PureDWTS Season 28, Week 5: Power Rankings

Monday night summed up: shut up and make those sweet Disney dolla$, kids. I’ve mentioned it more than once in past seasons, but almost all of the joy from Disney night has gotten sucked out by the relentless capitalist drive to turn the whole show into one giant, two-hour long commercial for Disney – and this season seemed to turn the sales pitch to a fever pitch.  Promos for the new Disney streaming service, rehearsal packages consisting of the couples puttering about Disneyland, and a massive opening number shot on location at the park – it was all a bit much, especially when you take into account that the songs/dances/dance styles seemed like such an afterthought at times. Off the top of my head (and I’m sure you guys will correct me if I’m wrong or missed any), at least six of the nine songs/dance styles/themes on Monday night were recycles from previous seasons – which seemed to be a bit of a detriment to some of the couples, as comparisons to previous dances done to the same song/theme were bound to be made. Not sure what can realistically be done about it, though – heard some folks suggesting that the show “retire” certain Disney songs, but I just don’t see it happening, given that there are already seemingly few Disney songs that actually fit into the dance styles we see on the show without resorting to a bunch of jazz & contemporary routines. One thing done right on Monday night? Having the “extra dancers” do the obligatory promo dance to a newly-released song from a Disney movie nobody has seen yet – it’s always been a bit of an albatross for the couples that have had to do it in previous seasons (Jodie & Keo with Zootopia, Nikki & Artem with Coco, David & Lindsay with Cars 3), so it was nice that they released the couples from that burden and allowed Daniella & Co. to dazzle us 🙂

As expected on feel-good/make money Disney night, nobody was eliminated, and we didn’t even get a bottom 2 – which was halfway disappointing, but also halfway curious, as they could have used that bottom 2 to potentially rally votes for couples that maybe didn’t belong there. But they didn’t – so they either a) ran out of time, or b) have people in the bottom 2 that belong there, and they don’t dare upset the balance by revealing their hand. Given that the President took time out of his busy schedule of inciting conflict to tweet about voting for his former press secretary on DWTS this week, perhaps I’m a tad skeptical that Lindsay’s partner might be down there – but it could be possible, especially since we are now combining scores and votes from two nights to determine who goes next Monday, and more total points = smaller margins to overcome = more unexpected results.  At this point, he’s the weakest dancer left, and he should be gone; but will he get sent packing…? I really don’t know what to expect from week to week on this show anymore…we’re 5 weeks in and have only ditched three couples, so my gut thinks we’re probably getting a double elim next week; a double elim increases the likelihood of a certain someone getting booted, as he would have to get past not one, but TWO other couples in order to stick around.

So we’re (probably) at the halfway point in the competition, and we’re starting to see a narrative take shape. I think there’s definitely contestants that the judges have decided to champion for the win (or at least a place in the finale) and there’s ones that they’ve decided are expendable.  While my initial feeling was that it was Hannah that was going to get pushed for the win, I’m now thinking they may be focusing on Lauren instead – the latter has a Kelly Pickler-esque, folksy charm and down-to-earth nature that isn’t as apparent in the more reserved Hannah, and my gut’s telling me that the viewers are just eating Lauren up…while they’re a bit more hesitant to embrace Hannah, whose dancing has not popped in the way I had initially hoped, and who I think viewers may actually be a bit burnt out on (more on that later). While I don’t have any beef with Lauren – she seems like a girl I’d love to hang out with it – here’s one problem I see right now with a Lauren win: it just extends Bones’ control of this show. I could see him gloating for months on his show about how he “broke the system”, and now he’s the puppet master and can get all his friends on the show and guarantee them a win simply by plugging them on his radio show. A Lauren (and *cringe* Gleb) win would simply be a slightly more palatable version of Bobby winning – particularly if Gleb continues with some of the choreographic nonsense we’ve seen that doesn’t showcase Lauren well. If the show is trying to distance itself from the stink of season 27, then someone that can legitimately dance needs to win – and I’m hoping James can run interference, because right now, it seems like the judges are going with the “let’s pretend Lauren’s dancing is phenomenal, so when she wins, we keep our street cred!” narrative. Lauren doesn’t suck – but I don’t think she’s anywhere near James, Hannah, or even Ally in terms of her dance skills, and Gleb’s choreography is utterly insulting compared to the chock-full-o’-content dances that nearly all the other pros are churning out (even Val). So do the judges continue handling Lauren’s routines with kid gloves, or do they start backing another contestant FTW? Do they choose to acknowledge that James is probably the best dancer this season? Do they keep trying to make Hannah happen? Or do they start backing a dark horse like Ally, Kel, or even Kate? Hell, at this point, I think there’s even an outside (really outside) chance that Sailor could be the dark horse. Makes one wonder how things are going to pan out in the next 4-6 weeks…

