attention FIENDS – I don’t think they even give a rat’s ass about what their costuming conveys as long as it’s attention-grabbing. And I am just so over the whole Charlie’s Angels craze – every damn wedding picture I see on facebook has all the bridesmaids striking the famous pistol-wielding pose, and I about wanted to smack both Chelsie & Kym (both whom I love) for doing the breathy “Hello Charlie” while striking that damn pose. It’s so over, ladies…don’t let Lacey (or the producers) convince you to do it again.
Award for Most Misplaced Celebraquarium Honesty: Bristol Palin. (Dis)Honorable Mention: Lacey Schwimmer.
Heidi: Bristol, I’m really not sure it’s a good idea to say, “The Jive SUCKS”. While I admire your honesty, crap like that always comes back to bite you. Like in a Lindy Hop/Jive Marathon, for example. As for Lacey, raucous laughter at your judge’s scores almost certainly guarantees your partner a 4 paddle next week unless you produce a killer routine. Well, I would look for a 4 anyway, Kyle and Bristol both, because I think the judges have realized that if they want the BAD dancers to leave before the GOOD dancers do, they have to score appropriately and lay off the drugs. Bristol should have gone home on Tuesday, but they gave her 6s – in watching the dance again, it was worse than I thought. They will want her or Kyle gone so prepare for the worst. Unless they don’t care if they lose Audrina, that is.
Courtney: For some reason, I kinda appreciated Bristol’s candor – poor girl has been pretty PC (and NOT in the literal sense…so help me god, the next person who tries to insinuate that the GOP is somehow behind Bristol’s every move is getting called out for their wanton idiocy – you know who you are) up until now, generally being pretty polite and quiet despite being embarassed or upset. Good to finally see some sort of strong emotion out of her. As for Lacey – I damn near put my foot through the TV when she decided to punctuate their receipt of their scores with raucous, arrogant laughter. And no, that was not nervous laughter – it was “Screw you, I’m awesome and you don’t know what you’re talking about so !$%@ off!” laughter. Lacey, if I were you, I’d reign it in – if this season’s scoring is any indicator, the scores can fluctuate suspiciously from judge to judge and dance to dance, for no apparent reason…just sayin’…
Heidi: Not to mention the fact that it’s only by the grace of God and Edyta Sliwinska that you are even ON the show this season.
Award for the Cheesiest Cheese that Ever Intentionally Cheesed: The Faux Commercials on the Results Show.
Heidi: Under the category of “they’re so bad, they’re good” we have a couple of commercials that actually cracked me up. I have to give Mark Ballas credit for guts going shirtless with torn pants in that Bruno commercial – and I’m totally not surprised that he was good at the Cheesy. The Easy Steps had Rick being hilariously cheesy and caused the internet to light up with offers to Derek. Everything from asking for overnight shipping to fights over who got him first. An estimated value of $150?? Not going by what I saw on twitter. But what really got me to laugh out loud was the VERY END of the David Hasselhoff commercial, where he pops into frame with a false mustache and says “Habla Espanole”. Hilarious.
Courtney: Mark looked far, far too excited to be doing that commercial 😉 And Lacey even pulled out her beloved razor blade bra for the occasion! I think Bruno sporting the wifebeater tank was a strategic move on his part to try and intimidate anybody still trying to avenge Bolton…look at those tan, oily guns! Oh Easy Steps…if only they could also make toast, balance my checkbook, and satisfy other urges…but I digress once more 😉 Poor Hoff – they had to throw him a frickin’ bone after the uber-early elim. This was the only way they could think of – but at least he seemed coherent, and pretty damn funny!
Heidi: Satisfying urges? I think you missed the part of Easy Steps where if you call within 12 minutes, you get a world class dancer for free. $150 dollar value. Since Derek is already being shipped overnight to me, I bet you could get, like, Jonathan or Alec. 🙂
The “Oh PLEASE Shut Up About Team Smurgles Already” Award: Kyle Massey
Heidi: Dear lord, does Kyle have Smurgles Tourettes Syndrome or what? Does that word just spontaneously burst out at least once per sentence?? Can we PLEASE make it stop????
Courtney: What the hell is a Smurgle? One of the Muppets? A type of hors doeuvre? The noise it makes when you put a straw in Jell-O and blow?
Heidi: The sound a wet fart makes? Oh. I think I just grossed myself out.
The Karma is a Bitch Award – Week 5: Tony Dovolani
Heidi: So there’s grumpy Tony back stage complaining that Carrie Ann “likes to go at me” and that “there was NO LIFT” and then a beautiful thing happened – those evil little producers whip out the instant replay which clearly shows both of Audrina’s feet off the ground. LOL!!! Hilarious. Dude, that’s twice this season that your mouth has gotten you in trouble – did you pee in the producers cornflakes?? Too much complaining about your typical quality of partner?? 🙂 Or are they just plain fun folks who like to embarrass those who make such definitive statements?? 🙂 I laughed like the evil wench that I am.
