DWTS Season 17, Week 1 – Cheesecake Bytes

For those of you new to this site, every season we have a feature called “The Cheesecake Awards” – you can read past installments by clicking the icon on the right side of the page. These awards are meant to be silly, ironic, funny, bitchy…you name it, they come in all varieties.  As I mentioned in another post, we are going to do smaller cheesecake awards this season, as they occur to us through the week. This would be installment 1, since nothing occurred to us earlier in the week. 🙂  And, as I say every season, if you are a particularly sensitive fangirl (or boy) you might want to read with some caution. We take shots at everyone sooner or later. 🙂 You’ve been warned.

The Award for Biggest Crater in a Cut Out: Cheryl Burke for her “innie.”

Heidi: Talk about mesmerizing. I’m sure that’s a normal sized belly button but it looked massive. I think the odd (and completely unnecessary and totally unflattering) cutout probably went a long way to emphasizing something that…shouldn’t have been. Very distracting. Someone could fall into that and get hurt.

Courtney: That dress was just a visual nightmare for me – like one of those damn Magic Eye posters from the mid-90s that every kid in my class could see except me.  I just couldn’t make sense of it – it wasn’t the worst dress we’ve seen her in, but it wasn’t the best, either; the combo of the sparkly stripes and the nude mesh just sat funny with me.  You’d think vertical stripes would be slimming, but in this case, it actually seemed to widen her – sometimes patterns of any sort just don’t transfer well to tv.  But yeah – it did seem to make her belly button look oddly cavernous.  Didn’t she used to have a belly ring? I think this may have been one instance in which it may have helped to wear it.

The Award for Most Improved Hairstyle: Cheryl Burke

Heidi: Seriously, I can’t believe no one has mentioned it. She’s very nearly back to the best hairstyle she ever had, circa Season 3-ish. That’s a great hairstyle for her – hope she stays away from the overly long extensions and bangs.

Courtney: Word – I’m over ANY of the female pros being overly-extensioned – and last season, the biggest offenders seemed to be Cheryl & Peta.  But I actually really liked Cheryl’s hair circa season 3-4 – it wasn’t the short-cropped, dramatically-layered ‘do she was still sporting from her competition days, but it wasn’t the totally weaved-up, impossibly long “I’m so Hollywood now” ‘do of some of the later seasons.  Just a very simple, face-flattering shoulder-length bob…and it actually moved really nicely, too, when she was dancing with Jack.  Holy crap…am I actually LIKING Cheryl this season? 😛

Heidi: Dude, it’s week ONE. 😀

Tom Bergeron Line O’ the Night: “My taser doesn’t reach that far” in regard to Bruno and his antics around the dancers.

Heidi: Seriously, putting Bruno next to all those hot male pros is like putting…well, Carrie Ann next to all those hot male pros. 🙂 Who thought this would be a good idea? NONE of the dancers liked it – none of them. In fact, every single one mentioned it after the show.   Bruno is easily distracted enough as it is…put him in flopping-on distance of Derek, Val, Mark, Tristan, et al, not to mention the good looking celebs is a recipe for future disaster. Tom really IS going to need a taser.  Did you notice how Derek started out at that end of the couch and was at the other end by the second segment?? 🙂  I wonder how much shoving there is during the commercial break to get the seat farthest from Bruno’s roving….everything. 🙂

Courtney: Any bets on how long it will be before someone, be it celeb, pro, or judge, sustains some bench-related injury as a result of Bruno’s spastic behavior? 😛 Like seriously, I could see him flailing about in ecstasy after some particularly steamy dance, and then losing his balance and toppling into the bench full of contestants…probably onto a rather chagrined Tristan, who seems to be the most no-nonsense of the group.  I can picture it now “For the turd time, Bruno, this has got to stop!!!”

Heidi: I’m sure it would be a total accident…hahahaha…..

Hehehe….

Heh…just noticed in the pic below that it looks like Jack is eyeing Brooke’s boobs. 😀