DWTS Season 16, Week 2 – The Cheesecake Awards!!
Title is kind of a lie – there’s some week 1 stuff in here too. π As I usually do at the start of each season, it’s time for me/us to warn you. These awards are sometimes humorous, tongue-in-cheek, sarcastic and sometimes they’re b*#chy and sometimes they’re just weird. My point is, if you are overly sensitive about comments made about your favorite, you best not whine. You’ve been warned and NO ONE is immune.
On with the show…Not much in week 1 but these first two awards:
Tom Bergeron Line O’ the Night, Week 1: “Victor’s story is not that unique…we get most of our cast when their judgement is impaired.” Honorable Mention: “I’ve been watching Giggy all day and I think he’s hammered!”
Heidi: HEY!! He shouldn’t say stuff like that in front of Andy! Heh. Anyway, good ole Tom. He was on a roll for night one!! I have to agree about Giggy. Is that dog of an advanced age?? Cuz he’s either hammered or very sleepy all the time. π
Courtney: ZOMG, that’s sooooo offensive…it very well might send Andy scrambling to the closest bar! Seriously, the way some people are fancying themselves Dr. Drew and getting all up in arms on Andy’s behalf is just nauseating. But I digress….yeah, Tom’s pretty on the money, because with all the trickery going on at DWTS these days, one would have to be under the influence of some substance in order to agree to do it. As for Giggy – Giggy’s pretty sedate most of the time on RHOBH too, so I don’t think it’s anything new…that pooch is just so used to getting carried everywhere and sitting on everyone’s laps that he doesn’t really need energy π
The “It Sucks to be in the Troupe” Award (aka Biggest DWTS demotion this season): Sasha playing pooch butler…or is that Footman? Bellman!! That’s it!
Heidi: Can’t you hear production? “Sasha, we want you to wear a hotel Bellman’s uniform and tote Giggy around all day.” To which Sasha should reply, “Are you F#@king kidding me??” It may have been a super demotion, but it did crack me up. π
Courtney: He probably had to repeat in his head “I will do anything to be a pro. This is just another stepping stone to being a pro. Eyes on the prize, Sasha. You carry that pooch like a bellman at the Plaza Hotel and soon that MBT will be yours!!!”
Production Muppets Snafu O’ the Week (2): The piss-poor acoustics onstage when Tom & Brooke announced the first batch of safe couples
Courtney: It blows my mind when things this ridiculous happen – this is one of the top shows on television, and they have a pretty huge budget…yet they still can’t seem to get an effective sound system that allows the couples to ACTUALLY HEAR what the hosts are saying when they’re standing onstage? It took 3 tries before Ingo & Kym only kind of heard they were safe…and poor Wynonna was still standing there going “Huh?” and had to be told by Tony that they were, in fact, safe. Listen here, Muppets: get your sh*t together. It wastes time, and likely grates on the nerves of both the couples and the viewers when they have to hear the same thing repeated 3 times before it finally registers. Lock it up.
Heidi: Oh, I don’t know. I LOVE hearing Brooke’s monotone (although compared to Aly…I’m going to have to find a new word for it) voice saying “Ingo and Kym! Ingo and Kym….INGO AND KYM!” π No, not really. I was waiting somewhat patiently, though, for her to add “Dumb ASS”. π Now THAT would be exciting. You would think after 15 seasons on the air they would have this crap figured out by now.
The “Too soon?” Award: D.L. for his “We were impersonating Whitney and Bobby” Comment.
Heidi: Um, yeah. Tacky. And really not that funny. So why would you reuse it? Trying too hard.