Courtney: Murphy’s Law of Lifting on DWTS: if you swear up & down there was no lift, they will go back and replay the footage in slow mo to prove you wrong. No amount of onion & garlic consumption could’ve saved you from that one, brah.
The Lon Cheney/Boris Karloff Award for being Krazy Scary (aka I am really a Wax Figure of Frankenstein Award): Corky Ballas
Heidi: Dude, did you SEE his barely blinking, grinning stare into the camera at the end of the show when Brooke was doing the spiel for each of the three couples standing up there?? It lasted forever. He was skerring me like crazy. I was thinking he was going to suddenly turn to Derek and strangle him and then carry either Florence or Jennifer off, grunting. I was looking for the bolts in his neck!! It was like someone said, “CHEESE” – he smiled and they shot him full of botox and he stuck that way. :::shiver:::
Courtney: I must’ve missed that part…thankfully…*shudder*
Costume Cheap Skate Award: Rick & Cheryl’s cop costumes
Courtney: Ok, it was blatantly clear to me this week that the costume department may have gotten a bit lazy and just run down to the Halloween store (hey, tis the season, right?) and bought some of this week’s costumes – because some of them looked downright low-budget. The worst offenders were definitely Rick & Cheryl – the wardrobe department may as well have used the store-bought variety (and maybe just bedazzled them) and saved a ton of money, rather than making these. Hell, they could’ve even saved a trip to the costume shop and picked up Rick’s cop costume at the same time they picked up the pimp suit for Chad’s jive last season. For those of you wanting to get the “Rick Fox in the key of Hill Street Blues” look (at a fraction of the cost!), simply go to buycostumes.com and snatch up the Sexy Policeman costume – it’s on clearance!!! Get it while it lasts, kids!
Heidi: Did they at least get some candy?? Candy sounds really good right now. You know those Reese’s Pumpkins that they have at this time of year?? Yup, that sounds good to me. Anyway, you know what it was – it was the bedazzled pocket. It ruined the whole look. 🙂
Most Head-Scratch-Inducing Analogy from a Judge: Len comparing Jennifer & Derek Rick and Cheryl to a “couple staying together for the sake of the children” during their foxtrotrumba
Courtney: Ok, I may be a divorce kid, but I’m not quite sure how a couple “staying together for the kids” would look dancing a rumba…would they be bickering the whole time? Crying? Apathetic? I’d rather see a rumba from a “couple who are expecting a baby but the father could be the husband’s twin brother” or a paso doble from “siblings who are on the lam for stealing a fortune from a wealthy banker” or a lindy hop from a “couple who are being torn apart by their flatulence”. Soooo much easier to convey, don’t you think? 😉
Heidi: How did this become a fart post? All the cheese? 🙂 But seriously, you said it earlier – Crack is Whack. Len, you aren’t Tom Bergeron. Quit trying.
Most Hilarious Analogy to Football from an Eastern European: Anna comparing Walter Payton to the 2 Russian dogs who went into space
Courtney: Reason #2,458 I love Anna: she’s unintentionally hilarious, and it usually stems from her Russian heritage. This was no exception…when Kurt throws out Walter Payton as a “legend”, Anna comes back with “those two Russian dogs who went into space”. I had to giggle – and god bless her, she stuck with it! She was adamant that those dogs were every bit as famous as Walter. I love how her Russianness seems to peek through in the cutest, funniest ways 😛
Heidi: OMG, you read my mind – I was totally googling “russian dogs” and laughing at Kurt’s immediate Walter Payton reference (he did a dance too – Google is your friend). Best part was their confessional the next night when Kurt was poking fun at Anna for totally calling out his walking in front of 20 million people and she’s making little tiny dog noises and he’s like “bad dog”. Hilarious. These two are pretty cute together.
That’s it for tonight, folks. And remember – CRACK is WHACK. 🙂
you really don’t come easy with lacey this time… LOL
I love her. Anyway.
As you do with Anna.
You both said it for me on Rick and Cheryl’s costumes soooo well!!!
ROTFL to Kyle looking like Isaac from LOVEBOAT! SO TRUE!!!!!
So much great great stuff Girls!! Excellent!
PS; I couldn’t agree more about the dirty Maks face too. I like it much better than the clean one. LOL!!!!!
PRICELESS!!!!
Adding: and oh, how I loved that bit with Kurt and Anna about Walter Payton too. She is so cute!!! I love that innocent blank stare she gave Kurt.
Thank you guys for the Cheesecake Awards, Heidi & Courtney I was cracking up!-LOL
Wanted to let you guys know that Len made that crazy comment staying together for the sake of the children to Rick/Cheryl, not Derek & Jennifer. Len has been really slipping these last couple of seasons.
I say Tony probably hates the instant replay person!-LOL Bad karma indeed!
