Alright, everyone – I owe you all an apology.  I did not do a power ranking for last week…shame on me L Unfortunately I was in the midst of end-of-quarter at work, and consequently worked some long hours…long hours that resulted in me watching last week’s show on a 12” old TV with aluminum foil on the antenna in the breakroom.  Yikes!

But alas, I am back with a vengeance this week, and I will be taking into account both this week & last week’s performances in my rankings.  Ok, did I miss the announcement that the theme of this week’s show was “See how much you can upset your partner”? Because I saw more tears & dramatic storm-off this week than I see in an entire week of soap operas…but those who managed to avoid the drama seemed to fare better than those who buckled under the pressure….

1.)    Nicole & Derek – Top of the scoreboard both last week & this week, the first 2 tens of the season (correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t this a record? Earliest 10 ever given in the competition?), and two solid performances.  Their waltz was just lovely – Nicole has got great lines, and actually has a very nice emotional connection to both the dance and to Derek.  Their jive was one of the cleanest I’ve ever seen – razor sharp flicks, and Nicole stayed on beat despite some crazy energetic moves and what seemed to be a rather fast tempo – however, I didn’t quite see the connection to the dance like I did last week (poor Nicole seemed to get a bit winded by the middle – but I give her points for effort!) and would have liked a bit more sass from Nicole.  Now Heidi is currently freaking out (she thinks the two 10’s are a harbinger of doom, silly girl!), so everyone humor her and pick up the phone to vote for Team Houghzinger so we can prove her wrong – I personally think they’re safe and will be for quite some time

2.)    Evan & Anna – The one thing that gives Nicole a big edge over Evan: she actually has chemistry with her partner.  Their waltz, while technically beautiful (perhaps even technically stronger than Nicole & Derek), left me feeling rather cold – poor Evan seemed so nervous that he just seemed to be going through the motions of the dance.  This week was a vast improvement in entertainment value – Evan looked like he was having a ton of fun, it made me smile J – but it seemed to come at the cost of a bit of technique (Len was right – Evan was doing something wonky with his feet, I saw it too).  I think they’re also pretty safe this week (and likely the next few weeks, as we weed out some of the weaker, less memorable dancers), but I fear that they might be becoming too “normal” – they don’t fight, Evan catches on quickly, and they do cute, social things like visiting Evan’s hometown.  Now I’m not suggesting that they start picking fights with one another just to boost ratings – just maybe turn up the emotion a bit, both in their lead-in package and in their dancing

3.)    Pam & Damian – If you ask me, the big “upset” elimination that could have happened last week that Tom was referring to at the beginning of the show could very well have been Pam & Damian.  Their cha-cha last week, while entertaining, was a lot of fluff & hair flipping and not a lot of “meat & potatoes” dance steps – but I will hand it to Pam, she knows how to “sex up” a dance! Which is exactly what she did with the foxtrot this week – it was cute, and not the worst of the night, but my god, her frame was ATROCIOUS.  I like Pam, I really do – but I’m afraid the whole “sex kitten” act will only work for so long before it becomes a bit hackneyed and boring to voters…plus I don’t see her having an easy time sexing up the quickstep or lindy hop, haha. But she is likely safe this week, based solely on her scores…

4.)    Niecy & Louis – This may be the most underrated couple of the season.  I absolutely LOVE watching them, but the judges don’t seem to give them much credit.  True, Louis’ choreography isn’t the most difficult; but Niecy dances it cleanly and adds her own attitude to it to make it fun.  I thought their cha-cha was underscored – Niecy was one of the few people that looked like she was actually having fun out there last week – but their foxtrot this week seemed to get more recognition and a better response from the judges & audience.  These two have a great energy and are quickly becoming my favorite…I’m hoping voters agree! But these two ought to be safe this week, based on their antics both on and off-stage – and a little shameless self-promotion by Niecy on The Insider.

5.)    Jake & Chelsie – Now if Niecy & Louis were the underscored couple last week, then these two were the overscored onces.  I found Jake’s waltz to be shuffle-y and messy, and he’s doing some weird flail-y thing every time he extends his arms.  And you can practically hear the boy counting to himself in his head! Granted, their jive this week was an improvement – Jake managed to keep up, but on the whole it felt low-energy and a little generic (a pattern I’m starting to notice with Chelsie’s jive routines – check out Ty’s & Louie’s and see if you agree). Jake also came across as rather whiney to me in the package, which is especially off-putting when it’s coming from a grown man. I doubt they’re headed home this week, but unless Jake makes vast improvements (and soon), I’m not sure they’re going to have a whole lot of longevity in this competition…