1./2.) TIE: James & Emma and Lauren & Gleb – To be quite clear, I don’t think either of them had the best dance of the night – in fact, I think these dances were actually personal lows for both of them. But I’m getting the feeling that James is getting a ton of votes based on skill and likeability, and Lauren is probably raking them in as well based on likeability and some heavy-duty campaigning from *gag* Bones. While James’ paso was energetic and he seemed committed to the character, it suffered by comparison to Riker’s Pirates-themed paso to the exact same song four years ago – and boy, were there comparisons. Half of my @ replies on Twitter at the end of the night were some iteration of “Riker’s was soooo much better/it was too much like Riker’s/it copied Riker’s/Riker’s was too iconic and they should have retired the song!” While I think Riker’s was generally better (and it was the only one of Riker’s dances I can actually recall – I thought I remembered his trio dance, until I realized that I was actually thinking of Milo’s trio dance that had Riker in it 😛 ), owing to more of the characteristic torso-shaping of paso and the fact that Riker was OBSESSED with being Jack Sparrow, I don’t think James’ was terrible; I just don’t think it was in his wheelhouse as much as his week 1 tango or even his quickstep last week. If his week 1 tango felt quintessentially James, then I think this week was James just playing a character – and it was one that I’m not sure he really loved or connected with. I think he would have thrived as Prince Phillip from Sleeping Beauty doing a Viennese waltz to “Once Upon a Dream”. I’m beginning to think that Latin is just not his cup of tea, although even his weaker dancers are still better than the bulk of the cast this season. He tried to shape through his torso (but I don’t think it really worked) and he didn’t miss any steps and seemed to be handling Emma well, but I just wasn’t wowed at the end of it. I was completely lost as to what nonsense about hands and arms Len was trying to peddle – seemed like he was trying to say that arm action was supposed to start with the hand, which runs counter to pretty much EVERYTHING I remember from my time doing Latin (the hands should develop from the arm movement, and not vice-versa). But he still ended tied for the second-highest score of the night, so I’m not worried about him going anywhere. As for Lauren – oy, sis. That samba was an utter trainwreck, and once again, I was gobsmacked that the judges sung its praises so highly. Gleb the Glib strikes again –  the dance took forever to get started, and when it did, I didn’t get the impression that he had drilled hip action (or even timing) with Lauren in the slightest. There was barely any transfer of weight from foot to foot, and definitely nothing in the way of bending and straightening of the knees. And while Lauren generally does a good job of selling each dance, for the first time, she seemed unsure of herself this week – she actually looked awkward out on the floor…and I have to wonder if it was due to ill preparation from her pro. I hesitate to use the term “diplomatic immunity” in light of recent stories in the news, but it seems to me like Gleb thinks he has it this season – he carries himself with an arrogance (or rather, a bigger-than-usual arrogance) that seems to say “Screw the judges.  I’m going to do whatever the hell I want out on the floor, and they can’t scold me because my partner is America’s sweetheart.” I got a few tweets Monday night along the lines of “Don’t punish Lauren for Gleb’s issues!”, but honestly, I don’t think I personally can really separate the two at this point – I can’t be okay with Gleb winning this season with crap choreo while all the other pros actually make an effort, simply because Lauren is likeable and trying her best. Some might say that kind of attitude could be partially to blame for Bones’ win last season – while I know the bulk of the votes for Bones came from his fans, there was still a sizeable portion of viewers I saw that were of the opinion “Ok, Bones sucks, but I’mma vote for Sharna because she deserves an MBT!” I don’t think some of you realize what’s at stake here: the outcome of this season could very well determine whether we even get another season of DWTS – so anything hinky, be it interference from Bones, sh*tty choreo from Gleb, or wildly inferior dancing winning over much more skilled contestants…any of it could be a signal from the network to pull the plug. So forgive me, but if Lauren winning is a possibility, I’m going to need to see some big improvement from both her and Gleb before I can get behind it…