Wasn’t Len’s critique of “staying together for the sake of the kids” for Rick and Cheryl’s rumba, not Jennifer and Derek’s foxtrot? I remember Bruno making some crack about how the kids would be gorgeous.
Also, I can’t be the only one who caught Lacey’s “Who’s Richard Pryor?” when either Carrie Ann or Bruno said that Kyle looked like Richard Pryor. After the whole Eagles nonsense this was just too much.
@Heidi – It’s the lumberjack song from Monty Python. And now I want a damn Reeses pumpkin/tree/heart/egg – all the same, just a different shape depending on the season. All derishious om nom nom nom nom nom!
Ok, really heading to bed now. G’night, fwiends 🙂
All is so funny! Let’s get a real look at this tho…since when did dwts become so campy? It has gone from a serious ballroom competition to a variety show. I’m not saying I don’t enjoy the comedy cuz I do, but it’s gotta be one way or the other people. TV Theme Week…I could go with the gorilla costumes , even if one gorilla lost her way, but then to judge another dance seriously gives the disconnect you are talking about. Campy – Flo’s arm rattling moves and dressing gown, farrah hair and fro doin disco, two cops bust it out in the locker room and of course, 2 apes jivin. OMG, add the infomercials – oy vey. It starts to make the serious routines seem just that – too serious. P.S. on a side note….there has been some stuff said about Maks and OMG that dude hides behind his Russian mask dissing the very things he is constantly called out on…not being racist at all – I’m Russian (not really) – but he needs to shut his pie hole.
Yummy as usual.
That Len may have an issue with featherdust has crossed my mind too.;)
I agree with Anna (this girl is so funny), I don’t know who is Walter Payton (nor Richard Prior by the way) but I know the story of the two russian dogs.
Aww, give Lacey a break, she’s just a kid you know. Even if you’re interested in music/movies/tv it takes a while to catch up on the history of it – and she doesn’t seem all that interested.
Ah i needed a good laugh after only getting 5hrs of sleep(dang er!!!!!) but i digress, I LOVED Anna’s thing with the 2 russian dogs who went into space. it just goes to show you not everyone knows football and “famous” and “star” vary in meaning depending on which country you is in. Anna is a great dancer though.
I go back and forth on Lacey, and it’s usually dependent upon her partners. This season, she is driving me crazy! I think the producers did quite a bit of Female Professional Shuffle pre-season, before the pairs were announced. From interviews and things, we know that Julianne WAS going to be on the show, but filming Footloose happened. And, we know that Edyta WAS going to be on, but dropped out. And, we know that Lacey DID announce on her twitter that they’d told her she wasn’t going to be on. So while I was reading the Cheesecake, and the stuff about Lacey, I thought that they had originally planned to pair Kyle with Julianne, and then when she couldn’t be on, they put him with Cheryl, which could have been a really good pairing, she could get him to settle, much more than Lacey. And, I think that Edyta was originally planned to partner Rick, since she is taller than Cheryl. So when Edyta dropped out, they moved Cheryl to Rick, and brought Lacey back to partner with Kyle. Lacey and Rick would have been a disaster. I don’t know what it is about Lacey, but it seems like she takes on her partners personas and personalities, and whatnot. So because Kyle is so immature, she’s suddenly showing more immaturity. And it’s becoming more irritating each week.
I’m liking Anna more and more, I love how she’s letting her personality shine through, I think she’s my favorite female pro on the show right now.
Heidi and Courtney, I’d love to see the Cheesecake you decided to not serve us!
Thank You, Heidi and Courtney!
Thanks Heidi and Courtney for the Cheesecakes. It was excellent as always and you both were cracking me up. I have to agree with you Dee, Tony probably hated the instant replay as karma sure got him this time.
Lori, I think you’re probably right except for the Julianne part – they knew she wouldn’t be able to do it well before they had the final cast in place. Hell, *I* knew it, because I was paying attention to what was happening with Footloose. Going by what they say about often not having the final cast until a week or two before the announcement, Footloose was scheduled to shoot way *before* that so they had to know that Jules wasn’t an option. I think when season 10 ended, and even well into the summer, they assumed Julianne would be back. But early on it fell apart.
I actually think they had the pairs all figured out minus Julianne when Edyta said NOPE and it threw everything into chaos.
As for the Cheesecake we didn’t go with, there was a ton of little stuff that we could have mentioned, but when compared with what we went with it just wasn’t very exciting. Like Brooke wearing another bondage dress. More Tom Bergeron stuff.
Well, that’s fine Johan, except she sounds like she wants to be in the entertainment business. One should be interested in the business they want to be a part of – know what I mean?
Of course!! Monty Python. I was much too tired to remember where that song came from last night. All that talk about plaid and it just popped into my head.
Damn, I want a Reeses Pumpkin. Very derishious.