Courtney: If he really HAD to go for some pop culture reference to warring couples, he should have gone with Ike & Tina…that has at least had some time to marinate. Or better yet, Breezy & Ri-Ri circa 2009…because they’re supposedly all good now. Pssssh….I wish more people would put those two on blast for being colossal asshats…
Most Boring Attempt at Endearing a Celeb to the Audience: The clip of Aly unable to find Mark; (dis)honorable mention for D.L.’s “interesting analogies”
Courtney: I can’t be the only one that thought “Really? This is the most interesting clip of Aly from the past two weeks that they could dig up?” Guess it’s a bit of a testament to the fact that Aly is, unfortunately, kind of boring so far. A 45-second clip of Aly just saying in a calm, monotone voice “I can’t find Mark. I don’t know where Mark is.”? Was that somehow supposed to make me say “Awwww, that Aly Raisman, she’s so quirky and cute and lovable! She couldn’t find Mark! BAHAHAHAHAHA! How adorkable!”? Cause it really didn’t. It just made me kind of a sleepy, and confused as to why they made such a big deal out of that clip. Hey Muppets, why not just show a clip of her ordering a Diet Coke for lunch…but getting a regular Coke by accident??? HILARITY!!! Or Aly accidentally wearing unmatching socks! OMG, LMAO. I’m sure she’s a very nice girl, but seriously – these are some hella pedestrian clips they’re throwing out, and I think it’s a feeble attempt at trying to make Aly seem human and relatable…except that she’s just so sedate and calm that nothing really phases her. As for D.L. – they acted like that clip of him talking about going “from Bobby & Whitney to the couple from Silver Linings” was some huge revelation…but I didn’t think it was really any different from what he said right after his dance. Were they just hard-pressed for clips of D.L. that were actually tv appropriate? Or are some members of this season’s cast just THAT un-interesting? π―
Heidi: Every time Aly speaks I become convinced that she’s rehearsed what she just said, like, 500 times. There is literally NO inflection to her voice. At all. She makes Brooke seem exciting. I would bet big money that she’s had serious media consulting without any coaching on DELIVERY. In any case, I’m pretty sure that it would be way funnier to see Mark wondering where the hell Aly is. Okay, so not really. :::sigh::: That’s some boring shit right there. Mark, could you throw a tantrum or something? I’m at a loss here. And D.L? It wasn’t that funny the first time. And that clip of him talking outside?? Not that interesting. Even stupider was Brooke turning to Sean and Peta after DL and starting the whole Murgalo discussion – like it’s some worldwide viral craze. Please. Get real. That stink I smell is your desperation, Sean (and Peta) – you ain’t standing out and you’ll try anything, eh?
Courtney: I about choked on my Sleepytime Tea when Peta was talking about how it had “really taken off” and “become a craze”. Ummm, no – PLANKING really took off. BATMANNING (which, by the way, was invented at my alma mater, Purdue ;-)) was a craze. Owling, photobombing, Jolie-ing, and Harlem Shaking are all internet fads – Murgalo-ing is something that you two knuckleheads are desperately trying to make a “thing” because your dancing so far is pretty mundane. It’s not even particularly creative – it’s planking with your ass in the air. Courtney law: it is not an internet fad until a famous person posts a video/picture of themselves doing it WITHOUT BEING PAID TO DO SO. So until I see Archbishop Desmond Tutu, Ron Perlman, or Grumpy Cat Murgalo-ing, I am going to continue to deride both it and Team Murgalo…because this ish is kind of silly. π
Best Strategy to Appeal to the Judges that Has Nothing to Do with Dance: Lisa Vanderpump & Gleb Savchenko, for plotting for Lisa to seduce Len
Courtney: Now here’s an example of a clip that DOES endear a couple to an audience, and actually makes me chuckle π For as self-conscious as Lisa is when she’s dancing, she’s a cheeky little thing off the dance floor – and I must say, I don’t think another contestant in DWTS has even come close to making Len blush like Lisa did. Methinks Len maybe have been reconsidering his most recent marriage for a moment there, with as twitterpated as he looked…who wants to place bets on whether or not Lisa will get a miraculously higher score from Len next week? π
Heidi: I’m quite certain that Len completely forgot he was married until Tom reminded him. π Good ole Len was red. I loved it.
Pro Dance Choreography FAIL of Week 2: Val popping out of the center of all the women in the opening pro dance, imitating Maks; (Dis) Honorable Mention: The women for (again) resorting to a bump and grind opening.
