PureDWTS Season 28, Week 4: Power Rankings

Anyone else lightweight disappointed that we didn’t get to see Leah & Len come to complete fisticuffs on live national television? 😉 They were getting close there in the end, critiquing Karamo’s dance – and Leah (deservedly) called out Len’s suspicious nitpickery and also Carrie Ann’s sham lift policing, and I was generally kind of glad to have her on board last night – there were times when the judges needed reminding that some of these contestants are NOT dancers, they’re all working hard, and there’s no need to be mean or make things personal. Sure, some could argue that she was over-the-top and stole focus from time to time (which, to be fair, is kind of her brand), but given that it was usually when Len was talking, I’m not too upset – that man could use a bit of humbling these days, particularly when he’s going in on men of color for no good reason…

…and speaking of people of color, consider this me raising my eyebrows at bit at the bottom 2’s we’ve had so far. Mary, Ray, Lamar, Kel, Karamo…if Ally ends up there next week, we may need to have a “come to Jesus” (or whatever deity of your choice) meeting. I can understand Ray and Lamar – neither were very good dancers, and Ray had the added stench of a potentially murderous past. But Mary, Kel, and Karamo – they don’t suck, guys.  I partially blame some of the shenanigans from the judges, but is the viewing audience just far more besotted with snowy-white southern girls Hannah and Lauren, a certain conservative firebrand partnered with Lindsay, and family man/former teen idol James? Jury’s still out on Kate – she’s snowy white too, and from a popular TV show, but this show doesn’t tend to hold on long to women over the age of 40 (unless they’re paired with Derek). Just food for thought, y’all…

Anyway, scoring was all over the place last night, and it seemed like some of the viewers on my Twitter timeline were starting to buy into some of the poppycock that the judges were trying to pass off as fair and informed judging.  One thing I want to get very clear: just because the judges rip a dance to shreds does not necessarily mean it’s inherently bad, and just because the judges praise a dance to high heaven does not mean it’s a great dance that’s above reproach.  I would think by now, most viewers would realize that the judges’ job isn’t necessarily to honestly judge the dance they saw – we’ve seen plenty of instances over the years where they were clearly carrying out some sort of agenda, and their comments and scores didn’t align with what we actually saw on the floor. I recall ridiculous nitpicking of fantastic dancers (and eventual champs) like Jordan and Nicole, and over-the-top praise of generally-okay dancers like William Levy, who just so happened to be inking a deal with Univision (an ABC affiliate) around the time he was on the show. To quote Bing Crosby’s character in White Christmas, “Everybody’s working an angle.” When in doubt, remember this: the judges are getting paid to say what the producers want them to. Sometimes that aligns nicely with the truth; other times it’s nothing resembling it. Sometimes, they seem like they actually know what they’re talking about; other times, they seem about as credible as an Instagram model endorsing the Fyre Festival for a fat paycheck 😛

I would say I was sad to see Lamar go, but I’m generally happy that he went out on a high note – that Viennese waltz was his best dance yet, and he really did improve incrementally each week (even if the judges’ scores didn’t really reflect it). I think he was likely ready to go – it was hard for him to remember the choreography, and I got the impression that the judges’ critiques and scores never really stopped cutting him to the quick each week. Was glad Leah was there to throw him a bone with that “7” paddle, and to shame Len and Bruno for throwing up the “4” paddles for the third week in a row. But with Lamar now gone, there’s really only one obvious bit of “low-hanging fruit” still in the competition – and my gut says he’s still got at least a few weeks left in him, unless the judges decide to get really real and start whipping out the “4” paddles again. So that means we’re likely to start losing better dancers starting next week – how will the viewers react to a potential rehashing of last season’s three-ring circus of persistent mediocrity, starring Bones and Grocery Joe? I’d say next week is when we start getting a feel for whether this show even deserves another season…

1.) James & Emma – TO BE VERY CLEAR, since some of you were dying to deliberately misinterpret what I said on Twitter: I’m not saying this quickstep was James’ best dance – it wasn’t.  It was more than likely his worst so far.  What I am trying to say is that James’ worst dance is still far better than some other contestants’ best dances – and the scoring was totally wrong. I watched this dance probably 15 times, trying to find all these alleged blunders some of you were claiming James made – “not enough in-hold”? Nah, they made 2.5 full trips around the floor in hold. “James got ahead of Emma” – aside from the one SMALL flub in the beginning when they were side-by-side, I didn’t see anything else.  Unless, of course, you’re not talking about timing, but James’ physical position relative to Emma – in all ballroom dances, the leader and follower aren’t lined up completely flush to one another, and the leader is always slightly more forward in the line of dance so he can, y’know, LEAD; in which case, James was ahead 0f Emma – which was the correct positioning. “Too much messing around” – stylistic choice, and hate on it if you want; but I didn’t see too many fans harping on it until this season, and I still think Emma’s taking calculated risks in order to please the viewers and the judges. “It was all over the place!” – erm, YEAH, ballroom dances are meant to travel around the room. What happened with this dance is that James (who has made very few mistakes in his first three dances, and has been REALLY good so far) made one flub, the judges pounced, and some of the fans fell all over themselves just trying to feel like they, too, made the correct call on this dance. James’ technique and frame are still head and shoulders (pun intended 😉 ) above just about everyone else this season, and he still looks incredibly at ease out on the floor and is a great showman. So four 7’s for a dance with near-perfect technique and only one mistake, while contestants who either didn’t even do their assigned dance (Lauren) or nearly fell over and lip synced their whole dance (Sailor) got straight 8’s? Oh no, honey – I ain’t buyin’ it.  To defer to my dear friend Cheryl (@RiotersRule), “I don’t think they saw James coming this season.” They didn’t see him coming, and they didn’t expect him to be this popular or likeable, either – so I would bet my ass that they’re going to pounce and lowball on any mistake he makes from here on out, because he isn’t their endgame (that would be Hannah or Lauren). I guess I don’t see what would be so bad about James winning, though – he can legitimately dance, and he does seem like a down-to-earth, good guy. Anything’s an improvement over mediocre, whiny manchild Bones…