Thanks Dee & ck410, you are indeed correct – it was Rick & Cheryl Len made the comment to, not Jen & Derek. I unfortunately only got to watch the performance show once before doing the cheesecake and some of my notes were incomplete 😛 And I myself may have been on crack last night when I was going on about Monty Python & Reese’s pumpkins…oy vey…
I totally agree, Lori – Lacey is driving me up the wall this season. You may be right about her taking on the personality of her partners, which could explain her immaturity this season – although I almost wonder if it’s just her trying to get back at the producers for not putting her on in the first place. Kinda like “At first you told me no, and now I’m back, so I’m gonna do whatever the hell I want!” Unfortunately, I think a lot of this “acting out” she’s doing is coming at the expense of her partner – I don’t think Kyle has really improved much since the first week, and each performance seems to get campier and more gimmicky…as if they’re sacrificing decent dancing for entertainment value. Which sucks, because I do think Kyle is probably one of the most naturally talented stars this season…had he gotten Chelsie as his partner, I think they’d be real contenders. But as it stands now – if Lacey doesn’t buckle down and get him to do some hardcore technique, I think they may be leaving us sooner rather than later.
And I have such a hetero woman crush on Anna, it isn’t even funny 😛 The other day I had to buy new moisturizer (because, in what’s becoming the story of my life, they discontinued the one I was using) and I ending up buying Boscia because I heard that’s what Anna uses…I tweeted to her that I bought it because of her, and she actually replied back and was like “Ohhh you totally have to try their eye cream, it makes me look well-rested when I’m tired!” So cute…and I was definitely starstruck 😉
Meesh, you make a very good (and disturbing) point about the campy factor. And now I’m concerned. I hadn’t thought of it before, but I don’t want it to go campy.
Unless you go way campy, or have a dance similar to Jennifer and Derek’s Argentine Tango, you could get lost in the over the top shit. Now I’m depressed.
As for Maks, what he (and his fans) always forget is that fans of other couples who get eliminated often decide to vote for other couples who are still on the show. If he keeps dissing just about everyone, he won’t be part of the couple who gets the votes from those fans.
Thanks for such a great post. Way to articulate every wacky and weird thing that happened. I forgot about Hoff coming in at the end of his commercial and speaking Spanish. I love how Anna, by virture of being a no-nonsense person (saying last season that her childhood in Russia was hard but good), kind of snaps us out of all the hollywood crap. It’s hard to imagine things getting more strange but I’m sure they will – and Tom is probably feeling like his ship has come in!
@Courtney – Totally understandable. Sometimes if I type e-mails late at night and go back and read them the next day I wonder what night-time me was smoking. heh
That being said, the title of that section still has Jennifer & Derek and “foxtrot” in it…
“Most Head-Scratch-Inducing Analogy from a Judge: Len comparing Jennifer & Derek Rick and Cheryl to a “couple staying together for the sake of the children” during their foxtrot” … and foxtrot shows up another time in the review.
LOL Courtney having a “hetero woman crush” on Anna!!
Okay, you two have outdone yourselves this time! (although you did have a lot to work with this week!)
Heidi, I loved your crack about Tony receiving advice from Gere re: hamsters! Priceless! You have a good memory because that urban legend was started decades ago.
Anna has become my fav female pro as well. Her personality is finally shining through. No wonder Jonathan loves her! And while I’m on the subject, more Jonathan please, producers!
Meggie, in a way, I do agree with you about Jonathan. I think he’s the best when he’s dancing with his wife, Anna. This season, though, while watching Corky with Florence, I’ve REALLY miss him…. I kept thinking that Jonathan would have given a partnership with Florence a lot more class that Florence deserves than I feel Corky gave her. My opinion.
Speaking of Corky, I’ve seen him on two shows this week, The View and Jimmy Kimmel, and both times when he was asked what it was like to go up against his son, Mark, on the results show ( because they both had low scores), he ignored that question and preceded to say that he had TWO sons on the show because he had raised Derek from the age of 10. Now Derek was “in jeopardy” with him on Tuesday, but it just seemed weird that he would totally dismiss the question about Mark and bring up Derek on his own. If I were Mark, I would be a little ticked.
I don’t know, Meggie, that does seem a little suspect, and it has basically solidified for me, something that has been nagging me lately. Honestly, in Season…… 7 (?) when Corky was on the show with Cloris, I don’t remember him stressing the fact that Derek was also his son. He could have, but I don’t remember it. So, why on earth would he be stressing that now? It just makes me a little suspect, and I don’t think I will go any further right here, with my suspicions about why. And yes, Corky not answering the question… Well, I better shut up. Corky is a very good dancer, and yes, he’s trained (or raised) most of the professionals on the show, and those who used to be on the show, and I cannot ever doubt his skills on the dance floor. The rest?
HaHa Lori…do tell – you’ve peaked my interest…
Meesh, I think this could be one time that it’s best to say nothing.