Heidi: While this dance was a VAST improvement over those that have opened the show since the creation of the Troupe, this one still had a ton of issues, not the least of which there being too many damn people on the floor. But seriously, what was that opening bit with Val doing the whole eyebrow thing?? A tribute to Maks?? Sorry, but I’m betting few got it or cared and it just looked stupid as hell. This is what happens when you leave Val alone in LA while the other male pros are on the road with their celeb (Derek, Tony, Mark) – he thinks he’s the star and gives himself a spotlight. Then the women, as is their way when left in a group together, decided that they were so hot that they wouldn’t bother choreographing dance moves and would just resort to the tired old bump and grind. I find it interesting that they resort to this all the time when left alone, where as the men actually choreographed some nice dancing for themselves. Of course, there was all kinds of crazy shit going on in the dance too…Derek and Tony on the judges table? WHY? The only thing I can think of as an explanation for how poorly they were used in the dance was that Derek was out of town so much of the time, as was Tony. Then of course there was that little “tuck and roll” mishap by Derek (see below). π It actually made it a mishmash in the center of the floor. Seriously – TWO dances next time. One for the pros and one for the Troupe. Please??
Courtney: I have to wonder if the reason we end up with hot mess group dances like this is because the same people seem to take the lead in them over and over again – and it seems like one of the Chmerkovskiy boys (or their current girl du jour – looking at YOU, Peta) is usually the one calling the shots. Val doing his “I’m too sexy” bit in the center just took me back to the attention-whoring (and rather icky & unnecessary) kiss during the opening pro dance last season between Maks & Peta. As for the women – *sigh* I don’t even know which one of you is to blame for the nonsense we seem to be witnessing on a regular basis now, but hair-flipping and coy “Oh, were you looking at my boobies? Shame on you, you filthy thing! Tee hee!” expressions are NOT choreography, and they are a waste of your talents as a dancer. If you need inspiration, go back to the opening pro dance of season 14 (choreographed by Kym) or the Travis Payne-choreographed number from season 10 – in those dances, *gasp!* the ladies actually danced…and it worked. And puh-lease, for the love of god, ditch the matching costumes and hairdos – it makes it nary impossible for us to figure out who is who in the ocean of fringe and blond faux-hawks whipping around. You can look COORDINATED without looking matchy-matchy.
The Award for Dipshit Move Of the Week: Carrie Ann Inaba for Impaling her forhead with her spiked bracelet
Heidi: Maybe she thinks she’s Jesus. And she’s still doing it wrong. π Control yourself, Woman!!
Courtney: The Passion of the Inaba…oh jeeze. The real Easter miracle would have been if she had injured herself severely enough to take the rest of the season off…
Judge Line ‘O the Night: Carrie Ann Inaba for “Do I have a hole?”
Heidi: Answer: Yes…way toooo many. π
Courtney: Yep. In your skull, where your brain should be.
LOL Moment of the Results Show: The BTS clip of Len going “uh..wha…uh…” after Wynonna says she’s going to handcuff him
Heidi: I’m sorry, maybe it was just me, but the gurgling coming out of Len after that comment made me laugh every time. Even though I was worried he was having a stroke…yes, if you fall down in front of me I will laugh as I ask if you are alright. It’s who I am. I’m a laugher.
Courtney: Maybe he was having another one of his “Hmmm…am I married or not? I suddenly am having a hard time remembering…” moments. I seriously think Wy would blow his mind in the boudoir…whether that’s in a good way or a bad one is up for debate π
The Award for Most Questionable Wardrobe Choice: Zendaya for her Oakland “Ratchets” Sweatshirt
Heidi: Really, Zendaya?? Klassy.
Courtney: Heidi, your Tennessee Thieves sweatshirt is in the mail…should be there sometime next week. I’m already rocking my Indianapolis C-U-Next=Tuesdays sweatshirt 8-D And in case some of the influx of youngin’s we’ve had in the past week or so aren’t picking up on the sarcasm – “ratchet” is not a term that ANY woman should be applying to herself…let alone a 16-year-old girl. Zendaya’s a sweet girl, but this was a misstep.
The “You’ve been SCHOOLED” Award: The Pro and Troupe Newbies for their introductory dance
Heidi: Maybe it was the music that made it so effective, but I thought that was the best dance of the results show. I loved how they used the floor and interchanged partners…it was just a good dance. But then, I liked Lindsay and Whitney both on SYTYCD.