2.) Lauren & Gleb – …and speaking of Bones, WHY IS HE STILL SHOWING UP WEEK AFTER WEEK ON THIS SHOW IN SOME FORM?! Lauren’s a sweetheart, but from a publicity standpoint, she probably needs to minimize the amount of time she appears with Bones in some capacity 😛 Or not, because I get the impression she’s raking in Kelly Pickler-esque votes, because the girl is just so damn likeable and folksy – which unfortunately means Gleb can do whatever the hell he wants, and know that they likely aren’t going anywhere.  Which is exactly what he did (again) this week – we got about 30 seconds of a contemporary routine, a time-wasting walk down the stairs, and a very lyrical, disjointed 45 seconds or so of something like foxtrot. Anyone trying to call James and Emma out for lack of content – you best be calling these two out, too, because I couldn’t even remember what dance this was supposed to be after seeing half the routine. And it got four 8’s! I was flabbergasted.  I don’t blame Lauren – she did the best she could with what she was given (again) and did seem to improve her frame from last week, but Gleb went off-piste once again, delivering a dance that wasn’t really the assigned style…because GLEB. Len may have called him out (again), but he still gave him an 8…so I guess the message here is “Content matters for some of you and I reserve the right to read you to filth for a lack of it – but others can go off and do whatever they want and I won’t actually dock them any points.” Is the hammer ever going to drop on this fool???

3.) Hannah & Alan – Hannah definitely improved from last week – I saw less of Hannah the cheerleader (and did she seriously get offended by that word…”cheerleader”?!) this week, but I think she should consider herself lucky that she got a dance that focuses less on hip action and more on arm and torso shaping. Paso is what I consider the most fakeable dance on this show, as contestants can usually eke out a decent score as long as they stay on-time (which is easy – it’s marching rhythm) and make it exciting to watch – which Hannah and Alan did, as there was plenty of content and Hannah didn’t miss any of it.  However, what the judges may have interpreted as “Hannah embodying the aggressive mood of the dance” read more to me like “focus, Hannah – remember the steps, DON’T SMILE!” She seemed a bit too in her head the whole dance, and there were definite moments where you could tell she was struggling not to smile. There were also some odd pauses in the phrasing of the choreo – I can’t really tell if that was intentional, necessitated by the phrasing of the song (which sucked, BTW), or something else. Not my fave piece of Alan choreo, and if there was one paso doble in DWTS history it reminded me of, it was Audrina Patridge’s – a decent dance and generally correct, but she seemed so in her head and out of her comfort zone that it didn’t leave much of an impact on me. Also seemed like Alan was really having to power her through some of those turns, and there were some potential balance issues (not unlike Kate, who actually got called out for them). I’m interested to see how Hannah handles a samba – that’s the real test to determine if a jazz/ballet dancer can actually do Latin dances, because the technique basically runs perpendicular to everything they’ve learned in the past. I’m beginning to think they might abandon their endgame of Hannah in the coming weeks, in favor of Lauren…who seems to be making a bigger splash with fans.

4.) Kate & Pasha – In the same vein as my critique of James, I’m going to file this one under “not her best, but definitely not as bad as the judges made it seem”. It was hard to keep up with all the complaints the judges seemed to cram into this critique, but I saw a few mentions of “not embodying the mood of the Argentine tango”, which I guess I understand, but I also don’t think an Argentine tango has to be over-the-top passionate to be enjoyable.  Some of my favorites have run the gamut from comical (Niecy & Louis’ cookie tango in season 10) to edgy/sinister (Lindsey & Mark, season 25) to more sentimental (Jordan & Lindsay, season 25). And then there was Willow & Mark’s more edgy, creative Argentine tango in season 20, since it wouldn’t have been very appropriate to go the extremely sensual route with a 14-year-old. Also, Kate’s song was the WORST – on top of being the song from the infamous hotel room tryst Argentine tango of season 23, it’s godawful for an Argentine tango. It is almost more of a playful song, so I don’t blame them for going more of the playful route with the choreo. As for the technique – yeah, okay, there were a few balance issues; however, it almost looked like Pasha was going for a more milonga-style Argentine tango, which has a more relaxed body posture and an overall less-serious tone than a traditional Argentine tango.  I’ve seen milonga danced a few times (by real live Argentinians, no less!) and it’s definitely more laid back and slouchy – but it’s still Argentine tango, even if it’s not the sharp, dramatic kind viewers have come to expect on DWTS. Anywho – judges seemed to just go to town on what I thought was not a terrible dance, and it makes me think the same thing I thought about James: nobody expected Kate (or Pasha, really) to be this good or this popular, and they’re panicking because they had other plans. Will be interesting if they continue to keep dragging James and Kate, or if they opt to let the chips fall where they may – because really, both of them are still better than Bones…