Derek put in LYRICAL dance moves into part of the Foxtrot, moves that where not related to Foxtrot at all. That is why they where marked down. And Jennifer wasn’t smooth enough, Carrie Ann criticized her dancing, so it was not just the choreography, the overall dance was not that good.
Also the Quickstep is faster and more technical than the Foxtrot which is why Brandy and Maks got marked higher.
Meesh, to add… I probably should have edited myself sooner, but I sometimes forget that this is a public site, and everything we post is able to be found on Google. I’ve had times where I have done a google search on something else, and had this site come up in my search results.
I wouldn’t want to accidentally say something that would have a negative impact on the show, or one of our Pros…
No, Karla, Len specifically made a comment about the feather duster. No way around it. Apparently a lollypop while sitting on your ass in the audience for 12 bars is okay, while using a feather duster before the music even starts is not. You can try and revise history all you want, but Len clearly called out the feather duster AFTER enjoying TWO dances that also had extraneous crap in them, one of which was a MONKEY SUIT. I don’t care if Jennifer wasn’t as on time (and she wasn’t) as normal. That is so not the point. You are the one in this instance that keeps trying to make it Jennifer versus Brandy (or Derek versus Maks), when it’s not. It’s a about what extraneous crap is okay (lollypop and monkey suit) versus which extraneous crap is not okay (feather duster and too much disco) in LEN’S eyes. ON THEME NIGHT of all times.
As for faster and more technical? Bull. I don’t believe that’s ever been a consideration before between dances on one night. They’ve never scored someone better because their STYLE of dance was supposedly more difficult. If they scored based on that they would always have the dances that are supposedly technically more difficult at the top of the leader board – and that’s just not the case. I’ve always heard that rumba was the most difficult out of the ones on Monday – yet the closest the good rumba got to the top was a tie for 3rd place.
The foxtrot not that good? It was good enough for a 25 and I was fine with that score, since Jennifer was rushing a bit. I was NOT fine with Maks/Brandy’s 27 – too high for a dance that Maks typical time wasting moves at the beginning and end. I wouldn’t even have cared about that (that’s the way it goes after all) if Len hasn’t been such an obvious hypocrite about the whole thing. As for lyrical moves – if no one used lyrical moves this would be a boring damn show – there’s nothing wrong with them at all as long as you have content. Most of Derek’s dances are extremely lyrical, which is why I like them – but lyrical does not mean NON-technical. Frankly, Maks and a few of the others could use some lyrical.
Meggie, that struck me as very, very obvious too and I also have a theory on why that is. And I’m also not inclined to share it in public. 😉 I bet I know exactly what Lori is thinking – I have a feeling we are sharing a brain on this one. 🙂
Well let’s just say that Corky didn’t want to choose between Mark or Florence in his response, so he used Derek as a decoy. There case solved! 🙂
I also noticed Corky emphasizing the two sons thing, which seemed odd to throw that out there so emphatically, but honestly I have no freaking clue what that means. I must be missing something here. Boo 🙁
Great stuff! Would love to hear your other thoughts on Tom; maybe he deserves his own post this week? 😉 He probably deserves it every week (love him), but I know there are only so many hours in a day.
I, too, was struck by Corky bringing up Derek as one of his ‘two sons,’ but have no idea what it means. Corky strikes me as really false and forced; not sure why, but I get the vibe he shouldn’t be trusted. Florence sure seems to love him, so maybe I shouldn’t be so skeptical? Would have LOVED to see what she could have done if paired with Jonathon.
Eh, I figure Corky didn’t want to necessarily be associated with a Monkey dance. It was assine and an insult to ballroom dancing. Sure he’s proud of Mark, but maybe not his choices right now, especially when everyone everywhere is wondering what was he thinking! And Derek? Well, Derek is the best ballroom dancer on television these days. Who wouldn’t be proud to have raised him?
So much for unconditional love – I think I’ll just bring up the one who has the higher profile right now! Is that what you mean??
Let’s just say he’d rather be a Monkey’s Uncle than a Gorilla’s Daddy.
Yeah I thought his motivation for mentioning Derek were simply bragging rights because of how talented he is, rather than some other salacious reason. Does this have to do with his womanizing rumors? My curiosity is definitely piqued.
Heidi it’s just a dance, I do not know why you are so over the top. Jennifer and Derek wasted over 12 bars on nothing, Brandy and Maks did not waste that much time. Apart from the quick lollipop moment, the rest of it was Quickstep. Not theatrics, not lyrical, it was Quickstep. You where the one that made the comparison between Brandy and Maks and Jennifer and Derek.
This is not So You Think You Can Dance, this is a ballroom and latin dancing show, and lyrical has no place. No, Maks, should continue with ballroom and latin. Why bother with lyrical, it takes away from the authenticity of the dance.