Courtney: It wasn’t just you, Heidi – theirs was the only dance I watched more than once from the results show. It was dramatic & well-executed, and here’s the miraculous part: they actually managed to stay in-sync!!! Old guard from the troupe, take heed: these ones actually know how to count and move in unison. Watch your backs.
Best Response to a “How will you handle it” Brookebot Question: Jacoby (in response to a question about his rumba) for “I guess I’ll show my softer side BUT I AIN’T SOFT PLAYA” while looking into the camera at me…I mean, the audience
Heidi: LOL – I believed him, he ain’t soft, playa. He is funny as hell though. I think I’m going to start doing Bill Mahre’s “New Rules” and the first one is going to be: New Rule: All couples, when called safe, must do a touchdown dance like Jacoby’s.
Courtney: I know some people still think he’s cocky, but I think it’s just kind of his “thing” and it’s hilarious – you’re never quite sure what’s going to come out of his mouth, but odds are, it will make you at least chuckle and make Karina smile and inwardly facepalm a bit. As weird as this is going to sound, Jacoby is quickly becoming the Cloris Leachman of season 16 for me: he’s unpredictable and part of his appeal is watching Karina just try to keep up. I love it π
Person Most Likely to be Smoking Crack on a Regular Basis: Carrie Ann Inaba for declaring “My boobs almost fell out of my dress” and then inventing the word “Freeeegan” when talking to Kellie and Derek
Heidi: What the hell was she saying?? Freegan…and she didn’t say it just once, she repeated it. Was she going for “Fricken?” “Friggin.” She really should lay off the bourbon in her dressing room before the show. As for her declaration?? WTF? Maybe you should sit your ass in the chair before you fall down. Again.
Courtney: Did she think she was just now nailing the pronunciation of Roshon’s last name, a year later? I really think she should have taken a page out of the Battlestar Galactica playbook and gone with “frakking”! As for the boobs – does the wardrobe department not apply the same “all ladies must wear pasties!” policy to the judges? Cause given what a sh*tshow CAI has proven herself to be with wardrobe malfunctions…they should.
The Kellie Pickler Southern Stylings Of Week 2: “Bless him” when talking about what’s going on in Derek’s head
Heidi: For those of you not living in the south, “Bless him” or “Bless your heart” is the southern woman’s way of “He’s mental” or “He’s touched in the head” or just plain ole “you’re f#@king crazy”. “Bless your heart” can also be code for “you’re a dumb ass”. π Often, southerners are being genuinely empathetic when they use that phrase…but more often it’s along the lines of “He’s an idiot, bless his heart.”. π I’m pretty sure she was gently telling Derek he’s crazy.
Courtney: That’s a nice way of putting it…considering that when my Grammy said it, it dripped with sarcasm and more or less meant “That woman is a f$%&*!g c#$t!” π
The CarrieAnn incident was a WTH moment for me. Get that girl back on her medication!! Hated the pro/troupe number, too much blonde hair everywhere! Loving Jacoby’s sense of humor, although it apparently takes a little getting used to for some. π
Great Cheesecake! Yummy as always Ladies!
As for the calling safe fiasco, I was confused as well. I think having 4 couples in front of the steps made me think those were the 4 that were going to find out safe or in jeopardy. The rest of the couples on the steps were just watching. When they called Ingo safe, it looked like he was watching the 4 couples on the floor. Usually they had the whole cast across the front of the stage and on the floor. They usually aren’t on the steps.
I also thought “Poor Sasha”. Why not one of the newbie troupe?
I agree about the Pros/Troupe dance. Way too many people on the floor. At least dress them differently so you can figure out who’s who.
These always make me chuckle.
& I agree with Courtney about CAI and the wardrobe department. I know this isn’t the first time she’s given a contestant a hug then followed that up by complaining her boobs are out. Maybe production spends too much money on hair bleach & matching fringe for the pro dances that pasties, or more material for a higher neckline, for CAI are just out of the budget.