3.) Hannah & Alan – Hannah, sis – I think it’s time to ditch the whole “My life has changed so much in the past year!” gambit. We’ve heard it every week, we get it…and we’re getting a tad tired of hearing it. I feel like all I know of Hannah at this point is that she did dance as a kid, she was Miss Alabama, then she was on the The Bachelor, then she was The Bachelorette, and now she’s on DWTS. I don’t really feel like I know her any better as a person than I did when the season started, and I’m beginning to think that it’s why I personally don’t really connect to her dancing. I’m not sure the song was a great fit for foxtrot (felt more like a rumba for me, but whatevs), but it was pleasant enough – very nice turns, stuff both in and out of hold, and the tone of the song seemed to accommodate Hannah’s tendency to revert to a perma-smile. It was nice, but I’m not sure it’s terribly memorable in the grand scheme of things – which seems to be the problem I’m having with most of Hannah’s dances: they’re never bad, but they’re also not terribly impactful.  Not sure what can be done at this point – I don’t know if Alan needs to get more daring with the choreo, or if Hannah needs to put herself out there more…

4.) Kate & Pasha – First of all, something I have to get off my chest: I love polka. It’s fun, it’s easy, you feel like you’re flying across the floor, and it burns hella calories – so I was thrilled to see that Pasha included some in their jazz routine. I think Pasha did something very smart with their jazz: he included bits of quickstep, Lindy, polka, and old school jazz that were recognizable to those not well-versed in jazz and with a tendency to gripe about it (READ: Len). He also created a routine that was whimsical and allowed Kate to flex her showmanship chops – I just found myself grinning the whole time, thinking “This routine is so quintessentially KATE.” And I loved that Kate gave him props in their interview – she’s right that he’s the best change they’ve made to the show this year, and he’s one they need to keep (if we get another season). Loved the routine, love Kate and Pasha…and I want them around for awhile, so I hope people are voting for them.

5.) Ally & Sasha – It was a very nice contemporary – the only problem was that the song seemed to beg for a waltz instead. The whole time I was watching, I just couldn’t get past it – “The dance is lovely, but I feel like this should be a waltz or a foxtrot, rhythm be damned!” They’ve forced a waltz with certain other not-quite-waltz-appropriate songs before (Shad & Emma’s Beauty and the Beast waltz comes to mind), so I guess I didn’t understand why they didn’t do it this time. Ally gave it her all, though – there were some really nice extensions, and she fearlessly went for the lifts; I think my only issue with Ally’s dancing right now is that she just seems to mug so hard 😛 Some of the faces she pulls just seem so exaggerated – I don’t know if she does it out of nervousness or what, but I do find it distracting from time to time…is it something Sasha can break her of, like Val did Sailor with the lip syncing? Also a small gripe: those damn ballet flats they had her in. The dress she had on already covered most of her legs, and then the sequined ballet flats just truncated the line of her legs further – I would have preferred her either barefoot or with just the ball-of-foot sleeves on.  I like long leg lines – sue me. 😉