Wrong again, Karla – Maks and Brandy wasted just as much time as Jennifer and Derek – hell, at least Jennifer was standing up dancing back and forth in front of Derek. The ONLY comparison between Jennifer and Brandy is in how LEN reacted to them. That was my point, that has always been my point. I don’t really understand why this is so difficult for you to understand. Is your Maks bias getting in your way? 😀
As for your opinion on lyrical and whether it has a place and whether it’s authentic – I’m not even going to discuss it with you any further. I’ll just say that Derek seems to score high frequently on his lyrical dances on DWTS (from Len too – see last seasons Foxtrot), so perhaps your characterization of the show is out of place. And how, exactly, is sitting on your ass playing with a lollypop authentic ballroom?? Or how about holding a menu while dancing??
Oh, it’s not salacious Figamentation. You’re on the right track, I would just go into more detail about Derek and his potential future. Corky would be in a position to know what he’s got lined up, after all.
Bwahaha Andie. Now that you mention it, Derek does look a bit like a monkey in this post we have getting ready to hit the site…
Hieid I counted 4 bars for the lollipop thing, Jennifer and Derek at least 12 bars. I am not biased towards Maks, I am supporting him and Brandy because I think they are the best couple, most improved. I support different Pros/couples every season, not just Maks. Do not try and turn this around on me. I think you are totally wrong.
Heidi, part of my opinion on the subject of Corky and all that has something to do with those articles, one that Corky did, and the immediate follow up by Derek, with totally opposing views on a certain subject. And yes, the fame and potential thing…
Karla, for someone trying to make a valid point – you’re going about it the wrong way. Telling someone they’re “totally wrong” is not going to lend any validity to your claims, and accusing Heidi of being “over the top” while you yourself continue to argue is just the pot calling the kettle black. As for the “great lyrical dance step debate of 2010” – I do feel the need to point out that 1) DWTS has NEVER been a “serious ballroom competition”, as the pros have taken quite a few creative liberties with the dances (and often gotten praised for it), and 2) Maks himself did a LYRICAL/contemporary freestyle last season. If you’re gonna hate on Derek for allegedly doing it for he & Jen’s foxtrot, you may as well write off Erin & Maks’ freestyle as well.
As for the whole Corky thing – I’ve worked with the guy on some of my routines, and while I think he’s often a brilliant choreographer, I will say this: he’s smarmy. Something about him just seems very…sketch.
I am calling her out because it is ridiculous. Jennifer and Derek did nothing with 12 bars in comparison to Brandy and Maks who did 4. The Judges scoring was fair. Lyrical in the FREESTYLE round where you can do anything is quite different from doing lyrical in a Foxtrot.
“This is not So You Think You Can Dance, this is a ballroom and latin dancing show, and lyrical has no place.”
Funny how you mention that lyrical is ok in the freestyle round after making a blanket statement like the one above…and after I pointed out that all the pros (Maks included) have been guilty of it to some degree – hell, I don’t even think they should feel guilty about it. But once again, Karla, I can see you’re bound and determined to have the final word. However, be warned – you’re pushing the limits of voicing your opinion, to the point that it’s looking to me like harassment…eliminate words like “wrong”, “ridiculous”, and “stupid” from your comments about other posters or I will delete them for you. No one here is wrong, ridiculous, or stupid – we all have differing opinions. Let’s voice them maturely.
Well, you count differently than me, that’s for sure Karla – and you continue to totally miss the point. Perhaps willfully? AGAIN, the point is that Maks had superfluous crap at the beginning of his routine. Mark and Bristol were wearing monkey suits (aka superfluous crap). Lacey and Kyle tried to represent Charlie’s Angels. Audrina was lounging in a chaise. Derek and Jennifer started with a 50’s tv sitcom. ALL OF THIS happened on TV THEME night. Yet, ONLY Jennifer and Kyle are called out for it. That is total idiocy. Now why do you continue to argue ANOTHER point which wasn’t even up for debate until you made it up for debate?? What exactly is your problem and how many times do I have to continue to explain this to you? I’m beginning to think that you just want to argue over poor widdle Maks. How else do you explain it?? And don’t even start trying to claim you don’t have a bias – if you didn’t we wouldn’t be having this discussion.
As for Brandy and Maks being the most improved? Well, they had no where to go but up. But I wouldn’t call it a victory just yet. I think she still has a chance to win it if only because Jennifer is 20 years older than her and Audrina is too boring.
Karla’s calling me out??? LOL!! Um, okay.
Karla, you made me go back and watch it. Oh, you’re not going to like what I have to say. Not only did they waste time with the lollipop, they ran over to start, but didn’t start, they twisted, which has nothing to do with Quickstep. Then when they got into hold her arms are not resting properly on him, at times BOTH his and her posture dropped, the runs they did were fine, but then they run up the stairs, a few side chassez’s on the stage and then they hop down on the stairs, not in hold again that has nothing to do with Quickstep, then they grab each other’s had and run back to sit down, wasting more time Not doing Quickstep. So out of a minute and 30 sec. a good 30-40 sec. has nothing at all to do with Quickstep…oh and there’s a pass where she swings her leg over his thigh. NOT part of Quickstep syllubus. It wasn’t even Lyrical dancing, it was some sort of theatre piece, but the Quickstep was in short supply.