OMG LOLLLL! I knew you two would cook up another goodie and you did just that!! Good job Girls! Cracks up at the Sasha bellhop and Murgalow bits the most!! Oh and that ratchets sweatshirt was indeed scary!! Love love the pictures too. “Maks who?” lolllll
Why can’t we go back to the pro dances of old when they showed one or two couples at a time before showing everyone together. And please have the troupe dance separately…too many blondes!
i’m still get the giggles when reminded of CAI’s spiky bracelet incident. Do I have a hole? aahh, yep, you do!
Maks who indeed. Gleg you are so hot that is not even funny, way hotter than Maks ever was
Thank you ladies! All the CAI stuff made me laugh out loud! At least we could see that it was Sasha as the bellhop, unlike that mess of legs and feet that made up the pro dance!
Bwahahahahaha! Great job, Ladies! I’ve got to admit – when Brooke kept saying “Ingo and Kym”, my first thought was “Oh dear… Brooke-bot is stuck!” (Nothing can go wrong… go wrong… go wrong…) π Then I realized that the couples couldn’t hear anything. It blows my mind that, after 7 1/2 years on-air, they can’t seem to figure a sound system out. Maybe that part has been out-sourced? π
Oh this was worth the wait! Absolutely scrumptious. I’m still smirking.
Marilyn Monroe Impersonators Convention: Bwahahahahahaha
Maks who? tee-hee
And thank you for including my favorite clip of the young season: Gleb solemnly informing Lisa she’s going to have to sleep with Len and her calmly agreeing…priceless.
As for CAI…”Bless her.”
Perfect meme to describe what dwts is trying with the Murgalo.
I loved the Travis Payne opening number. Last one I loved. I like Jason but these numbers with troupe are too hectic. I also liked Wendy’s number for season 5 opener. I liked the one Kym did with Kevin Maher too.
Just another reason why I can’t stop coming back to this site. You mods do crack me up. And we still got another 8 or 9 more weeks of the show. Gleb might be a hotty.. But, at least Maks did know how to make a older woman dance. Attitude or not, the women did end up giving the best they could. Lisa looks like Gleb is dragging her around like a rag doll. Of the three new pros with celebrities. He’s the only one not impressing me. Sharna, and even Lindsay. Yes, I said it Lindsay are doing way better than him. The new dance troupe, and pro members. They may have been in sync. But, the choreography really didn’t help them stand out. As new members. As wild and off course as some of the pro and dance troupe dances have been here lately. I would take someone like Derek choreographing their dances. Than to see the choreography in the dances be the way they have been. We don’t need a majority of the dances to be so wrapped up in the Hot and Sexy area. That’s when the Stripper Pole comments start surfacing. It’s tasteless, and draws the attention away from the dancing. Picking on Len. The Wy comment about the Handcuffs. That was cute. Lisa’s was so far not in the ball park of being cute. I thought I was going to have to turn the channel. When trying for a younger audience those kind of remarks have no reason to be on the show. Whoever approved the raunchy, hot, and sexy approach to the show. Needs to back down it’s been going on for seasons now. And it shouldn’t be over played season after season. Pardon the hypocrite like habit. Derek’s off the top choreography. Is so freaking good he doesn’t have to take the hot and sexy like approach in it. To sell it. I stand by my choice of favorite female dancer. Some of you aren’t too crazy about her. But, there is a certain level of innocence about her. When you see her do what she did on the results show. It’s surprising to see her do something like that. As for the Whitney and Bobby comment. Whenever have we ever seen Cheryl Burke storm out of dance rehearsal. After a celebrity throwing foul language at her. OMG I thought I was going to die laughing when that Whitney and Bobby comment was first made.
As a southerner I can atest to the “Bless You” meaning you’re a bit whacked in the head. Care to guess what “Thank you” really means? π
Sasha makes a good Dogman. I wonder if that will be his permanent job this season.?
D.L. should have said Sid and Nacy instead of Whitney and Bobby. Funny yet perfectly to the point.
I had to Google Ratchet. I feel old now and out of touch but now knowing what it means…..well.
Thanks for making me laugh and being such a bad influence on me because after all you did teach me what C U Next Tuesday really means. π
Loved it! Fantastic ladies!