6.)    Erin & Maks – I agonized over putting Jake & Chelsie above these two, but in the end I decided that Erin & Maks are running the risk of becoming rather boring – which is often a bigger threat than being whiney, hehe.  I thought her cha-cha was actually quite good (aside from some crazy chicken arms) and she seemed like she was at ease & having fun. I wasn’t as wowed by the foxtrot this week…the choreography seemed a bit boring (no real “moments”) and Erin fell victim to that glassy-eyed “I don’t quite know what to do with my face during the ballroom dances” expression, which resulted in very little connection to Maks or the audience.  The solo work and the beginning and some of her stretches showed off her jazz dance background, so we know she’s got some natural talent.  But here’s the thing that’s kinda puzzling me about her: based on what was shown in the package (and granted, I know that they tend to edit that stuff to make things look worse than they really are), it almost seems like she’s a bigger drama queen than Maks…if this is the case, I think she may need to learn to tame her tantrum reflex, lest she become a bit “witchy” in the eyes of voters…

7.)    Shannen & Mark – Props to Shannen for her hard work both last week & this week – you can tell she is making a genuine effort to do well in this competition.  However, I think Mark’s choreography, while done in an effort to “challenge” her, is beginning to overwhelm her completely – she almost disappears amidst a sea of wild steps and just seems to be trying to keep her head above water.  If Mark could just pare down some of his crazy steps into simpler, more cleanly-executeable ones, we could see some amazing growth from Shannen.  I liked the waltz better than the jive (it was slightly less frenzied), and love Shannen’s devotion to her father.  But they’ve gotten stuck with crappy running-order numbers both weeks (they performed 2^nd last week, and 1^st), which often makes them harder to remember in viewers’ minds.  I don’t think they’re going home, but I pray that Mark just calms down his choreo a bit to really give Shannen a chance to shine and connect to the audience…he should have Louis give him some pointers.  I <3 Louis…

8.)    Buzz & Ashly – There is nothing I can really say about Buzz’s dancing – he stinks, and in the back of our heads we all knew he would really struggle in this competition.  But could we have had a more charming senior citizen on the show this season? He’s got Tom DeLay’s charm (without the checkered past) and Cloris’ humor (without being overly offensive), and just seems to be having so much fun and is so happy to be there.  He gets standing o’s with every performance, despite having the lowest scores of the week; people truly love & respect him, which is why he won’t go home this week.  He may be in the bottom 3 (based on his low scores), but I think the baby boomer voters will likely rally around their legend to keep him in for another week or two…

9.)    Aiden & Edyta – I knew from the minute I heard the first few notes of “Hungry Like the Wolf” last week that this couple was probably going to be a disaster.  Aiden is a very, very awkward mover – but at least he’s an awkward mover with a sexy accent.  The cha-cha was bad – almost bad to the point of it being a caricature of a cha-cha.  The foxtrot this week was a vast improvement, but you can tell that he is just not used to moving this way at all.  Add to that an Edyta meltdown (I’ve never seen her cry on the show before!) and an elbow to the eye (what is it with Edyta and assaulting her partner’s corneas?), and these two could be in danger this week.  Aiden’s fans from All My Children could pull through and keep them safe this week, but they are one of the weaker couples, and likely won’t survive long.

10.)   Chad & Cheryl – I was really expecting Chad to have an explosive personality out on the floor, based on his antics on the football field – unfortunately, he and Cheryl have been really boring thus far, to the point of me forgetting they are part of this year’s cast (“9, 10…crap, who’s the 11^th couple? Darnit…hmmm…oh wait, it’s Chad & Cheryl…) and even having a hard time paying attention to their performances! Everything is just so…ordinary.  And Chad is anything but, which is what makes it even worse.  Their cha-cha wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t great or particularly exciting either; the foxtrot this week was actually a downgrade, as Chad looked extremely uncomfortably & slouchy (is it just me, or is there a significant height difference between him & Cheryl?) He’s even blending into the background during the lead-in…I couldn’t honestly tell you one thing he said tonight.  Chad seems like a true competitor and someone who could really succeed this season…but unless he finds a way to stand out from the crowd, it may be curtains for him sooner rather than later.

11.)   Kate & Tony – Kate, Kate, Kate.  I honestly was going to give you a chance.  But then you went and proved me right – not only are you a terrible dancer, but you have the personality of a wet mop and a crap attitude.  Could Kate have possibly been more insecure or negative during the lead-ins? Poor Tony was doomed from the start – it’s hard to motivate someone who is constantly in need of reassurance, both on and off the floor.  Their waltz was stiff and awkward, to the point of it being painful to watch; I honestly had to avert my eyes during portions of their jive (did Kate even do half of the choreo Tony gave her?).  And the shout-outs to the kids, while sweet, are beginning to feel a bit desperate to me – a rather “I have 8 kids and a good-for-nothing ex-husband, please don’t send me home even though my attitude & dancing stink” gesture.  If Kate set out to prove that she is indeed the bitter, unsavory woman the tabloids have made her out to be – I’m afraid she succeeded.  I would be very, very surprised if she did not go home tomorrow.  If only you had at least faked like you were having a good time, Kate…

Alright, so two performances in, this is how I see them stacking up…I’m predicting Kate, Chad, & Aiden in the bottom 3, with Kate on the chopping block.  What do you guys think? Could Kate be snatched from the jaws of death? Will there indeed be an “upset” elimination? Will Brooke’s co-hosting skills become less awkward? Will Len stop inventing words?