Courtney FREESTYLE you can do anything, any style of dance. Since when did a foxtrot become lyrical? If Maks had put lyrical in the Quickstep you would be calling him out.
Heidi, I am counting accurately. Len also said, 12 bars Jennifer and Derek. Kyle was called out because it was supposed to be Foxtrot and there where loads of disco in it. Jennifer was called out because the dance had lyrical in it. Brandy and Maks may have handed each other a lollipop at the beginning and end, but that was it. The rest of it was Quickstep, there was no lyrical or any other type of dance style. Also, Len probably ignored it because of the improvement factor.
I know you have to defend Derek because you run Purederekhough so it’s in your direct interest for Derek to win.
I think the voting public like it a lot more if you improve throughout the season. Carrie Ann is always talking about a storyline. I am biased towards Brandy and Maks, but you are towards Jennifer and Derek.
I do not think Audrina can win even though she is good dancer. I think Brandy has a major chance, because also a lot of people want to see Maks win and he has not won yet, and Brandy is his best chance since Mel B I think. I think Rick and Kurt also could. And Jennifer.
Can we move on now?
Andie regarding the technical aspects of the hold, I watched again and saw nothing wrong. Len is always going on about the technical, so I think if there is something wrong he would of mentioned it. The run across the floor took about 5 seconds. The beginning from when the music started took 10 seconds. No where near what you are estimating. You are like tripling the time.
Jennifer and Derek, although I do not think Len liked the whole feather dusting thing, I think he had more a problem with the lyrical choreography of some of the dance.
Karla there were two runs, a twist, a run up the stairs, a hop down the stairs. And her dance position was sloppy, so was Maks’ for that matter.
And there were dance moves that were not Quickstep moves. Maks hates the Quickstep, and it shows.
Andie The running, the lollipop, it was in total 15 seconds. Their hold was not sloppy. Maks hates the Quickstep? Where do you get that from?
Karla, Len also said that Jennifer was using the feather duster during the dance when in actuality she put it down almost immediately after the music started. So, going by him is not a good idea. Again, why do you insist on making this about Maks versus Derek?? This is about Len being on crack – that you can’t see that (and conveniently ignore Bristol’s monkey suit in your argument) makes me wonder what your issue really is. As for me only arguing for Derek because of PDH – well, I”m arguing AGAINST LEN and you are arguing FOR Maks. So you are once again on another planet in this argument.
As for what the voting public likes best, I think you forgot who won last season. 😀 But you keep selling yourself these ideas – I don’t see many people buying. I think maybe you spend too much time in the ABC Boards mosh pit where reality doesn’t really exist.
This is boring. Len likes what he likes. It’s also just likability of a certain dance. He just liked Brandy and Maks’ dance more than Jennifer and Derek’s. Regarding gimmicks, the beginning of Jennifer and Derek’s Argentine Tango by the piano and playing the piano, had nothing to with the dance…. and that scored high without a mention, but I will not go into that. LOL.
I supported Nicole and Derek last season. Nicole was a much better dancer than anyone else that season and people underestimated her fanbase. This season is a lot more equal.
So, you realize that you can’t win an argument on merit so you so you call it boring and change the subject again?? Bring up a dance on another theme night where no one got called out, which again implies that you have NO CLUE what the topic actually is?? Congratulations, you’ve officially become a waste of everyone’s time and worthy of being ignored.
Deleting my post because I said Heidi is rude? What happened to free speech.
I have tried to end this conversation and yet Heidi you seem to want to continue. If your problem is with Len, take it up with him. I am not interested in going on and on and on and on over the same thing.
Blogs don’t have free speech. Period. You want to end this conversation? Don’t keep responding to people’s comments. Or do you have an obsessive need to have the last word? Remember, YOU want to end the conversation. I DARE you to not respond.
At least you’ve finally figured out what the topic is – that’s a start I suppose.
Lori and/or Heidi -Re: Corky and the two sons comment: I don’t suppose you’d like to tell me how to find these articles you refer to; then I can form my own opinion. I assume they’ re public articles, so you can be blamed for nothing. Then I can make up my own mind, as to what to think!
Karla,
I just want to say that I quite love Maks on the dance floor, in his style.
Maks said in Season 5 that he hates the Quickstep. He’s a latin specialist and he’s fabulous in the Latin section. I could watch him Mambo all day. But, guys like Maks and Dmitry however handsome, do not do what “10 dancers” can do. Or guys like Johnathan when it comes to the American Smooth Standard section. Maks and Dmitry draw a latin line in their movement, their upper body is not used to the carriage and the hold in the way a Standard specialist can smooth it out. That’s why it’s such a treat to watch Johnathan in his element, unfortunately for me, the opportunity is few and far between.