Oh, do tell, Cher! What does “Thank you” really mean? π
Sara, maybe “Thank you” in certain Southern situations really means “F U” Just a guess π We’ll have to wait for Cher for the final reading on that.
In the south like TX and KY…it is always “thank you for sharing my life has been made more memorable because of it”….which is really “screw you”…lol Loved the cheesecake…so glad to see them back…so fun!!
I’m trying to remember a joke I heard a long time ago without botching it…..
There were three southern belles sitting on the front porch. The first belle says “See my diamond necklace? My beau gave it to me, he’s rich and he loves me.”
The second belle gushes over the jewel and the third says “That’s nice.”
The second belle says “See my diamond ring? My beau gave it to me, he’s rich and he loves me.”
The first belle gushes over the jewel and the third says “That’s nice”
The first and second belles look at the third and asks “Well what does your beau buy you? Isn’t he rich and doesn’t he love you?”
The third belle says “Why yes he’s rich and of course he loves me, he sent me to etiquette school!”
The first and second belles ask “Etiquette school? Whatever for?”
The third southern belle replies “So that I could learn to say ‘That’s nice’ instead of ‘F… Y..!'”
That’s Nice, Thank you. It’s all in being subtle and not what you say but HOW you say it. Lots of sugar and dripping in honey. π
And my apologies for going off topic. π
Thanks ladies for the always entertaining Cheesecake awards! Loved the Regina George meme. I couldn’t help but laugh at Sasha being demoted to doggy sitter for Lisa. Whatever it takes to get closer to becoming a pro dancer on the show, lol!
Love it, Cher! Would you care for another glass of sweet ice tea? As someone who is not from the South but who lived in Virginia for 6 years (many years ago) and is now in Texas, I can definitely appreciate the joke. π
OH GOSH, how I missed the cheesecake awards!!!!!!!!!
I LOVE the sarcastic sense of humor of you guys, always makes me laugh!!!
THANK YOU!!!!!!
Thanks ladies for the laugh. Love the Cheesecake awards.
Oh CAI.
Haha, thanks Cher, Cidra. Gotta love it.
You go girls! Excellent award choices, as always.
Cheesecake never fails to make me smile. Brooke bot seemed to have a malfunction when the results came but it had me falling off my couch in laughter
What exactly was in CAI’s water. cause really i’m surprised she didn’t get on the floor and start dancing herself…someone axcidentily slipped her some vodka maybe?
Anyway amazing cheesecake as always ladies
Ladies, thank you! The cheesecakes are a great way to start my day. They never fail to make me laugh and put a smile on my face.
Gleb looks like Paul Rudd, who doesn’t appeal to me at all π
Then don’t look at him.
I have been waiting for these and loved them all! Thank you so much for all the laughs! π
Guess I need new glasses or a larger TV screen to watch the show as I never saw the Derek Desk Dismount Fail. It had to be because of way too many people on the floor.
Loved the Marilyn Monroe Impersonators Convention picture!
I do manage to pick out Val and PH the eyebrow comment had me cracking up.
OMG the Maks Who?
All the CA stuff and I could go on and on. You ladies did an amazing job!
@Cher lol loved the southern ladies joke! Not being from the south “Bless You” has another new meaning for me other than when someone sneezes and I say “Bless You.” π Now I need to do as you did and google Ratchet. lol
Shout-out to a fellow Boilermaker! That is all. π
BOILER UP! π
@Cidra I love sweet iced tea, just as long as you don’t spit in it like Ceely did in The Color Purple. Actually I really love me some local honey in my tea. With a sprig of mint or other natural flavors like letting berries ssteep in it but that is so way off topic I might get spanked for going there. π
@Gail You just don’t mess with the GRITS π hehe
Be afraid and careful when Googling ratchet. Be very afraid.
LOL, Cher. No spit, I promise! And I don’t think our Mods will spank you for that little detour into tea ehancement.
Gleb does look like Paul Rudd! I love that Maks Who pic the best! And as much as CAI annoys me with her “was that a lift” petty comments, she does provide LOTS of opportunities for comic relief!