6.) Sailor & Val – I gotta hand it to Sailor (and really, Val too) – this was actually a very pretty Viennese waltz with a lot of content. I was skeptical at first, given that her cha-cha last week was kind of a mess and this dance seemed to start our very timidly (and a bit repetitively). But once it actually got going, this was actually really nice – a lot of basic figures, and Sailor’s posture and turns seem to have improved DRASTICALLY in just one week. I found it funny that Bruno mentioned her balance in her turns improving – as I recall, Sailor’s cha-cha got universal acclaim from the judges despite some very wobbly turns (which I mentioned last week), and yet this week he’s talking about how much her turns have improved.  Just…funny. And I think Sailor is going to be another competitor that does better with the ballroom dances than the Latin ones – her two best dances (tango and the Viennese waltz) have been miles ahead of her two weakest (rumba and cha-cha). The problem is that you kinda have to be good at both in order to win this show (unless you’re Bones, of course). I’m having a hard time determining what Sailor’s staying power might be on this show – I don’t think she’s in imminent danger of elimination (like Karamo and possibly Kel), but I also don’t know that she’s got the juice to get past front-runners like James, Hannah, and Lauren. She’s the monkey in the middle for me – not bad by any means, but I’m not sure she’s good enough to really be a contender.  Will be interesting to see how things start shaking out with the eliminations starting next week…

7.) Kel & Witney – I may or may not have had traumatic flashbacks to my time working at Claire’s when I heard “We’re All in This Together” 😛 Just took me back to 2006, when I was still in college, making somewhere around $8/hour as an assistant manager while I pierced ears, sold asbestos-laden cosmetics, tried to detangle low-quality Hannah Montana wigs, and constantly restocked High School Musical-themed backpacks and jewelry…while being forced to listen to the soundtrack on repeat. This was a generally fun and pretty good jazz – production value was through the roof (at times, it almost felt more like a freestyle, with all the extra dancers and set pieces!), and Kel handled the choreo he was given well. My only issue is the same one I had last week: at times, the choreo seemed really, REALLY dumbed-down and a bit too simple. Kel isn’t a novice and has proven he can actually handle more complicated rhythm changes and syncopations, so I’m a bit confused as to why Witney seemed to rely heavily on straight 8-counts of simple arm movements and whatnot. The end result, while still a good routine, was not one that immediately sprang to mind when recalling this weeks’ dances – and that’s dangerous, especially since that’s the way I’ve felt about Kel’s routines for the past few weeks. If I were Witney, I’d start taking some more risks with the choreo – I think Kel can handle it, and it’s time to start standing out if they want a hope and a prayer of making it to the finals.

8.) Lindsay – She did all the work (again).  Interesting that this was billed as a quickstep, when everyone else that has gotten this song in the past has done a foxtrot.  This was a very SLOOOOOOOW quickstep – and simple. Reminded me a lot of Wendy Williams’ slo-mo quickstep. Seemed like the judges were really reaching to find things about it to praise, and their scores were awfully kind – I’m hoping those kind scores get offset by the huge points dump of two weeks worth of scores, thus rendering his score less potent. He needs to go, periodt.

9.) Karamo & Jenna – For the record, I think Karamo got much closer to doing a real samba than Lauren did – and yet here we are, with him second to last on the leaderboard and likely in imminent danger of elimination. If he tumbles into the bottom 2 (or even a bottom 3 or 4, where the judges save two), he’s toast – aside from you-know-who, there’s no other low-hanging fruit left that Karamo could hope to get saved over. Which sucks, because I do think he’s really trying – and to his credit, I do think he actually really understood the rhythm of the samba; I often complain about contestants trying to weight the rhythm of the samba too evenly (1-a-2, 2-a-2), when it’s really more 1…&2, 2…&2. I actually saw that subtle but key timing with Karamo, so I applaud him for that.  Unfortunately, there wasn’t a whole lot in the way of hip action (though I think maybe 1 or 2 contestants total in the 14 years this show has been on the air have actually nailed samba action) and he seemed a bit hesitant at times. I did really like the afro-jazz and stepping sections, though – was nice to see Jenna come out of the box a bit more with her choreo, and it was actually a quite culturally-relevant nod to The Lion King. At the end of the night, though, this kinda got lost in the shuffle for me, and he danced in the dreaded spot of doom. So while I’d love to see him stick around for awhile longer, I just don’t see it happening. Sorry, ‘Mo.

So who were your winners and losers from Disney night? And what do you think will happen next week, elimination-wise?