And for the record, harping on Foxtrot being too lyrical is a bit amusing, especially American Smooth is very much akin to a lyrical quality. American Smooth was developed quite apart from International Standard because American Smooth is based on the theatrical quality that Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly brought to the movies. Thats why, with American Smooth, you’re allowed to break hold and change up your dance position. In international standard it is quite prescribed and you don’t break hold. What Derek and Jennifer did out there was theatrical, but it’s not without Fred Astaire setting the precident.
Quickstep is the only true International Standard Dance left in the competition. I was taught International Standard, and Houghs and Ballas’ in England would have been taught this standard as well.
Meggie, Lori might be able to tell you – while I remember reading them that’s not really what I was referring to with my comments and don’t actually remember where they were from.
Karla, in my opinion, what I see as the problem, is the inconsistencies with the judging. And, THAT, I think, is what Heidi is trying to point out. It happens time and time again. One pair gets docked for something that another pair is allowed. It’s not consistent, and there are weeks that I watch the show, and wonder how they judge, because it isn’t consistent from the beginning to the end of the show. And, how many times have the judges totally confused the contestants, when they harp on having to work on something, and then tell them the total opposite…
This isn’t about Derek and Maks, it’s about THE JUDGES! In this case, Len… It’s not about foxtrot and quickstep, lyrical, theatrical, standard, strict to the books, loose interpretation…. It’s about Len telling some people one thing, and others the total opposite in the same show.
What they SHOULD do, in my opinion, and I know they won’t, because it wouldn’t make good ratings, is to state exactly what will, and will not be allowed on theme nights…. Are they allowed to set the story, and exactly how long should it be? What props are acceptable, and what props aren’t acceptable? What kinds of things may be added to the choreography to enhance the story, and what kinds of things may not? How much will be deducted, a total point, or a partial point? Set it out for all to see before they step on the floor, so they know what to expect when they’re judged, and we, the viewers, know what to expect, and we won’t become confused (because I was) when there seems to be no consistency.
It’s about what’s fair. Period.
I thought Kyle looked like Linc from “Mod Squad”.
Yeah…what a confusing night….
Didn’t Linc wear glasses?? Or am I confusing him with someone else??
I have a disturbing well of random information regarding pop culture and urban legend (mainly because I read A LOT) but I have the strangest gaps in that information. Bad RAM?? 🙂
Woohoo back from Happy Hour and can’t even read thru all these posts but I’m just gonna say it…do we think Corky is aligning himself with Derek as he sees his future holding a much larger picture than his own. Its the age old case of the mama cheerleading coach pushing her cheerleader cuz she never made it. Are the opportunities coming fast and furious to one and not the other? Are they getting the bigger opportunities? Time will tell – are we right or just jaded? We nailed him girls
Dude, the biggest shocker of the night was finding out that Bruno was BUFF. And I was reading the little “discussion” between Heidi and Karla, and I got really confused quickly, since it was SUPPOSED to be a discussion about Len not following the “crack is whack” law, but instead it turns into a discussion about Brandy, Maks, Jennifer, and Derek, and each woman’s bias towards them? Ummm… that did not have anything to do with the subject. AT ALL. Good job Heidi for trying to veer the subject back to Len, though. I can tell that she was like, “OH MY GOD, LET’S JUST END THIS ALREADY!!!!!!” I was thinking the same thing.
The filler at the beginning of the show was so… annoying. I usually don’t notice that something is filler until someone points it out, but this one was really obvious. There’s a reason I watch DANCING shows. TO WATCH SOME DANCING, not judges saying worthless crap that no one is listening to. Although I do like Carrie Ann, and Bruno cracks me up, but it’s Len that REALLY gets to me…
Notes:
– Heidi, in case you didn’t notice, you spelled “lollipop” wrong. A lot of times, actually. But all is forgiven. 🙂
– Don’t be afraid to add the “uc” in “f@#king.” HA. HA… HAAA!!!!
– It’s actually Team SCHmurgles, and I have no idea where they got that from. And come to think of it, it kind of does sound like a wet fart… EW.
I could’ve sworn that Tom said, ““So we’ve learned that Tony got tongued by Richard Gere.” Regardless, he made me laugh out loud! Love your blog – I check it regularly throughout each season.
Lola, you slay me. 🙂 Are you sure you’re only 13?? You seemed to grasp the topic better than some of your elders. 🙂
I put the word fuck in posts from time to time – mainly to disturb John. 🙂 You can’t do it all the time or the word loses it’s power. As for Lollipop – well, I really want to type SUCKER, but figured people would get confused and think I was talking about something else. 🙂
LOL Sherri – that would have been way more exciting – for Tony. LOL 🙂
Lessee, Heidi… I was born in 1997, my birthday is October 8… you do the math. 🙂