5.) Sailor & Val – This cha-cha…had problems, and yet it got a very optimistic score of four 8’s, which makes me wonder just what the hell is going on that we’re not seeing. Sailor isn’t bad, but she definitely has some model-like quirks to her dancing – the worst being the balance issues on turns.  Sis was HELLA wobbly – and yet she didn’t get called on it, while Kate did for much less obvious balance issues. Then there’s the matter of her still lip syncing her way through her dances – it’s a rookie gaffe, and despite the whole “wow she stepped in at the last minute for her mom!” gambit, Val should have broken her of this habit by now. There was SOME hip action, but not great hip action; she also was getting pretty flaily with those arms, which I can’t decide if Rumer helped with or made worse 😛 All in all, it wasn’t a bad dance – but I was just absolutely floored that it got four 8’s and little in the way of criticism, especially when the judges went in so hard on James & Kate’s dances, which were better from a technical standpoint.

6.) Lindsay – On the positive side of things, red really is Lindsay’s color 🙂 But that’s unfortunately about the only good thing I had to say about this paso.  The paso is the man’s dance, and her partner did very little in it – all credit to Lindsay for doing most of the moving and dance-heavy stuff, while her partner more or less stood in one place making vague flourishes with his arms and clapping like a monkey banging cymbals together. He looked at bit off-time in the beginning, and then the rest was kind of “meh”. So needless to say, I’m over this contestant, and he needs to go. Not much else to add…

7.) Karamo & Jenna – Let me just get this off my chest real quick: I HATE “Old Town Road”. Hated the song when it came out, hate it even more now that I got woken up by it for a week straight while in Telluride, since the groom’s nephews would wake up each morning and awaken the entire house by saying “Alexa, play ‘Old Town Road’!” So right off the bat, I didn’t much care for this dance.  To Karamo’s credit, this was an improvement on his previous performances – he was focused, he was on-time, and he remember all his choreo.  But the real problem: the performance was just altogether joyless. I never got the impression that he was having fun, and he seemed too in his head to be a very good showman. I don’t even know what Jenna was talking about, taking him to a horse farm – that was just bizarre. Back to the dance, though – sure, it was technically better than any of his dances so far, but it wasn’t at all fun to watch.  And Jenna’s choreo was about like watching paint dry.  I’m just really disappointed thus far with this couple – it’s not entirely their fault, but I don’t know at this point if they’re going to be able to get themselves out of whatever funk they’re in. They need to dance well, but they need to have fun – the two aren’t mutually exclusive.

8.) Ally & Sasha – Ally did a great jive, but I’ve got a gut feeling that she may be getting lost in the shuffle. Just an odd gut feeling…the same one I had about Mary after week 1, and we see how that turned out. I think going into it, she was already at a disadvantage for having to jive to the same song to which Nicole, Paige, and Jordan all did DYNAMITE jives. The most recent, Jordan’s, is what I consider to be the best jive in the history of this show – so for me (and likely at least a few other viewers), anything short of Jordan’s jive was going to feel a bit “meh”. Not Ally’s fault, but I can’t help but compare when I hear that song. She started off strong, but she did seem to lose steam about midway through – and then she started mugging hard, and I got a bit irritated. As her flicks and kicks slowed down and lost height – the facial expressions kicked into high gear. At the end of it, I was just left with a feeling of “nice effort, but I doubt it’s going to stand out in my mind at the end of the night.” So given the aformentioned funny business with the bottom 2 thus far, let’s just say I wouldn’t be totally shocked to see her in danger come Monday…

9.) Kel & Witney – This was a nice cha-cha, and a good comeback for Kel (aside from this weird snakelike thing he’s still doing with his pelvis in lieu of hip action) after that bland non-rumba last week.  Here’s the issue: Witney seemed to really dumb down the choreo to probably 90% basic steps and a few well-used pieces of flair, and the end result is not terribly memorable in my mind. He also went fairly early on in the show, which we don’t really have enough data on to determine if this is good or bad given the new live voting – but I did find myself kind of forgetting Ally & Kel, who danced 2nd & 3rd. I’m inclined to think that dancing 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc. is still not generally the best – so if he ends up there again next week, I’d be a bit worried. Kel is far from being the worst dancer left, but given that he’s already appeared in the bottom 2 once, I’m worried it’s going to happen again soon. He was likely kept safe by an inflated score this week – will he be granted the same grace next week?

Thoughts? Do you think we’re going to start losing good dancers next week? What do you think the judges’ agenda is?